Mind Of Man: Why We Love Strippers

LIGuy
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 02:06 pm: [report]

We don’t all love strip clubs, although we do all love nekid women. Sleazy chicks, expensive booze, and a bunch of other slobbering guys around you does not sound like a good time. Kinda reminds me of how uncomfortable I’d be sitting around watching porn with my friends.

But hey, different strokes.

Croutons
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 02:11 pm: [report]

My boyfriend insists on coming with the girls and me to the Chippendales.  What does THAT mean, Mr. Smartypants-Voice-Of-An-Entire-Gender?

Katia
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 03:05 pm: [report]

I laughed so hard at the dog analogy. That was fabulous! Aside from the T&A;factor, I really had no idea that there was more to it. I always thought men saw strippers as some sort of physical ideal that they wished the “normal” women in their lives could achieve.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 03:19 pm: [report]

@ katia, I just wanted to post a little note first that some jerk guys may be that way as far as seeing strippers as ideal but there are us men who want a woman for more then her body and thats not to say it isnt lovely and sexy just the way it is =)“Normal” women are the ones there for us and the ones we love and interact with so the sexy cruves are just a bonus.

Hmm how to respond…..I will do my best to keep this short. I agree with LIGuy about not all men enjoy stripclubs, me being one of them, for a lot of the same reasons he pointed out. I am a straight male but I dont watch porn with my friends, I dont compare wangs nor do I go on and on about female passers by in a mall with my male friends who happen to be with me. Strip clubs are a joke to me, a crutch for the weak minded and willed, throwing away whatever amount of money to watch someone dance on a stage? coming home broke?....wow what a rush lol. The article states that men like them because we like to reject beautiful women and see body parts that arent attached to the significant other we xoxo so much, I am sorry but I consider that a complete joke, at least for me personally. Enjoying a woman for her intellect, sense of humor (biggy) and just being down to earth is a much better scenario to me that being in a room filled with smoke and dudes spending money for no good reason.

bunnymatic
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 03:26 pm: [report]

i love anything DeVore writes. however, i’m still convinced it’s mostly an occassion to stare at random, easily accessed tNa. and how about the women? i love strip clubs because they’re just fun. i like having naked female skin against me, and i just have a darn good time. my boyfriend was even bewildered at the response that the strippers gave me when i was there with him; they were more interested in me, but i was less likely to spend. go figure. but nonetheless, i love DeVore’s writing.

Katia
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 03:42 pm: [report]

East Coast Male ~ Sweet Moses on buttered toast! It’s as if the south wind blew you in off the ocean on a half shell and into the hearts of ladies everywhere. I nominate you for “Frisky” beatification. You should be cloned. Please don’t tell me you can cook too, because I fear my heart may explode.

shannac02
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 03:54 pm: [report]

@ Katia and Eastcoastmale:  Agreed! Can we possibly clone him an send him to the midwest??? I’m in need of a strip club un-loving, regular girl appreciating, real man, that doesn’t need gratuitous T n A to have a ‘good time’ with his buds… Geez, I am now sad for the Hick-filled ruins of my soul.

lilo
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 05:26 pm: [report]

do any chicks like to go to male strip clubs? i have to admit i’ve been to some gay male clubs and have been somewhat transfixed by the swinging richards.

funlovin
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 05:38 pm: [report]

dude, i am a lady, and my husband and i LOVE going to strip clubs together!  I LOVE strippers, and I think more than he does…  I always end up spending more money!!! btw, DONT like male strip joints… the female body is a thing of beauty, while the make is for function only.

vanya
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 05:43 pm: [report]

I don’t have a stripper pole at home for exercise purposes… it’s strictly for sex purposes.  My husband’s private strip club is the only strip club in town where he’s allowed (encouraged, even!) to touch the dancer all he wants, and gets to make love to her, too. 

I disagree that it “doesn’t do much for the man in my life”, because he’s regularly turns down offers to go out with his mates to “real” strip clubs in order to stay in & get his own show.  He’s free to do as he wishes, and chooses to stay in, so it must be doing something “much” for him. 

Then again, it’s possible he’s just cheap, lol.

Venus
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 05:47 pm: [report]

Strip clubs with your mate - female or male are an erotic and exotic experience.  UMMMM.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 05:58 pm: [report]

@ Katia and Shanna, well thank you very much both of you, made me smile to get such a response for just saying how I feel and I thought at least a small known majority of other men do, seems like my feelings might be more rare than I thought. Its interesting to me to receive such positive comments from you guys for two reasons, first I get ragged on when I express my views in person in circles of mixed sexes. Men think I am purposely appealing only to what I think what women want to hear, not speaking from the heart but rather running some kind of game which is totally not true and I DO appreciate personality and intellect along with the body of someone I would care for because it is hers.I find cuddling and watching movies together curled up extremely sexy and more appealing than some thong clad stranger.
  Second, its ...I dunno teh term but.. you guys react to my comments this way when I am being honest and say that you want to clone me and it gives me the fuzzies because I dont hear it from women in my day to day. I guess because obviously I express more here because it is a concentrated forum and these subjects may not come up in everyday convo lol. Its like I am looking for someone who appreciates how I think and wants a devoted, caring and respectful man who is still gruff and doesnt mind getting my hands dirty ( oh and who can put up with my commited frisky nature) and its only when I havent had the change to introduce myself in person when I seem to find them. I dunno, now im rambling lol. By the way I do enjoy cooking but I like it as a couple activity, I have large hands that come with my height so I like the guide the chopping =)

