Mind Of Man: Let’s (Not) Talk About Sex
Posted by: John DeVore
Filed in:
guys
12:00PM, Wednesday August 19th 2009
When it comes to sex, women talk too much and men talk too little. Actually, let me revise that. Women talk too much about sex with one another, and men talk about sex with one another just enough, which is to say, hardly at all. While my gender may have the occasional communication skills of an ATM and all the emotional agility of limbless baboons, there are things we can teach your gender, the hyper-articulate, deep feeling, lavender-soap-smelling variety. Namely, it is not always necessary to divulge every single sordid detail about what happened Friday night. Now, don’t you feel liberated?
Women are prone to sexual confessions that would make most men want to auto-castrate. As much as dudes are the genital caste that tells dirty jokes, watches porno, and howls with laughter at grossness in general, to actually hear how you ladies gab about us was ... mortifying.
I know how women talk about sex to one another. I know because I have heard it. For my whole life, I’d say about half of my best friends have been women whom I’m not romantically involved with. [Holla!—Editor] I can’t speak to any kind of gender preference; people get me, or they don’t, and I’m lucky that anyone, be they brodawg or ladyflower, wants to spend time with me, much less offer me their confidence. So I’ve sat at bars with women who’ve suddenly forgotten that I’m 95 percent man (three percent Shaolin Monk, two percent Hobbit) and have transformed me into a cross between a member of “The View” and The Bacchae, the Greek party god whose parties are full of wine-guzzling and sex-hungry girls gone wild (see: this season of “True Blood”). Women are prone to sexual confessions that would make most men want to auto-castrate. As much as dudes are the genital caste that tells dirty jokes, watches porno, and howls with laughter at grossness in general, to actually hear how you ladies gab about us was ... mortifying.
When women brief each other about their love lives, it’s a carnal torrent of truths that should stay in the bedroom. When I’ve been privy to it, it seemed every minute, inch, and slurp was offered up, dissected, analyzed, and squealed or clucked over. How hard, how fast, how long, curved left, right, up, down. Balls: big, hairy, saggy? Feet on shoulders, hands on walls, fingers in butts. It’s almost scientific, and not even remotely boastful. In my experience, women seem to talk about sex as a way to share information about the men folk to the she-hive, a way to collectively interpret what my hilariously simplistic tribe is up to, or thinking. Maybe if you all knew how pragmatically binary our thought processes are, you’d be less confused and tormented over our actions. Or maybe you all also like to turn each other on a little bit, too.
In fact, I recall one specific conversation had between a best friend and her “OMG bestie” that involved a friend of mine, a good friend of mine. Before I could fully register what the conversation was, they were already deep into a session about my friend, who had been banging the “OMG bestie.” You know, I didn’t need to know he chirps like a bird when he comes. I shut that conversation down, and I did it angrily. The ladies were flummoxed, because they thought I could offer some form of advice as to why he hadn’t called her for two days after their last joyous rut. The question was buried under a sexually explicit preamble, of course. They could have cut to the chase. I would have said, “Because he’s either a flake, busy, or doesn’t want to talk to you. Move on.” I changed the topic to something less awkward, like war crimes.
I have informed dudekind, of course; I have reported what I’ve experienced firsthand, like a spy in the house of love. We have convened, and weighed this intelligence. We are afraid, very afraid. And it’s not an exclusive fear that you’ll reveal our inadequacies, because even revelations of our sexual prowess are slightly disconcerting. A recommendation is great—who doesn’t want an A+ in Pimpin’? But a recommendation AND a PowerPoint presentation complete with flowcharts is something that makes this dude want to disappear into his own bellybutton. So, we are all wise to you.
Now, here’s an actual transcript of a conversation between two men about a recent hook-up.
DIRK THUNDERNUTS: So, this chick. Did you?
LANCE WYOMING: Yup.
DIRK THUNDERNUTS: S’cool?
LANCE WYOMING: Yup.
DIRK THUNDERNUTS: Let’s wrestle jungle cats.
