Mind Of Man: Why Guys Want “Starts With An A, Ends With -Nal” Sex
Posted by: John DeVore
Filed in:
guys
9:00AM, Thursday March 12th 2009
Finally. I thought I’d answer one of the big questions I’ve been asked over and over again, the question you ladies are dying to know the answer to. Are you ready?
We want anal sex because if we ask you if we can, and you say yes, even begrudgingly, then that is awesome. I don’t even know if the majority of guys even like anal sex, but that you’d say “yes” to such a dirty, unladylike request is what makes it oh-so-worthwhile.
Men are a lil’ bit obsessed with anal sex, sure, and it is clear our obsession is making many of you (even more) neurotic. Hell, I’m obsessed with it, but in the abstract…. if we ask, and you say yes, chances are that’s all we really want. Not to lord over you, to force you to do something you don’t want, but to just get a kinky green light.
I had a girlfriend once who told me she loved doing it. She didn’t, of course, but she loved me, and I loved her, and when she whispered in my ear one night that she’d love me to do that, I thought, “Awww, how romantic.” She assumed that since I was a guy, I’d be into anal sex. I wasn’t, and am not, but her loving offer was sizzling hot. Like, sizzling hot enough to make pancakes. Or waffles. WAFFLES!
Of course, weeks later, she asked me to itch a particular scratch of hers, and out came the silk scarves. Silk scarves? Really? Don’t birthday magicians pull those out of sleeves? We tried it, and she tied me up with silk scarves. We did this more than once, and while it did nothing for me, the fact that it reduced her to a puddle of sentient liquid steel from which she would later reform herself a la “Terminator II” was what eventually turned me. And, huh, that’s the point.
Men are a lil’ bit obsessed with anal sex, sure, and it is clear our obsession is making many of you (even more) neurotic. Hell, I’m obsessed with it, but in the abstract. Much like mouth love, I am not particularly fond of, um, “non-traditional penetrative sex.” I’m not a prude. I just like it very “let’s do it my genital in your genital”-style and then, later, role-playing “Minotaur versus Sexy Ninja.” Guess who’s the Minotaur? (Wrong.)
Men are obsessed with carnal posterior affection partly because we want what we’re denied, but mainly it’s a power thing. Sure. Absolutely. It does not look like it feels especially great for the woman receiving this special gift. I mean, in pornography that particular act usually looks like the woman is being split in half. Done properly, slowly, with enough lubricant, safe word agreed upon, there should be no ouchies. But, from what I understand, it’s uncomfortable, and then there’s the cost of doing business, namely the very natural byproduct, substances if you will, that are present, and expected, from that part of the anatomy. But if we ask, and you say yes, chances are that’s all we really want. Not to lord over you, to force you to do something you don’t want, but to just get a kinky green light.
And here’s the thing: You should let him explore your dark sun, at least once. I’m assuming, of course, that he’d be the sort of guy who would react positively, if not sensitively, to you screaming, “Get that the hell out of me, you son of a walrus!” In a loving, committed, monogamous relationship, there should be no penalty for asking to indulge in a taboo fetish, providing no one is getting emotionally or physically damaged. That goes both ways, of course. I mean, it would be wrong for me to say it’s just dudes who are bashful about talking about what turns them on, and revealing the names of the naughty little sex goblins in their subconscious. (I’ve named mine Little Miss Tickles, Consuela, and She-Ra.) Women are equally as insecure about admitting what it is they need to turn them on and get them off. Let’s just stop that, shall we? Understand that your partner needs stuff, and you should provide it, within reason, to the best of your abilities, because it will be reciprocated. I will add the disclaimer: ideally.
Be safe, honest, no pointing and laughing, no spontaneous barfing, and try what he needs once. Just once. If your displeasure is so acute, more so than his pleasure, then a game of “we gave it the ol’ college try” should suffice. Any bullying or cajoling or begging thereafter is ungentlemanly and, therefore, tantamount to douchebaggery. It’s not that, err, bottom sex is a better fit, really. So don’t buy that line. If it’s sexy it’s because it’s wrong. Wrong can be right in this regard. It’s wrong, and taboo, and permission to explore that, as I’ve said, is totes wow.
Which brings me to another topic. There isn’t a classy way to write about anal sex, is there? Even if I referred to it by another name, one that doesn’t use the word “anal,” or “butt,” it would still probs mortify my mother, for instance. Even if I referred to it as, I don’t know, “buttering the scone,” or “reading Virginia Woolf out loud,” or “buckling the elf’s itty bitty boot,” we’d still know what I was writing about, and it would still sound gross. Surfing the forbidden flume? No? OK.