Katia
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 07:35 pm: [report]

East Coast Male ~ I’ve read quite a few of your posts and I’ve never got the sense that you were playing a game or faking it. I think its just so rare to hear a male articulate his feelings in such a compassionate and insightful way that it’s a pleasant surprise. I can’t even recall the last time I had a conversation with a normal man who wasn’t in the throws of some form of emotional ambivalence, sex/porn addiction, immaturity, hatred for his mother or lashing out at women because some girl in high school broke his heart 15 years ago. I had given up hope until I found this site and starting reading some of the really kind and sincere comments posted by several men. I actually became emotional at one point as it renewed my faith that there truly ARE decent, caring guys out there. I hope I am lucky enough to find one some day…and I pray that he can cook, otherwise we’ll starve to death or die of food poisoning.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 09:08 pm: [report]

Katia_ Just wanted to start off by saying I didnt think you did view me that way lol I just know that I get crap mainly from other guys because they think just because they are immature that any man showing real feelings is trying to misrepresent himself in some way to gain the feelings of a woman. I have to say that I am sorry to hear that you have only had recent dealings with men who werent mature enough or had some kind of sexual preoccupation, I can guarantee we arent all like that, just have to find those of us who arent =) I feel the same way about finding this site and hoping to find a woman who clicks with me in a way that we both enjoy. As for cooking I am sure there are some great, caring chefs out there witing to be found. PS check mail =)

ghotisgirl
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 10:43 pm: [report]

I enjoyed reading this article and the posts that followed.I wish I was as free-spirited as some of you women.I owe my insecurities to my wonderful,now ex-husband.His idea of a great evening was ignoring me for porn on the computer and expecting me to"finish"him off.He also liked the strip clubs and would get mad at me for not giving him “tip"money.That to me,is not love.I felt dirty.If I didn’t oblige,he took it anyway,making me even more dirty and insecure.I never disliked myself that much until he did those things to me.I agree that all men are NOT like this,and I hope no women ever has to endure this pain.Showers are never enough.I don’t expect every man I meet to understand that pain and I don’t expect them to never look at another woman.But I can’t be in a relationship with a man that frequents strip clubs or is into porn.I am not a prude or anything,but he ruined me for other men.I tried explaining to him how it made me feel and he never got it.I told him I could do the same things those girls do AND more if he just gave me the chance.But I could never compete with them in his eyes.Needless to say,he is no longer in my life,but now I carry the burden of fixing myself so another man won’t pay for his mistakes.I apologize for this being a depressing story,that wasn’t my intention.Basically,there are good and bad things that go along with strip clubs and the like.But not all men are as weak as the ex-husband.

Tamara
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 11:29 pm: [report]

Coming from someone who danced for two years and spent a year before actually applying for the position in and out of strip clubs I have to say he made some valid points. Working in a club is a lot like high school, there are cliches’ no matter where you turn, rumors, cliques and so on and so fourth. Some men go to let off steam, some go for the “New car smell feeling of new boobs”, some enter with the intention of shooting down every female in the area to feel good about themselves and others are simply seeking a connection.

The men who come in to reject obviously need that power, that ball in their court, they need to reject us because they know we need them in order to make or break even. Those seeking a connection a majority of the time just want to talk, and were my favorite type of clientele. It feels good to kick back and talk while letting your throbbing feet and clothing burned tush rest. The only thing about myself that was a lie was my name, other than that I was always straightforward with who I was. I never made promises, or led anyone on. As far as I was concerned I was in the business of selling a fantasy, this included no contact, I was not your girlfriend and there was going to be nothing outside of the club or a lasting friendship once the song had ended and you had paid me. It’s harsh, but some men somehow get it in their heads from either dishonest dancers, or on their own that I was their property and therefore could be treated with disrespect.

As for some women forbidding their significant others from going to clubs, understand that I made a living and happily finished high school off the money from giving your boyfriend or husband a severe case of blueballs and then sending him home to throw you a bone. I don’t speak for every dancer out there, but to me it was a job and I don’t crap where I eat. If you trust him not to stray in an everyday situation, trust him not to stray in a strip club.

I have to say I got a giggle from the glitter in the lap, reeking of cheap perfume and baby powder. Though I have to confess it’s not baby powder, or perfume, it’s baby wipes and body spray and customers are not the only ones who go home that way.

ghotisgirl
wrote on December 3 2008 @ 11:54 pm: [report]

Please don’t get me wrong,I don’t blame the women who strip I blame him for being insensitive to how he made me feel.

Tamara
wrote on December 4 2008 @ 01:06 am: [report]

When I said the women forbidding their partners from going I should have narrowed it down. I meant the women that think dancers have an agenda to not only break the bank, but break the home as well and refuse to see it any other way. There are many women who are just not comfortable by the idea of their partner going, it reminds me a lot of the boys club houses from when we were kids. No girls allowed, no feasible explanation…only now with tits.

