Mind Of Man: Real Men Buy Flowers
Posted by: John DeVore
Filed in:
guys
11:00AM, Wednesday September 30th 2009
Men should buy women flowers. They are colorful. They smell nice. And without them, flora would never get laid. To many, purchasing flowers is cliché or corny or tacky. And to others, it’s an outdated ritual in our modern era of gender equality. I’d like to address the men reading this (all five of you): buy the broads flowers. Trust me. And now to all the women reading, who outnumber us dudes 100 to 1: allow the douches in your life to buy you flowers. Trust me.
My dad knew that buying a gift for that person who’ll laugh at your terrible jokes, kiss you with lips and breath, and hold your hand as a needle searches for your vein is just a way of saying “I’m thinking about you when you’re not here.” And that’s what flowers are, just a simple, easy way of letting someone know they were in your thoughts.
Flowers are not a romantic punchline, nor are they a symbol of patriarchal dominance. Buying daisies or lilies or chrysanthemums [Peonies, DeVore, peonies!—Editor] for the woman you love is one of those things a man just regularly does. This is a lesson my old man taught me. Maybe it hearkens back to a time when men were gorillas in gray suits and women were trophies soaking their hands in bowls of Palmolive liquid soap—a time when flowers were employed to mend broken promises, to make up for forgotten dinner dates, or to apologize for lipstick-stained shirt collars. Those days are in the past, of course. Flowers do not resolve conflicts, nor do they anesthetize. Now that I think about it, they never did. But my dad had a different reasoning for surprise roses. He was always buying my mom flowers, chocolates, and trinkets. Her absentminded whispers while leafing through a catalog would be heard and little surprise gifts would appear at the doorstep.
Most of what I know about women I learned from how my dad treated my mother. I’d be a better man if I followed his example more fastidiously, but I haven’t, and that’s partially why I’ve spent so many years driving relationships off of cliffs. But some lessons stick out. Theirs was a love affair that lasted four decades. He would sing to her in public, and she’d blush and beg for him to stop. They never seemed to tire of each others’ gentle words. And 45 minutes after he died, on my mother’s birthday, FedEx walked into the ICU with her present—a fancy brand-name bag that escapes me, but that I’m pretty sure is sold in piles on the streets of New York. While my mother was in a street fight with doctors (and a dependably cruel universe) for every dwindling minute of my dad’s life, he had been sitting up in his hospital bed, buying her something he knew she’d love. This was days before the awful plunge.
My dad knew that buying a gift for that person who’ll laugh at your terrible jokes, kiss you with lips and breath, and hold your hand as a needle searches for your vein is just a way of saying “I’m thinking about you when you’re not here.” And that’s what flowers are, just a simple, easy way of letting someone know they were in your thoughts. That’s it. It’s not complicated. Flowers announce: out of sight, still in my mind and heart. It is unerringly human to want to know that someone is thinking about you when you are not around. I think women, especially, worry that all men have short attention spans and for the most part—Oh hey! When did I buy this can of beans? —it’s not an unfounded anxiety. I know I’ve forgotten things like birthdays (spring?), anniversaries (Tuesday?) and eye color (mostly white?). But if a man is in love, he carries that love under his skin like a nerve. Such is the magnificence of man, however, that we’re solidly confidant that your every third thought is about us. Right? Right? Oh, sarcasm! Women are the more conscientious gender; men are the more eat-with-our-fingers gender. I think that is fair.
I recently bought flowers for a lady I’m a’ courting. We were set to meet at the soda jerk for a malt before skipping over for a double-feature monster movie at the picture palace. I had been thinking of her all day, anticipating the date. She’s out of my league and that’s how it should be. It’s never too late to relearn passed-down life lessons. I was nervous, and couldn’t shake her freaking beautiful face out from behind my eyelids. So I did what my dad would have done. What a man does. I stormed into a florist’s shop, picked out a bunch of suitably fragrant flowers, paid for them, and marched right back outside. A man with a bouquet of flowers is a real man, dammit. I carried them the way you’d carry a rifle at a firing range with the barrel pointed down. I received multiple dude nods from men I walked past. They were acknowledging that I was on my way to woo a woman, which is our primary programming. I even received an approving nod from a pair of lesbians who also knew I was doing my duty. I mean, it was just a date. And the vegetation cost me all of ten bucks. The plants would be dead within a week anyway. But at least she would know that for that day, her name barely escaped my lips.
