Q&A: Author Michelle Maisto Proves A Vegetarian And A Meat Lover Can Live Happily Ever After
Posted by: Catherine Strawn
Filed in:
entertainment
11:00AM, Friday September 11th 2009
Food is an essential for life, of course, but it’s also a vital component of relationships. Without food, what would we do on dates? There would be no candlelit dinners, and no romantic champagne and strawberries or other supposedly aphrodisiac combos. In her new book The Gastronomy of Marriage, Michelle Maisto explores what happens in the food department after the dating stage is over, recounting the year before she and her fiancé, Rich, got married, and what they ate.
Both Michelle and Rich love a delicious meal, and they initially shared cooking duties when they moved in together; neither wanted to live according to dated rules dictating gender roles. But as Rich worked more to earn money for the wedding, Michelle volunteered to do his share, creating a more traditional division of work at home. So, did they go back to co-chefs after they got married? And how can a vegetarian and a meat-eater dine in harmony? We spoke with Michelle via email about food and marriage.
The Frisky: You talk a lot in the book about how you worried that doing more cooking while Rich took on more freelance work to pay for the wedding might shift your relationship away from the more modern dynamic you had hoped to create. What happened after the wedding? Did the two of you go back to sharing food preparation duties?
Michelle Maisto: That’s an excellent question (and one I’m glad you’re not asking me in person, so you’re spared the strained, trying-for-good-natured expression that question unfailingly puts on my face). I have to say my gut was pretty right on in thinking that the patterns we established early on were pretty likely to stick. That said, I’ve also come around to the idea that in a scenario where we both need to be contributing, it makes the most sense for us to contribute in the areas we most excel. Rich is a great weekend lunch guy, and has even become quite the dinner party main-course-maker, but in the end I’m the better multi-tasker, which means that weekday meals, which need to be squeezed in between work and errands and obligations, tend to fall to me these days.
Though in that same vein, I’m a horrendous follow-through socializer, so it’s a huge relief that all the phone calls that requiring returning, and joint emails that need responding to, generally now fall to Rich.
The Frisky: How important do you think the ritual of sitting down to eat dinner together is to a successful marriage?
MM: I think it’s enormously important. It’s a designated time each day to sit down, look the other person in the face and ask how they are, how their day was. Most people seem to race through their days, needing to pack in so much; dinner, though, is this little oasis, a safety zone where you get to call a time out and stop rushing for a moment. I find so much comfort in knowing it’s waiting there at the end of the day, even on the days when it’s preceded by an overly long conversation about what to eat ...
The Frisky: I’m a vegetarian and have only ever met one guy vegetarian, so the likelihood that I’ll end up with someone who has the same eating habits is slim. Do you have any tips on how to manage a mixed-food relationship?
MM: It really helps to develop a repertoire of dishes that work with and without meat. Pasta lends itself particularly well to this, as does fried rice and certain soups. I find it a lot less fun to be eating entirely separate dishes—I feel like I’m eating alone—so it’s nice when you can put aside one serving, add the meat to whatever’s left in the pot or skillet, and then serve up the second portion.
The Frisky: Your first date with Rich included a memorable food experience (he ordered a chocolate soufflé at the beginning of the meal). What do you think the best food to eat on a first date is? And the worst?
MM: I’m certain I have never managed to look attractive while eating a sandwich. Sushi rolls tend to make for overly large, less-than-feminine bites, and spaghetti can safely be ruled out. I’d vote for any cuisine that can easily be cut with a knife and fork, ideally in a warm, earnest environment, versus an overly fancy or sterile restaurant. The other option, of course, is to just go whole-hog, as it were—cracked crabs on newspaper, or Ethiopian food eaten with the fingers ... At least then you have something to bond over and talk about.