I enjoyed this article because it broke down a majority of the reasons that men go to strip clubs and if I had read something like this when I was dancing I would have gladly handed it to any woman sitting next to her partner looking every inch pissed off because they were there.

One of the things that I did with dealing with couples was pay special attention to the woman, it’s not that I would ignore the man outright, I just set out to make her feel at ease. I was in the same place before I started dancing and it’s intimidating as hell to be with your partner and being surrounded by a never ending parade of other women. I wouldn’t talk about the environment we were in. I would ask her questions about her life and work, anything to help her become more comfortable and to help her see there was nothing to really worry about.

juliePS
wrote on December 4 2008 @ 08:55 am: [report]

Okay, I confess that I actually LOLed at the phrase “taboo of new boobies.”

But boy there are a lot of heteronormative assumptions in this piece. I’m a queer woman. If I go to a strip club with my boyfriend (and I wouldn’t go every time or even most times, because I get that it’s a boys’ night out kinda thing) it’s because *gasp* I like boobies. And there are plenty of other women who like boobies out there, even those who might not be particularly sexually attracted to other women. Boobies are fantastic.

and I don’t need to keep tabs on my boyfriend, because assuming he’s telling the truth, then I know where he is—he’s at the strip club! If he’s there and telling me he’s somewhere else (like my ex, who used to say he was ‘working,’ haha), that’s when I start thinking, do I NEED to keep tabs on him?

shannac02
wrote on December 4 2008 @ 09:01 am: [report]

@ Eastcoastmale: I think we LOVE you more because of your: “say what you mean, and mean what you say” attitude. It is quite difficult to locate these men… where did they all go???   And… I still want to have you cloned and have a clone dropped in the Midwest, see if you can get on that! lol

John DeVore
wrote on December 4 2008 @ 03:35 pm: [report]

Hello.
To those of you who totes agree with 110% of everything I write, ever, allow me to commend you on your excellent taste in douchebag dude-writers.
To those of you who disagree with me, accept a courtly bow and a tip of my feathery Three Musketeers hat. We agree to disagree, n’est–ce pas?
Great conversation ladies.
I have a question. The Frisky’s house emo dreamboat brodawg alpha commenter EastCoastMale wrote the following:
“I am being honest and say that you want to clone me and it gives me the fuzzies because I dont hear it from women in my day to day.”
Firstly: the fuzzies? Really? I suppose I’m just a heteronormative, crystal-phallus wielding High Wizard of the Patriarchy. Do men really get “the fuzzies?”
The question: Why is it that you don’t get this reaction from ladies in the real world, ECM? You sound like a totally cool dude, so I don’t get it. I read your posts and the responses the ladies give you, who obvi dig you, and I don’t understand the disconnect.
The ladies also lament a lack of your type of dude. WTF? Are we all hiding in plain sight? Or is The Frisky just a depot of awesomeness?

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

shannac02
wrote on December 4 2008 @ 03:56 pm: [report]

The Frisky is MOST DEF a den of awesome males, coming together to try to change the minds of those of us who are a little bitter towards “man”-kind… And yes, I think ECM may possibly be one of many males that gets “the fuzzies”... Maybe that should be a poll??? Amelia???

P.S.: Maybe more of “you” should hide in plain sight…   I loves me some smart sensitive men!!!!

ShortStack
wrote on December 4 2008 @ 08:21 pm: [report]

@John: I’ve been following your blogs since your blog on, “Mad Men’s Don Draper. (It was the mention of Ayn Rand) There is nothing more attractive and sexier than an intelligent, philosophically minded man with a healthy dose of confidence and security to tip the scales into Alpha Male territory; my deepest gratitude to you for revealing the inner workings of a male perspective.

To address your blog:

I’m married and I have somewhat of an issue with my husband getting his lap dances from anyone but me. I’m certainly not, nor have I ever been, a “Pro” but, I know my man inside and out, the, “special spots”, what his breathing and moans mean and I can specialize my routine or whatever it is that I’m doing that is oh-so-heavenly, to tailor fit his journey into lust land. I am an absolute tease. I’m not such a tease that there is no, “gold beyond the rainbow” but, there is a mighty amount of satisfaction in taking the long road to that “gold”.

Go to a Strip Club, by all means! I’ll pack your pockets with one dollar bills, give you a really, really nice kiss for a warm up, smack your ass and send you on the way. In the meantime? I’ll be thinking about finishing that rather frustrating and unfulfilling lap dance you paid $80 for, hoping you don’t get too drunk to actually participate in the fun I have been planning since you were away. I’ll even pick the glitter of your sweaty face post coital and weal blood from biting my tongue so hard from saying something really bitchy at finding said glitter. In the morning, after you’ve recovered enough to want to eat, I’ll cook you breakfast and we can smirk at each other across the table all morning long.

Now, tell me. Does that, or does that not, beat getting the attention from a dead behind the eyes stripper?

