Mind Of Man: Size Doesn’t Matter
Posted by: John DeVore
Filed in:
guys
12:00PM, Wednesday April 22nd 2009
If there’s one thing I’ve learned writing these columns, it’s that you ladies have penis on the brain. Which is why I’m going to admit that my penis is so huge, so gargantuan, that when I get excited, I barely have enough skin with which to whistle. Seriously. It’s like three grapefruits in a gym sock. Trash bags are my preferred prophylactic. I ain’t bragging or nothin’.
Does size really matter? How do you know your vagina isn’t all floppy? I knew a dude once who described sleeping with a woman as “driving a hatchback through the Lincoln Tunnel.” I am convinced y’all make so much of a fuss about size as a passive-aggressive way to get back at dudes who you perceive as judging you solely by your boobs, waist, and butt. But when it comes to sex, good sex, bite-mark-on-the-shoulder sex, we are the sum of our physical, and emotional, parts. Otherwise, you’re not having sex. You’re just slapping bits.
I honestly don’t know what the Penis Fairy bequeathed unto me, but I’ve either been told it’s superbly average, or that it’s like the third Bear’s bowl of porridge – just right.
It strikes me as weird and creepy, the way men and women rate, judge, and obsess over body parts like the old Greek women in my neighborhood who cluck and molest fresh produce. It’s almost serial killer-like, as if we’ve all got our favorite organs chilling in a fridge. Don’t get me wrong. I love curves, piercing peepers, and a big ol’ badonkadonk. But I don’t stroll around with a clipboard, checking boxes like the USDA Inspector of Love.
Men are rightfully insecure about the size of their packages, and there’s an entire industry built around assuaging these inadequacies. Pumps, pills, ointments, and surgery are options, and they don’t work. A former co-worker once admitted to me that he had been taking “Male Enhancement” drugs—but, you know, not that he needed them. (Why do people tell me these things?) They were just helping him grow from elephantine to wooly mammoth-esque. And all I could feel was bro’ pity: They’re just placebos. Fake confidence, I suppose, but confidence nonetheless. And confidence is the not-so-secret secret of quality boot-knocking.
I realize I’m probably not qualified to talk about size mattering, in that all of you have vaginas, and I, to date, do not. Personally, I roll like I’ve got a straight-up thumb dick. Honestly, I don’t know what the Penis Fairy bequeathed unto me, but I’ve been told it’s superbly average and that it’s like the third bear’s bowl of porridge – just right. Most men know what I’m talking about. Overconfidence makes your game weak. If you play like you’re not packing maximum ordnance, you are more willing, eager, even, to perform to please.
And pleasing is the whole point. It’s clear to me that there are guys who act like a crowbar dangles between their legs (even though most dudes who swing like that have straight up Napoleon Genital Complex) and dudes who don’t care either way. Because we can get you off a dozen different ways. We will ninja bone you. Whisper unspeakably filthy secrets one moment, then leave you giggling, and suddenly there’s a burst of smoke and the next thing you know your nipples are lit fuses, red claw marks paint your back, and you’re getting that feeling you get when you throw your hands up right as the rickety roller coaster gives into gravity. By this point, size doesn’t matter.
Perhaps women who obsess over Goliath tube and dudes who demand giant hoots deserve each other. Because, most likely, they’re control freaks who can’t let go and let their lover crawl under their skin. To these people, sex is purely decorative, a point of pride, a way of inflating the ego. It is totally lost on them how the very point of living this sometimes crummy life is the glorious abandon that comes from growling, blushing, and sighing naked with someone who doesn’t see the forest for the trees. The sexy forest? You know what I’m talking about.
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CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]
NINJA BONE!!!
powplz
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 12:25 pm: [report]
“We will ninja bone you”
lolz
40yrolddad
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 12:47 pm: [report]
don’t know if I’m convinced about the member itself but you clearly have a bigger pair than I to write this…
ROTFLMAO!!!
doridori
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]
Thank you, Mr. DeVore, for making this hump-day brighter. This was so funny; I had coffee come out of my nose. I applaud you.