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Jessalyn
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:10 am: [report]
John DeVore, you’ve gone and made me get teary-eyed at work. I’d complain, but I enjoyed this post too much.
And I completely agree - anytime I walk past a man carrying flowers down the street (usually held awkwardly away from his body, as if they were an umbrella), I smile and wonder who the lucky lady is he can’t get off his mind.
BrokenOpen
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]
This is spot on advice! Excellent!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]
I totally one upped my dad this past mothers day. He bought a bouquet of different colored roses….I got her a rose bush….it’s still alive and kicking, with buds and flowers to boot.
SouthOC
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]
Flowers always make my wife feel special… even the ones I pick from the garden or buy at the grocery store.
I need to do this more often. Thanks for the reminder JDV!
Molly Jean
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]
Oh my God, John DeVore, this was beautiful (especially the part about your parents). And your editor is soooo right about the peonies! The only flower that I don’t love is the long-stemmed red rose. It’s too blatantly “I’m on a mission to have sex with you, woman!” Otherwise, there is nothing sweeter in the world than a man thoughtful enough to surprise a woman with flowers because he knows it will make her happy.
GreenAura
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]
SIDE NOTE: You need to know your lady. I am NOT a woman that is appreciative of flowers. I hate the idea of harvesting a beautiful plant just to kill it for aesthetic purposes. If my husband brought home a potted plant, that would be fantastic, but he knows my view of flowers and wouldn’t buy them.
But I must say this: Buying me things isn’t even on my list of things that are important to me. Make me laugh, treat me right, listen to what I have to say. That’s where you earn the most points.
John, it sounds like your father was a great husband NOT because of the gifts he bought your mother, but for the attention he paid to her. The gifts were just a bonus.
*sam*
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:24 am: [report]
Aww, this is a great post,I couldn’t stop smiling whilst reading it
Though, it makes me wonder, what can a woman do to show the exact gesture? Flowers don’t make men happy like they do women, and, if I ever sent them to my SO’s work, he’d probably come home with a bloody nose (he’s a marine, so the ultra ‘tough guy, baby killer’ facade is a must during the working hours). He really enjoys computer games, but, to be honest, I can’t afford to buy him one whenever I want to show that I’ve been thinking about him all day.
The only thing that I’ve noticed that comes close to the flowers, is baking. Cookies, welcome home cupcakes, his favorite cake [family recipe that you spent hours getting from his dad] on his bday, brownies… He doesn’t have a big sweet tooth, so I don’t do this often, but, when I do, he lights up the same way that I do when he surprises me with flowers.
I think that
luke15chick
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]
I found this incredibly endearing and beautiful.
*sam*
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]
[crap, I didn’t mean to hit that button yet]
anyway, that last part was supposed to say:
I think that it’s really important for both parties to put forth such an effort. Whether men like to admit it or not, when they’re in love, they like to know we’re feeling and thinking about them just as much as they are about us.
courtneylocke
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:28 am: [report]
Hallelujah for a chivalrous man! Loved this. Hope we do our part to earn and appreciate the flowers.
Ami Angelowicz
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:28 am: [report]
Great post. There’s nothing more romantic than a guy letting you know you’re on his mind flowers or otherwise. An ex once brought me peonies on a date. I still have them even though we broke up ages ago. It just meant so much to me.
SouthOC
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:40 am: [report]
$%^&*! Now I have to go look-up what Peonies look like…
Humble Bee
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:42 am: [report]
Adorable, just adorable.
I love flowers, they are so natural. My brother forgot it was Valentines day once and he called my dad to bring him flowers to school for his girlfriend, so my dad showed up to the main office dressed like a delivery man asking for Elizabeth, while holding a giant life size teddy bear with a dozen roses! My dad always buys us flowers for our b-days, its just a nice gesture. I also once had a bf who would bring me flowers every day to work until I took him back.
slip
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:42 am: [report]
To any guy who doubts what flowers do to women, I offer a simple test. Buy a larged mixed bouquet. Crook your arm and lay the bouquet along your forearm with the stems in your hand. Stand tall as you walk down a crowded street with a smile and a sense of purpose. Note how women swoon as you pass. About the only way to get a stronger reaction is to have a bottle of really nice champagne in your other hand.
Thank me later.
Slip
spatula
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:44 am: [report]
@sam: i think the baking thing is an absolutely PERFECT comparison!
and @Green Aura: i think you should read the article again, specifically the part where he says it’s not about the stupid plant (which will be dead in a week anywyay!), but the thought, the love. It’s a freaking PLANT….people are lots more important
AriRae
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:49 am: [report]
‘eyes (mostly white)’ made me laugh.