Tamara
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 02:29 am: [report]

I have to say I really loathe, no wait, perhaps that’s not strong enough a word- wait I got it. I hate when women and men have to take little stabs at dancers. Dead behind the eyes? Really? Is that necessary? I have to say lastly that this by no means is a way to spark an argument or a debate, I’m just curious as to why it’s necessary to finish a post by jabbing at a profession and the people that are in said profession.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 09:29 am: [report]

@ John
Yes I truly do get the “fuzzies” when I receive such an unexpected and positive response from the female participants. I get this feeling I suspect because you have to go off of what someone writes to form an opinion about that person and the things that I say, I dont feel that they are anything special, just how I feel about whatever topic. Regarding not receiving such reactions in everyday life, it is most likely because even though I enjoy good discussion and meaningful conversation, the area I currently live in is more filled with flag toting camoflauged masses than with enlightened people who care to have such discussions. As such, I dont really mingle with the populus (sp) around here, I pretty much keep to myself and do the things I enjoy.
  To the fact of women on this site saying that they want more of my type to hide in plain site, I always thought there was a plethera of sensitive and thoughtful guys out there to choose from but from the sounds of it maybe not. Not to sound self serving but if I am hiding in plain sight, ladies please turn your gaze to the east and squint really hard, I will send up a flare or something lol.
  I have to say I am really encouraged by the fact that you take a positive stance with those who choose to disagree with your article and realize that we are talking about the ideas expressed in them and not you personally as a writer. I think you do a great job as such and even though I disagree sometimes, I compliment you on your writing in general.

shannac02
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 10:55 am: [report]

AAAAAAAAHHHH Sigh… I will continue to look East for the flares!!! lol I loves me some John DeVore and ECM…
I feel your pain on the “camoflouged masses”... Boys, ahem, MEN, Continue to wow us with your intellect and insight, and we’ll continue to be wow-ed. There are obvi not so many sweet guys hiding in plain view, so Kudos to you boys for doing so! If you happen to run across any more of those men in Plain view, tell them to continue westward… that’ll be the day!

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 11:08 am: [report]

@ shanna

You are too kind, really. I guess I am just amazed to hear from so many different women on this sight that either they have had multiple experiences with boyfriends who mooch and dont pay attention to them or men who show no interest in their partners life. To me, being in a relationship can be so fullfiling (sp) as long as both parties involved are committed to working at it. It is sad to hear that there is a lack of male counterparts out there who share this view and snatch up lovely women and care for them at a rate that they deserve. Good thing I can speak topically on this site and not get into the real nitty gritty about myself however, I have a feeling some might go running as if godzilla was attacking lol.

shannac02
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 11:18 am: [report]

I don’t want to generalize every guy in the midwest to be a total cold-hearted moocher. But, that has pretty much been my experience with the guys that I’m attracted to. I try hard, and they don’t try at all. I guess it’s the nurturer in me, but I try to fix lost puppies, and find them jobs and cars and homes… I’m ready for a real man that can take care of himself, and give something to a relationship without always just taking. I guess that’s why its so refreshing (at least for me) to hear you guys talk like that… its interesting to see the types of men that I don’t see regularly. I guess it sorta makes me believe in a light at the end of the tunnel…

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 02:18 pm: [report]

shanna

I think there may be a sector of women that share that same sentiment and see a guy that needs a little help and look at it like a project, someone they can nurture and change, a lost puppy. The reality more often than not I would venture to guess is that those “men” are actually sloths sitting on their bum with a puppy mask on and a bolt of mocha velvet fabric draped across them in some cheap disguise lol. There definitely is a light at the end of the tunnel for you hun, either by staying the course and just moving to the good part of the existing tunnel or shifting your mindset and concentrating on a totally new tunnel all together. =)

shannac02
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 02:20 pm: [report]

Love it. Thank you.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 03:17 pm: [report]

Very welcome hun, as always of course. I have to say I see more people on this site using their own personal picture and it tempts me to change mine to one of myself. Guess I am a little shy to because once I loose my visual mystique, I fear all is lost lol

ShortStack
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 03:40 pm: [report]

@ Tamara: I do apologize for that generalized statement. I didn’t mean it to come off as an insult to intelligence. My comment regarding, “Dead behind the eyes” was intended to convey my conception that some individuals in that profession may come to hate their job and how it’s affected them, resulting in a, “Dead behind the eyes” look. Thank you for adding to my knowledge of the individuals in that profession and again, I do apologize for any offense.

CaseyDancer
wrote on December 6 2008 @ 07:57 am: [report]

I’ve been a stripper for over 12 years & loved this article, especially the line, “We look like Lincoln, Hamilton, Jackson, Franklin” which, though not 100% true is still completely hilarious.  Also, like Tamara I have to agree on hating digs like, “Dead behind the eyes” because really, my industry is already too weighted down with damaging stereotypes that don’t honor exotic dancers any more than the people who buy into them. 

