Mind Of Man: The Number One Sex Tip That Will Drive Him Wild

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:09 am: [report]

Once again Mr. DeVore you have hit the proverbial nail on the head. Congratulations.

joyy
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:10 am: [report]

lolz

EastCoastMale
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:13 am: [report]

(slow 1980s top gun clap)

Thank you John, I feel as if these articles really do women a disservice more than anything, focusing their minds on a million different possible turn ons that their guy might like. Just get to know your SO and guess what, YOU will be the person to best say what he likes and doesn’t like not any magazine and he may like some things that he otherwise wouldn’t simply because you are involved and he cares about you.

To me, those tips given in magazines are like a palm reader..through enough suggestions out there and eventually you will say “OMG, yes, thats so true…I did walk across a street within the last week and a half, how did you know?”. Ladies pay attention to what your man likes or hints at and men do the same and show you have patience, caring and those ears on the side of your head actually DO listen. Oh, and add plenty of hair pulling…..

Lauren Fritsky
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]

You’re so spot on about the lady mag fear mongering when it comes to this stuff. I think the sad thing is some women do use these tips for the sole purpose of “keeping” their men and don’t take time to consider whether or not they really want to try these things for their own pleasure.

Jessica Wakeman
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]

All this is true, yes, but when some guys try to do things they’ve seen in porn (which is the dude version of Cosmopolitan), it can badly, badly backfire!

HitOrMissJudy
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:16 am: [report]

Hilarious and 100% true!

sklut
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:18 am: [report]

Bravo.

EastCoastMale
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:19 am: [report]

Porn is soo last decade to me. I never understood how some guys sit around and watch porn together or talk about a chicks breasts who is in such a flick. Any gay that takes such movies to heart or adds to their “moves” from porn is an idiot.

EastCoastMale
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]

in the last sentence…that’s meant to be “guy” not “gay”  just FYI

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:23 am: [report]

@ECM: Good, because I thought you just called me a fag. I would of punched you out hardcore like Perez Hilton.

EastCoastMale
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]

haha…nah, definitely don’t have any qualms about peoples lifestyle. Live and let live in my book…

writergirl
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:26 am: [report]

Thank you again, Mr. DeVore…I had to stop reading there for a moment while I choked on my lunch.  “...you’re convinced that if you don’t learn how to solve a Rubix cube with your vagina while both your legs are behind your head, that your man will become bored, and run off with Amethyst from Jiggle Dome down the street.”  That has quickly moved up to the number 1 fav sentence I’ve read by you.

Having said that, everything else is, as stated 100% true.  Good to know we don’t need to be sexperts….just willing and attentive.

Isabel K.
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]

Hilarious! But so true.

I think the biggest tip i could give any man from my experience would be to take your time with a woman’s body and be sensual.  In the book, “She Comes First”, the author talks about foreplay being changed to “coreplay”.  Foreplay is really the core to good sex.  Sex is like the icing on the cake after you’ve already done a myriad of other fun and pleasing things.  Mmmm

Humble Bee
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]

I agree with everyone else, great post Devore. Very funny and completely true.

bogart4017
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 11:59 am: [report]

Excellent post. Def agreed with the part of SOME women being freakier than men. I once spent the night with one who, after several sexual acts, produced and chain and collar, fell down on all fours and barked like a dog. She demanded to be walked. Whats a guy to do?

ChoJinn
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 12:07 pm: [report]

“And here I was, thinking there was only one, 100% guaranteed way to drive me wild, and that was to touch my penis.”

Yup.  Just…touch…it.  Everything else Comso/Glamour tells you to do is either frustrating or painful.

rowdygirl
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 12:55 pm: [report]

so true, so true.  I think all those article are designed to make us feel inferior and “less than”.. just like all the weight loss and beauty advice. If they finally just came out and said.. “hey girl, you’re great the way you are and your life is ggod to go” that would be the end of the publishing empires.
I read some of the sex article (you just never know)but for the most part I think you’re spot on.
Touching and paying detailed attention to the “monster” works great for my man.

dee
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 01:21 pm: [report]

Super spot on writing.  Highly entertaining and ever-so-true!

Gnat
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 01:24 pm: [report]

Hilarious and oh so true!

develange
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 01:39 pm: [report]

yessssss.

SillyOlivia
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 01:45 pm: [report]

Oh my god, I love this, this and every last pithy quip you post here. Bravo, sir.

VocalVal
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]

(bowing deeply)  Thank you for this lesson.  This Grasshopper is very grateful.

masculist
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 02:42 pm: [report]

I am tired of men willingly handing over their masculinity and pandering to their perception of feminism with the whole “women are so great and men don’t deserve you because we’re dumb and inept” routine. Society seems to be reacting to feminism by making men afraid to be assertive and masculine.

Now as a result, we have this honestly pathetic generation of Drew Carey, Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens neutered grown men going around proclaiming “we don’t deserve sex” and “guys are boring in bed” and “we are just lucky that you are naked with us” and “we’re just big dumb oafs that only think about cheeseburgers and football” and “we are woefully ignorant as to what you ladies want” and all kinds of other horse #&@$% like that, made even more annoying by their audacity to say “we” when they are merely a regrettable subset of media-influenced society.

They stand around the cooler at work calling their wives “the boss”, talking about how they can’t do whatever because “the boss won’t let me” or “my wife takes my paycheck from me and gives me an allowance”, etc.

I can’t possibly imagine that this mockery of masculinity is what women, feminists included, actually want.

In my opinion, generally, rational feminists want only to be respected and empowered for what and who they are as a person – never dismissed for being women, but not lifted on a pedestal and worshiped for being a superior sex either.