**Standing and clapping**
Humble Bee
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]
Ive had one bad experience with a big penis. It looks nice, but it works for about 5 minutes…..
I rather an average Joe size than can last, than a huge one that gets soft quickly, its so frustrating.
I dont judge a guy by his size, I judge performace. Kind of like a car… you know it may look nice, but how was the ride?
mikeyellenlee
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 01:46 pm: [report]
“Perhaps women who bitterly obsess over Goliath tube and dudes who demand giant hoots deserve each other.”
Couldn’t have said it better.
Abraham Lloyd
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 02:28 pm: [report]
Loved it! I think you forgot “My penis is so large, you can see it from space.”
roastchicken
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 02:38 pm: [report]
Vaginas don’t get “floppy” unless the womans pushed out a kid or two..or four. It doesn’t happen with regular sex.
I’m not one to obssess over size, but it does matter…to a certain extent. I don’t know any woman that ‘requires’ that a man has a package that’s “gargantuan”. To me that sounds like something over 9 inches. And that’s just terrifying. I don’t require that a man have a huge d*ck at all, but above average is nice.
I’ve been with a guy that was close to 9 inches that rocked my world just as much as the guy that was a little over 7. Then again I’ve had lame sex with guys on both ends of the spectrum. 90% of it does come down to whether or not the guy has skills. So I guess in that aspect, size doesn’t matter.
Empresslicious
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 02:53 pm: [report]
All I have to say…...
“Bigger quantity not always provide best quality.”
roastchicken
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 02:59 pm: [report]
I think I just said that.
Nutmeg
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 03:00 pm: [report]
“was close to 9 inches that rocked my world just as much as the guy that was a little over 7”
And both were statistically well above average.
mdtobe
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 03:25 pm: [report]
Standing ovation, Mr. DeVore. This was hilarious.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 03:49 pm: [report]
Repost from 7orBetter thread:
As a note, these links are to the Lifestyles 2001 Cancun Mexico study with 300 effective measurements as the sample size, the largest on record (Pun).
Length:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Penis_frequency.svg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Penis_percentile.svg
This shows that roughly 90% of the population falls between 5 and 7”.
Width:
(A bit less clear, but more important imo)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Penis_circum.svg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Penis_circum_percentile.svg
This shows that 80% fall between 4 and 5.5”.
All from wikipedia, a good read if you’re bored.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis_size
whatsername
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 03:52 pm: [report]
LOL moment: “It strikes me as weird and creepy the way men and women rate, judge, and obsess over body parts like the old Greek women in my neighborhood who cluck and molest fresh produce. It’s almost serial killer-like, as if we’ve all got our favorite organs chilling in a fridge.”
i’ve hooked up with a 7-incher and a 4-incher and both knew what they were doing very, very well. i’ve also experienced an average-sized guy who couldn’t please a girl if she told him what to do, so i would agree with the previous comments in saying size really doesn’t matter, it’s all about experience.
redvixen
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 04:05 pm: [report]
so turned on right now
theothergyllenhaal
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 04:05 pm: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: I think you mean “diameter,” not “width.” Unless the average guy is packing a 2-liter bottle of soda.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 04:10 pm: [report]
@gyllenhaal: Yup, you’re right, 2 liters away.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 04:11 pm: [report]
@gyllenhall: I actually meant circumference looking back upon what I wrote.