But I think that this was super sweet, and when my boyfriend shows up with flowers it makes my day
and I agree with the idea that its hard to do this with/for guys, flowers can be an inexpensive way to make a girl happy once in awhile, but what do you get for guys?
nthomas00
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:50 am: [report]
I definitely agree that a lady should be bought flowers. It’s a way of saying to her “You’re Beautiful”
-Nikki-
BedRocka
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]
C’mon JDV you losing me boss!
GreenAura
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]
@spatula: I got that part, and I understand people are more important than a plant, but my point is that ATTENTION is what I want, not gifts. The other day, my hubby came up out of the blue while I was sitting at my desk working on a paper for school. I was a mess, dirty hair, ratty clothes, no makeup. He put his arms around me and kissed my neck and rubbed my shoulders and hugged me over and over. He made me feel like the most special woman in the world. No gift necessary. Yeah, a gift without attached to a specific occassion is a great gesture, and I would be so appreciative, but the attention paid to me when it is completely sincere is SO much more important. That was my original point. John’s father was a great husband because he paid attention to his wife. The gifts were a bonus. Does anyone here get me at all?
Jessalyn
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:54 am: [report]
@GreenAura: What you’re saying makes sense and I think a lot of women agree with you. But I think JDV’s point was that flowers are a way of showing you’re on his mind (so paying attention to you, in a way) even when you’re not around. It’s the thought behind the flowers that makes them so special, not the flowers themselves.
Queen Frostine
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:56 am: [report]
I like flowers, but there are two things that usually turn me off.
1. When the flowers are the crappy mixed bundles with 70% ferns and from the road side stand. It says (to me) that I wanted to grab something to show you I care, but didn’t care enough to put real thought behind it. It feels generic and hasty. Much like the plastic wrapper with faux lace screen printed around it.
2. Valentine’s Day. I’d really rather a guy NOT buy me roses when they’re marked up 200% because of a consumerist driven holiday. Write me a love letter reminding me why you fell in love with me. The roses can wait.
Rose
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]
@GreenAura, I get you. The gifts are only good when they’re a token of the affection, attention, and love. It’s the feelings and actions that really matter.
*sam*
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]
@greenaura: no, I get what you’re saying. What I take from your comments is that flowers are nice (but they’re not exactly for you since you don’t like the idea of having them cut, so, if he insisted on giving you flowers, they better be in a pot with dirt so they can grow) but that men shouldn’t take from this that flowers are all you need to do to impress a woman. Really, that attention is all that’s necessary, but, an extra gesture of flowers or gifts are also appreciated.
GreenAura
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]
@*sam*: YES! Thank you for that, since it seems I was having a hard time getting my point across
And regarding your question about what to do for a man in return (besides sincere attention), baking is ALWAYS appreciated. I swear, my husband’s greatest love in life - other than me - is fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and a cold glass of milk. I think massages are also welcomed with open arms. A great neck and back rub (or foot rub if you can tolerate feet) is a great way of saying “I know you work hard to help take care of us honey, so let me take care of you right now”.
skywalk
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 11:19 am: [report]
@GreenAura: I’m with you, draw me a bubble bath, give me a back massage, write me a song (okay he’s a song writer) but flowers just is not my cup of tea. If we are having a dinner party or holidy party okay, they really brighten the room, but they don’t do it for me, save your money.
*sam*
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]
@GreenAura: ah, I didn’t even think a/b the massages! I rub my SO’s feet almost every night (AND pop his toes) b/c he has really girly feet and he loves it. The only time I’m hesitant is when he’s been in the field or on the range all week and they’re covered in blisters and dead skin.
Jitterbugs232
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]
i keep dropping hints to my boyfriend of almost 8months that he should buy me flowers, haha still hasn’t happened.. maybe i should get him to read this article
skywalk
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 11:55 am: [report]
@Jitterbugs232: Do something to unexpected to show him what he means to you, something small and equivalent and set the stage. Lead by example, I don’t know how old he is or his role models in relationships but he may not even (I’m sure he doesn’t) think about doing such a thing. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years since he was 23 and he didn’t think of or do the amazing things he does now to show me he loves me and vice versus…
writergirl
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 11:57 am: [report]
YOur dad sounds amazing, JDV. What a good person to emulate.