More specific to this topic, it’s pretty much the same situation. Women don’t want bumbling oafs who brag about their lack of sexual prowess while waiting for the next instruction. They want assertive men who know how to please a woman and go for it with confidence. And equally important, women want men who are assertive in their own desires and take what they want with confidence.

The idea that men don’t crave things, sexually or otherwise, is ludicrous.

venusian
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 03:01 pm: [report]

It’s true.. women want a man who is assertive in all areas of a relationship. But what DeVore is pointing out is that men are stereotyped as watching porn and initiating new sexual activities but lots of women are just as curious and confidant in the bedroom.

Both sexes learn from one another

John DeVore
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 03:22 pm: [report]

Yeah, sorry. I don’t “crave.” I “hunger.”

A craving is a minor, wishy-washy desire. A tiny appetite. A fleeting satisfaction. I prefer to be starved and then sated.

And in the context of women’s magazines, it’s a buzz word steeped in guilt. A woman has a “craving” for a cupcake because they’re bad for her. But it’s okay to indulge that craving every once in a while.

Maybe you’ll have a craving for a T-bone, but settle for a steak salad.

I have no guilt when it comes to what I want. Furthermore, I’m not threatened by a woman who tells me what she wants.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 03:38 pm: [report]

@DeVore: I crave White Castle. Gimme Crave Case!

KatWilder
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 03:39 pm: [report]

Wow! I sure wish I could command you to lick my hot little [CENSORED]. This is brilliant.

Women need to feel a lot more self-confident, and they’re never going to get that from a magazine. Or Oprah. Or Dr. Phil. First, they need to love their body as it is and stopping obsessing over how “fat” they are (unless they truly are fat, in which case, lose the weight if if makes you unhappy!!!)

How much better to say, “I’d like to try this ...” or just do it. Then ask if he likes it.

Now, of course, pleasing us is really, REALLY easy .... )

John DeVore
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 03:42 pm: [report]

@CheeeeEEEEse I don’t crave White Castle. I destroy White Castle, with my talkhole.

laura
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 04:06 pm: [report]

actually, wasn’t it lillith who proposed ladyontop sex to adam and was promptly thrown out of the garden?

Shasta
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 04:19 pm: [report]

Well-written and pithy. Haven’t heard Enzyte mentioned in quite some time.

Women’s mags simply apply the word “crave” to everything.  Typically it’s a pair of shoes or a $5,000 bag. 

Women do have it easy when it comes to pleasing a man.  Friction + Time = Bingo.  Women’s bodies are the rubic’s cube.  Men are constantly criticized for not knowing how to work the equipment, but half the women don’t even know - and they own it.

Molly Jean
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 04:20 pm: [report]

Here is a tip: call us beautiful.  Not “cute” or “hot” or “pretty.”  Beau-ti-ful.  I’ve had this discussion with both genders & this word isn’t used that much by men for some reason, I’ve found.  Use it (you can whisper it if you like) - that’s my tip. 

Oh, & stop eating bachelor food!  That stuff will kill you (then what will I laugh over & blush while reading on Wednesdays?)!

Shasta
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 04:24 pm: [report]

@masculist

You have a point; however, JD’s piece spoke to another topic.

Having said that, I believe those couples are perfectly happy with their situation.  The man is a giant p***y and the woman is the one with the balls, and that’s how they like it.  However, instead of admitting it, they complain about it in order to adhere to convention.

Shasta
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 04:26 pm: [report]

@JDevore

I’m still e-mailing your online dating piece to friends.

Looking forward to more commentary.

Shasta
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 04:45 pm: [report]

@John Devore - YOU ARE BUSTED.

As you can discern from my above comments, I enjoy your writing.  I so searched for other posts that I may have missed when I came across your “Why Men Are Obsessed with Anal” commentary, a “crave” that seems to be much kinkier (or whatever) than milking your prostate or playing a little dress up.

So.  Maybe Glasmopolitan is on to something.

John DeVore
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 04:53 pm: [report]

@Shasta Obsession is a little more extreme than a crave, no?

Shasta
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 05:48 pm: [report]

@John Devore

My point being that the above piece claims that men are more than satisfied with vanilla sex; however, your anal post says otherwise.

No judgment.  I am just curious.  And I do stand corrected.  I don’t believe you called anal an “obsession;” however, the article gave that impression.

CatGoesNomNom
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 06:09 pm: [report]

Huh. I thought everyone could solve a Rubik’s cube with their ladypart. No? Just me? Moving on.

Awesome as always, but I still questions. You say we need to give the tips, but I have found that when I do, very politely (please to give more foreplay and can you stop mashing me like an xbox controller) the men I have been with use the tips for about one millisecond and then go back to LET ME STICK IT IN RIGHT NOW THX. I think alot of guys think women want foreplay to feel “loved” or whatever, and so they stop doing it once the relationship progresses. I don’t know about other ladies, but I pretty much need foreplay to get off or even to get lubed enough. Then, when I suggest more foreplay, I get an exasperated FIIIIINE. Is this common? Or have I just been dating douchebags? The last guy was pretty bad and abusive, so maybe it’s just me.

snap
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 06:28 pm: [report]

this is the ONE article that john devore has written that is actually humorous, witty, well-written, and dead-on.  usually his articles are severely lacking in each and every one of those departments, but not this one!  way to go, j!

snap
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 06:29 pm: [report]

okay, maybe i was too harsh.  but the compliment stands

sam04
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 06:45 pm: [report]

Love it!  But there aren’t 1,342 sex tips.  There are about ten core tips that get slightly modified and reworked to be published every issue.  Such nonsense.

retro chic
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 07:46 pm: [report]

Good one, JDV. Take this tip… now come on… just take it! So simple. But binary? [hee hee]

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]

*snickering*

REDBOOK io the worst.  Every month there is some new “tip” on how to keep the husband via some previously unknown sexual service. 

