Mind Of Man: The Number One Lesson I Will Teach My Future Son About Women
Posted by: John DeVore
Filed in:
guys
11:00AM, Wednesday September 2nd 2009
Recently, I read a post about the lessons women want to teach their daughters about men and their relationships. Many excellent experiences were shared, possibly too many. Then again, little girls are more cerebral than their male counterparts. Little boys require simple instructions: fire bad, truth good, rifles are not telescopes. For the sake of my future son—a hypothetical if ever there were one— I will keep it straightforward and tell him the one thing he needs to know about women. It is something his old man has learned over years and years of wrapping relationships around trees: Listen to the women in your life. Of course, if I had followed my own dad’s example, and just did what he did, which was pay my mother undivided attention when she spoke, I wouldn’t have had to learn things the hard way.
Assuming I can convince a woman to welcome my toxic seed, and that she then chooses to allow the love critter to issue forth from between her legs, and that the resulting creature doesn’t have tentacles, or a forked tongue, or a 666 birthmark, and further assuming it doesn’t immediately jump out of her miracle zone and run repeatedly into walls, I will take a moment to impart this simple piece of sage advice: Give the ladies your ears, as well as your heart. Once he is old enough to start lying to me, I will first explain to the adorable brat how babies are made, possibly with the help of holographic dinosaurs. I will then call the tyke over to my hover-toilet, sit him on my robot knee, and tell him that most men never get it. They are too busy bragging, or yapping, or fretting. Listen to a woman, really listen, and she will tell you everything. Her hopes, her fears, the depth of her love for you, and in some cases—this is if a man gets really good at listening—she’ll eventually tell you in her own way about the friend of yours she’s going to bang after the two of you break up.
This is easier said than done for men. It’s almost counter-intuitive to our nature. When we don’t seem to listen, it’s not because we’re not interested in what you’re saying. It’s just that usually when you sit down with us on the couch, after a long day, some of the things rolling around in your head trigger our combat instincts. What most men don’t immediately get is that for women, talking is its own reward. By talking, you are playing a game of Tetris in your head, rearranging all the differently shaped thoughts of your day into a winning order.
But to us, it’s something entirely different. I usually ply in sweeping gender platitudes, but what I’m about to write is super sweep-y and platitude-y, but that does not mean it’s not true. Every guy reading this has had the following experience: His girlfriend comes home, a little upset, and complains about a co-worker. In my case, it was a donkey-knuckle of a boss who, for whatever reason, was coming down harder on her than her incompetent male co-workers. I immediately had the following thoughts, rapid fire: I will rearrange his face, I will pour sugar in his gas tank, I will catapult gasoline-soaked balls of barbwire at him from my ocular cavities while I sip free, umbrella-adorned mai tais at the next office Christmas party. She would complain, and I would butt in with ACTION PLANS. I came off condescending and bossy. My girlfriend at that time was more than capable of dealing with the twerp, and eventually, she did. My desires to solve what I thought were her problems came from a good place. But all I really needed to do was ... listen.
When it comes to participating in the carnal activities that, potentially, lead to the siring of offspring, listening is a man’s best friend. Women will whisper, shout, and mumble what it is they need in order to have belly rippling orgasms. Even the most simplistic request is sodden with meaning. A “yes” is not a confirmation; it is a nuanced instruction that says, “Continue what you were just doing, do not stop unless told to. Remember this, because if you keep doing it, I will show you that I remember that time I stroked that place and you went ‘Eeeyyuurrgghh’ and while that’s not really a word, I listen to your body, and grunts, and non-words.”
I won’t be quite so direct with this aspect of my advice to Junior. But a couple decades down the road, while I’m floating in a tube of life-sustaining, nutrient-rich bio-goop and he’s sucking down a stem-cell smoothie, we will wink at each other. “Thanks, Dad,” he’ll say. And I’ll say, “You’re welcome.”
I actually don’t know what I’ll name my currently imaginary progeny. It would have to be manly, a reflection of the poet-lumberjack that is his father’s legend. Maybe I’ll name him Obi-Wan Knievel or Maverick, or Destro (which is short for “Destrolomew”). I’ll combine “Rambo” with the Norse God “Odin.” How does “Rambodin” strike you? Most likely, I’ll just give him the greatest Texas name, my dad’s name, which was Jack. Jack J. DeVore. The “J” will also be for “Jack,” just to hammer the point home. And that kid will listen to all the women in his life.