I agree with Green Aura though, it isn’t the flowers as much as it is that your mom would make a comment in passing that she liked something and it would show up sometime later. It was the fact that your dad paid attention to her was what is important, the flowers are secondary.
I get flowers on very rare occasions. VERY rare. In seven years together I can probably count on two hands how many times my husband has brought me them outside of birthday/anniversary requirements. Surprise flowers are nice, and carry much more weight than buying them because you “have to”.
writergirl
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 11:59 am: [report]
@Sam—baking does the trick….which I don’t do often enough. Mine also appreciates a clean house.
@SouthOC—if you bring home the flowers she had in her wedding bouquet, that goes a LONG way to making her feel wonderful, especially if it is an odd flower that doesn’t get used too often in bouquets—ie Dendrobian orchids versus roses.
heythere
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 12:05 pm: [report]
Great article. Your dad sounds like one amazing man, he’s one of a handfull. Hopefully, you have some of him in you. I had never appreciated flowers so much, until the man I am in love with sent me a dozen roses. I took care of them as best I could, I smelled them every day, and finally understood the subtext that lies behind the meaning of sending flowers.
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 12:19 pm: [report]
I jacked up the flower thing. My husband bought me flowers a couple of times in the beginning, just because. Unfortunately, he decided to lay them on the counter and wait for me to find them. He picked days when I was incredibly busy and scatterbrained, so I didn’t notice them. He had to point them out. Even though I thanked him profusely and told him how beautiful the flowers were and how much I appreciated the gesture, after the third time it happened, he stopped buying me flowers.
He does lots of other things to show me he cares, so I don’t really mind that I don’t get flowers anymore. More than anything, I feel bad that I ruined it for him.
sparklestar
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
I like flowers but I don’t judge my boyfriend when he doesn’t come home with them! They’re expensive and he knows I’d much rather be taken out for a coffee for the same price…
My boyfriend was taught that he needs to clear up after himself, wash the dishes and cook dinner at least once a week to take the burden away. I appreciate those things more than a bunch of flowers that’ll wilt and die in a few days.
ANYBODY can go out and buy a £10 bunch of flowers… it takes a REAL man to wash those damn dishes up without being asked.
H. Blue
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 12:34 pm: [report]
I now officially have a crush on you, Mr. DeVore.
@*sam* little love notes work for some people. everyone’s different- I think what we can get from all the comments is that it’s nice to do something unexpected to let your S.O. know you care, and you can do that however you know the they will appreciate it, whether that be in the form of cookies, a bouquet of flowers, doing the dishes without being asked, or a shoulder massage at the end of a hard day.
retro chic
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]
I love these dad stories, JDV. You were well brought up and loved, and it shows.
Flowers for me is “just because…” and out of the blue. Holidays and birthdays, not as much. I love any well-intended gesture by my SOs, but purchased flowers offered as an olive branch after a spat aren’t necessary, either. Well, maybe a few fresh-picked ones… for each other.
WhiskeyJenn
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 01:15 pm: [report]
@*sam* I second the feet thing! I will rub my husband’s feet occasionally…but on weeks of the range or after a company run or something….no. Just no.
And as long as your SO is showing you affection and appreciation, who cares how they do it?
Raugiel
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]
I’m with Green Aura on this one. The one lesson your dad illustrates that you seem to have missed is to get your lady something ‘she would love’. It is not that women should just accept flowers as a gift because it means ‘he loves you’ or ‘he’s a man.’ If it is first date, sure. But if you haven’t taken enough time to get to know me and realize that I would prefer almost anything as a gift over cut flowers, than you are none of the nice things that a gift of flowers is supposed to signify.
Jessalyn
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 01:25 pm: [report]
Note: lynnwins has been reported.
Morwen
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 02:01 pm: [report]
I admit I’m a tad radical about a lot of things. No man pays all the dinner bill, I don’t get why should they open the door for me, I’d never bring a date to a “girlie” movie, and so on.
But I’d love some flowers. Good luck in your wooing, gentleman.
vanillalatte
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]
i remember the first time my boyfriend bought me a dozen roses. i was sooo embarrassed that when i came home i hid the roses in my coat and ran inside while you could hear the wrapper crunching in my chest. i ran to my room and put them in a vase. i didn’t want my roomates to see. of course the still made fun of me after.
later on he told me that he had never bought roses for any other woman and that made me melt. i let a couple dry and i still have them. i know…so corny. he also opens the door for me and asks me to dance like it’s prom all over again.