The last 150 years of advice giving has been directed at women and how to keep the man around to pay the bills.

It’s so great that gals longer need to marry in order to survive, something that Women’s Magazine Philosophy seems to have not noticed.

This gal would LOVE to see the faces of the people who write that twaddle, alhtough they probably are normal, incompetent people, not that different from the females who read that stuff.

CraftLass
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 10:00 am: [report]

@John Devore

Jenna Jameson on William Shatner’s talk show had the one tip that every man should hear:  Climax is like the period at the end of the sentence, and most women love the sentence.  Men who care about pleasing their women tend to focus on getting us to orgasm, but if you take the time and pay attention to us you’ll see we dig the journey just as much as the end result, if not more.  Our orgasms are far more complex and subtle, just as you point out we are in many ways, and we have the luck to be able to have more than one in a session.  They can be explosive or mellow and we enjoy both extremes as well as anything in the middle.  It’s not nearly as difficult as men often make it out to be and you will usually be rewarded for any extra effort. 

The one good thing about the magazine tips is that it makes women feel a little less alone in their cravings, a little less weird if they like something that may be considered kinky.  That creates confidence, which is what I keep hearing from men is a pretty good thing in the bedroom.

Then again, sam04 is dead-on, those articles are all almost exactly the same!  I think I’d had my fill by the age of 12, never seen a new tip since then and I’m now in my 30s. How they sell magazines is beyond me!

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 10:27 am: [report]

One thing men could learn:  It is NOT always necessary for a gal to have a climax. Some of us have been there, done that, been with the guy whose MALENESS depends upon “I gave her an orgasm.”

No, you did not.  What you were doing was beginning to hurt and the only way to get you off and get YOU to stop was to put on a show and do the scene from When Harry Met Sally.

CraftLass
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 11:23 am: [report]

@Gingee

I haven’t laughed this hard in ages, even though the subject in your comment wasn’t necessarily funny, you put it so well!  So, so true, too!

I have a great sex life with my partner, but he really puts too much emphasis on getting me to explosive and obvious orgasm (I don’t fake it with him, though I’ve had to with past partners for exactly the reason you mentioned).  There is something sad about having great sex and then getting an apology because he thinks I didn’t climax even though I’m feeling completely satisfied in that moment, whether I had no orgasms or several quieter ones.  The quest for simultaneous pwerful orgasm is laudable but not always necessary.

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 11:40 am: [report]

Well, I am glad that you enjoyed my comment. 

Does it not get old:  If you are not screaming, you are not:  Excited, or Into it or some such nonsense.

I get the idea that too many men have seen What they think is Good Sex in movies:  Gal on her back, wearing the proverbial white panties, who suddenly turns on her motor, and they engage in what I think of as Angry Sex, making sounds that are just not part of our nature.

Those are the guys who are so determined to Do Something, they may as well have a mirror so that they can preen and pose and think, “Man I am.”

Plus, they’re stupid.  When they ejacualate, they might be able to fill a tablespoon. When our Inner Lion is awakened, hello, we can fill a quart aize jar. Easily.

*shivers*

To CatGoesNomNom:  You need better guys. Those creeps who are so eager to insert their member right now would be better off taking their needs to a sex worker.

Last time I checked, there are two bodies and the needs and desires of both are equally important. 

As for lubrication:  Most of the time I do not need it, but Being Prepared with a bit of Vasoline can help.  If the guy is a caring lover, and you are attracted to him, the rest ought to - pardon the UNINTENDED pun - flow naturally.

Gingee

CthisSunshine
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:10 pm: [report]

AWESOME. I have been set at ease…I completely agree CraftLass!The apologies are unnecessary and have in the past caused me to feel insecure as if I’m missing something down there… like a different kind of orgasm. The last guy (who loves me dearly) whom I was with whispered into my ear, ” I’m sorry. We will work on this together…” Say WHAAAAAAAT? I still don’t have a clear response to that…

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:19 pm: [report]

“We will work on this together?”  Huh?  Is he planning to coach you on How You Ought to Respond?

Gingee

Durraya79
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]

That was so good! I’m actually speechless

Durraya79
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:26 pm: [report]

......and yes I ran here to learn something new cuz I am a freak lol.

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:35 pm: [report]

“It’s men who need sex tips to drive her wild.”

Go to a sex therapist, who will give you instructions on how to not be The Pause That Refreshes:  You know to what I refer:  The guy who ejaculates immediately.

Nah, forget it. There is a rsason why some of us like older guys:  They last longer and they are more considerate. 

Oh, yes, One Other Thing:  Sometimes we want to throw you down, do you and be on our way.

Gals:  Better line up your Cha-Cha, so that when your “date” is finished with you, you can finish with That Guy.  You know who he is.  He’s waiting for your phone call.

sparklestar
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]

Best tip ever - communicate and trust your partner. If you don’t then the sex is always going to be terrible.

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]

Durraya79:

To learn something new?  Sure, remind the guy that no matter what he says, he’s going to rock your world and rest of that nonsense, He Can’t.

So make him earn his title of whatever. No matter what he does, turn off your brain, think of other things, as if we don’t already do that, and just when he thinks he’s got you going:

Yawn.

greggy
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]

I remember one morning I was trying to get my bf into the mood, and after a few unsuccessful Cosmo tricks, he simply said, “Can’t I get some head at least?” That’s when I put decided not to renew my subscription. Dudes are pretty easy to “entertain”; all of the extra stuff, like this article said, is really about me. He’ll get into it if I’m having fun, but to really get him going, I rely on the basic moves I’ve been doing since I lost my V-card. Even better, my man will tell me exactly what he wants me to do or say, which makes it that much more fun. And anything new and amazing is something that was discovered together, by accident, in the middle of a wild sack session. Many times we’ve looked at each other and said, “Wow, how did we end up like this?! We’re gonna have to do this again!”