Lastly, I’d like to say that most my customers do come for more reasons than just to see me perform… that my “intellect & sense of humor” as EastCoastMale puts it, are a huge part of the draw.  Maybe you think my profession is “a joke” but I assure you that the loneliness and stress in these men’s lives isn’t funny to them, or to me.  I consider it an honor to be sought out for my skilled conversation, performance, affection, connection, and the plethora of other attributes I’m justifiably paid very well for.  I care about most of my customers because they’re good people, just like most of the dancers I work with.  On this topic, little less judgment and a little more compassion & understanding would go a long way ... just sayin.
xo,
Casey

shannac02
wrote on December 6 2008 @ 08:45 am: [report]

@ECM: Visual mystique? HAHAHA I sorta feel like we’re all friends here, even though we live miles and miles apart… You should def put up a pic, so we know who we’re talking to!   and so we know who we’re sighing over…

Tamara
wrote on December 6 2008 @ 02:34 pm: [report]

@ Short Stack, I was in the business for two years which really doesn’t seem like a long time compared to other jobs, but when you dance it’s quite a long time. While I’m not a fan when people say things about the profession, I do have to agree that the stereotype has to come from somewhere. I was lucky enough to work in a club that was run by a man who actually cared about the girls and staff he worked with. He did not tolerate drinking, drugging or doing “a little more” for some extra cash. The fact that he had no patience for any of this helped weed out the girls who should have retired, or not been in the business at all.

@ Casey, I’m glad I’m not alone on here, it helps to have another dancer’s opinion.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 6 2008 @ 02:44 pm: [report]

@shanna
Yea I have a feeling that james dean makes a better representation for my writing than my actual picture would lol. Sighing over? haha…no need to sigh over me. Just a guy who says what I feel and tries my best not to align with some male stereotypes. =)

ShortStack
wrote on December 6 2008 @ 04:12 pm: [report]

@Tamara: Internet expression does little to convey emotion but, thank you. I do have a skewed opinion on dancers but, it’s not born of jealousy or hatred. You have both offered a fair perspective and understanding of yourselves and the profession you have been employed within. I respectfully honor, not only your choices but, your choice to explain choices though you didn’t and shouldn’t have to. It’s hard enough to live as you choose and harder still to have someone comment on your choices as if the world is black and white. I have not been in your shoes but, I have been blindly judged and it sucks. That is not the only reason I extend apology but, it is one reason. I wish we could meet and talk. I would really like to get to know you and Casey and who you are. Thank you again.

CaseyDancer
wrote on December 6 2008 @ 06:22 pm: [report]

@ ShortStack: Your attitude is really refreshing & for lack of a better word, just plain classy.

I blog a lot about my work at http://www.MyDancerDiary.com if it’s a topic of interest to you… but if not, just thanks for your open-mindedness and respect - I now have the same for you.

And Hi Tamara, you Sexy (ex)Stripper Sistah!

Casey

summer
wrote on December 6 2008 @ 08:56 pm: [report]

the comment, “Mainly, the enduring appeal of strip clubs is this: It’s a place where regular men can reject beautiful women” reminds me of something I just read about cultural beliefs & how men are given the responsibility to initiate relationships & women are trained to overcome:

“What is the effect on women of men’s role to do the overcoming? Men learn to protect themselves from the hurt of rejection by turning women into sex objects. It is easier to accept rejection by an object than by a human being. If we can turn women into objects and sex into a game, talking about how far we got and whether we scored, it helps us (men) avoid looking at why we were rejected. It helps us gain the courage to try even harder the next time. Each time a woman does not share in the initiative in the type of sexual involvement she wants, she is contributing to the use of herself as a sex object. Each time a man gives a woman negative feedback when she takes the initiative, he’s contributing to his own frustration, to his anger and contempt for women….Many women complain about men not being in touch with their feelings. It is dysfunctional for a man to be in touch with his feelings if he is going to be opening himself up to experiencing the pain of rejection. It is even more dysfunctional if he has to recover from the rejection and try again.”-warren farrell

Tamara
wrote on December 6 2008 @ 10:21 pm: [report]

@Short Stack. I used to keep a blog on myspace when I worked, but as I’ve left the business the blog has become more or less weekly ramblings. It was quite funny because it’s what ended up outing me to my family. When my mom found it I was preparing to go into battle (I moved out at 17 and was dancing at 18 during my senior year), then we talked and all she had to say was, “You’ve never been a stupid girl, I’m disappointed you didn’t tell me. Reading your journal entries though, I have to tell you, you should write a book.”

It’s a work in progress, and a very fresh and different take on the business itself. Now if I could only get my hands on a book deal (I’m a psych and law major with a minor in english, though my grammar sucks) then I’d go back for another year or so and get some fresh material. I made a deal when I quit not to go back, because everyone that waves you out the door no matter which club you work has that look of, “You’ll be back.” I’m stubborn as hell and refuse because there were actual bets that I would come back, but I do miss it from time to time.

@ Casey Heya! I’m going to pull up the blog and give it a look, I’m even putting off putting the ornaments on my tree.