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 10:08 am: [report]
You’re slipping DeVore. Everyone knows that the first lesson in fatherhood is to throw sticks in front of rollerbladers in central park.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 10:13 am: [report]
Oh and the first thing I’ll teach him (Totally hypothetical little dude) is to listen intently and take everything with a dollop of apprehension.
Pftt, weak sauce on the baby names too. I like Trogdor or He-Man “Master of the Universe” Cheese.
Jewels86
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 10:47 am: [report]
“By talking, you are playing a game of Tetris in your head, rearranging all the differently shaped thoughts of your day into a winning order”
I think this is totally true! Women just need to talk things out, while guys are always looking to find a solution. They want results, while women just want to get it off their chest..
I think your son Hercules Jackhammer DeVore will do good to listen to his someday daddy
ChoJinn
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]
“My girlfriend at that time was more than capable of dealing with the twerp, and eventually, she did.”
That is refreshing to hear. My gf’s have not been so proactive in ameliorating their situations. Simply nodding and smiling - with the occasional squinted eyes, “oh, ok, what do you think/feel about that?” - works wonders. I’m somewhat convinced that a substantial portion of the female population simply need to have some conflict in their lives; that it gives them psychological energy, not unlike competition for we males.
Joey Daytona
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 11:05 am: [report]
For me it’s been quite the opposite, I kvetch and over-share and expect little more than a sympathetic ear instead of a launch into a full-blown problem-solving ordeal… “I’m just sayin’!”
Jewels86
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
@ChoJinn: I agree.. I think most (and I say most, because I cannot speak for all) women enjoy a little bit of conflict.. hence the term “drama queen”. Some even go looking for conflict if life seems too good lol
I hate conflict and try to avoid it at all costs, but its easy to find something to complain about.. even if its the most trivial little thing.
I’m glad some men know to listen, smile and nod.. now to only spread the word to the rest of mankind..
slip
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 01:56 pm: [report]
I’d tell him that in the US, we tell young women they can have it all, but we make it seem like the perfect career and baby and personal life will just happen. We don’t say enough about how hard it might turn out to be. We also don’t tell them that equality means having the same opportunity as a man—and consequently the same need—to work like a mule until she’s 65 or 70. And we don’t say enough about the psychological beatdown that goes with a life of work. Boys have a hint of what’s coming because they grow up hearing men talk about it, but girls don’t and it shocks a lot of them.
I’d also warn him about “should.” Things should be 50/50, but they rarely are for more than a few days at a time. Sometimes they’re 70/30 or 90/10. That’s fine, as long as you don’t get locked into it. On a killer vacation or a great job, things might be 70/70 for a while. That’s fine, but the days of 30/30 or 50/20 are never far behind. And that’s fine, too, as long as you don’t get locked into it. Because that’s not how life should be, but that’s how life is.
Slip
Sofjna
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 03:34 pm: [report]
I just like the term “love critter”; it sounds a little nicer than when I refer to kids as little b*stards.
Squidtermz
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 03:36 pm: [report]
@cheeeese… TROGDOR!!!! YES!~
develange
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 04:07 pm: [report]
@ slip: Great comment and I totally agree.
retro chic
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 05:02 pm: [report]
Yes! Just Listening. But not just for Her problems, for His too. Sometimes that “cerebral” stuff comes in handy when things are more complex than the “binary” approach (your word from a diff post), ie, problem:solution or words:actions, can tackle.
M. E. Fresh
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 08:46 am: [report]
Man, I love your column. Your writing rocks my insides. Keep on delivering your mind like you do!
scuba steve
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]
if i ever have a little f**k trophy i’m naming it lmnop
majicksand
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 06:11 pm: [report]
The best advice I ever got for venting to a “fixer” (this includes moms as well as men) was: begin the conversation with, “I don’t need you to fix this for me; I just need you to listen.” I am a mom, so I fall headlong into the catagory of “fixer” if my youngest so much as whimpers about that mean kid on the playground who kicked up sand in my baby’s face. I want to mutilate 6 yo’s, or at least tell off their mom’s for raising demon-spawn capable of so viciously attacking my precious angel.
*Ok, breathe. That was 3 weeks ago.*
Seriously though, great article. Spot on.