MarieMacCee
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 02:45 pm: [report]
[Peonies, DeVore, peonies!—Editor] oh hells yeah
@Jessalyn, I totally got emo too. Gotta love a post that showcases men as humans-nice humans with sweet impulses.
I personally love getting flowers, anytime, anywhere, and my boy knows this. He’s great about bringing them to me when he knows I’ve had a rough day or am under the weather. Thing is, I made a point of telling him that I love flowers and he listened. My best friend hates getting flowers, so her SO brings vegan chocolate pudding. I don’t care what it is, an unexpected trinket (could cost $1 and it wouldn’t matter) makes me feel like the most special girl in the world. To return the favor I bake and I write little notes and leave them unexpected places.
SouthOC
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:05 pm: [report]
I think everyone except “BedRocka” would agree that spontaneous acts of love and kindness are the best!
Romance is such an important part of a loving relationship! It sustains us through the tough times, and provides a legacy to our children for what true love is all about.
C.Munro
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:25 pm: [report]
I’m kinda with GreenAura on this one. I never understood the appeal of watching something beautiful slowly die. Seems kinda depressing to me.
But it’s the gesture that matters, whether it’s picking up flowers (if she likes them), or giving her a back rub with no reciprocation expected. Just something that says, “You’re quite important to me, and I want to make you smile.”
As for us guys, cookies and massages are always great. Another idea would be a sixer of his favorite beer chilling in the fridge.
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:36 pm: [report]
I asked my husband what he thought was an equivalent reciprocal action for all his great spontaneous romantic gestures. He doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth. Besides, baking something takes a lot longer than grabbing flowers when you’re at the supermarket anyway. I don’t always have time to bake. The question was, “what can I do in 10 minutes or less just to let you know I care?” He just smiled. I raised an eyebrow and asked, “anything other than a BJ?” He laughed.
I love my husband; he’s such a guy.
writergirl
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:38 pm: [report]
I read your first sentence and was thinking “Duh…what does she THINK her husband is going to say.”
For what its worth, mine would respond the exact same way.
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:43 pm: [report]
Yeah, I know. I knew what he was thinking as soon as he smiled. I should know by now that’s always what he’s thinking! Sometimes I forget to switch to “guy thinking” before I ask him questions.
Little Lamb
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:44 pm: [report]
I love back massages and foot rubs, but those are done while I’m sitting right there. I think flowers are especially sweet for the simple fact that he is showing me I am on his mind when I’m not there (which is JDV’s point). Whether he picks up my favorite ice cream or buys an air freshener for my car, it makes me feel extra special knowing that I was on his mind.
John DeVore
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 04:02 pm: [report]
@lea232 Are you asking me out?
C.Munro
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 04:22 pm: [report]
Ooooh, you should go for it John. He is obviously a manly man. With a backbone. Whose heart wouldn’t be all aflutter?
SouthOC
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 04:26 pm: [report]
lea232: In “A guide to global leadership” there is an awesome list entitled “Everything I really need to know, I learned in Kindergarden.” I’ve removed a few in order to get to the point faster, but the last one I added just for you…
* Share everything.
* Play fair.
* Don’t hit people.
* Put things back where you found them.
* Clean up your own mess.
* Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
* Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
* Wash your hands before you eat.
* Flush.
* Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
* Take a nap every afternoon.
* When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
* Don’t call people names (when you do, it’s like putting a sign around your neck that says “I’m Ignorant!!!”)
Knitter79
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 05:18 pm: [report]
A few years ago I got a package at work from a good friend of mine (friend-friend, absolutely no romantic feelings on either side). This thing was really well packed and taped up to the point where it took three of us at least 15 minutes to finally get it open. But when I finally got it open it all made sense. My (guy) friend had made a bouquet of origami flowers (lilies, my favorite) of various colors and arranged them in a small flower pot. It is possibly the best gift I’ve ever received not just for what it was, but that it was ‘just because’. No birthday, holiday, nothing. They are still sitting on my desk and every day I look at them and think about how lucky I am to have such a great friend. Especially meaningful since we don’t live near each other anymore and aren’t always the best at keeping in touch.
So there are ways to give flowers without the depressing idea of them dying, and they can be meaningful even just as friends.
Of course it also ruins things for the guy I’m dating because that’s a difficult gift to top.