Rick
wrote on December 7 2008 @ 09:17 am: [report]

People go to strip clubs for different reasons. But quote: “Mainly, the enduring appeal of strip clubs is this: It’s a place where regular men can reject beautiful women.”  I don’t think that’s true, the opposite, regular men want to get their hands on beautiful women.  regular men don’t think like that (“yeah I’m going to go to a strip club to reject gorgeous women”) ??  come on, that sounds like a college jock.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 8 2008 @ 10:32 am: [report]

Rick
I am on the same line fo thinking that people go for different reasons and I totally agree about the absurdity of the quote that you pointed out. I personally dont frequent them but the people I know who do dont go to turn down beautiful women. They explain to me its one of teh few places they can chat and sit with a sexy women and she will act nice to them without giving attitude that they may encounter in an outside situation.

Sakura
wrote on December 8 2008 @ 11:51 am: [report]

Finally, someone who gets it (clearly I’m talking about the article not some of these tired comments).

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 8 2008 @ 12:17 pm: [report]

What do you mean exactly?

Sakura
wrote on December 8 2008 @ 02:35 pm: [report]

^I’m referring to those sly little digs at strippers, which have already been examined so let’s leave it at that. John’s post, however, I enjoyed very much.

CaseyDancer
wrote on December 8 2008 @ 02:35 pm: [report]

There are many reasons men go to strip clubs.  The article was a funny commentary on one of them.  But I think what’s important to remember, is that nothing is necessarily ALL good or ALL bad in life, including my (the strip club) industry.  Intention is key, and compassion trumps judgment every time. 

Casey
http://www.MyDancerDiary.com

par3
wrote on December 8 2008 @ 03:27 pm: [report]

big plus here in europe is that boobs are totally ‘who cares’ here. so if my man needs to see some snatch and i have to be ok with that - than he can go as a single man. i’m not walking around demanding i see new peen every weekend like it’s supposed to be ok…if that were the case i would too be single. that’s THE POINT. when you’re with someone- they are all you NEED and there is no desire to pay a chick’s rent to stare at her freaking funbags. ridiculous. and frankly i don’t really care at all the people who came here today to defend their profession. this is my opinion.

CaseyDancer
wrote on December 8 2008 @ 06:40 pm: [report]

@ Par3: I will always defend aspects of my profession.  But to be perfectly clear, I would NEVER be in a relationship with a man who frequented strip clubs.  Because it’s exactly like you said, the POINT of a relationship is to constantly work on getting what you need from your mate, and giving them what they need.

Please keep in mind that, first of all, not ALL men who frequent strip clubs are married or in relationships, they’re just lonely - not a crime & not even uncommon.  And yes, the ones that are married would be better off going to therapy to figure out how to be more fulfilled in their relationships…  However, if they don’t, and they come to me instead, I don’t judge them.  I do my best to make them feel better about themselves. And when they talk about their unsatisfying relationships, I always recommend therapy. 

What I hear most often is that their wives don’t want sex anymore, especially after having kids.  And that the husbands choose to stay together for the kids, or they’ve developed a loyalty and friendship with their wives they’re not willing to severe by divorce.  And that IS their choice, again one I don’t judge.  Who am I to say they’re better off alone than married to someone they consider a friend, who plans to grow old with them?

My opinion is that the biggest mistake most these men and their wives made, was having a bunch of kids, instead of just one or two or none.  The men seem a little out of touch with what the women have to deal with as mothers, and the women seem out of touch with what their husbands need as men.  They don’t communicate this to each other.  The women pull away from their husbands, thinking them selfish and making them feel like failures.  The men aren’t as supportive as their wives deserve (not usually purposely, but still…) eventually seek ego-boosting elsewhere, like in strip clubs. 

Strip clubs didn’t create the problem - it existed long before we showed up, and in fact I consider my work to be somewhat of a help. 

What this work has taught ME is not to rush into marriage and not to take my mates for granted.  If your mate doesn’t go to the clubs, you’re obviously doing the same.

deej
wrote on December 9 2008 @ 12:16 pm: [report]

I enjoyed the article but could disagree with some of John’s points. Not that the points aren’t valid, just that they may not be THE reasons.

My wife and I will go to a higher end club every couple of years or so. For us it’s a night out with a show. We’re very sex positive and she loves women as much as I do. The right club with good dancers can be entertaining, sensual, erotic, funny - just an all around fun adult evening. We’re not there to reject anyone or stroke our egos. We know what the game is and harbor no illusions that any of the strippers are hot for us (despite a few that actually volunteered phone numbers). It’s simply entertainment with an added “adultness” that is hard to find.  As an industry, it should gain more legitimacy and seen for what it should be - beautiful and sexy women who actually dance (choreographed, please), and then perhaps you get to meet one or two for a little bit. Despite the stereotype, there are some people who actually like stripping or sex work in general.  They’re rare, to be sure, but exist nonetheless. They should have the respect and legal protection of any other professional entertainer.

I would agree that the seedier places attract a lot of the psycho drama John alluded to.  And I would also venture that frequenting such strip clubs can be a symptom, but it’s never the cause. If, as some of those posting here stated, their SO was going to clubs and treating them that way, then there were far more problems going on that had nothing to do with strippers.

deej
wrote on December 9 2008 @ 12:28 pm: [report]

I would also like to address the comment “the POINT of a relationship is to constantly work on getting what you need from your mate, and giving them what they need.”