Ellis
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 09:43 pm: [report]
I always love DeVore’s articles, but is it just me or are the cutesy quirky jargon sprees getting kind of excessive? When used cleverly and with a light hand, I love the jargon - but it’s getting ridic. I feel like I’m reading weird, run-on rejected scenes from Juno scripts half the time. This makes me sad.
onewriter
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 03:30 am: [report]
must be you. I love his take on stuff. says things I need to hear in all that
titsmagee
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 06:53 pm: [report]
A+ DeVore. This is maybe my favorite article of yours.
wonderfultonight
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 08:45 pm: [report]
Men wonder why women tell everything to their bff’s - this is why - men don’t want to *just listen* without offering a “solution” to everything. Any guy who will *just listen* is pure gold.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 08:50 pm: [report]
@wonderfultonight: I think you talk too much.
onewriter
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 10:53 pm: [report]
@ cheeeeeeEEEse There was nothing wrong with that statement. Get a grip.
sjo829
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 11:22 pm: [report]
I have a question for anyone to answer. Last night i was at a college party and i admit it was my fault i drank a lot. I was blacked out and woke up the next day in some guys bedroom alone. I was bleeding and sore without my underwear—-needless to say i was a virgin-. I have asked everyone in that house if they know what happen but all 5 guys deny anything, Should i expect the worse? How do I get them to answer?
onewriter
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 11:25 pm: [report]
@sjo829 1. Go to planned parenthood immediately and get checked out and 2. Get the emergency day after pill 3. Stay away from the “guys” who were all either in on it, or just not man enough to rat out their buddy for the crime (yes CRIME) he did to you. 4. DON’T DRINK LIKE THAT AGAIN.
Lilypie
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 11:34 pm: [report]
@sjo829: http://www.aaets.org/article135.htm I’m sorry that happened to you. Hope this information helps.
retro chic
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 11:42 pm: [report]
@sjo, You need to go to the police NOW and have them perform a rape kit. Preserve and bring your clothing and don’t bathe (if you haven’t already). There is no cost to you and you will be taken more seriously when you report this. Always, always file a report. It doesn’t necessarily mean charges will be filed. Do not fear this step. Drinking doesn’t cause someone else to commit a crime or make them more deserving of it.
Understand this: Legally speaking, when a person is incapacitated, ie, blackout or even throwing up, you cannot give consent. You were too incapacitated to say No. That doesn’t make the lack of No a Yes. So when someone forces sex on someone in that condition, that constitutes legal and actual rape. DO NOT talk to these guys. As onewriter said, follow up with Plan B pill and learn from this and don’t drink til you puke or blackout again. It could turn out worse next time.
sjo829
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 11:47 pm: [report]
Thank you, I was lucky enough to have a roommate smart enough to bring me to the hospital when I got home. And i will never drink like that agian, I have learned that lesson
onewriter
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 11:51 pm: [report]
Drat. I forgot about mentioning the police…VERY important. Although, I guess the reason I didn’t was because the Planned Parenthood people will also deal with that issue as well. I sure hope you go there first thing. You have 72 hours to take that pill, and the sooner the better. It will flush out your system and anything in there will not have a chance to connect with yours.
wonderfultonight
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 06:44 am: [report]
sjo829 - I am so sorry this happened to you. It is important that you report this to the police, as onewriter said.
wonderfultonight
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 06:48 am: [report]
@cheeeeEEEEse - Haha! I guess you are not one of ‘pure gold.’ lol
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 07:34 am: [report]
@everyone: Yay! Internets for the win! You all are great.
@wonderfultonight: I offered a solution without listening to you. Also, you are still talking.
I crap gold.
Frederica Bimble
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 02:47 pm: [report]
sjo829: It sounds like you were raped and NONE of their actions were your fault. You don’t have to “admit” anything. Whoever did that to you is a criminal - a rapist. Keep telling yourself - “none of it is my fault.”
I get so fed up with women being made to feel guilty for everything under the sun. For once, it would be grand for men to take responsibility for THEIR own actions instead of expecting women to control men’s sexuality. Geesh!
I can see not much has changed on this site.
If a man gets drunk and a crime is committed against him, he isn’t made to feel it is “his fault” so why in the world are women still expected to defend themselves when they have had a crime committed against THEM? The so-called “good” men out there need to start growing a back-bone and let the rest of the men who do these sorts of things know it isn’t acceptable. Silence is supporting the action just as badly as the person who did the deed.