Now, I’m sure there are dudes out there who talk, in extreme detail, about their sex lives to their guy friends. These men are in the minority, and they are either precious, hairless, mumbling little Orlando Blooms with bright eyes and bangs who need to emote, or they’re shambling, knuckle-bumping frat beasts in the twilight of their prime, desperate to advertise their social value by loudly dishing on all the women they are sexually disappointing. But I’m old-school, and so are most dudes. A gentleman never kisses or tells. Partly, a gentleman does that because, tactically, it’s wise. After all, women travel in flocks, like beautiful swans. Swans who talk about SEX. But more importantly, a gentleman never kisses or tells because what happens between two people happens between them and only them. Personally, I never dole out explicit details to my friends; it’s not polite to the woman, and also: I’m a greedy and superstitious man. If I find someone special, if I have something good in my life and between the sheets, why wouldn’t I hoard it and regard it the way a pirate would regard his buried treasure? After all, honest, dirty, affectionate sexual energy between two people is a treasure. Just for the record: I am all for men and women talking about sex with each other, for the purpose of trans-gender relations and for bonerjams.
As for dudes telling me about their sex lives, check it out: All I care about is that he’s happy. I’m happy if my brodawgs are happy. Done. Binary. See?
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
spark
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 11:12 am: [report]
although this article was written in such a chaotic jumble of words that i had to read most paragraphs twice to understand what this guy is saying, he is right. my girlfriends and i gab about EVERYTHING, while i’ve never met (much less hooked up with) a guy who ever said a word about sex to his friends.
Raugiel
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 11:20 am: [report]
I’ve had guy friends who talked to me about their sex lives in that type of graphic detail, but never female friends. Of course we dish, but that level of detail doesn’t come out unless something particularly noteworthy happened. Total non-match up with my experience.
To a large degree, you’re bein’ a bit of a baby on this. BUT, I agree it is totally rude to describe the sexual details regarding your friend to you (anyone taking 30 seconds to think ahead should know that you don’t want to know that!).
estrellada
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
we indeed talk too much.
...no excuses.
powplz
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
Men who talk about their sex lives are the minority while all women dish every single detail? Please. Just because your girlfriends do this doesn’t mean that all women do. I know writing is hard, but when you’re up against a wall, please resist the urge to paint all of womankind with the broad stroke of stereotypes and cliches.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 11:24 am: [report]
Sex, no. Masturbation and porn, yes. I believe just this last week in the redhead thread I listed my favorite redheaded porn stars.
Frisked, I had trouble reading it too.
roastchicken
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]
I definitly tell my bff pretty much every hot detail of my sex romps, BUT that’s only if I’m not in a serious relationship with the guy. If I am serious with a guy, I like to respect what we do in private. I always tell my friends when I have first time sex with a new guy. For the most part, my sex talk is like this:
Me: “Hey, the bf and I had sex last night.”
My friends: “Oh really? How was it?”
Me: “It was either: a) okay, b) good, c) fantastic.”
That’s about as far as it goes for me. But if it’s something casual, my bff gets to know EVERYTHING. That’s just the way it works.
Frederica Bimble
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 11:33 am: [report]
You have just answered the question of why so many women have gay, male friends. They can handle it without taking any of it personally. Straight men will either (a) think the talk has something to do with them if they’re present or, in your words, “maybe you all also like to turn each other on a little bit, too.” Er, incorrect or (b) think it is a come on thus making the situation uncomfortable because women, most of the time, will separate themselves from the sex act.
Whoever started the myth that men are “able of separate sex from emotions” was saying it to make themselves feel better.
The myth is also the result of males being socialised – which is a hell of a lot of pressure. There is evidence all around of this and men and women complain and make jokes about “women trying to tie a man down” or “he’s a player” or whatever cliché one could use to describe the myth of men being capable of separating themselves, emotionally from the sex act. It is actually women, generally, who are keeping their emotions from getting too involved with the person – hence the reason most of them (because we are all different, mind) can dissect an evening’s romp and even ask for advice from a random man about someone else’s behaviour in the sack. Gay men – at least all the ones I know – just see sex as sex and they too, generally, can engage in these types of conversations.
Your article is implying that women need to change their behaviour to placate the weakness of the male mind, “generally”, I stress that word once again but it would be much more productive for men to start being honest with themselves with their expectations in their sex lives. Men are not their genitals. If you phone the woman you’ve had a “one night stand” with the next day, she may just turn you down and you will have gotten your convenient answer of whether or not most men can handle their emotions and separate them from the sex act.