IMO, that is exactly the problem with relationships today. I would argue that the point of a relationship is to share your life with someone, not to declare them as the sole source of all your needs.  Way too huge a responsibility for anyone.  That’s a recipe for failure.  I believe it’s about sharing your lives, good and bad. I have different people in my life that satisfy different aspects of me, as I do for them. My wife has no interest in some things I do and it would be unfair to expect her to fulfill my needs in that area.  Let’s say I love tennis and she doesn’t. I find someone who plays tennis with me, and then I can share the experience with my wife.

We can have a debate on whether or not that should extend to our sex lives. But as an example, being that she’s bisexual, there’s no way I could possibly satisfy her needs in that area, and I wouldn’t want her to not experience that part of herself simply because we’re a couple. I love her too much to restrict her life experience.

Okay, back to the strippers!

CaseyDancer
wrote on December 9 2008 @ 03:48 pm: [report]

Letting your spouse enjoy playing tennis games with other people, IS actually fulfilling one of his needs. 

And that doesn’t detract from the marriage the way it would if she let him play SEX games with other people. 

There’s an intimacy factor here.  And unless you’re one of those people who doesn’t need monogomy in order to have intimacy, tennis & sexuality are apples & oranges, no?

Thing is, most people need monogomy to feel true intimacy.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 9 2008 @ 04:05 pm: [report]

Good point casey, I believe they are apples and oranges in this case. However I also disagree with the point made a couple posts ago that even men not in relationships are lonely that go to strip clubs. I am not speaking for myself as I do not go to them but I know several guys who go just as an experience, if its not an everyday thing then it is a bit of a walk on the wild side for some. No need to be only single and lonely for some guys to want to venture out.

CaseyDancer
wrote on December 9 2008 @ 06:51 pm: [report]

@ EastCoastMale: You’re right and I didn’t mean to make it sound like only LONELY single men come… after all, we’re very entertaining.  Strip clubs can be just a good, fun time once in a while.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 10 2008 @ 11:33 am: [report]

Casey, was just making sure =). I can see the appeal for those who go and I feel dancers get a bad rap for sure, to me they are just as athletic as most major sports. For me personally, I wish I could just go somewhere and pay to have the back of my head rubbed, damn headaches =)

CaseyDancer
wrote on December 10 2008 @ 03:07 pm: [report]

LOL ~ try us, we’re great head-rubbers (and that didn’t come out quite the way I meant it… heh).

jadeycakes
wrote on December 10 2008 @ 03:40 pm: [report]

I don’t agree w/this statement “Mainly, the enduring appeal of strip clubs is this: It’s a place where regular men can reject beautiful women.”
My last bf had friends that loved to go to them and it bothered me every time he went.  Beautiful women are everywhere, there’s no getting away from that, but choosing to go to a facility that encourages and allows these women to be all over my bf just isn’t okay w/me.  I can say though that I’ve never been to a strip joint, so maybe I’m overacting a little…

jasmineontheweb
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 12:51 am: [report]

Wow how nice of some of you to appreciate a guy who can be funny and smart and so brutally honest. But you know what, screw this…John makes money off his sarcastic honesty and love of witty little phrases. Call me bitter, but this is me being real. This is the same guy that writes about how men like the strip clubs, how looking at other women shouldn’t bother us, and whatever…but remember, this is the same guy who would actually do this in the real world. He writes about it because he probably has some real experience to it. You don’t know what it feels like on the other side of the spectrum. Okay so some of the points are true: “But really, you’re not declaring yourself a pansexual pioneer, proving how laid-back and awesome you are to your man’s salivating bro-dawgs. You’re keeping tabs on your boyfriend or husband and you know it.” 

But let me ask this question, is it so bad that we want a guy who just wants to keep at least one eyeball on us. Pity the man who lives in a world that’s so hard to control his sexual urges. I think its total #&@$%. Is it so bad that women want to have someone for themselves? Is it so bad that we just want to have someone to come home to rather than wondering how pretty they are and how hott they look? John wants to get on to women about how we shop and shop for all these things. But most of the time, it’s for men. How can we look a little better so that maybe our guy wont look so hard at the waitress?

I know I may be rude, but at this point, I’ll never go naked in front of anyone again. I’ll never wear a bathing suit. I’ll never be comfortable because how can I be? When it’s so easy for a guy to go out and get something better.

But thanks, for helping confirm my distress…

kristy1584
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 11:27 am: [report]

I have been to a male strip club in Atlanta called Swinging Richards. I walked in the door and all of my thoughts on strip clubs (male or female) were validated. Im sorry, I love the male body and those male strippers were hot. But I have no desire for a sweaty naked stranger to be rubbing all over me. I could simply look at a picture of those guys and been happier than having their naked bodies all over me. Its gross and we all know that strippers sleep around, its not the least bit appealing to me.

whatevers
wrote on May 2 2009 @ 06:18 pm: [report]

Umm ... I don’t like strip clubs. The last one I got drug off to (bachelor party) I paid a stripper $20 for her and all her friends to ignore me for the whole night. And no I’m not gay.