The 1,342 sex tips just adds too much pressure. Tip #1 shoud be to just open your mind, have fun and let the moment take you.

CraftLass
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 11:02 pm: [report]

@CthisSunshine: Oh, good, I’m also glad I’m not the only one whose had this experience!  I mean, I’m glad he cares (much better than alternatives), but I think the only response I ever found was, “Don’t you dare apologize right now.”  Not very nice or very sexy, but it was the moment I hit fed up.

And, really, what exactly are you supposed to work on?  LOL

“There is a rsason why some of us like older guys:  They last longer and they are more considerate. 
Oh, yes, One Other Thing:  Sometimes we want to throw you down, do you and be on our way. “

Well put on both counts, Gingee!

(I’m understanding more and more why we confuse men even more than they generally confuse us, lol).

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 11:45 pm: [report]

*laughing*

Sex is easy.  Just about any gal could do her fellow while also knitting a sweater, voting for a president, have three or four orgasms and not drop a stitch.

The guy will get one ejaculation and that’s it.

The ones that are good for laughs:  Macho Man - who take themselves (and sex) far too seriously - who VOW to “Rock your world,” and so help me, I start feeling mulish, reply, “Oh, realllly?” and that is when my wild brain takes over, and shuts down any response.

Can you tell that I detest the males who treat sexuality as a sport?  This may sound mean, but sometimes it’s easier to cue up Meg Ryan’s Orgasm scene and hit the replay button.

pornqueen
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 07:50 am: [report]

Once again Mr DeVore you have hit the nail in the head.  I do have to say that those tips on Cosmo sometimes make sense, most of the time I’m trying to figure out the instructions on how to position my body or his for an out-of-this-world orgasm, but at least they make us laugh or give us some ideas.  I’ve learned that many times men are just happy that they are getting some.  I love this part “If you are naked, and into us, then ladies, consider us driven wild”.  So, so true.  Many men just desire attention and if it comes in a form of a naked woman (or man, whatever rocks your boat)willing to provide with some pleasure then even better.  Us girls are so complex creatures.  We require a lot! Men on the other hand are so easy.  “Come naked and bring food” that’s all they want and need!

McBirdie
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 09:41 am: [report]

Okay, I seriously just stopped months of lurking and finally registered for the sole purpose of commenting on this post.  I cannot believe that a site chockful of feminists, complex and intelligent people, actually are clapping so hard for this article that could have been written twenty years ago for all the gender stereotyping going on.  And everyone except one commenter loves it like it’s a dreamcicle?  Really?

I get it—“Mind of Man” is the sort of tagline that requires the author to pretend to speak for All Men In The Land, but…oh, boy.  This idea that men are just going to cum in their pants as soon as you flash them a boob and offer to touch their dicks is offensive.  It really is.  The pretence that these sweet simple fellows just bumble through life hoping someone will touch their penis for a minute is as offensive as the image of women being never more satisfied as when they’ve bought a new pair of shoes and gotten a fancy dinner on the table in time for their man.

Yeah, having women’s magazines parading an endlessly regurgitated pile of Tricks to Keep Your Man sucks.  I’m right there with you.  And sure, if you compare sheer numbers in the Hard to Bring to Orgasm category, you’ll likely find more women than men.  But that does not make men sexually simple, nor does it imply that they don’t have fantasies and desires and occasionally like a bit of the fanciful between the sheets (or in public or in a hotel or whathaveyou—I don’t judge the naughties).

I hate this lark that women are so incredibly intelligent and complex that men are infinitely lucky that we ignore their knuckle-dragging long enough to let them hump our legs and reach their peak of sexual fulfilment.  I am a feminist.  I believe in true equality between the sexes—up to and including working just as hard for my man’s pleasure as he does for mine.

Gingee
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 02:40 pm: [report]

Pornqueen, if you want an out of this world orgasm, get yourself the vibrator that fits onto the index finger.

No guy will ever be able to “give you any orgasm”, the mostt that he can do is be there and be happy to be part of the team.

eskim00ninja
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 10:56 pm: [report]

Thank you so much!  I wish I would have read this alot earlier in life.  It would have saved me alot of pain.

FrenchDude
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 06:57 am: [report]

This is so true, thank you very much. I did not know it until recently, I guess in spite of my age and two marriages, I was not that experienced. A recent (and now over) girlfriend really opened up my mind and my eyes to how frisky women can be, and finding this out at 57 really makes me hopeful that I am not done learning yet

FrenchDude
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 07:07 am: [report]

Gingee said: “Nah, forget it. There is a reason why some of us like older guys:  They last longer and they are more considerate. Oh, yes, One Other Thing:  Sometimes we want to throw you down, do you and be on our way. “
That exactly sums up my last experience, and while it did end up for not-bed-related reasons, the time we spent in bed was just out-of-this-world perfect for both of us.

Gingee
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 07:21 am: [report]

And wasn’t it great? A former lover and I had it going on:  We would spend a day getting it on, while also cooking, and the house would be filled with laughter, and pleasure.

He was open to my preferences, one of them being Silent Sex:  No talking, but a lot of touching.

We also had fun when we were not in bed. But an older guy and me:  That’s the way to do it.

One of my friends is 37, she’s with a man who is 50 something and she said “He can F like there is no tomorrow.”

Older guys got it going on. 

Gingee

karlost
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]

@ CraftLass

What!!??!!

William Shatner had a talk show?!?

Other than that tidbit not much in the article or comments was new to me except maybe the part about why some ladies like an older man in bed.  Plan on keeping that in mind when I become an older man.  I have heard that some women prefer older men at Latin Dance clubs. 

And thank you Molly Jean.  It helps us guys to get a reminder that we’re doing something right when I tell my SO that she’s beautiful and I eat the right fruits and vegetables. 