You see, most women CAN have sex with a man and still treat him like a friend (whatever that means to an individual) without having to pretend she “isn’t looking for anything right now” or whatever other excuse a man will use to keep himself shielded from how much his emotions are tied up with the sex he had the night before. It is much easier for a man to make an excuse for not contacting another human being who he happens to have had sex with than to risk the possible rejection from her.
The other point of straight men automatically thinking sex talk is “about them” is odd and makes me thankful I have a gay, male best friend who can inject some male energy into the conversation but not make it “personal.”
This post is getting away from me but the thought that most men are more sensitive than women comes to mind as well but I’m losing my steam so will close.
If anyone posts a “women do it too” reply then I will take that as the incapability of the person to see the “big picture.” I will stress again, the word, “generally.”
Frederica Bimble
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 11:35 am: [report]
That should be “able to separate…..” - not “of”
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 11:41 am: [report]
Oh and JDV, those manly names you came up with, I mean friends, have got nothing on a doctor’s from the Netherlands which came across my desk in passing. Coolest name ever, Dirk Hellhammer.
vtgirl1993
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:00 pm: [report]
Thank God for gay men! I’m not one to babble on about all of my encounters, but I do talk to my very closest friends and we do it privately…there’s no yapping at the bar where everyone can hear about the BF who should’ve been a porn star or the one that you needed a microscope to find his penis.
Anyway, my gay friends are great about listening, providing insight to the male mind, and suggesting new, interesting things to try. Many a BF has benefitted from these chats,so I think men should be happy women do talk.
lostrun
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:02 pm: [report]
It depends on the women. My friends andI do not go into details about sex. And the details I do give are only to my closest friends, and the details are like, yes he’s good. The end. They don’t need to know my business, and I don’t need to know theirs. I’m w/ Jon, less is more.
writergirl
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:21 pm: [report]
There have only been a handful of times my friends and I have gone into specifics and even then, it wasn’t as specific as some of the conversations related in the article.
auburnmomma
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:00 pm: [report]
Um, seriously? I would NEVER want my friends to know the kinky stuff that gets me fired up in bed! I guess I had better go check and make sure I didn’t turn into a man…
skywalk
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:07 pm: [report]
Not only am I a freak nature because I’m a redhead (acording to his last article) especially being a blue eyed, but I don’t tell my GF’s anything. I’m closer with my male friends the GF’s for the most part but I wouldn’t tell them that stuff either.
skywalk
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:10 pm: [report]
@auburnmomma: maybe I don’t tell anything because its too kinky too? JK, well maybe since I really haven’t compared notes!
badideajeans
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:28 pm: [report]
jesus christ, devore. lay off the piece pipe and edit your pieces before you send them in.
and yes, we do talk. sometimes about you.
ChoJinn
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:31 pm: [report]
Projecting much, ladies? Interesting article. Playing football for many years, I was often told by coaches to “act like you’ve been there before” in the context of getting into the end zone. The phrase seems to apply to most of life, including sexual experiences. I would argue, *generally*, that graphic sexual gossip is really just an attempt by women to assuage latent insecurity over the subject matter. Any other characterization of it I call bullsh*t. on.
The fact that women allegedly are more comfortable divulging to gay men than to straight men certainly does not mean that straight men can’t handle it; rather, it shows that women who do this can’t confidently express their sexuality - in this way - in front of an arguably-available guy. You’re sparing US the awkwardness? Please.
Would a girl really be comfortable with her guy describing the ordeal in such a way to his friends? Highly, highly, doubt it. Sexual discussion among (my) guy friends is, short of something really exceptional, vague, and really only occurs in the broader context of the story of one particular great night out.
Raugiel
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:48 pm: [report]
@ ChoJinn - I hope ladies are comfortable with their guy giving details to his friends! My guy friends have been spilling their detais (more graphically than any gal I know, and at least as graphically as the details John’s complaining about) to me for over a decade! I am sure I am not the only friend to get the scoop! I think it’s normal to expect that there’s going to be at least some sharing with one’s close friends.
auburnmomma
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:57 pm: [report]
@ skywalk- Maybe it is a redhead/blue eyed girl thing? LOL My bets are on our kinkiness though!
veronicainla
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 02:07 pm: [report]
i only tell gf’s detail if it is really, really BAD. (and only then because it’s hilarious.)