Molly Jean
wrote on June 2 2009 @ 06:47 pm: [report]

I know nothing about strip clubs except that an old coworker of mine, Bubba (that’s his real name), once told me he makes a ton of money “on the side” by putting ATM machines in strip clubs & charging outrageous usage fees.  I can’t believe how much men pay to use ATM machines in strip clubs.  Insane!  Anyway, this column reminded me of my old pal, Bubba.

bethylane
wrote on June 16 2009 @ 02:08 pm: [report]

Disclaimer: To the dancers minding this thread, I promise this isn’t anything against you. I know y’all aren’t after every man that walks in the door and that it’s just Work. This is just me being a paranoid, silly gf:

OK, I’m still bored @ work and commenting on old articles here. I have GOT to say, I’ve been dating a guy for 3 months and he and his friends used to go to strip clubs semi-often, considering the frequency with which it’s brought up.

I’m over there hanging out and his friend brings up one night at a club when they stayed till it closed, and this friend said exasperated, “Man, I’ve never seen a line-up like that!” and my new guy raised his eyebrows and nodded.

I CAN’T HELP but feel squirmy and feel inadequate… even reading this entire article (and ALL the comments), my palms are sweaty and I find myself frowning at my small B ta-tas.

So guys ‘need’ to view and play with a different set of boobs every so often? Ok. Did anyone explain why THIS is?? I don’t think so. If I’m wrong, please correct me. I can only come up with one explanation for why a guy in a relationship or marriage would ‘need’ to check out new boobs: Dissatisfaction.

/Freeeaked ooout!/

I pride myself on being a chick who doesn’t overanalyze, and I am always really good about understanding that men are Simple Creatures and easy to figure out, but when it comes to going to strip clubs I tense up and freak.

I don’t get it! I’ve had a f*ing three-way before (guy/girl), but I’m freaked by the idea of my bf at a strip club!! I never tell my bf that he “can’t” do this or that, but inside I will definitely be squeamish about it.

UGH.

Can aaaanyone help me figure out a way to get over this??? Any thoughts would be hugely appreciated.

PS
wrote on June 16 2009 @ 02:18 pm: [report]

For those women with Poles in their homes for exercise purposes: Pole dancing is about grace, strength and flexibility. Stripping is about Customer service.
I bought the pole myself, I use it for myself, it has NOTHING to do with you.
It is one pole I can enjoy without an #&@$% attached to it.

PS
wrote on June 16 2009 @ 02:20 pm: [report]

an a**hole attached to it.

Riley
wrote on June 16 2009 @ 02:35 pm: [report]

@Bethylane; Stop thinking he doesn’t appreciate you because you of your “small B ta-tas.”

GreenAura
wrote on June 16 2009 @ 02:37 pm: [report]

My husband *almost* doesnt like strip clubs.  I say *almost* because OF COURSE he likes seeing decent looking women naked.  But he told me his reasons for not liking them and I would like to share with you all:
1) He knows they are all after his money and their desperation annoys the crap out of him. He once gave a girl $5 just to shut up.
2) Its not a turn-on for a girl to be grinding on him in front of his buddies or strangers or anybody for that matter. He digs his privacy.
3) He thinks pole dancing is awkward, no matter how good the dancer is.
4) The drinks are way too watered down and the clubs are way too smoky. And they play really bad music.
5) And most importantly… huge waste of $$$! A $20 lap dance turns into a $200 night after your bombarded by 30 women who wont shut up until you give them $$, and you’ve downed 18 drinks because they are diluted and you finally caught a buzz on the 19th one.
Male strip clubs are so much better!

OKSUNI
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:59 pm: [report]

I have actually had boyfriends that want me to go to the strip clubs with them (its true I swear) the reason being Im a weirdo and get turned on my some hot naked girl who wants to rub on my bf..because then I get to go home with him and we are both super horny

BTW-strippers are really nice and they are just doing what they have to do to get by.

janessadawn
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 10:18 pm: [report]

My current bf has gone to the strip club with and without me.  When we go together I almost feel guilty because I am enjoying it AT LEAST as much as he is.  Without getting too into things strippers (at least around here) like to mess around with other girls.  In conclusion—not all girlfriends go solely to keep tabs on their man.  Some go because we, too, like to see some girls’ t&a.

riana
wrote on March 6 2010 @ 01:41 am: [report]

I think it’s crazie why any woman would even want to display her boobies and privates to slobbering panting men, most of whom are no doubt cheatin on their lady.  Wouldn’t she want to save her b eautiful body for her husband one day>  I dont get this. If my husband or bf ever wanted to do this, id leave him.  I want all of him, not him lusting after other women….

riana
wrote on March 8 2010 @ 01:35 pm: [report]

Well I do not enjoy seeing other womens’ ta ta or he he.  I think it is totally and completely sad how a beautiful woman, chooses to display themselves before any Tom Dick and Harry, no matter how much money is involved.  Even if they get 5,000 dollars for every “lap dance”, I feel they are compromising their beautiful womanhood by doing so, and God loves them way more than this. I feel any women strippers should know how much God loves them, most of all, and that they are beautiful without having to show their bodies to all men.  I know you all are.  Casey Dancer and others.  I hope you do not hate me for saying this, but you are more beautiful than this, than giving yourself away to scum dogs.