Are Men Turning Into Jerks?

Arty
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 08:57 am: [report]

I think jerkhood is what men indulge in when they get crap from their friends about not being “manly enough” or that they’re “whipped” by their wives/girlfriends. It’s peer pressure.

DancerNinja
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 09:07 am: [report]

I think your perspective it a product of the crowd you run with. I’m in a career where I’m surrounded by biologists and engineers, and it seems that these nerdy types are all really sweet to their girlfriends, wives, and even dude friends. They are guys, but they aren’t jerks.

shannac02
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 09:10 am: [report]

I think non-jerky guys are the exception and not the rule. At least, in my experience. Just sayin’.

Michael
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 10:16 am: [report]

this exact topic was pretty well covered in the book “Fight Club”

Erin G
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 10:56 am: [report]

In all fairness, I see alot of (real-life and fictional) women going overboard when it comes to “equal-ing out the scales”.

You guys know what I mean? The woman who basically treats her man (whether they go along with it or not) like how men treated us back back in the day.

I dunno…I just believe in equalism, not feminism or chauvanism. Just because women were repressed until recently doesn’t mean we have a free ticket to beat up on guys.

Wendilynn
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 11:36 am: [report]

I think what it means to be a man or a woman is confused for a lot of people. We’ve lost a lot of common decency and respect for each other as a whole. Feminism has played a part and our overly sexualized pop culture plays a part and even broken families (where we learn our first lessons in treating each other nicely) have played a part. A guy I dated for a few months actually told me on our first date that he opened doors and expected me to be okay with that. That he felt it necessary to make sure I was okay with being treated nicely boggled my mind. Look at the Twilight phenomenon. Most of the appeal of Edward comes from the fact that he’s lovingly dedicated to Bella. He’s kind, dependable and treats Bella pretty well. My daughter and her friends have all responded to that gentlemanly nature because they don’t see that in the boys around them.

Arty
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 12:08 pm: [report]

I just think everyone should treat everyone else well.  Regardless of gender or whatnot, but particularly if you’re in a relationship with someone.  That’s the person you love!  Treat them that way.

Dominant
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 01:16 pm: [report]

@ Wendilynn

I think this has to do with the upbringing of children. If you have loving parents that teach some morals, and guidance you’ll develop a child who can think for themselves and to know what is kind and what’s not. At the same time, when peer pressure does come into effect, they’ll hopefully make the right decision.

@ missinformation

I agree 100% with you. It’s just a shame that people think they need to have a authoritative status with their spouse.

vanya
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 02:18 pm: [report]

How interesting that, again, women take the blame for men’s behaviour.  First women were blamed for not permitting men to show their sensitive side, and now women are being blamed for *forcing* men to “play Mr. Nice Guy” so now they’re jerks because of that??  *sigh*  Even Freud would say that argument gets old. 

I would say that society, overall, has lost a lot of manners and social graces. But I wouldn’t blame anyone’s behaviour solely on the female gender. Personal accountability goes a long way.

wanman
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 07:52 pm: [report]

If you are able to, watch how a guy treats his mother. He’ll usually treat other women the same way.
Every guy I know that has a bad relationship with his mother has bad relationships, generally.

vanya
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 08:33 pm: [report]

There is a lot of truth in that, wanman.  When we were dating, my husband (then my boyfriend) took a leave of absence from his job, moved home, and took care of his mother when she was dying. It was obvious how much he cherished her, and he has always treated me extremely well.

Chico B
wrote on December 25 2008 @ 03:35 am: [report]

Has there ever been a year when this complaint hasn’t been leveled at “Men”?

I don’t know who this Men person is (I’m assuming you’re talking about someone whose name is “Men,” and not tarring an entire gender with a big wide dismissive brush), but if someone in your life being a jackass, stop hanging out with them.

artfulblogger
wrote on December 28 2008 @ 03:38 pm: [report]

It’s no panacea being a “nice guy”..  Even though, I personally have no desire to “return to traditionalism” as broad a term as that is.

I believe that our culture is undergoing a monumental shift.  When 70% of the books in this country are purchased by women, I have to wonder how much thought is going into the conceptualization of what constitutes a “relationship” and I see a marked divergence in expectations compounded by traditional gender communication challenges.

As a single father, majority custody, I do it all.. cookin, cleanin, laundry, but I have to say that in 14 years of marriage I felt constantly at the mercy of my ex-wifes’ expectations. 

Am I needed?  Am I respected? If other men are feeling or experiencing similarly I can see lots of opportunity for them to justify poor behavior.  And no, I am not saying that rationalization should replace integrity.

As Wendilynn mentioned, look at the Twilight phenomenon.  Women are captivated by this in much the same way as I was captivated by “Star Wars” when I was 12.  The difference?  I wanted to defeat the Dark Lord and save the princess (who was kick-ass capable BTW).  I wanted to be a hero.

Twilight?  Edward is beautiful, impossibly strong, brooding, forbidden, rich, dangerous…  This is the modern expectation for men that is tangibly evolving within our culture and I seriously don’t think guys understand the scope or the impact of it.

writergirl
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 03:37 pm: [report]

Actually, I DO believe women force men into certain behavioral roles.  We’ve gone so far overboard on this “equality” thing that we beat them into doing it.

My husband owns his own company and it is a relatively young company—the average age is, lets say around 34.  It is in an industry where working 9 to 5 is just not possible and it does require, for certain positions, a lot of travel. My husband and his business partner follow the same pattern they expect of their employees.  Matter of fact, they probably work harder because most of the employees are done when they leave the office.  My husband works several nights from home after returning from a 12 hour day at the office.

It is also a small company.  FIFTY PERCENT of the wives of employees this year have either complained—directly to me—about the required work load, the travel, and just the company in general.  Further, FIFTY PERCENT OF THEM either threatened or initiated divorce proceedings because of it.  Did I mention my husband’s company pays exceedingly well and these guys couldn’t touch this salary anywhere else at their age right now?

I’ve seen these women brow beat their husbands—in public no less, in front of me, in front of my husband—over helping with the baby, the household chores, the dog, the cat, the fish—you name it; they’ve demanded he “help” with it and keep track of who did more work at home.  “I took out the trash six times this month compared to your four because you traveled last week.”

These poor guys are beaten into submission.  It is really sad.  I can honestly see some of these guys running off for a “happy ending”  (I have no idea if they do or don’t) because if I was nagged as much as these guys were, I’d run off too.

OnlyMe
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 04:39 am: [report]

I think the distinction has to be made between American men and men from just about anywhere else in the world.  American women might find some joy in Europe, for example.