Mind Of Man: The Types Of Women That Really Turn Us On
Posted by: John DeVore
Filed in:
guys
9:30AM, Thursday April 30th 2009
I went on a date the other week with a pair of hot Swedish volleyball players with galactic hoots and bodies so taut that quarters bounce off bellies. These buxom hotties could easily have graced the pages of Brodawg Magazine, posing in the rain, wearing only leather belts. As they were putting on their heels to join me in the champagne jacuzzi, it occurred to me that these phantasmagorical sirens weren’t doing it for me. Then I woke up with both of my arms in my pant legs. Cursed margaritas, so tequila-y and delicious.
Women with curves make my junk bark. There is something so shockingly vulnerable, feminine, and grounded about a woman with back, hips, a lil’ paunch.
I am not going to hate on our collective notions of beauty. Does Megan Fox cause my eyes to pop out of their sockets, cartoon-style? Sure. But it’s an almost Pavlovian response. There is a profound disconnect between what we’re told to think is sexy, and what it is that we actually think is sexy, between glamour groupthink and the sanctity of the individual perversion. Not all dudes want to go home with vampy, bikini-dipped beauty queens. In fact, most men will probably agree with me that what satisfies their touch and tongue cannot be communicated in two dimensions. That while the pack howls for sexpots built to factory specifications, we’re all still lone wolves hunting our lust’s lonely prey. The difference between a boy and a man is simple: A man knows what he wants and doesn’t apologize for it. The right “type” is whomever he says it is.
More often than not, I want curves. And if not curves, I want tall, lanky, long legs. I think I have a weird Earth Goddess/Edward Gorey fetish. I have dated all types of women, and I don’t judge a potential relationship, or even a sticky, sweet fling, exclusively by physical criteria. But we’re talking desire here, and desire is wholly misunderstood. Desire is an intense fist floating in your pelvis that only unclenches during those fleeting moments when you’re running your nose up her neck, nibbling her lip, sliding fingers under shirts and up spines. Desire is not a Whopper after a morning spent in front of a computer writing blog posts. It’s waffles and ham steak after a monumental hike. What we desire is unique to the individual, and it must be sated. Far too many people lead very unhappy lives, desperate for the mob’s approval. Men dating centerfolds for the applause. Women confusing the car for the driver.
You know what’s really of social value? Happy people. People who valiantly flip the bird to convention and bang it out with whomever happens to turn the roots of every hair on their body into itty-bitty little lightening rods. There is no reason the superficial has to be superficial—every fire needs a spark, and we’re talking about sparks, that initial attractiveness.
Women with curves make my junk bark. There is something so shockingly vulnerable, feminine, and grounded about a woman with back, hips, a lil’ paunch. Oh, and the beanpoles, with their delicate architecture. A tall woman with long legs, who is shyly unaware of her fairy tale regality, likewise turns me back into a sweating, erotically overcharged 15-year-old. It’s almost a narcotic effect, when one of these graceful women wraps their legs around you, holding you close, yielding and demanding surrender at the same time. It’s ... sensual? Did I really just type that? Surely, there’s a more testosterone-friendly way of saying “sensual.” Like, “slow boner?” Oh, well. The word “sensual,” like desire, is misunderstood. Sensuality is a time machine that slows things down so you can greedily savor every nanosecond. It is lust on the molecular level; it ‘s knowing that the fingertips are the real eyes of boot-knocking, and to glide them over a curvy woman’s figure, or up and down legs like the horizon is to take in the kind of vista they turn into postcards. I know these things to be true.
The majority of the women I’ve chased, loved, and slept with fall into one of those two categories. The other categories include: book nerds with glasses, tattooed punk rockers, and almost any woman who will watch “The Wire,” “Battlestar Galactica,” or “Northern Exposure” DVDs. Also: dirty talkers. There was a time when maybe I cared too much what the studio audience thought. Pursued and dated women as if I was packing someone else’s penis. Those women deserved a man who was more secure and didn’t need to advertise to the world, “Look Who I Can Bang!” Totally lame. I remember going out with a knockout, so smoking my friends would high-five me whenever her back was turned. She was, and remains, a remarkable woman of depth and awesomeness. Anyway, we were making out, and there just wasn’t that ... desire on my part. But she was into it, and her abandon surprised her. It turns out she normally went for the athletic type, with gelled hair, abs, and a superhero jaw. Basically, the anti-moi. But recently, she was really into my type. Which I found out was, more or less, dumpy, sarcastic dork. No wonder I hadn’t met her friends ... I was of no value to them. But I was to her, and clearly she was arriving at conclusions I would shortly thereafter share. Life is too few breaths, and it’s wise not to waste them on romantic fool errands. Love the curves, love the legs, own your want. This is what real men do. Not that I wouldn’t return Megan Fox’s phone calls. I’m a nice guy like that.