Cese_ED
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 06:39 pm: [report]
Now my question for you JDV is ... how do I get my boyfriend to do this? It would seem pretty obvious if I left this article lying around the apartment ...
theattack
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 07:57 pm: [report]
Swoon!! Your date is a lucky girl, John DeVore. I think you’ve made every female reader of The Frisky melt one or several times.
@GreenAura: I’ve always been the same way, until recently. I don’t like killing something just so I can glance over at it a couple of times a day. Also, flowers are really just reproductive organs for the plant. At the risk of sounding like a maniac, I like to imagine giant plants placing human genitals in a vase to admire. Hilarious!
Even if it is really hypocritical of me to enjoy receiving flowers while I’m conscious of the downsides, I absolutely love receiving them. I especially like it when I get my favorites, because I know he listened. They make me feel loved, because he thought of me.
I think a big part of why a man walking with flowers is so moving is that he’s putting himself out there. Everyone around can see that he has a sensitive (or at least loving) side. He doesn’t feel the need to hide his emotions for the sake of “preserving his manhood,” and that’s really sexy to me.
alpikann
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 08:26 pm: [report]
i really appreciate the sentiment behind giving flowers. i personally hate cut flowers because i can’t stand the way they smell, especially roses. most people don’t notice but for me within 24 hours they always make me gag.
i have been lucky enough to date people who paid attention to me and got me potted plants or cut snapdragons (which i think i very pretty) and then disposed of them for me the next morning so i didn’t have to deal with the gag smell. i think understanding how i like my flowers was more of a wow moment for me than the actual flowers and that kind of thought is a wonderful addition to a relationship.
dharmagg
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 08:31 pm: [report]
Amen. Hope it worked, JDV.
I LUV flowers. Instead of waiting and hoping, I’ve been buying them for myself for years. Chocolate, too
It’s such a cliche, but if a man actually did those things…I’d…swoon or something.
Funny Face
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 09:01 pm: [report]
I hope that you find the love of your life John DeVore…just like your mom and dad found theirs. Maybe the girl you just brought flowers too will be the one! Fingers crossed.
mmkw
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 12:40 am: [report]
I feel like JDV’s parents are similar to Disney movies because they’re giving us unrealistic expectations for love and marriage! Their relationship is so lovely, I think most of us can only hope to find a third of what they had.
Loved the post. Very true as well. My ex brought me flowers, chocolate, and the lonely island cd when I was SUPER stressed during my finals week. The smart thing about giving a woman chocolate is not only that you’re indulging her sweet tooth, but you’re also kind of saying “I like your body as it is so much that I’m given you a calorie laden treat”. Obviously a plus with women as we can be a little insecure. The CD just made me laugh, which was sorely needed. I was shocked (in a good way) and VERY appreciative.
On that note, maybe I’m being crass but I always thought the male equivalent of flowers to be a good bj, hahaha!
Morwen
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 05:12 am: [report]
@ C.Munro: You know, that cold beer in the fridge would actually work for a lot of girls too
C.Munro
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 09:42 am: [report]
@Morwen: Y’know, there’s something powerfully sexy about women who like beer.
BlueVibe
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 09:45 am: [report]
Confession: My boyfriend is the MASTER at picking out flowers. I’m not a big flower person but he always gets it just right—not cheesy, but not overdone.
Actually, he’s the gift master all around. He pays attention to little things and is always on the lookout for small stuff that relates to things that particularly interest me, running jokes between the two of us, etc. He even tracked down a gift for a friend of mine that I mentioned in passing I had missed the chance to get a few months earlier. He absolutely kicks butt in the thoughtful department (which is really what matters: Not so much that he gets stuff, but that he pays attention).
Seriously, my female friends are asking if he gives Boyfriend Lessons.
SCRMOM
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 10:45 am: [report]
Like someone else posted, I’m not a fan of flowers, but I hate receiving potted plants. Honestly, I can’t be responsible for one more living thing, and if I have to keep a plant alive, one of the kids or their pets isn’t going to make it through the week. LOL
Seriously though, my husband does get me flowers on my birthday, Valentine’s Day and our anniversary. While I think the flowers are a waste of money, I appreciate his thoughtfulness.
SCRMOM
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 10:48 am: [report]
@majicksand: No surprise at his response! Our husbands think alike!
onewriter
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 02:29 pm: [report]
I laughed heartily…but that was so beautiful I’m ready to cry. I am not having a very good day, so, maybe I’m just overly sensitive right now, but JDV, thanks again for a thoughtful article with a few giggles thrown in. I still wish you’d put all your stuff together and make a book out of it. I’d buy it!