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Isabela Laval
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 09:20 am: [report]
Hmm… a euphemism? How about booty love? Or creaming the peach?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 09:22 am: [report]
“carnal posterior affection”
Best synonym ever.
WinkyFace
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 10:33 am: [report]
Stay out of my butt! I have a perfectly good vagina just inches away.
EastCoastMale
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 11:30 am: [report]
Agreed winky. I am definitely willing to accomodate a woman if she is dead set on doing it this way but I have no preoccupation or daydreams about anal sex. I think it is a majority of men who crave it to the point of even being a jerk about demanding it that gives the rest of us men who couldnt care less about it a bad name. Not meaning JD, he’s my bromosexual lol
theothergyllenhaal
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 11:34 am: [report]
“Get that the hell out of me, you son of a walrus!”
How the hell did you get involved in this piece, Grandma?
sklut
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 03:20 pm: [report]
Please don’t touch my butt. There is something slightly uncomfortable about it to me. The majority of guys i’ve come across don’t like it either.
wild-ting
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 05:06 pm: [report]
My man is TOTALLY obsessed with anal sex. So, about a month ago we tried it. He wasn’t fully erect and didn’t go all the way in—thank gawd! It did nothing for me (strange feeling) but he totally loved it. I don’t get it. We’re not doing it again. A few weeks before, he did indulge me in my fantasy of tying him up spread eagle on our bed. It was powerful sexy!! Niiiice. I totally loved it. We had some wild sexy fun. Later he told me he wasn’t that into getting tied up but he liked seeing me so turned on and THAT is what got him off.
Yeah I’m tying him up again…and again…and again. *giggles*
TMMiller
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 07:19 pm: [report]
Just got done watching 30 Rock and can we go with Fun Cooker? “Carnal Posterior Affection” is prett-y solid. Let’s shorten it to CPA (maybe the IRS Treatment).
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 07:24 pm: [report]
IRS Audit or #&@$% in the ass…..hmm, can’t decide.
fallenangel915
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 09:14 pm: [report]
LOL CheeeeEEEEse…you read my mind!
As for anal, yes, I’ve tried it, but I just couldn’t get past the pain. Your peen has to be the size of a cheeto before I’d even THINK about letting you in there, and nine times out of ten, I wouldn’t be #&@$% you if it were, anyway. I digress. Anymofopleaseyouaintgettinginthere, if a guy acts like he HAS to have it, I start questioning his sexuality.
0rion
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 04:47 pm: [report]
Most of us just want to know what it feels like, plus the taboo does make it sexier compounded by the fact that I’d be open to exploring just about any of my wife’s fantasies, I feel mildly cheated that I’ll never get to try out CPA.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 04:59 pm: [report]
Yes you can Orion, wikipedia “Pegging”.
Tamara
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 07:11 pm: [report]
Ah Pegging, that’s a fun one to explain to the parents. I abide by the idea that if we’re in live and love then a lot can go. I’m also a fan that turnabout is fair play, you want my crinkle star? I get yours then.
amazed
wrote on March 14 2009 @ 04:25 pm: [report]
You scratch an itch, not itch a scratch.
ClatieK
wrote on March 15 2009 @ 11:03 pm: [report]
Hierarchy of sexual negotiation:
I need…
I want…
I’d prefer…
I don’t mind…
I’d rather not…
I won’t…
A lot of people think along the lines need versus won’t; thanks for exploring the middle a bit, John darling!
As for that orifice, I’d rather not.
Bertram
wrote on March 16 2009 @ 07:28 am: [report]
As I a guy I can take it or leave it. This is probably because years ago I dated a girl who was really into it. I admit it was super hot when she suggested we ‘go for it’. After the first few times I had kind of gotten over the excitement of actually being allowed in the backdoor. She really enjoyed it and I enjoyed being able to provide that kind of feeling. It actually opened the conversation to trying all kinds of new things we would probably never have talked about. I think it is worth trying in a relationship to change things up. There’s oral sex, regular sex, positions, role play, etc…
Why are guys into it? Most likely because they are curious, they are already in the area and just wonder what the sensation is like.
Mantis180
wrote on March 16 2009 @ 10:55 pm: [report]
“Get that the hell out of me, you son of a walrus!”
That line alone has now made me fall in love with… hold on, lemme scroll up again… John Devore…
And allow me to state that this is possibly the most tasteful, amusing, and informative article I’ve read on anal sex.
My usual statement is- if you wont let me put my toy in your ass, then you dont get to put your toy in mine.