Ginger
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 02:36 pm: [report]
A few months ago I got to find out about a conversation between two guys who I had slept with. I think the reason I wasn’t upset (because it happened at a party where anyone could have heard, not in a one on one sort of situation) was because it was apparently really brief. And they both said I was good so, you know, that helped.
And I do divulge lots of details with my female friends. Usually I’ll keep the details less explicit if it’s someone that they know though. Just because it can be awkward enough at times to run into someone and “You slept with my friend”. You don’t need to run into them and think “You slept with my friend, in this position/location/with these toys and props/and you scream like a girl when you cum”.
Kathls
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 03:34 pm: [report]
weird ... maybe I need to check to make sure my girlfriends and I haven’t turned into men too! I can honestly say I have never discussed the ‘glory’ details of my or any other gfs’ sex life. No numbers, no curvature, wildebeest sounds, nothing. The most detail any of us go into is, ‘btw I’m sleeping with John Doe now.’
Just the other day it got back to me through a ‘mixed’ circle of friends that a guy I had one brief encounter with was running his yap to a guy friend. That guy friend repeated what was said to my best girlfriend (umm, hello do you think she wants to hear that?!). B
ut anyways my experience has been totally backwards. That example in particular is pretty close to my worst nightmare of ‘guy gossip’, and probably many other girls’ too. The 4 of us involved in that childish game of telephone see each other all the time at bars, parties and other social events.
LinSea
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 04:28 pm: [report]
she-hive…bonerjams…OMG bestie…brodawgs…Binary…
I don’t talk about sex to my OMGBFF and it pisses her off she’ll actually go into 20 questions mode and just watches my facial expressions, which usually ends up with my face in a pillow. I’m not a good liar, but now that I’m armed with some new vocab, I might just have to make something up
<3 DeVore
becknee
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 04:36 pm: [report]
@auburnmomma I’m operating on the admittedly big assumption that “Auburn” is the college in Alabama, which may not be true, which may render my thought invalid, BUT:
...does openness to talking with our friends about sex have anything to do with geography? I’m from Georgia. I would never, ever, discuss details of my sex life with male or female friends.
It’s not really a conscious choice, just sort of a Southern ethic that we don’t talk about stuff like that. Plus, a lot of us were brought up to be fundamentalists. Some of us still are, and would be horrified.
Is this just me? I feel a little silly.
Funny Face
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 05:11 pm: [report]
@bechnee…you might be right about it depending on geography. I am from Texas and though I might kid around about sex in general, I would NEVER talk about My sex life in and its particulars…Yuck. That would be like graphically talking about other bodily functions methinks. Besides, its private and talking about the particulars ruins it.
*sam*
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 05:26 pm: [report]
hmm, I don’t think that I’ve *ever* divulged intimate details about my sex life—not even to my bestie!! the most detailed that I’ve ever gotten has been, “yeah, I got laid again last night” or “yeah, we have sex x -many times a day.” HOWEVER, the same can NOT be said for my best guy friend!! love him to death, but, we have had to have NUMEROUS conversations a/b the “line” and how far he crossed it!!—though, one time, I did give pretty intimate details a/b an encounter I had the night before, far more intimate than ANYONE should have to know, and he’s never crossed the line since
that being said, admittedly, I have shared a good detail or two on this site
but in all fairness, it was related to the topic at hand, and as far as I know, nobody on here knows me in real life, and therefore, shouldn’t be freaked out about it!!!
Molly Jean
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 05:43 pm: [report]
i actually thought this was good (& written well!) but anyways…you are so right…my girlfriends & i talk way too much (& in way too much depth) about this! my bad. maybe it’s our way of overcompensating for man’s lack of talking? or maybe, when it’s good, it’s to relive it (over & over & OVER again).
i also divulge stuff to guy friends, but for a different reason. they are men, so maybe, just maybe they might can offer some kind of magic insight (why he said that, why he did that, etc).
i did find the whole thing funny, in context, though…your column coming from a man who has divulged details ranging from holding onto the woman’s ankles that first time, to writing about the woman who freaked him out by calling him daddy. kind of funny.