Chelle
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 05:25 pm: [report]
It’s definitely in how you use it as long as it’s not toooo small or toooo big. If it’s too small, the girl can’t feel it and if it’s too big, she’s in pain so it’s hard to enjoy it. It also depends on how tight the girl is (or how much her muscles contract, whatever, same thing). So both people have to be at least a little bit compatible size-wise for it to be an enjoyable experience. Of course it feels much better when two people love each other too
november82
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 07:31 pm: [report]
A ninja bone, I have yet to experience that. Sounds like a good time.
theattack
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 08:50 pm: [report]
I don’t discriminate on penis size, because I’ve had good and bad from both ends of the spectrum. But really, I do prefer a penis that’s going to completely fill me up, because I like the benefit of cervical orgasms (if you want to withstand the pain for a short while, there will be good things to come…). However, if I had to pick between a guy with a big penis who didn’t know how to pleasure me outside of intercourse and a guy that would blow my mind during foreplay and have okay sex, I would pick the foreplay guy any day of the year.
(Of course you realize I wouldn’t actually be using sex as a factor in choosing a partner. Completely hypothetical.)
BGSU
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 09:06 pm: [report]
Good size is nice, but he doesn’t know how to move it, all bets are off.
develange
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 09:29 pm: [report]
PEEN!
I’ve found that the guys who constantly talk about their peen are the ones who suck in bed. The man who keeps quiet about it is more likely to understand that your vag isn’t just some hole to mindlessly pummel.
“Ohh, my peen is so big I can get you off just from that!”
I mean, according to squirt porn, some women can get off from big peens alone…I’d like to have a chat with those ladies…
Birdman
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 11:37 pm: [report]
Ok, it just really needs to be said: “superbly average” is not a compliment; it’s a euphemism. I don’t mean to be mean, but damn, dude, this is not a conversation you want made public.
Superjules
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 12:10 am: [report]
I have to agree with Birdman, if you’ve been told you are superbly average and just right, those ladies were trying to be kind to you. You have a tiny penis. Sorry.
BGSU
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 12:24 am: [report]
lol. never heard of superbly average—would a woman actually say that to a man?
BTW, anybody out there ever encounter one so small you were literally shocked? You felt sorry for…
Rose
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 04:19 am: [report]
@BGSU - you’re referring to what my friends call a IIIY (for Is It In Yet?), so small you can’t be sure you’re feeling it. And to answer your question, the smallest dick I’ve ever encountered was attached to one the best lovers I’ve ever encountered, so I’m on the side of the “technique trumps size” bunch. I have met the odd guy who has both, and that’s like finding the Holy Grail of sex.
BGSU
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 06:15 am: [report]
Thanks for sharing! LOL. Holy Grail of sex!!! Here’s my quote I came up with about sex:
“Sex is just like hanging curtains; one must get in the right position and make all the right moves at the same time”.—BGSU
P.S., that’s not short for big Sue, it’s Bowling Green State University, *L* (1981)
lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 07:58 am: [report]
@BGSU i have been with a guy that was really small and I did feel bad for him. Under 4”. I stayed with him for 6 mths, but the sex was just too bad. On the other hand I have been with a guy that was so big that it was just scary (almost 11”). I chickened out three times before we actually got down and dirty. That was no fun either, talk about uncomfortable. It never got any better, sex shouldn’t hurt so out the door he went. Much more satisfied with an “average” man. But hey I’ll try any size once!
BGSU
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 08:29 am: [report]
SO…here’s the big question: What is average???
Honestly, I agree with the late Ann Landers—she said that most orgasms come from between the ears. But, I do think they can come from both directions, simultaneously. Whoa—LQQK OUT!!!
Superjules
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 10:19 am: [report]
Had the misfortune to be getting romantic with a guy who had a penis no bigger (length and girth) than my pinky finger. I stopped things as soon as I discovered this information. I don’t really care what he could have done with his “pinky finger”. It was creepy.
kristy1584
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]
@ BGSU “What is average” I do believe Cheeeese was kind enough to post some links with his comment on this article. Check them out…
I agree size doesnt matter. Unless its too big, then well Im sorry ya gotta go… I dated a guy once that was HUGE we had sex 1 time and I broke up with him. Ive never experienced one smaller than 5 inches so idk about small ones but the 5 inches guy was a wonderful partner. So yeah size doesnt mean anything.
lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 11:14 am: [report]
@BGSU “average” is about 5-7 inches. At least just about all my partners have fallen into that range. Most women do not get off with just penetration, so it’s more important that the before time is really good.
cattgirl813
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]
The worst sex I ever had was with a guy who was well endowed - roughly 10 inches. He thought that just because he was hung that was all he needed. He had no technique and wasn’t open to any suggestions - he just pumped away like he was churning butter or something. Oh yeah, he was also a bit quick on the draw. Some of the best sex I ever had was with my ex-husband. He was half the size of Churning Butter guy, but the things he could do with what he had combined with his eagerness to experiment and willingness to please me was better than any extra length or width. Bigger ain’t necessarily better and smaller ain’t necessarily a bad thing either.
BGSU
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 12:36 pm: [report]
Sorry if I don’t know the history of this discussion—I stumbled upon Frisky last night and signed up.
There was a guy way back that I saw for a year and really he was nothing to write home about. But when it came to what I had going on in my head about him, the guy just had to look at me…Problem was, he was strange and emotionally distant. Sometimes I think I’m attracted to that. It’s never been my style to “get around”; I’ve always been in long-term relationships. Do you think women who play the field, know more about themselves (in relationships) and men altogether???
lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 01:32 pm: [report]
@BGSU I don’t think that women who “play the field” know anything more than long term gals. It’s all about knowing yourself, what you want, like and need out of a relationship. Some women just need to “get around” a little to figure that out. Plus “getting around” can be fun, he he.
BGSU
wrote on April 24 2009 @ 04:43 am: [report]
Well put, “Churning Butter” comments. The more I look back, I realize that of the men in my life, CB types were of most. And now, I’m putting together (very simply) something I never quite understood about my history (and self)—wow.
tattooed_redhead
wrote on April 24 2009 @ 10:43 am: [report]
@ BGSU- Yes!! He warned me beforehand that he was ‘on the small side’ but I was still pretty shocked when he dropped trou. I was afraid I’d swallow it! That being said, the man knew how to do other things to make up for his shortcomings.
Naneenya
wrote on April 24 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]
Gargantuan penises are scary.
Josie
wrote on April 24 2009 @ 03:30 pm: [report]
I admit to liking an “average” or a little above average size. Having been with one guy who was so large it was painful and another who was packing a gherkin I didn’t even feel (as Samantha would say), a little on the above average is nice.
That said, there is nothing like a guy who will do anything to please, no matter what he’s got in there. If a guy makes it his mission to make ME happy, I guarantee he will be happy. Preferably in that order.
Kiki T
wrote on April 25 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]
Size sooo doesn’t matter, because if you have the right moves and you know what to do with it, it really is all that matters…however, if you’re like me, lazy and sometimes just want to get off without a strenuous workout, well that is where the big ones comes in handy. just plug it in and ah-ha!
bbpickles
wrote on April 25 2009 @ 04:03 pm: [report]
I think woman have a resposibility to know what moves work for them and what don’t as well. The first time I ever orgasmed during sex was with a guy who had a small penis! Honestly, if someone told me their penis was like 3 grapefruits in a tube sock I would be scared!!
BGSU
wrote on April 25 2009 @ 07:43 pm: [report]
I agree concerning a woman’s responsibility. It took me years to lose my inhibitions, though. I’m remarried now and it’s great. It’s amazing when you both express what you need but not in a demanding way.
crosenyc
wrote on April 25 2009 @ 08:47 pm: [report]
In the words of Mies van der Rohe, “Less is more.”
ChoJinn
wrote on April 26 2009 @ 10:30 pm: [report]
“I am convinced y’all make so much of a fuss about size as a passive-aggressive way to get back at dudes who you perceive as judging you solely by your boobs, waist, and butt.”
100% correct. Unlike boobs, waists, and butts, there really isn’t anything guys can do about their penises, so any inadequacy is an order of magnitude more unnerving.