Just stumbled on to this site from another major news site so I haven’t read much other ‘the Frisky’ content just yet.  I apologize if I’m asking something now that in some way contradicts the thesis of this article or maybe has already been discussed in another post.  But I can’t help but wonder why some women are so much better at giving head than others?  Of course this cuts both ways and I’m sure that there is an even greater variabilty of skill amonst men performing the oral act.  But if as Shasta claims all it takes is ‘Friction + Time’ shouldn’t it be much easier for the ladies to get it right? 

Going back now to play with my Rubik’s cube.  It’s exciting when every once in a while one side turns out to be all the same color.

Gingee
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]

Oh, you are one of those kinds of guys.

Oral sex bores me.  I won’t allow any guy to get near me for that reason, plus:

Those who engage in oral sex have a higher rate of throat cancer than others.

Fellatio:  Not from my friends or me. We prefer to remain as virus and germ free as possible.

pornqueen
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]

@Gingee: I think its safe to say that most of the inventory from the sex store lives in my closet/drawer (lol). 
But sometimes the real things is much better.  I must admit there are times that the toy will do but others just having the guy itself makes all the difference. 
On the subject of this post… guys are so much easier to satisfy and I think because they are more prone to telling you how to make it happen for them (@ least from my experience).  Women sometimes hold back, are shy and just won’t speak up if things are not going the right way. 
I personally read these tips/stories on mags just to fine tune what I already know, maybe try some variations and just stay current with stuff that comes out.  True story, I had not heard about a vibrator that’s activated by a cellphone, I kid you not.  I read about in a mag and googled it, found it and used it.  You insert it and then everytime a cell phone rings within range then it vibrates, brilliant and different!  See, sometimes those mags do come in handy.

Shasta
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 12:58 pm: [report]

This post is like my former guv Rod Blagojevich - it’s the gift that keeps on giving. I’m just not sure how this morphed into recommendations of favorite sex toys.

@McBirdie: Welcome to the Frisky.  We’re modern women here whose “feminism” isn’t threatened by fun talk. My take away from Mr. DeVore’s article was that we women are creatures to behold and that most of the time the basic stuff is awfully good.

Gingee
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 02:54 pm: [report]

There was a query from some guy about how to drive a gal wild with sex.

As if the Magical Position would do that.  The reality is this:  There are only so many nerve endings, and it’s a lot easier to have orgasms with a vibrator.

The male is merely a warm tool when one is too lazy to get new batteries.

The Special Guy, however, is the man you want to have sex with because you like him.

For the record, men who promise to Rock Your World are to be avoided.  It’s not about the two of you sharing something good, it is about his ego needed to be puffed up, and he will sulk if ya don’t put on an Oscar worthy performance.  Even if you felt nothing and just wanted him to get off so he’d get off YOU, he will never know. The dear.

Helixbill
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 03:06 pm: [report]

I see that many of you ladies (and men) are unenlightened. Surprise, men can have multiple orgasms!

Just do a Google search on “male multiple orgasms” and you will discover a whole new world.

Orgasm and ejaculation are 2 different things even though most men do not realize it. It just takes an open mind and some ‘rewiring’ of the male brain and any man can have as many orgasms as he (or his partner) want.

As for turning a man on there is an old Ray Price song about a man who has taken up with another woman and there is a line that says, “But more important, she makes me feel wanted again”. Make us feel wanted and we will follow you anywhere you want to take us!

bklyniiite
wrote on June 28 2009 @ 07:54 pm: [report]

“commanded me to “lick her hot little [CENSORED]” I was rendered immobile, slack-jawed. She barked it again, and I complied.”

That’ll come back to haunt you in a google search one day.

stef
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 05:08 am: [report]

2 thumbs up!!!

McBirdie
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 05:56 am: [report]

Shasta, I thank you kindly for your welcome and I certainly look forward to all sorts of fun talk with modern women.  In my experience, however, women who feel the need to put the word feminism into scare quotes tend to not put much stock in feminism at all.

yeyejessi
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 03:51 pm: [report]

Mr Devore,
I suggest that you take your “just touch it” advice, and turn it right back around and apply it to the men.

Just touch it. Simple as that. You’re right about the boredom that comes with a guy just fixated on taking as long as possible to arrive at the finish line.

So…. guys also should take your advice. Just touch it. Touch it with your tongue… with lubed fingers… with a vibrator… JUST TOUCH IT. Too many men out there don’t know how to handle a clitoris.

tattooed_redhead
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 04:04 pm: [report]

@ gingee - never,never vaseline or other petroleum-based lubes!! They’ll eat your condom and mess up your natural ph and bacteria. Saliva is better, in a pinch, if you don’t have a water-based lube.

Gingee
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 09:05 pm: [report]

Nah.  VAasoline is my preference.

Saliva carries too many germs and viruses, and other organisms that are not welcome near my vagina.

I’ve heard of the water based lubricants, but have never been tempted to try them. 

Gingee

onewriter
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 11:54 pm: [report]

@helixbill Although many of the comments on here are helpful, funny or spectacular pieces of advice, I like:  “Make us feel wanted and we will follow you anywhere you want to take us!” It feels right.  A man I love dearly was hurt badly by “non-caring”...I’m doing my best to mirror how good he is so he can see himself for who he really is.  I write 1-liner notes (often no more than 3 words) and hide them where he’ll find them.  I email him love letters.  I mail him love letters and stuff in general by the USPS.  I hug him from behind often so he can’t reciprocate (he does the same for me) and I listen to him when he wants to talk until 4am…and I watch and listen to his body language during sex to do as he needs.  Because I do these things, even his mother has noticed an improvement in his spirits and happiness-and she doesn’t see him too often.  So yes, show your partner that he/she is wanted, and you will have struck gold.