Coral
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 09:20 pm: [report]
I tell my girlfriends important (to me) details about my relationships—what we did on a date, his personality, etc. But I really do not divulge into any details of my sex life besides basic and harmless stuff.
I tell a couple of my guy friends some relationship and basic intimate details, but not any more than I tell my girlfriends. My guy friends listen to me and they tell me some things about their relationships too.
And it’s not really that I have a principle of not kissing and telling, it’s more that I keep my relationships very private and only tell those close to me, unless someone asks of course.
canadiancutie
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:01 am: [report]
I agree with Frederica Bimble, when my girlfriends and I give detailed accounts of our romps, it’s like a joke to us. Men take that stuff way too personally. I think it’s because sex is the only way in which men openly express emotion and women have more permission to be emotional in various circumstances.
DancerNinja
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:09 am: [report]
A couple ladies earlier mentioned geography correlating with sex details. Now, I’m from Texas, and my “OMG Bestie” is from Georgia, grew up in Texas, and we tell each other EVERYTHING. However, we’ve known each other since we were five, and she is the only one who gets the full scoop like that.
Most other lady and dude friends are “Yeah, we did it. So hawt.” Or “Yeah, we did it. Maybe he’s gay.”
auburnmomma
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]
Becknee, no it’s my hair. I grew up in Ohio, joined the military and spent those years in Georgia and the Carolinas, and have been in Texas for nearly 10 years. Maybe it’s that I have spent all of my adulthood in the south, but I remember my high school gf’s telling all while I just sat there and thought “Ain’t no way in H*LL am I telling you what I did last night!”. LOL
BedRocka
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 11:27 am: [report]
this is a typical Sex conversation between 2 brodawgs ...
Bro Dude 1: What up man did whats her name come over last nite I saw her car on the driveway
Dude Bro 2: yea men she came through dressed in heels and what not.
Bro Dude 1: Was she cool?
Dude Bro 2: yea men I twisted her out, good times.
Bro Dude 1: Nice ... aye you wana play fifa on 360?
Dude Bro 2: yea men ... get ready for a whooping
BedRocka
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 11:30 am: [report]
oh wait one more thing ...
Dude bro 1: did she have a nice body?
Bro Dude 2: HELL YEA her body was Banging .. onion booty and some nice plus 2’s! she was fun!
Dude bro 1: high five!! Does she have any friends ...
Bro Dude 2: nah bro .. all her friends are dudes ...
Dude Bro 1: Damn that sucks ... anyway I’ma use Man U, who you got?
moonblossom
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 11:44 am: [report]
I personally don’t divulge too many details to my friends. I wouldn’t want him divulging my details to his friends so I usually don’t do that to him. That’s not to say I won’t let lose a few key (usually hilarious) details….for the fun of it
As for the culture/geography thing - I’m not buying it. I got invited to a bible study group in TX one time. I didn’t go (not a big bible studier myself) but my friend went and said they spent the entire time talking about their various husbands’ attributes. Nice. I guess that’s WJWD. HAHA
ootie
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:14 pm: [report]
This article surprised me a bit. My friends and I talk about our sex lives, but don’t really go into great detail unless something weird/funny happens. For example, we might tell each other that at some point we’ve role-played, or had anal sex, or had sex outside, and then have a conversation about whether we like it or don’t like it, etc. But I would only tell about a specific sexual experience or sexual partner if there was something extraordinary about it.
Molly Jean
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 03:21 pm: [report]
“twisted her out???” that is gross.
angel001717
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 10:46 pm: [report]
i thought the article was not ill-written. idk what those ppl were talking about above. i did talk to my besties about some details of my first-ever sexual relationship (who is now my ex). not explicitly. but my one bestie has never been there done that and i shared positions and how much i liked things that i didnt think i would. mainly because i would have loved to know some real things about sex besides what you see in porn and read in women’s mags myself before embarking on my sexploration. she would have been grossed out by many details anyway. my other bestie has had a serious relationship and gave me advice prior to and after my relationship. i talked to learn and teach. thats all. and that is no crime. but… when i am older and in more serious relationships (and more experienced) i think it would be better to keep it to a minimum.