Jill
wrote on March 17 2009 @ 04:23 pm: [report]
I’m so tired of the stereotype that all men are obsessed with butt lovin’ and all women hate it. I do it occasionally and I dont hate it. The taboo of it all turns me on even if the actual action doesn’t.
And both guys ive done it with said its honestly not that great but they also love the taboo-ness of it all. All in all we both prefer not to do it in the rear every day or week or even month, but I definitely don’t despise and he never loves it more than regular sex, despite what the common misconception is.
Squidtermz
wrote on March 25 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]
That’s not the real reason. I think it all boils down to the whole ‘women faking orgasms’ thing. Cuz you cant fake it in there.
danijerzygirl
wrote on April 18 2009 @ 05:30 am: [report]
After I became very comfortable with my b/f doing me anally, I started working on his sweet little touche. I read that men have a very sensitive touche and the prostrate gland gives pleasure when massaged. One night after some passionate intense love making I had him roll over on his tummy so I could massage his back. I worked my way down to his sexy butt and slid a saliva coated finger to his hole. He looked over his shoulder and smiled so I kept on going and he loved it. About 3 weeks later after lots of mutual anal play, I surprised him one night by coming out of the bathroom wearing a double pleasure strap on vibrating dildo. I slid in to bed next to him, kissed him softly on the cheek and neck and whispered in his ear that it is his turn to lose his virginity. We continue to do this in our love making. I have even been able to get him to orgasm while I do him anally. Its so hot to watch him masturbate in the mirror while I stand behind him or I do him doggy style. I orgasm a couple of times while doing him.
aries3_04
wrote on April 18 2009 @ 07:07 am: [report]
um, jaw dropping at denijerzgirl…maybe one day I get up on your level, you’re doing some advanced work there!
Every guy I’ve dated has been obsessed with CPA/IRS Audit (yes, I’m gonna start using those terms) but I’ve always said no. I need to find some kind of CPA 101 for beginners cause the man I’m with now I love enough to let him have it…eventually.
TMMiller
wrote on April 18 2009 @ 07:14 am: [report]
@aries3_04: Agreed on danijerztgirl’s comment: whoa.
YourTango has a couple of articles on getting into CPA/IRS Audit:
Beginner’s Guide: http://www.yourtango.com/200681/anal-sex-for-beginners.html
Girl’s Guide: http://www.yourtango.com/200913724/why-men-non-traditional-sex
LyndaW
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 04:26 pm: [report]
I read your article, then asked my DH, of 23 yrs, if it was true about not liking it. That it was the taboo factor….he agreed with you! WTF? You just want to see if we will?
Boy, have I got news for you guys….beware of waking up the wicked! Our guy friends agreed with you as well. I also asked many of my girlfriends, and the guys who got it right we ~love~ it. Totally different orgasm. Yup, DH now does the “pinky in Mr. Stinky”, but rarely does anal when I need it, can’t keep up with my more wicked side….this goes for my girlfriends and their significant others as well. If you don’t want to visit the city of Taboo, then take an alternative route. A woman who has been woken up to the wicked, and loves it, is too dangerous a feline for a Curious George! We will revisit Tabooland with or without you….never should have shown us the way!
Oh and your article? Passed it on….the felines want, and since we endured the Curious George’s fumbles….he gets our deepest darkest desires and needs….“Oh come on baby. Just this once.” Bwha ha ha ha
LinSea
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 11:14 am: [report]
Its an exit for a reason….
I’m a in one door out the other kind of girl, no reverse traffic allowed.
If that’s something their looking for(no judgement)they can go somewhere else there are PLENTY of other taboos to try
HARDER
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 11:44 pm: [report]
I for one do like anal.It’s a completely different sensation.Not for everyday use but not a no-no.It’s definitely not something you do with jusy anyone.I’ve only done with one person b’cuz there has to be a certain amount of trust for the woman to enjoy it.I’m not sure how much my man enjoys it.When i first heard about it i was apalled.Then one night we were in the middle of the deed and we decided to try it.You do tend to get much more juicier;) And when they start go a tidbit faster you break out in a sweat and chills run down your spine.It is definitely yummy but should not be pushed upon someone.I do agree with LyndaW.BEWARE OF WHAT YOU ASK!!!! If you find that girl that does it and likes it there is much more freakiness coming and you may not be able to handle it.And to aries3_04 if you really wanna try i’d be more than happy to give you a few pointers.