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
jojo32
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 10:10 am: [report]
It is nice to know that some guys really do feel this way. I never thought of it before, but I do think that some guys ‘date centerfolds for the applause’. That was very well put. Everybody has their own taste. I for one, dont like a guy who is REALLY well built/muscular. I like a little pudge on my guy. Not to say that a nice pair of arms and shoulders isnt appreciated…but I dont really need him to have a six pack, rippling back, etc. None of that is any good for me if he wont tear up a burger/fries/ice cream with me on occasion.
retro chic
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 10:13 am: [report]
Amen and thank you, John. I feel like I’m eating vulgar chocolate, or other similar warm tingle, when I read your sumptuous descriptions. Where are the other “mini-vous?”
Also, “The difference between a boy and a man is simple: A man knows what he wants and doesn’t apologize for it. The right “type” is whomever he says it is.” That’s exactly how real women feel, too, and as I explained in your last article. Thank you.
As for the curves, Amen and thank you for that, too. I didn’t come into mine until after motherhood, and have received far more positive attention from real men NOW than all the other more athletic 100-lb years before. Ten pounds and ten years later, I’m curvy and that’s that. My male friends explained that the hyper-perfect women as too vain, empty and high-maintenance. I knew one day I’d feel hot in my own skin. Glad there’s more appreciation for it, too.
powplz
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 10:28 am: [report]
<3 The Wire, BGS, and Northern Exposure.
csgjam
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 10:38 am: [report]
You sir, have just made my day. Yesterday, I was talking to some of my co-worker about this exact topic. I, for one, have always been in the mentality that being super skinny was the way to go and not because of guys but because of my mom and other females. I used to weigh 115 about 3 years ago and thought that was great but now that I’ve gained a little weight more guys seem to find me more attractive (except for my boyfriend who thinks I could stand to lose a few pounds). Thanks for making a girl feel beautiful!
EarthGoddess
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 10:47 am: [report]
“I think I have a weird Earth Goddess/Edward Gorey fetish.” .... Mr. DeVore, you made me blush. LOL
Kati-Anne
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 10:48 am: [report]
Oh my, this post has got me all hot and bothered.
Little Lamb
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 11:10 am: [report]
I haven’t felt this sexy in a long time…I shouldn’t have read this at work…
resullins
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]
I love this article…. I spent a lot of time trying to alter myself to fit other people. And then I met Q, who sees me for what I am and convinced me that I am perfect the way I am.
It’s really amazing what an enlightened POV can do for you.
tattooed_redhead
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]
I think I’m in love. I *will* be in love if you add Firefly to that dvd list!
sklut
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 11:54 am: [report]
Katie-Anne and Little Lamb got me pegged. There’s something about this post that makes me want to have hot crazy sex with the dorky mail boy next time he rolls his little cart by me. It’s nice to know that there are some men out there that know the difference between finding a woman that makes them happy and being with a woman that makes their friends happy.
littlebit21
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
I’m pretty sure that I want to add the phrases “slow boner” and “make my junk bark” to my daily conversations. Thanks John.
On days when I get down about that little tummy pooch, I’ll try to remember that it does something (apparently) for my boyfriend.
fallonthecity
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 12:40 pm: [report]
This is so true, but I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it like this. Kudos on the hilarity - these articles are always fun to read.
4815162342execute
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:19 pm: [report]
I just figured this out in my 30s- I had a conversation with a guy friend the other day, about how guys are way more superficial than women, and he told me that a big part of it is that a man has to deal with friends’/societal judgement of his choice in women more than women do. I realized I had never thought of it that way- it’s not entirely men’s fault, it’s society’s!!