SpecialK
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 05:08 am: [report]
“After all, honest, dirty, affectionate sexual energy between two people is a treasure”
Thanks again JDV for my quote of the Week !!
bogart4017
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 10:28 am: [report]
Being from a small town we would keep stuff like that to ourselves (unless the local gossip witnessed one of us crawling out of susiejeans bedrm window at 1am). It was when i started living in other parts of the US that i found out how frank people could be about their sex lives. Women are way more honest and blunt about their sex lives. I’ve heard a roomful of women rip one guys sex skills to ribbons. I was embarrassed FOR him. I knew then to make sure to take care of business if i’m gonna take care of business!!
majicksand
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 02:17 pm: [report]
I am sooo glad I have an understanding husband. BFF hell. I’ll talk about my sex life with virtual strangers if the conversation flows that way. I know plenty of guys who will too. Damn, I just get weirder and weirder by the minute. BTW, born and raised in the south.
jackofhearts
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 04:43 am: [report]
This reminds me of a conversation I had a while back with my boyfriend. His housemate and one of his female friends had clearly been circling each other for a while, getting emotionally closer, heading for a relationship. I’d been observing them interact, desperate to find out the skinny but whenever I brought it up with my boyfried his stock reply was “I dunno.”
Sure enough, a few weeks later, when I was at my boyfriend’s house there was the girl, on the couch with housemate, clearly all coupled up.
As soon as I was alone with my boyfriend, I turned to him with upraised eyebrows, “Sooo…?”. “So.. what?” was his response. I couldn’t believe it, “X and Y!” I expostulated, “They’re a couple!”. “Oh, yeah,” he shrugged, “They’re going out now.”
And that was it! I cross-questioned him for a while.. how long since they got together, how had it happened, who made the first move, had they gone ‘all the way’.. but no luck. All he knew was that they were an item and that’s all the info he had.
It’s not that my boyfriend is a complete unromantic, he just doesn’t get the same interest as me in the dynamics of other couples.
Eventually I got the girl alone and it took about three minutes to get all the details.. plus ca change!
Gingee
wrote on August 29 2009 @ 08:14 pm: [report]
Weeeeel, we do talk and it can be brutal, but here’s the thing:
If you do not want to hear about it, quit having sex. Or get better at it.
We are going to say, “My gosh, he actually asked me to help get it hard.” Or, “You’d need a microscope and tweezers to find it.”
Then we get nasty.
One guy, who had bragged to me about his skills at oral sex, something that does nothing for me, and which made me cringe in pain knowing what those women endured, was visibly upset when he heard me say, “Oh, to get through that, known as Poor Man’s Sex, what we do is drink 5 Gin and Tonics, lie there and think, “I should have had more booze, when will this be over, wehre is my ATM card, and how long before I begin faking an orgasm.”
The ones we laugh at men who think that they’re such great lovers, when they are rotten at satisfying the mind.
There is a reason why we snicker and say, “I have already been where you are going, sat down and had a Coke.”
Some of you guys have a weird odor.
Iammina
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 07:43 pm: [report]
Adolescent males do talk about sex with their friends and brag about all of the chicks they had sex with even if it was only in their imagination. I don’t know what men talk about when they are together but women do talk about sex. Most of the men I have known are not good at talking, at least not with me. Unless they have a few drinks first and then you can’t shut them up.
The girls that I work with, white, black and Asian, talk about sex all the time. We talk, ask questions and compare notes about sex.
I have two gay male friends who are just one of the girls. My friends are outgoing, upbeat and fun to be with. They are sensitive, good listeners and “safe”.
HappyDude
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 04:19 pm: [report]
Meh. It must be hard to try to write an article to speak for all men, when doing so is basically impossible.
I don’t dish about any woman while I’m with her. However, with my female friends I’m happy to step into the “female” role of dishing about past lovers and hook-ups that said friend will never meet. I try to keep it positive unless there is cause to talk about something so strange it has to be brought up.
With my guy friends, it depends. Of the straight men, some are definitely closed and don’t want to know any details of my sex life. But I’ve also had buddies who I compared notes with, especially one guy who knew my gf at the time was pretty kinky and wanted to get his own girl to open up in bed a bit. Again, it’s much easier to talk about women from the past than the current girl, as it’s much more likely to get back to her and cause problems.