Keesh Mia
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 10:41 am: [report]

So right on the money.

Kate134
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 10:26 pm: [report]

@McBirdie:What the author intended to mean is that all of those sex tips are crap and tend to be really stupid (lick him like he’s a lollypop), possibly dangerous (during oral sex graze your teeth against his shaft), or over thinking sex.

For those that say the teeth thing is fun - don’t let women who haven’t given oral near that tip! I have a friend who had a VERY bad experience with a woman who used teeth and also apparently headbutted his stomach the entire time. Sex tips from Glasmopolitan + inexperience = very bad first few experiences. It was so bad my friend who was sex starved at the time didn’t even want to see her a second time to teach her. Poor girl needed a little help understanding anatomy.

Gingee
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 10:43 pm: [report]

*laughing*

My guess:  That teeth bit was deliberate.  If men want oral sex, they can go to the ones who will know how to please antoher man:  To the Gay Bars.

onewriter
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 11:55 pm: [report]

that’s a bit sad, but maybe that’s all he wanted so she tried to make it as icky as possible so he’d stop asking

Gingee
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 12:22 am: [report]

Well, if it works. 

There was an older column on this, some months back, this oral sex stuff, and as one gal said, she does not want to receive it because she does not want to reciprocate.

For moi, this is a deal breaker, because it is a health issue:  People who do this have higher rates of throat cancer.

And the guy was being cheap:  He can get fellatio from a sex worker for about $15.00.

onewriter
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 12:26 am: [report]

No offense intended at all, as I love your posts, but you are the ONLY one I’ve ever read say that throat cancer thing.  Books, articles, and MD mags galore and not one mention?  Seems sorta odd.  With all the people that do it, you would think that the throat cancer rate would be much higher…as in, you never hear of it.  Again, no offense, but you might want to check that out with someone reputable and then pass on the correct information to whoever is trying to scare you.

Gingee
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 01:09 am: [report]

“Pass on correct information to whoever is trying to scare you.”

And who would this be? 

I have “checked it out,” and the New England Journal of Medicine, The Lancet, The Mayo Clinic and a few others are good enough for me.

Found it by accident, was looking into why women get yeast and VB more frequently while sexually active.  The link between throat cancer and oral sex was a gold mine for those of us who are bored by it.  It’s one of those, “He had it coming,” kind of things.

Gingee
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 01:20 am: [report]

To ONEWRITER:

It was a comment from a former man-whore that started my search.  He was bragging about his skills at cunnilingus, and the things he said:

I was silently giving thanks that the Un-Thing had never kissed me on the mouth. and was also feeling so much empathy for the women who endured that stuff.  That was also the last time that the Un-Thing touched this body. 

McBirdie
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 02:58 am: [report]

Kate134, as I said in my original comment, I’m totally on board with the point that women’s magazines—especially their insane sex tips—are full of suck.  My problem with the rest of the post is that it really does continue to perpetuate this idea that men are simple-minded creatures who only want their dicks touched, while women are complex, amazing creatures who need so much more.  It’s stereotyped and harmful to fostering equality amongst the sexes.  Even more so since it seems so many women are just so tickled to be thought of as superior to men that they’ll eat that thought up with a spoon.

Gingee, if you don’t want to have oral sex—neither giving nor receiving—why not just say so?  It seems a bit dishonest to grab onto some weak studies as giving you “reason” to not partake.  Surely, honesty is better with lovers? 

But if you want the real information about the throat cancer incidence, you may be interested to know that it isn’t oral sex in general that causes the higher rates, but the contraction of the HPV virus that can cause some forms of throat cancer.  That isn’t outlandish—HPV viruses also increase the chances of having cervical cancer, so unprotected sex with a carrier is just as or more dangerous than having oral sex with a carrier.  Increasing your number of partners increases the risk, since you’re less likely to be making sure everyone is healthy.

Though, please understand, ‘increased risk’ here still means quite small numbers.  In the same way that casual smokers increase their risk of throat cancer, say.  It’s just another effect of STIs being untreated and untalked about.  If someone is interested in oral sex and wants to protect themselves, as always, get your partner checked out, get yourself checked out, and talk about who else you’re having sex with.  Fear-mongering doesn’t really help anyone have a good time.

onewriter
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 06:50 am: [report]

Thank you McBirdie.  I was going to go looking up her sources today, 2am wasn’t a good time to do so for me.  I do know of which you speak though, and if that was what she had meant, yes, that is important.  Oral sex can be pleasant if you’re giving to someone you care for and I’m feeling bad for those people that have had such a lousy experience that they will write it off.  Actually until recently, I was one of them.  It’s amazing the difference with the right person.  As to the other part of your comment, I see where you are coming from, although I see what the article is saying too.  My partner is definately a complex creature and likes to be “made love to” with time taken to take him high before release, but at the same time, he is just as happy to “have his dick touched”.  So there you have it.  I like time to be taken with me too, but there are times when I just want to be taken…if you know what I mean.  I believe we all must fit our stereotypes in one way or another, but at the same time that isn’t the only thing we will ever want.  I’m not sure the article meant that, although after reading so many millions of comments on it, I’ve sort of lost the thread of his original point.  Anyway, thanks for adding your information and insight to the subject.

joyy
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 07:36 am: [report]

@gingee - I’m a big fan of not trying to make people do things that they aren’t comfortable with ... but one’s personal comfort performing aside, do you really think sending a guy to a sex worker is safer than giving him a bj yourself?

Molly Jean
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 07:40 am: [report]

Thanks joyy…Gingee’s sex worker suggestion had me scratching my head!

joyy
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 07:44 am: [report]

@mollyJean - it also has me scratching my head that I think I remember her saying she wouldn’t be with a guy who watched porn ... but bj’s from hookers is now ok?  oh internet, you never cease to amaze me.