4815162342execute
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]
ps, im a huge glasses-wearing-Northern-Exposure-loving-book-nerd who is also hot and super-thin, so crap on stereotypes anyway.
bogart4017
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:25 pm: [report]
Great to read the truth! One day i was thinking (i’m not too sure about it—i havent finished thinking yet) that some men are genetically pre-disposed or wired to be attracted to a certain body type no matter who they are with. I have 4 younger brothers and 1 sister and someone commented once that we all dated and married plus sizes becuase that’s what our father did. I figured that carried some validity because no matter what super model type we ever spent time with ultimately we married men and women who carried that certain “sexy extry”, ya dig? Does anyone agree with this assessment?
resullins
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:25 pm: [report]
@execute: I concur! I’m an AV Engineer… a professional DORK that reads Tolstoy for kicks… and who is also 5’8” and 120… I love to blow stereotypes out of the water!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
@4815: Pics or it didn’t happen. Btw, I’m 6’3”, have an 8 pack, I can bench press a refrigerator, and I swim the English channel twice a week. *eye roll*
4815162342execute
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:27 pm: [report]
@resullins, wow quick reply back. 5’9” 110 here! lol! Tolsoy rocks to no end and so does Dostoevsky!
4815162342execute
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:30 pm: [report]
@ cheese, ???? what is it youtube all of a sudden on here or something with the random rudeness? myspace dot com the archaeology of bliss. *eye roll back at you*
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:39 pm: [report]
@jumbleofnumbers: I’m not rude. I am poignantly cute, or perhaps affectionately honest. I was just poking fun at the whole situation, “Look at my weird combination of of physical traits and still be loved”. No harm done I think.
Also, you need to refine those comebacks. This place isn’t like myspace or youtube comments where you would experience something…actually it would sound something like what you typed, really.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]
@randomlosteasteregg: I read it twice again and it makes more sense now. Kudos on the logic.
retro chic
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]
bogart, oh, yeah. I’ve cloned 6’-blue-eyed-blond-dad relationships many times over (even same names and familial similarities), only to realize that connection—then understand the difference between what I’ve known, vs what I really want and need. That’s where I’m at now—and I’ll know it when I see it.
4815162342execute
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:58 pm: [report]
“...isn’t like myspace or youtube comments where you would experience something…actually it would sound something like what you typed, really”
Huh? *What* would sound like something I typed? Wouldn’t the thing you are experiencing be the article, vs. a video, so how do you not *experience* something here? And how should what I typed be different than what I *should* write on youtube, esp. when I was criticizing *you* for being like rude youtubers? You sound wishywashy and pretentiously obscure. Which is fine except that you were being obnoxious.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 02:04 pm: [report]
@lostfan: I guess you’ve never read some of the horrific interpretations of the English language in the comments section on YouTube.
TOO_DOPE
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]
I hate that “look-who-I-can-bang” #&@$%. Get right with yourself and stop being a douche.
UGH! Just venting. My boyfriends a douche.
I still want to marry you, John DeVore
Keesh Mia
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 03:42 pm: [report]
It’s so nice to hear that men love curves… well at least one man does. But, I was just talking to a friend about this and he said that there is a difference between curves and a fat belly. So, now I am confused again. Or maybe someone can just lead me to the Man behind the Mind
Empresslicious
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 04:02 pm: [report]
Thank you John for sharing this article with everyone including many curvy women. I am pleased and content to know that their are men after all that prefer and like very much women with curves. However, many still prefer stick figures as the “It” thing for them over curves. I respect everyone’s preference, but women with curves are just as beautiful as a model look alike that has no curves at all. It is so ironic though how many women from different ethnic backgrounds not just Americans want to have a curvy bodies by undergoing plastic surgery to have breast augmentation, hips, and buttocks. That just proves to many men out here that curves are IN and healthy
dream316
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 05:23 pm: [report]
John, I love you! This made my day. If I lived in New York, I’d gladly get in line behind these other lovely ladies to date you.
CheeeeEEEEse, I love you too.
Jen
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 05:39 pm: [report]
No wonder that model was take with you. You have made every woman’s day who read your piece. We are all so worried about being something we think the opposite sex wants we start to forget who we are. Sex is sex but love is something so much more.