LadyMetsFan
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 02:56 pm: [report]
My husband doesnt buy flowers very often but I understand why. A few years before we started dating he took the time to meet the girl he was seeing with store-bought flowers on a special day for her. She looked from them to him and told him that flowers were nice, WHEN YOU PICK THEM!! It was November for crying out loud! What a @&*$%. Needless to say the relationship didnt last long after that.
kevinh
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 05:19 pm: [report]
ive lost count of the women who say “wow! i never get flowers!” like seriously, its something thats so simple.
faerrekim
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 09:33 pm: [report]
Sir John Devore, they simply do not make men like you anymore.
Men take note, copious notes of this man’s advice!
Molly Jean
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 09:43 pm: [report]
dharmagg: Me too! Actually, I buy myself flowers for my dining table once a month or so. Even when $ is tight I will do without other things/scrape up change for a simple bouquet from Trader Joe’s or something. I love them that much. People, if your partner loves flowers, give them!
Oh, in addition to peonies, here are some other really pretty blooms a flower lover will probably enjoy (just in case anybody wants to make their significant other really happy):
1. Ranunculus
2. Sweet Peas
3. White Hydrangeas
(and if you really really want to impress/or if she’s really stylish/a flower lover):
4. Poppies
5. Anemones
Just add “bouquet” to the end & google for guidance. Oh & if you live in a big city you usually have the luxury of a flower market (putting together something from there is so much more ideal than having a florist do it). Wow, just got carried away, I think. Sorry, I love flowers!
ChocoBoo
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 02:20 am: [report]
John> again I’m smiling from ear to ear when I read your Frisky stories
Will you update us if your special girl turns out to be ‘the one’?
Personally, I don’t care whether it’s flowers, candy or silly trinkets.. When my hubby shows up with something just to watch me open it and smile> I turn to jelly. Hope your girl melts for you the way we do here
99girl
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]
It’s the thought behind this touching column that counts the most. The feelings behind the gesture make it so incredibly sweet, romantic and meaningful!
It makes me sad, actually. I would love if my husband would do that just once. To show he was thinking of me, even if it’s a bunch of our own daisies tied together from the garden.
It’s always nice to be appreciated. And no money need be involved.
Unohoo
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 12:17 pm: [report]
My husband buys me Tulips in the spring (my favorite flower) He always varies it, sometimes they are live plants, sometimes just a nice bouquet, and this year he ordered them while on deployment in Iraq - 7 dozen!
Its the only time of year I get flowers - but hey, he always remembers and he pays attention to what I like. I think if I got flowers more often I wouldn’t enjoy those tulips as much.
ot2b2009
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 03:38 pm: [report]
John DeVore, I owe you a thank you. I sent this article to my guy as a joke two days ago. A bouquet of lilies and a box of chocolates arrived today.
DancingGeek
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 07:40 pm: [report]
Man, I’m just a worthless lump of swooning jello after reading that. What a sweet stroy about your parent’s JDV, so touching. Makes me want to believe fairytales.
Kate134
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 07:42 pm: [report]
I’m allergic to flowers, but my man bought me these awesome framed monographs of orchids from an original book on Orchids from the 1800’s. It was an awesome birthday gift especially since I can’t have flowers. If she’s allergic to flowers guys buy her a nice photo of flowers or something, be creative.
SpacieSiren
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 11:52 pm: [report]
Why aren’t all men as sweet and smart as you??
onewriter
wrote on October 4 2009 @ 01:29 am: [report]
Many are, and they don’t ALL have to be…just ours!;)
Ciao99
wrote on October 4 2009 @ 05:59 pm: [report]
I do agree, men should buy flowers. And women should appreciate it. Working at a bank, on Valentine’s Day I couldn’t believe some of the young women actually complaining when guy got them flowers.
And to the poster above who said flowers are inexpensive, you are wrong! They are not cheap. But that’s what is so spectacular about flowers. They are so beautiful, so much thought goes into preparing them, but they don’t last long, which makes that moment in time so much more intense.
onewriter
wrote on October 4 2009 @ 10:47 pm: [report]
apparently when you block someone from ONE comment board, they can show up again on another…and you have to repeat it all over again! yeesh!
OKSUNI
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:44 pm: [report]
I love flowers (that are in the ground, so leave them there).