Blaming women for being raped is never ok. Never.
wonderfultonight
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 09:40 pm: [report]
Fredricka - you are so right; it is still blame the victim if the victim is a woman.
sjo829 - just wondering if you might have been drugged, too. It is probably not possible to find that out, since these drugs leave the system quickly, but this may have happened in addition to drinking too much. A crime was committed by one or more of these guys.
wonderfultonight
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 09:42 pm: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse - if you *crap gold* then you must be very wealthy since you are full of it!
majicksand
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 07:37 am: [report]
@EddieTheHead: If your post was an attempt at humor, it was in rather poor taste. I don’t mean to be rude, but joking about rape is really insensitive. What sjo829 (and several others here) endured was traumatic, not funny. Please don’t make light of it. It isn’t funny, it’s hurtful.
majicksand
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 08:35 am: [report]
@Eddie: You don’t have the power to hurt me. You may, however, be able to hurt a recently traumatized young girl. Is that really the person you want to be?
*sam*
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 09:23 am: [report]
@Eddie: you’re sick. As a rape victim I am personally offended by your comments. It has been a few years since my experience, and no, I don’t appreciate your crass “humor.” I’m usually the first one to find the humor in any situation, because I firmly believe that laughter is the fasted way to heal, however, I have YET to find the humor in being raped (or being molested as a child, which I have also been through). You’re not funny, so STOP. If you want to help victims of sexual abuse, then you should do it without being an insensitive douche bag. And your last comment is essentially the equivalent of blaming the victim. You obviously have NO idea what it’s like to be in that situation, so, until you either have the misfortune of being there, or you gain some f*cking empathy, I would advise you to STFU before you do some serious damage to a recent victim with that bull sh*t you’re spuing.
retro chic
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 09:34 am: [report]
^^^Don’t engage and feed. [avatar to wall]
onewriter
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 11:27 am: [report]
For those who think that they can do no harm by raping someone or “fondling” someone that cannot fend for themselves, or because of your stature differences they don’t feel they have the power to say no, read When Rabbit Howls. Unwilling sex hurts the mind as well as the body. At ANY age. It is dehumanizing to the spirit and the recovery can be a long-ass process. Even unwilling sex within boundaries of marriage can be damaging. Be sensitive.
SouthOC
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 11:45 am: [report]
EddieTheHead… Who raised you brother? As a married man with four grown-up daughters, here is what I’ve learned about what women really like: R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
_jsw_
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 12:20 pm: [report]
Ah, EddieTheHead. Do you really want to play? With all due respect to retro chic - and that’s a lot of respect - I don’t mind a little engagement. I’ve got work to do today, but I’ll be happy to check back in to see if you’ve commented later. I’ll need to read a bit more of your work to get a better idea of what’s behind that puffed-up façade of yours. I’m guessing you’re typically rejected by women (if you even interact with them), because men who are in good relationships don’t typically lower themselves to rape-trolling. I just can’t figure out if you’re a 15-year-old gamer or a twenty-something programmer or some older guy who just got dumped. You might not even be male.
One thing’s clear, though… you’re easily wound-up. Your initial posts were nicely formatted. These latest ones are far more poorly worded and typed. I suspect this means you’re younger and have less control of yourself… but again, I don’t have much of a sample set.
It’d be nice if you’d try out the social skills you’ve surely read about somewhere. If you want to screw with people, though, leave the women out of it. Let’s dance.
onewriter
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]
@jsw oooOOOooo well done!! Hey girls! Our knight in shining armor has sharpened his pike!! Go get ‘im J!
majicksand
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 12:42 pm: [report]
@jsw: I like to dance. Can I play too? It may be too late though. We may have scared him off already. We’ll see.
_jsw_
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 12:44 pm: [report]
@majicksand: Bring your guitars (obscure film reference).
I hope he comes back and plays nice. Then this’d all be forgotten, and that’s the way I prefer it to go. But if not, well, he shouldn’t be bringing a knife to a gunfight.
majicksand
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 12:46 pm: [report]
@jsw: Or a, ahem, limp noodle.
lareinedeslames
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]
I’m happy to dance too, provided I’m welcome… He reminds me of a certain unsavory personality or two in my past, and he doesn’t seem to have the wit to even bring a broken bottle to a gunfight, much less a knife.
david42
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 05:15 pm: [report]
Okay. Let’s go back to square one. sjo829 hasn’t given us enough information to determine whether a crime has been committed.
No prosecutor, police detective, or defense lawyer would accept sjo829’s mere paragraph statement as conclusive. She can’t remember what happened. What happened could have been a rape. It could have been consensual.
SJO829, it IS suspicious that none of the 5 males will inform you of what happened. However, there are situations that people will lie about what happened for reasons other than covering up a crime. Suspicion alone does not amount to a crime. And at the wild college parties i have been to, there are people who come and go. Perhaps these five guys aren’t lying and truly don’t know.