40yrolddad
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 05:49 pm: [report]
my wife’s 5’10”, 38D, oscillates between a 12 & 14 (she’d kill me for posting this) and I love/am as attracted to her as I was 15 years ago (not that we haven’t had a couple of martial “Cuban Missle Crisis” in that time)! if anything I get frustrated with her insecurity about her body. FWIW, I’m 6’0”, size 12 shoe [
] and vary between 190-205. I wish (& tell her) I could make her see herself (physically) the way I do… not to take the excitement of it but there’s been a lot of research that indicates a big component of attraction is compatible pheromones which is driven by genetic diversity to promote immunity in offspring (wow, that’s got to be one of the least sexy things ever written about sex…)
40yrolddad
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 05:57 pm: [report]
oh, & she’s as big a BSG (/Weeds) fan as me & has a 6-fig job - damn, I’m lucky… :D
speaking of which, I need to pick up the Caprica DVD…
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 06:11 pm: [report]
@40yrolddad: Any woman who can appreciate good sci-fi is a keeper in my book. While out getting Caprica, I suggest also getting Firefly if you haven’t seen it already.
betsy stardust
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 06:29 pm: [report]
i liked the article, but man… “curvy” is such a loaded word. i’m beginning to really hate that word.
missduplicity
wrote on May 1 2009 @ 06:21 am: [report]
Hah. I’m a dirty talker.
I’ve probably never felt sexier than the day I told my ex that I would l=== his new girlfriend’s p==== until she forgot how to scream him name.
Excellent article, Mr. DeVore.
WriteFashionista
wrote on May 1 2009 @ 07:07 am: [report]
John, you’re a great writer, and I think I speak for a lot of women when I say thank you! But I have to be devil’s advocate and agree with betsy stardust here. What does curvy mean? Does it mean 130 pounds? A size 14? There are some girls that are thin but still curvy. Take SI model Bar Refaeli or Kim Kardashian - both have been referred to as “curvy,” and they have completely different bodies. So until we figure out what curvy really stands for, I’ll continue to be insecure with my body. And frankly, I’m OK with this. I think being insecure with yourself is part of what you go through in yours 20s. I don’t think I’m the only one that will admit this either.
Frankie Jane
wrote on May 1 2009 @ 07:58 am: [report]
“What we desire is unique to the individual, and it must be sated. Far too many people lead very unhappy lives, desperate for the mob’s approval.”
Spot. On. Your word is gospel, John DeVore.
Side note, because everyone seems to have focused on this one part of the article: not to put words in the man’s mouth, but can we quit using “curvy” as a euphemism for chubby? There’s a difference.
Little Lamb
wrote on May 1 2009 @ 02:35 pm: [report]
I’m printing this off and hanging it on the inside of my medicine cabinet. I’ll need a “dose” of it as I’m getting to ready to hit the town tonight. Between rereading this article and jamming out to Sir-Mix-A-Lot, I’ll really be strutting my stuff tonight!
flooze
wrote on May 1 2009 @ 03:14 pm: [report]
Wait a minute, everyone is congratulating him because he says he likes long legs, tits AND ass? “Curves” is a sucking-up-to women word, m’ladies. He doesnt mean fat! He just doesn’t like the petite/boyish marathoner-type.
Nice try dude!
John DeVore
wrote on May 1 2009 @ 03:33 pm: [report]
Hello.
Sup.
I like ‘em chubby. I also like ‘em gangly.
As for the word “curvy”—I don’t understand why peeps object to it.
I mean, I’m a lil’ chubby. But that’s me. I can refer to myself that way. I don’t always feel that way, sometimes I feel like a sexy centaur. Whatevs.
“Chubby” as a word just seems… self-loathing to me. So I didn’t use it.
retro chic
wrote on May 1 2009 @ 06:31 pm: [report]
haha, flooze and John DV, sucking up or not, I got the goods.
Well, John, you’ve been racking up some stats here, from body type, to weight, shoe size, cup size, hair color/length matched. Is it a coincidence that Catherine ran a Height post, hmmm? I’m thinking you guys are profiling us. Oooo, you sidewinders, you. Btw, that pic is so adorable… the angst. Yikes… we’re having a mini-earthquake. Ciao.
lilo
wrote on May 3 2009 @ 04:19 am: [report]
This piece makes me smile.
SDpro
wrote on May 3 2009 @ 06:23 pm: [report]
My feeling is that men want curves but not too much!! They think perfection is possible. Sometimes they need a mirror lol.
stuffulove
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 08:28 am: [report]
Being a curvy woman myself (36DD, 29, 38)...It’s always nice to hear that a man appreciates curvy.