Interestingly, the context of the penis-size question is never established before people start rifling off self-aggrandizing anecdotes. As the various responses exhibit, some women are keeping the context purely sexual, while others throw in emotional considerations. From a purely sexual (and anatomical) context, penis size of course matters, in varying degrees for different women. Add in the supertext of a relationship and penis size becomes, necessarily, less important as there are more variables to consider. At that point, the question is not whether penis size matters, but what “doesn’t matter.”
The name of the mating game is to make oneself as attractive as possible, no? Women know very well what makes them attractive, as do men. These fusses over weight, hair color, penis size, jobs, etc. are just people trying to gauge whether they can stop trying. As a general matter, who prefers anything average?
retro chic
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 12:49 pm: [report]
O John, love your OTT visual fests! Thinkin’ this article’s written from the non-taco-throwing half of you… So, that’s your story, something out of Sunset Boulevard?
“You *used* to be big.”
“I *am* big… it’s the *vags* that got huge.”
I’m ready for my taco, Mr. DeVore…
Darlin,’ that comparison of boob-to-penis objectification revenge theory is pure projection. Apples and oranges (kiwi and gherkin, melons and cucumbers, whatever). Do understand here, for this “glorious abandon” we all seek, we’re talking about the melding of many things including a couple’s most intimate bits. Other aspects of “fit” matter (personality, etc) why indict on the physical one? And to what degree does “matter” mean? Dealmaker/breaker, somewhat, or not at all? How does one gender define and dictate what “matters” for the other? Thank god this article is titled “In the mind of men: Size Doesn’t Matter.” ‘Cause that’s exactly where the issue lies… in a man’s mind. For women, it’s what rocks her that counts. If size rocks it… it matters. There’s no “mind” about it.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]
@Retro Chic: Come on hun, its easier to say things definitively, unless every thing would need a post script. “Penis Size Doesn’t Matter_to everybody”
ChoJinn
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
@retro Chic: that sounds like some excellent weed you have there. On a Tuesday though? haha.
caramelhoneykisses06
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 03:50 pm: [report]
Based on experience the size of the penis does not matter as long as a guy can work it and is intent on bringing you to satisfaction. I think that sex is not a superficial experience so if you are with someone that you want to be with and have an attachment to then it will the most mindblowing sex ever even if his member is 5 inches, and no one could convince you otherwise because you are so into your partner. Sex is not a sport and for those who look at it that way it is karmically correct that they get no satisfaction out of it.
BGSU
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 05:55 pm: [report]
I agree.
roastchicken
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 07:01 pm: [report]
@retro chic: OMG! I think I’ve just fallen in love with your post!
“How does one gender define and dictate what “matters” for the other? Thank god this article is titled “In the mind of men: Size Doesn’t Matter.” ‘Cause that’s exactly where the issue lies… in a man’s mind. For women, it’s what rocks her that counts. If size rocks it… it matters. There’s no “mind” about it.
OMFG! I completely agree! I thought I was the only woman that had this point of view on this topic. I think men have anxities about their size, just like women worry about their bodies, but that’s not why “some women” have a preferential size range. If that makes sense. I’ve always said that penis size does matter. To me. I ‘think’ some women out there are trying to make their smaller partners feel better by saying it doesn’t.
bbpickles
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 07:15 pm: [report]
@Roastchicken-And what is so wrong with making your partner feel good about themselves, no matter what size they are? Isn’t that what we all want? Feeling good and confident in our own skin?
There is more to sex than size, it’s about being intimate with someone you care about. If you are a “fit” in every other way, you will make sex explosive!!!!