Now, if you remember to pick up a gallon of milk on the way home from work without being told, Im yours forever!
cooldad
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 10:24 am: [report]
When my current wife & I were first dating, I worked at a florist warehouse. I brought her 1,000 roses one day. At the very least, I won over her mother & grandmother who were busy trying to find lots of containers. The house smelled amazingly for days.
richwood7
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 05:30 pm: [report]
I have always bought flowers for my dates and many times they say that is the first time they have received them…maybe true, maybe not. My fiance is Chinese (not Chinese-American, Chinese from the mainland) and I bought her a dozen roses before our second date but since we were going to the zoo, I gave her only one and told the florist to keep the other 11 until I pick them up that afternoon. When I finally gave her the 11 other roses, she began to cry…turns out she had been a florist all her life and she told me that she had made floral arrangements for lovers, weddings, parties, dances but no one had ever given her flowers. Needless to say she has been grateful ever since and is a real sweetheart…and it doesn’t hurt that at 60 years old she looks like she is 30 and some people have thought she is mid 20’s.
katehackett
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 04:32 pm: [report]
Your first commenter cried, evidently.
I burst out laughing.
So…
TheUnusualSuspect
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 04:39 pm: [report]
John: This has been said before of your posts, but I love you, man!
@majicksand
Maybe he stopped because he thinks you aren’t into flowers? I bet you could come up with a way to let him know you would be receptive and appreciative to flowers.
majicksand
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 07:06 am: [report]
@the unusual suspect: He knows I liked the flowers. It was just a waste to keep buying them when I was too scattered to notice and appreciate them. I’m working on it though. I started by telling him about this article and my response to it.
TheUnusualSuspect
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:23 pm: [report]
@majicksand Maybe you could buy him flowers and hope he gets the hint! You should consider that. It would definitely work with me, but I’m kind of a sap!
FranCan
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 06:53 am: [report]
I wish my boyfriend could read this. For my birthday the first year we were dating he got me a dozen beautiful roses, which I thought was crazy but still very sweet. Those were the only flowers I ever got from him…
Maybe I’ll go get myself a small bouquet from the market and when he asks when I come home with them, I’ll tell him “Oh I just like flowers a lot, they have a way of brightening up the day - and the apartment in the meantime”.
Smooth… not.
onewriter
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 07:16 am: [report]
no. that’s a very good idea xx
TheUnusualSuspect
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 05:00 pm: [report]
@FranCan
Yes, you should do this.
I disagree with @onewriter. This goes in the same department as telling your partner what you do/do not like in bed, or anywhere else.
If you wish he would do things a certain way, you should tell him, or he’s never going to know. If it bugs the heck out of you that he never uses a coaster for his drink (or whatever annoying habit he may have), but you never give him any indication that you wish he would use a coaster, then you shouldn’t be surprised that he never uses a coaster. If you would like him to bring you flowers, you should find some way of letting him know that is something you would like. Let’s face it—some of us guys are clueless. Maybe he thinks bringing his lady flowers is just some tired old 1950s cliche that no one appreciates anymore. But if it is something that you actually would appreciate—if it isn’t a tired cliche to you—you should give him a clue. Like I said, in the absence of a clue, we are clueless. Sometimes the clue needs to be a detailed map with a big X drawn to indicate the location of the treasure!
onewriter
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 08:30 pm: [report]
@the unusualsuspect how is it you can agree with someone I agree with and yet not agree with me??
TheUnusualSuspect
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 10:55 pm: [report]
@onewriter I disagreed with you for this simple reason: I made a huge error in reading your post. I was wrong. I saw that your post started with “no…” and I mistakenly read the rest of it as “...that’s NOT a very good idea,” which would have been the natural thing to write if you disagreed with her. I guess I got confused because I didn’t notice that the last thing that FranCan wrote was: “Smooth… not.” So of course your “no” was refuting FranCan’s “not,” and was not saying that you disagreed with her. I really should read more carefully. I’m sorry about all the confusion. I’m glad that you, FranCan, and I are in agreement on this issue! It’s all about communication, folks. Now if I could just slow down and read carefully instead of skimming!
Again, my apologies to all.
onewriter
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 10:57 pm: [report]
haha! a lesson in communication is all. xx btw, you are very right. if you want something, you need to be up front about it.
Aurora85
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:01 pm: [report]
Best ‘Mind of Man’ ever. I love when JDV references the parents. Too sweet! Hope someday I’ll have a guy who will buy me flowers- but I’ll keep buying them for myself in the meantime