Which, is really the end point about it… men don’t talk about anyone they want to sleep with again because they don’t want to jeapordize anything. Women know that they’d have to say something pretty awful about a guy for him to not want to sleep with her again, and if that’s true, she’s not going to want to.
Corwin
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 08:31 pm: [report]
Frederica, you’ve just done a TON to prove the author’s point (generally). You’re way, way, WAY over-analyzing. I happen to agree completely with the author. I’ve lived in a lot of different places and had a lot of different friends (I’m referring to the male friends) with different backgrounds, and almost none of them dished the specifics about sex that I have heard women give. Occasionally one of them would let something slip, and the rest of us would bean him in the head with whatever throwable object happened to be at hand. Most men do NOT want to know the gorey details about the sex lives of their friends. Like the author said, what most men are comfortable with is did you or didn’t you? 1 or 0. Binary.
ladybrettashley
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:38 am: [report]
Guilty as charged, but not ALL the time.
I think we mostly (over)share when we have new info. Like, does anal ACTUALLY feel good? Cause, you know, we don’t have prostates and everything written about it seems to ignore how women are supposed to get off on that. Its usually that type of info compiling from a source we actually trust. If its nothing or no one new, not much sharing.
And its never in my experience braggy, but we do care about our girls getting some, and getting something good, too. The details I give will be different if its just something casual or if its relationship. But I know it makes guys uncomfortable and I feel bad about that. I had to explain this to a group of guys in a convo that went like this:
Them: Why does A get laid so much? He’s #&@$% basically all of his friends, and they all know it, but they don’t care?
Me: Well, he’s got a large penis
Them: but do they know that beforehand?
Me: Yes.
Them: How do you know?
Me: B and C told me.
Them: but you aren’t even really friends with B.
Me: Nope.
And then the panic spread across their faces. Sorry! Forewarned is forearmed, I suppose.
Gingee
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 10:29 am: [report]
GINGEE
My question of the hour: Do men get that much pleasure from receiving anal sex from other men? Or from a dildo rammed up their backside?
Guys who want to do that to me get to experience it firsthand, and they NEVER take me up on the offer to have them serviced by three well-endowed males.
As for sharing information: Yes, we KNOW if a guy has a large penis, and we also know when the guy’s member is small. It’s just one of those things that gals do: Like sharing tampons. Information is power.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 10:33 am: [report]
@Gingee: Want to make it 1 for 4?
Gingee
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 10:53 am: [report]
I do not understand. One in four what?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 11:08 am: [report]
@Gingee: I f’d up. Nvm.
_jsw_
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 11:16 am: [report]
Ah, I missed this because I was out of town, I think.
Yes, it paints men and women with a broad brush. But, let’s face it, without a little commercial-size paint rolling, there wouldn’t be the inevitable backlash against it, then the defense, then the backlash against the defense, and so on that drives page views. Plus, it’s a lot less interesting to read “hey, somewhere in the world, there are probably a few people who are like this.”
And it gets people to share their experiences, which is good. My own experience backs up what he wrote. I’ve had female friends who are incredibly open about things. None of my male friends were. In fact, I once had a liaison with the best friend of the woman who became my best friend’s wife. One day, he and I were sitting around at his house and his wife got a call from that friend, who she’s not spoken with in a really long time (pure coincidence, as I was just visiting from out of town as well). She mentioned I was there, they went off and talked, and when she hung up, she came out and discussed the details of their conversation, including a comment (positive, thank God) about something pretty intimate. My friend and I were horrified. Me, because that info was just thrown out there, and he, because he had to hear it.
And I agree it wasn’t one of JDV’s best-written articles. However, according to my friend Lisa’s friend Amber’s friend Shauna, JDV and his new ladyfriend were doing it jungle-style when she dared him to write a column while she did everything she could to distract him. Being a guy, I’m not going to repeat all that she did, and I especially won’t comment on the Chia Pet or the Coke bottle. Dear God, the Coke bottle. I can’t get it out of my mind. But I digress. Anyway, given all that she did to him, and given the pictures that were forwarded to my cell phone, I can vouch that the fact that he was able to write this column and in any way get English words to even remotely pair up is a testament to his professionalism and talent as a journalist.
majicksand
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:25 pm: [report]
jsw: I knew that was your post when I read the email version. No ID required. You crack me up.
P.S. Shauna really does have a big mouth.