Retro Girl: If SJO829 meant that she was passed out, i.e., unconscious or sleeping, then she could not have given consent. However, if SJO meant that she was drunk delirious and auto-pilot, if she were still conscious she
was capable of giving consent, legally. Think about it, if we are going to say drunkeness prevents someone from making a decision (i am not passing on the merit of drunken decisions) then if a rapist is himself drunk then you are also arguing that he wasn’t capable of forming the mental intent to rape. Neither illustration is correct as a point of American law. Consider also the number of marriages that begin in this manner—a guy and a girl get drunk and then pregnant. It’s not rape just because the girl can’t remember.
Thought experiment: Jane Doe has the exact same complaint SJO has and charges are filed. During the trial, a police officer takes the stand, let’s say one well known for honesty as well, so we believe this guy without a doubt. And he testifies that he got a call concerning minors drinking at a college party and he went and knocked on the door. Inside he found Jane Doe dancing naked with a male member in each hand. He testifies that he made her put her clothes on and dealt with the minors and the person who provided the alcohol. Then he left Jane Doe and several young men and went about his business.
It’s entirely possible facts like these could exist.
How do all of you RUSH TO JUDGMENT when the (potential) victim herself DOESN’T KNOW? Yes she should (should’ve) taken steps to find out what happened. Yes, there is cause for alarm. Are all cases of female drunkeness plus sex rape? By no means.
Here is an ironic scenario: Let’s say Jane Doe ran into the long lost guy she had a supersized crush on two summers ago was there. Jane decides to sleep with him because he’s
‘the one’ and they’d already be married if circumstance hadn’t taken them apart two years ago. She drunkenly decides to let him take her virginity cause she is not gonna lose her guy this time. They sneak off to a bedroom. Her guy leaves because he was just stopping in to pay his buddy back a $20 loan and now he’s late for work, and leaves her his number cause he thinks they are meant to be as well.
Jane loses the number and passes out. Wakes up in the morning alarmed at her condition and can’t remember a darn thing. (too bad she dropped his phone number) The five guys who were there in the morning don’t remember a darn thing either.
Jane tells her trusted friend about this and the bff tells her it was a rape. She accuses the five guys and Fox News talks about it every night for fourteen months.
Meanwhile her beau notices all the fuss and he’s glad she never called him cause Jane winds up looking like a nut.
Which is what anyone is if they say drunk girls having sex equals rape, period. Nuts. Shoot, a lot of us wouldn’t have dads in our lives. NEWSFLASH: Drunk people having sex is NORMAL in our culture.
SJO829: I am truly sorry if indeed you were raped. I’m not implying that my imaginary scenarios reflect you, i’m just wanting people to THINK. You ARE responsible for your actions when you are drunk. Don’t let people try to convince you you are a victim when you yourself are not sure. I’m glad you have sworn off drinking. Good luck with your life and i hope nothing bad or questionable happens to you again.
lareinedeslames
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 05:38 pm: [report]
@david: Actually, if she’s incapacitated by alcohol or any other substance, she can not be considered able to give consent. Most “date rape” drugs don’t actually render an individual completely unconscious; they are generally hypnotic drugs that render an individual incapacitated.
This is why we have legislation about that sort of thing. If you don’t have the awareness required to operate an automobile, you don’t have the awareness required to consent.
lareinedeslames
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 05:42 pm: [report]
And as for moodymint: you must not get laid all that often, with an attitude towards women like you have. Poor thing.
lareinedeslames
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 05:47 pm: [report]
@moodymint: HAHA! Sounds like the pathetic defense of a guy who can’t get any action anyway. Besides, I have in on the good authority of several men (and women) in my life that I’m awfully gorgeous.
And how on earth would you construe what I said to you before as “chasing” you? I was pointing out that you’re probably a worse lay than you are an English speaker.
lareinedeslames
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 05:53 pm: [report]
Okay, admin peeps, there you have it. I’m sure moodymint has violated at least ONE of the terms of service.
and moody: I’m going to give you one last warning: don’t bring a sharpened spoon to a gun fight. Not all of us shoot clean.