StealMyKissesFromU
wrote on April 29 2009 @ 12:11 am: [report]
I’ve been with a guy I could cover with one hand (2” or less) and looked at a guy who was at least 10” and said NO WAY is that going anywhere near me…it’s too BIG… unfortunately neither was interested in pleasuring me, so it was a wash on either end. I’ve been with many in the middle as well. I never orgasmed from ANY of it until I was with my best friend a few years back… now he was good sized (prolly around 8”) but it wasn’t the size… it was the enthusiasm and willingness to try new things… the desire to see my pleasure, and the willingness to tell me what pleasured him. My next was 5” or so, and was definitely my most reliable orgasm… until he lost interest in pleasing me… or even in me pleasing him, which really sounds odd.
I definitely think it depends on the guy’s attitude AND the girl’s attitude toward size. For me, it wouldn’t matter, as long as we both can enjoy the ride.
Molly Jean
wrote on June 1 2009 @ 08:09 pm: [report]
You are so gross that you make me blush. But you are funny! Can’t believe I JUST NOW found your column. Love it!
AToastToBadTaste
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 12:50 am: [report]
I wish I could give you a handshake, sir.
EastCoastMale
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 07:30 am: [report]
No comment
sparklepants
wrote on June 18 2009 @ 05:01 pm: [report]
Tiny peens are bad (along with the inability to truly call it a boner) are both very, very bad things.
I really just wanted to type “peen”.
Frederica Bimble
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 06:05 am: [report]
ChoJinn: When I first read your comment, I thought you were going to write what I noticed in the article as well. That quote is incorrect. Quite a few men have the misguided assumption that women are “always trying to get their own back.” Women do not exist as a reflection or the opposite of men. Men need to take women at face value. You wrote that the buttocks and breasts can be changed, which leads me to the obvious point: If a woman says she likes a big penis, then she likes a big penis. It has nothing to do with “getting back” at anyone. Sure, it can be annoying and irritating for some creep to make a comment about one’s body but it is impossible to make a comparison between a woman’s desire for a larger sized penis and how men perceive her body. It just doesn’t make sense. The closest one could come to making a comparison would be if a man were to say, “I like a tight vagina.” You wouldn’t assume that a man wanting a smaller area to put his penis would be a reaction to women not finding his fat gut attractive or ogling his pectoral muscles or his tight buttocks.
If you turn the comparison around, not only do you see how illogical the statement is in the first place but also the sexism that most people accept on a day to day basis and don’t even realise they’re accepting it.
Also, it is quite silly to project passive-aggressive behaviour onto someone because one doesn’t like what another is saying. I like a big dick. End of.
Men have told me I’m beautiful. Men have told me I’m fat or ugly or I “look like a dog” or I “look like a catfish” or I am “built like a brick #&@$%-house” or I am “the most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen” and so on. What don’t all those comments change? The fact that I like a big dick.
Also, I’d love to know the average age of the people on this site because I just found it a few days ago and I reckon early 20’s or even teenagers - and that’s being generous.
Frederica Bimble
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 06:12 am: [report]
Roast chicken: Agreed
ChoJinn
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 01:56 pm: [report]
@FredB: I don’t think we are disagreeing. I wasn’t arguing that a woman’s preference for Penis Type A was itself a method of “getting back” at men, rather the fuss made over such a preference - as DeVore spoke of - is often a passive aggressive means of turning the tables on man’s female objectification. I am certainly not proposing that women are consciously preferring things out of spite.
rikdikulouse
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 08:04 pm: [report]
Men always love to use lame claims like “it’s the motion of the ocean”. In my experience, when real women get together and talk, size matters a lot. Guys with small ones aka “average” are often worse in bed as they don’t have much experience. As for the big ones, use your common sense-you don’t have to use all of it! But if you wanted to, there is more available. With a 5 incher, that’s all there is. There’s nothing sadder than a guy with a Vienna sausage between his legs trying to be sexy.
_jsw_
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 08:14 pm: [report]
@rikdikulouse: People prefer what they prefer, and while size matters, the “right” size is what is important. I’ve had relationships where the physical compatibility would have been better had I been smaller, for example. So bigger ≠ better in all situations. Fit matters, and women are as variable as men when it comes to size.