Frederica Bimble
wrote on July 21 2009 @ 01:18 pm: [report]
What is repeated over and over in this thread is how “taboo” it is or “wrong” it is. Why not have some maturity in our sexual encounters? There is nothing “wrong” whatsoever about sex. If a man tells me he would like to try something because it’s “dirty” then I know I’m dealing with a boy and not a man. I find it quite tedious that so many people call sex “dirty” or any other negative words to describe a natural act. No one tells me what to do in life. I answer to my own conscious and I make choices that I have thought about. There is no “all seeing” God or other “authority” figure looking down on me, judging me or anyone else. I wouldn’t have anal sex because I am a woman and I do not have a prostate gland. There’s really nothing to stimulate in the rectum for a woman - those who do enjoy it have built up a “head rush” where they’ve convinced themselves of the pleasure of it - but for men, it is totally different. They do have prostate glands that can be stimulated from within the rectum and therefore, there is a point to having anal sex. If I’m not enjoying it, there’s no reason to do it. Especially, when you’re looking at a potentially harmful act to the body. I like that I don’t crap everytime I have a good laugh. The rectum isn’t actually designed to accept objects in reverse. The type of muscle will stretch eventually. The vagina, on the other hand, IS designed to stretch. Also, there is no clitoris attached to the rectum, so, for a woman, you would really need to convince yourself to enjoy it and yes, some women have done just that.
I think the advice that “you should let him explore your dark sun (sic)” is irresponsible. I’ve only been on this site for a few days but I’m finding that the people on here are quite young and by the looks of it, can be quite impressionable, indeed. No one “should” do anything in life. Follow your own conscious and you’ll be fine.
Symian
wrote on July 21 2009 @ 01:37 pm: [report]
Every guy I’ve dated with the exception on the latest has asked. I agree on the condition that I can do the same to them first with something of equal size to their penis. So far, no takers.
Seriously though, this is still considered a taboo? I mean, it seems just like regular sex but in a different location. Maybe one day I will find out what all the hubbub is about, but I don’t this is something that everyone SHOULD do because they might not like things going up there (Possibly because of some medical tests/procedure they had done that left them with a burning hatred for all things anal), but if you’re curious about it and you’re partner is down then besafe and have some fun!
HDS1963
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 07:27 am: [report]
Frederica you are making some wild generalisations there. For a start no two women are the same. For some the idea is repulsive and for others its a real turn on. A woman doesn’t have to “really convince herself that she enjoys it”, because actually, some women really do - and actually really enjoy the sensation itself and can orgasm from it, I know this from personal experience. You don’t need to have a prostate gland to enjoy anal, plenty of women do enjoy it without one.
LyndaW
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 12:29 pm: [report]
Actually, Fredrica, a medical doctor-maybe the Frisky can do an article on it-has found that the womans anal cavity is connected to the base of the GSpot. (I believe-sorry it is all over the radio and I’m always driving when on-try Playboy channel and BBC type of news)Anyway, some women do crave it and demand it, and for some that is the only way they enjoy sex. Also, anal has been used as a method of birth control for centuries. Indeed, still today, it is how some ‘bad girls’ keep their virginity and can still enjoy sex. So, yes women can enjoy anal sex. The difference between a man and a boy is if he knows what to do, how to prepare. If a guy is not hard enough he can break his dick so guys beware. I also don’t agree with the comment about ‘a boy does taboo’; there is a taboo or wicked factor that can get the juices flowing. Some women love being wicked. It keeps a relationship spicy and interesting. JMHO
blondemom
wrote on November 16 2009 @ 02:12 pm: [report]
Trying to be open minded about the whole anal sex thing but it still is tough. I tried it a few times with my husband of 16 years and found it uncomfortable at best and painful at worst. After my divorce I rekindled a relationship with my college sweetheart and one night he asked how I felt about it. I was sufficiently tipsy to be willing to give it, pun intended, the old college try. At first I was okay with it, possibly the taboo nature helped give it some hotness factor, after a few minutes it became painful and I asked him to stop, which gratefully he did, as my husband had not been so accommodating. Both of these men are quite modestly endowed, so the thought of having anal sex again literally scares me senseless.
I am now in a relationship with an amazing man, our sexual relationship is incredible and we both are adventurous and communicative about our desires. The anal question has come up and I feel pressured to give it a try, I trust him implicitly and know he would not push me beyond my comfort zone so I am considering it. My dilemma is two-fold…first, he is very physically gifted and the size of his penis intimidates the hell out me in regard to anal sex and second - I don’t want to disappoint him, if I try to do it and cannot. I have tried some solo play with a very small vibrator and butt plug, and he has massaged my anus, but I find it uncomfortable and feel bruised afterword. I fear anal fissures, hemorrhoids, and other rectal issues - is there hope for making this possible?