*sam*
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 05:59 pm: [report]
@moody: I’m just here for the show. I’m timing how long it’ll take for you to get booted. Though, I will grant you some kudos for showing up after the frisky girls have probably already left the office. (hopefully there’s still a watchful eye or two..)
lareinedeslames
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 05:59 pm: [report]
Ladies and gentleman of the comment thread, I present to you moodymint, a man who has probably seen less tail than a monk, and knows less than a cloistered Benedictine how to deal with women.
among moody’s traits thus fair presented for our edification and enjoyment are the inability to compose a complete sentence in the preferred language of discourse on these blogs, as well as a lack of comprehension of the subject matter and the audience he addresses.
moodymint also shows a glaring inability to understand when he is being mocked, and instead pretends that those who are making fun of him are trying to “get with” him, an erroneous assumption that can only derive from redirected insecurities about his own personality and physicality.
Eventually, as we all know, the admins will catch up with our dear friend, and eject him, removing all comments from this place of discourse. It will be a shame that my commentary posted here will be without context, but I do believe it will stand rather beautifully on its own, and go well towards explaining why there are no comments from a ‘moodymint.’
_jsw_
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 06:17 pm: [report]
The joy of this is that, tomorrow, we’ll all still be enjoying our lives and this site, and moodymint - a ghost to anyone not reading this tonight - will be forced to find another site to get rejected on. Poor thing. I guess it’s easier to get rejected when you try for it, like in this case, than when you actually find that woman you really like and she turns you down… right, moody? Is that what stings?
John DeVore
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 06:19 pm: [report]
Trolls are like fairies. If you don’t clap, they die.
audrey45
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 08:42 pm: [report]
OK, first of all SJO829, I’m extremely sorry that you had to go through this. I have been through similar experiences myself, and I can sympathize; However, I am a bit confused as to why men (I am assuming) who believe that women deserve this sort of treatment are trolling a website that is basically directed towards what women want in a relationship. If you really don’t care, then why are you reading this? From my experience, the men (for me) who matter, are those who really care about me, and who I really care about in return. I think that is what this article is about: If men actually want to know more about the women they like it is important to listen, but it is also important for the women to listen their men as well. Men and women are certainly different, but I feel like mutual respect is really important in having a relationship where everyone is happy.
onewriter
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 10:41 pm: [report]
@uberkin um…I see you doing the written version of “the finger” but I can’t tell if you mean it to be your age, IQ, or sperm count. I think it’s time we employ the block option again.
@JSW I know you won’t bother with this lame attempt at being scathing toward you, but remember too, some people just have weird (sick) needs and whoever gets in the way is often random. Mayhaps we should pray for his healing…or send a message to his momma to employ some duct tape while she’s busy reminding him of his manners.
onewriter
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 11:15 pm: [report]
@ everyone. wow. I didn’t see moody on here, but all my emails are from his weirdness. I’m glad he’s gone. That wasn’t productive AT. ALL. Bless you all for not being mean like that…and if you are, for hiding it nicely-most of the time!
david42
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 10:47 am: [report]
Lareindeslames:
Most if not all states have passed “date-rape drug” statutes. The reason they had to do this was because of the fact that a person is capable of consent when they are messed up on a drug or alcohol, legally speaking. These statutes do not cover alcohol (to my knowledge). Therefore slipping a girl some GHB in her drink without her consent is illegal (BTW if she takes it willingly, these statutes do not apply.
They had to wrie specific statutes about specific drugs to legally arrange matters so that a girl who is given one of these drugs can be considered to have not given consent. If they hadn’t passed these laws, then the rapist could only be charged with battery if the victim is still conscious, which is what giving someone a drug without their knowledge is. The problem is if she’s awake then she IS capable of giving consent.
If there is a state that has included alcohol in the date-rape drug statute, i’d like to know. (You really don’t want to meet a girl in a club in that state, if there is one.)
I can understand how you would think there is a parallel between the date-rape drugs and alcohol, but those statutes do not cover alcohol.
To everyone: I am sensitive to women’s issues and certainly do not think it is gentlemanly to take advantage of a girl who is really drunk. But being sensitive to women’s issues does not mean i think women can assume such an irresponsible position. To say that as soon as a woman has a drink she is incapable of making a decision does
a great dissevice to women. I know all you ladies would draw and quarter me if i really meant this, but if women are incapable as a rule of making a decision after having a drink, then women shouldn’t be in any decision-making positions. I don’t believe that.
Enough with the double standard. Men are responsible for their decisions whe drunk. Women are as well.
It wouldn’t fly too well if a man walked into a
child support hearing and said “I’m not responsible. This woman got me drunk, and therefore i didn’t give consent to sleeping with her.” Ridiculous. Ladies, YOU ARE responsible for your actions when drunk.