Gingee
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 11:13 am: [report]

GINGEE said no such thing.  I am NOT all right with a guy who watches porn but okay with his getting serviced by gay guys or hookers. Never said any such thing.

What I wrote:  IF, IF, IF men want good oral sex, go to the ones who know what pleases other men:  To gay bars.

I NEVER said that I’d be all right with it.

Actually, it would be all right for one reason:  He would be kicked to the curb.

Are you understanding me now?

Gingee
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]

I AM UPFRONT ABOUT IT. I do not do fellatio, and cunnilingus is also not for me. 

Do I really think sending a guy to a sex worker is safer than than my doing fellatio?  Yes. It is a lot safer for me. 

Increased risk.  Hmmmm.  Contraceptives are said to be highly effective, but most of us know that there is no such thing as being a little bit pregnant.

Ditto for the virus and the use of condoms:  The virus is small enough to get through that barrier and there is no such thing as being just a little bit infected with any STD.

onewriter
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 12:59 pm: [report]

can we get back to the article or have we beat it to death?

crazyincarolina
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 01:18 pm: [report]

Jill Connor Browne’s advice: “show up naked, bring beer” 

I think being good OUT of bed, in other words being able to talk openly and honestly about what you both like, makes for a good time IN bed…never showed up naked, always with beer, just never naked…hmmmm.

Gingee
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]

Here is one report from Johns Hopkins Medical Center, date July, 2009:

‘More than 40,000 cases of oral cancer are reported annually in the United States, and the numbers are growing.

Researchers believe this is due to the increasing prevalence of HPV - Human Papillomavirus - an often symptomless sexually transmitted disease that can lead to genital and oral cancers.

The new study from Johns Hopkins M.C. suggests that HPV now causes as many cases of oral cancer in men as tobacco and alcohol, and researchers expect the rate to climb.

See a dentist for early detection, and ask for a full head and neck exam.”

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 11:12 am: [report]

“Researchers believe” is not a good way to start a paragraph. Whether you wrote it, or said researchers. *Yawn* Fear monger.

Gingee
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

*GAllic shrug*

I am one of those newly infected by HPV.  New guy, maybe he did not know he has it, but he IS infected, and now so am I.

I don’t feel fear, I feel angry at the jerk.  On the other hand, he is single so maybe he can share his virus with other willing females.

TMMiller
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:22 pm: [report]

@ Molly Jean - For some dudes, “beautiful” is some heavy dope. It’s the compliment equivalent of “I love you,” for those guys. As in it’s not something to be said lightly or just to elicit a response. On the other hand, just like the three little words, some fellows will use “beautiful” at the drop of a hat to further various goals. And for some men, it’s just a nice word that can stand in for gorgeous, lovely and/ or graceful.

Good article, John DeVore. I hope we’re not as hopeless as you think we might be. I also don’t like the word “crave,” it could just be that people were obsessed with southern wuss rock band Cravin’ Melon back when I was in college.

Molly Jean
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:42 pm: [report]

@TMMiller: “heavy dope?” Love it!  You are awesome.  And “lovely” or “graceful” work, too.  Just so over being called “hot.” It’s sleazy.

Just trying to help the fellas out here…call a woman beautiful at the right time & you will be rewarded!

pragmatryst
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:56 pm: [report]

@Gingee: Good grief.  If you don’t like sucking dick that’s fine.  I understand that some women have a hair trigger gag reflex, TMJ, or a rare protein allergy, but a fear of throat cancer?  I’m not disputing the science behind your statement.  HPV is a risk factor for the disease, but put it in perspective.  Throat cancer kills about 8,000 people a year (which includes cases linked to smoking).  Driving a car puts you at risk for an auto accident which kills over 40,000 people a year, eating a char-broiled hamburger at a summer barbecue is a risk factor for colon cancer which kills 50,000, and just breathing the air exposes you to carcinogens that are risk factors for lung cancer which kills more than 160,000.  Even considering those of us who recklessly engage in pole smoking and muff diving, the risk of being struck down by a heart attack or stroke in the middle of a mind-blowing orgasm is exponentially greater than the risk of throat cancer.  Then again, maybe it’s better to be safe than sorry; I know if I run into my college girlfriend 20 years from now and she’s wearing a pirate patch because she had eye cancer I’m going to feel guilty.  Just a little.

McBirdie
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:01 pm: [report]

Seriously, pragmatryst, “Then again, maybe it’s better to be safe than sorry; I know if I run into my college girlfriend 20 years from now and she’s wearing a pirate patch because she had eye cancer I’m going to feel guilty.  Just a little.” just made me laugh so hard I nearly did myself a mischief.

If we all have to fear the deadly cum, I’m thinking there is going to be more than a handful of women looking like they’ve been through the wars.  I’ll probably miss my hair the very most.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:03 pm: [report]

@pragmatryst: “Even considering those of us who recklessly engage in pole smoking and muff diving, the risk of being struck down by a heart attack or stroke in the middle of a mind-blowing orgasm is exponentially greater than the risk of throat cancer.” My god, the epicness of that sentence cannot be quantified.

Nice name btw.

karlost
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 12:25 pm: [report]

@pragmatryst: Look forward to seeing more of your material.  Your post had me rolling on the floor laughing out loud busting a gut and what have you. 

@gingee: If by “one of those kinds of guys” you mean one of the 97.2 % of males who enjoy a good BJ (SEE link) then I confess…guilty as charged.

onewriter
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 01:27 am: [report]

@ pragmatryst hee hee hee!!  I hope you post more soon.  You are a blast! 
@ karlost I checked out your link and wasn’t surprised at the numbers I saw.  They need one about giving though, not just receiving.  I don’t get it as much as I give it, but my significant other likes it very much and I take great pride in being able to make hime “satisfied” when he thought he couldn’t that way.