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Perceptible
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]
I’m a strict vegetarian (20 years now) and my BF is not, but we both cook and eat healthy meals, so there is a lot we can share. He’s also a great cook and doesn’t eat a TON of meat, so when we cook together it’s always meat-free. He’ll cook himself a meat dish or order one at a restaurant a few times a week. Not sure how I’d be able to cook with a really intense carnivore on a regular basis. (My ex husband ate meat but we never cooked together. Don’t ask…) I know guys (and girls) who have a hard time imagining any meal without any meat (my brother in-law and my business partner come to mind). I think you have to both be open to trying new things, and above all have to respect each others’ preferences.
Emi
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:18 am: [report]
I’m also a vegetarian with a meat loving boyfriend. He’s actually really, really great about it. Thankfully he’s a much better cook then I am, and he has fun making dishes for both of us. He likes most of the meat substitutes we’ve tried, but every now and then he still needs a steak (his favorite). lol
Shriekback68
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 11:30 am: [report]
I’ve been a vegetarian for over 20 years now, and during that time, all of my girlfriends/ex-wife have been meat eaters. It’s never been an issue for me, since I don’t preach about my dietary choices to anyone. Frankly, I don’t care if anyone else is a vegetarian or not…it’s the right choice for me and I’m happy I made it. Thankfully, I’ve also been with some magnificent cooks (my ex-wife is the best cook I’ve ever met), so that’s helped too.
)
Jenn27549
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]
All agreed! I’ve never dated a vegetarian and I married someone who would eat just steak for dinner every night. (Been veg for 21 years) Its not a moral or ethical thing to me, so I don’t really care about other people’s preferences. SO LONG AS THEY DON’T KEEP TRYING TO GET ME TO TAKE “JUST ONE BITE” OF THEIR MEAT. Stop with that already!!! Anywho… I cook just like she suggested…something where I can set one serving aside without meat. Make chili: one pot with meat, one with only beans. Grill a steak: make 3 veg sides, too. And yes, I do 99% of the cooking but I’m OK with that. My husband CAN cook, but he works more so I do the cooking. Plus I’m Southern so its just kind of part of our genes to want to cook. It’s also a major stress reliever for me at the end of the day to be alone in the kitchen making something that we will both enjoy, whether I’m making an old standby or something completely new.
ThatWeirdGamerChick
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 05:42 pm: [report]
I’ve been a vegetarian since I was twelve, for ethical instead of dietary reasons. The internal debate over whether or not to date a non-vegetarian is really difficult to me, but since I am currently not at risk for dating, it’s not pressing
The last time I dated someone, he was not a vegetarian, and I couldn’t kiss him for several hours after he had eaten meat (I just can’t do it!). I think dating a fellow vegetarian would just be easier, but I don’t know a single male vegetarian.
bettyboo
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 04:21 am: [report]
I’ve been veggie since I was 7 and am dating a confirmed meat eater.. I don’t have an issue kissing him (tho I remember having that issue with my first BF after he ate at MacDonalds cos I could still smell it and imagine the manky little bits still stuck in his teeth urrggh) and I will cook it for him, but I have this fear that I’ll somehow make him ill when when I do..! My brain has clearly absorbed the food poisoning potential of undercooked meat and as I can’t do my normal taste it and see options with veggie food I won’t go anywhere near things like chicken (plus I keep chickens as pets so that’s more upsetting) and will only do stuff like sausages with extreme caution, but i’m happy to do ready made stuff with clear cooking instructions even tho it frustrates me as I’m quite a good cook for veggie food. Fortunately he’s generally happy to forgo the meat alot of the time in return for actually getting fed (He hates cooking) so we generally muddle along fine..:0) As an aside, when i saw this link, i hoped it was a recipe book, i love more, cook it all together then add meat to 1 recipes.. does a book like that exist?
sadie
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 10:45 am: [report]
I’ve been vegan for 15 years. Every serious boyfriend I had before getting married either was already veg or went veg after we started dating. My husband went vegetarian after we started dating. I never told anyone to change for me, they chose to change on their own. My rad culinary skills probably made it easier to switch. I am thankful hubby went veg. Definitely makes things easier and makes him a little more appealing to me.