I felt happy the other day when I saw the women who were considered great looking in swimsuits recently on AOL… and realized I still look as good if not better…. and I’m in my early 60s!
lorij
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]
That felt great to read!!! Thank you…You make my day!
AgentBeryllium
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 12:10 pm: [report]
Amazing Article. Absolutely amazing.
BobbyCanuck
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 05:07 pm: [report]
Agree, a few years back a girl (who fits the size 1, toned hardbody) asked me what types of girls I like, I said the type that like me, took me many years to figure it out, all you women here should think the same way, if he is not into you in your current state, move along because believe me most guys WILL marry the girl with curves, they may date or spend one night the other ones, but at the end of the day, you are the ones that we bring home to meet mother.
Reminds me, when we went on our first date she says to me at the end of it.
‘Before we go further I have something to tell you’ (oh great here comes the Herpes) She says that she is a bit of a Trekkie, and hopes I am OK with that. And yes, she is 5’6” and 175 lbs
And I love every single pound, in fact I love her more 11 years later than when we hooked up
jennylongshot
wrote on May 7 2009 @ 08:54 am: [report]
what if you are an hourglass shapped punk rocker book nerd with glasses and pin up girl’s legs?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 7 2009 @ 08:58 am: [report]
@jennylongshot: Shhhhwiiing!
whole-lotta
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 12:11 am: [report]
Ahhh, John DeVore…you are my new hero. Tonight I took a long walk in the full moon’s light and watched my shadow as I moved. I have been far too hard on myself: I have a definite waist and my hips swayed gently with each step…and weren’t that much wider than my shoulders. I came home and did a Google search about men who like curvy women and found your post. Talk about destiny…
I have this one dress I wear that makes me feel very girly when I wear it. I wore it with heels one day I had to go downtown. Trucks stopped so I could cross streets, and as I waved my thanks for their courtesy, the broad smiles of the hunky drivers revealed their appreciation of me. I wore it recently to a conference. I don’t know…something about being outside of California and in a dress with a flippy skirt gave me a confidence I can’t explain. I walked into the main hall and saw some of the cutest, shyest smiles as I passed by.
Few have ever captured so eloquently the virtues of the curvaceous/voluptous woman as you did in this piece. I have been focusing on the wrong thing. This is all very new to me because I am now just realizing my power as a woman. I don’t need to reshape myself into a size 4; I need to celebrate this very feminine, womanly body of mine - waist, hips, and these 34 inch legs. I am going to shift my thinking to accentuate my positives - and see where it takes me.
Now if you only lived in California…
XOXO
Whole-lotta
Molly Jean
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:01 am: [report]
Hmmm…men like curvy & statuesque? Shocker. Where’s the love for dainty, pixie-like ladies?
Oh, well.
umiabze
wrote on July 26 2009 @ 08:48 pm: [report]
mister DeVore, it is quite comforting to know that men are capable of owning their desires -whatever they may be. and it’s quite reassuring to know that it’s more than just you who can separate the group-think idea of mind-blowingly hot from what truly makes the junk bark
that said though ... why is it that guys are hyper attracted to the tits&ass;/tiny waist/toned midsection women of pop culture and real life [in the “i would throw you down and screw your brains out on the floor, in the bathroom, kitchen etc” way] yet expect that we [normal, average, attractive but not perfect women] easily brush aside our insecurities and believe they are capable of thinking about us along the same lines?
angel001717
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]
thank you Mr. DeVore for clarifying that by curvy you mean chubby and not just small but with tits and ass. because curvy is definitely a loaded word. you are such a sweatheart!
mmkw
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 01:10 am: [report]
Loved this post. I think I’m going to use “slow boner” in regular conversation now. Good thing I linked my friends to your articles so they won’t be completely thrown off.
I loved to hear what you had to say about tall women. I know everybody thinks that its so great (and in some ways it is) but more often than not, I feel like my 6ft frame makes men feel intimidated rather than inspiring slow boners (licks finger and marks an air tally). Also, all tall women are not naturally skinny. I have the metabolism speed of molasses so I love to hear that you like em curvy/chubby/whatever.
By the way, can I start calling chubby men curvy? They’re just different curves…I think I will
bampow
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 07:25 pm: [report]
I’m with Molly Jean here…
At 5"2 and pretty skinny without much curviness, wheres the love?! I am slightly jealous of you ladies with hips and such… ah well.