Julesagain
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 04:59 pm: [report]

“I know if I run into my college girlfriend 20 years from now and she’s wearing a pirate patch because she had eye cancer I’m going to feel guilty.”

All the funny stuff and ridiculous stuff in these comments, and the very funny original article, and THAT was the comment that made me laugh out loud SO loud I scared my dogs. Thanks for the dose of common sense as well as the laugh!

Jules

angel001717
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 09:38 pm: [report]

ahh well, my last man was quite strange it seemed to me. he was pretty great at foreplay and the sex was good. but then… (cue JAWS theme) he asked me to rate him. like on a scale of one to ten. OH MY GOD! what was that? i had to resist laughing out loud. but then its also really weird and upsetting to hear ur bf say that. bizzaro. what do u think that means???

_jsw_
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 09:59 pm: [report]

@angel001717: I think it means he’s insecure. Or he just wants his ego stroked - so, again, insecure. The proper rating is between 4 and 6. Too low, and he’d have run off, shrunken and never to salute you again. He doesn’t deserve any higher, though, because he asked such a dumb question. Plus, it’d have been fun as he tried to improve, doing his very bestest and begging you to tell him what to do to rate higher.

The Fall Matters
wrote on July 6 2009 @ 01:48 am: [report]

@angel001717: He’s insecure, for undisclosed reasons.  Try this - say, “On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a…” and hold your hands out about a foot apart.  Don’t say anything else.  One of two things will happen.

Option one - he’ll think you’re talking about his penis, gain some (false) confidence you can work with, and hopefully be done with it.
Option two - he’ll have no clue what to do with it and he’ll go nuts.  And who wants to date a serially unconfident man?

(Mind)game.  Set.  Match.

PS If he asks again, shrink the distance between your hands down to about 3 inches.  He’ll stop asking.

angel001717
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 11:55 am: [report]

hahaha thanky jsw and the fall matters. good advice. and im not sure he really wanted to improve, just really get an ego boost like you said. haha i like the random hand gesture idea. and also the between 4-6. i’ll have to try those.

umiabze
wrote on July 26 2009 @ 02:36 am: [report]

@pragmatryst between risking throat cancer and being struck down by a heart attack or stroke in the middle of a mind-blowing orgasm, i think sex might not be for me *snerk* ... i’m sure your college girlfriend would feel sorry [just a little bit] if you ended up with an eye patch from muff diving =p

@McBirdie be careful with the mischiefs! you’ll find more than enough opportunities here-i finally joined frisky and i’m finding myself quite entertained =)

adrykins
wrote on August 4 2009 @ 11:17 pm: [report]

Amen. I totally agree!

onewriter
wrote on August 5 2009 @ 03:07 am: [report]

These comments are always so funny.  Well, you do get the nuts here now and again, but then the rest of the sunday wouldn’t taste so good without them now would it?

stiffinp
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]

Great article! Ladies: Men are not dumb, simple creatures (well, some of us are). We are, however, not psychic. We don’t always know what pleases whom. If something pleases you, please speak up and cheer us on!

Iammina
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 04:44 pm: [report]

Men are easy to please; kiss him, touch him, lick him, suck him, leave the lights on, walk around naked and be willing to make love often in bed, on his desk, kitchen counter, in the shower etc. Tell him how sexy, strong and handsome he is; scratch his back, cook something he likes and learn to bake pies.

onewriter
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:54 pm: [report]

I agree…Iammina, you have nailed it.

Gingee
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 06:51 am: [report]

IAMMINA:

That is the funniest thing I’ve read all summer.

The ONLY guy who deservest that sort of attention is the Alpha Male, who has an income of around Five to Twelve Million Bucks, has a maid, cook and housekeeper, has a full head of hair, is at least 6 feet 4, slender with a stomach that could do double duty as an ironing board, and even with all of that, there will be days when the gal will think:

“This is too much work. Why doesn’t he just die?”

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]

How did I miss this?  I hate being late to the party!

I find sex is best when no one is taking it too seriously.  Fall off the bed, make funny noises, get into awkward positions, holler “ouch!” cause my long hair got trapped beneath my a$$ when I arched my back and now it hurts to move… I think sometimes people get so caught up in doing it “right” or looking “sexy” that they miss the point.  It’s supposed to be FUN!!!

Gingee: I’m sorry you seem to have had such bad experiences that have left you bitter.  That’s a shame.  Sex and/or relationships shouldn’t be so hard.  I hope you find a guy who shares your interests and makes you happy.  BTW, I think it was you who said orgasms are better with vibrators.  (If not, I apologize and redirect my comment wherever it belongs.)  Anyway, it makes me sad to hear that.  I’ve had lots of toys, but none of them ever compared to the real thing.  If sex with your partner isn’t better than sex by yourself, simply put, something is badly wrong.  New partner, new philosophy, whatever it takes.  Memorex should never trump live.

Iammina
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 07:32 pm: [report]

Gingee; You forgot to add “young”.
My advice was for the man you want to keep around for awhile. All others you just use their bodies, tell them to pull up their pants and go home. I am still a liberal feminist and happily married to an Alpha male, 6’4 exactly.

I have read the articles about oral sex and throat cancer. It is caused by the same virus that causes cervical cancer and they are inoculating adolescent girls now as a means of prevention. I am sceptical, if that was factual why aren’t more gay men getting throat cancer? In addition, why did it take so long to identify this virus? Wouldn’t there be more identifiable cases? Cervical cancer is 100% curable with early detection so why not throat paps for our guys.

AChanceAtHeaven
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 07:41 pm: [report]

whay u sey? chinese woma hav oreintel secrett fo u in mah bodi. cume get. fiv chin.