Marie Claire Writer Dons A Strap-On
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
sex
8:30AM, Friday October 9th 2009
In the November issue of Marie Claire, dating blogger Maura Kelly writes about a guy she dated briefly who confessed to enjoying “a kind of sex that people don’t usually associate with straight men.” Oh yes, Kelly’s man liked to take it from behind, courtesy of a strap-on attached to his female partner. (Like the one Madonna bought for her and Guy Ritchie in the photo at left!) He assured Kelly he wasn’t gay or bisexual, he just liked to be dominated. And Kelly complied, giving him what he wanted for the few months they dated. I found this whole story fascinating, as I’ve always, admittedly, been a little curious about what it would be like to be THAT dominant in bed. To be the one doing the actual penetrating, I suppose. Here’s how Kelly describes it:
As I moved my hips and did my thing, I felt strangely removed from the experience. The kinky deed seemed unsexual and anything but intimate—after all, my primary erogenous zone was covered up by a giant fake penis.
Huh. OK, so sounds like a bit of a dud. Is this something any of you have tried? Would you? Or does it sound like a complete and utter turn-off? [Marie Claire]
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
danila
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 07:37 am: [report]
I’m all for trying new things and being freaky in the bedroom. However, this has gone waaaaay too far. If my man ever made this request, I would look at him in a totally different light. This is “role play gone wrong”. Furthermore, if a man is curious about this and his woman grants his fantasy….and he likes it….what’s next? I’ll tell you what’s next…You’ll come home from work and you’re man will be in the bed with Bob!!!
ChocoBoo
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 07:39 am: [report]
Yes I’ve tried it: with 2 different partners. Under the proper circumstances (mental/physical state) it was quite arousing for both parties. That said, if a woman performs this act without ever having at least one fantasy about this> it will seem absolutely boring and tedious..and strenuous! I give much more respect to men these days after learning how hard it is to ‘pump away’ on a partner while trying to balance on a soft mattress=RESPECT DUDES!
Also, some hygiene issues, pain/discomfort thresholds should be discussed (Tristan Taormino’s guide to Anal sex is a good info source) before attempting a first try w/ something small.
When both parties are into it due to the shift in ‘power’, the visual of seeing your guy get off in a totally different way= f***ing HOT!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 07:48 am: [report]
“Bend Over Boyfriend” or “Pegging”.
qnzmami718
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 07:49 am: [report]
hell no! sounds to me like dude is gay.. grosse
tabby
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 07:58 am: [report]
After I tried it, I complained to my boyfriend that my thighs were killing me and how much work it must be to be the guy all the time.
It helps if you slip a little vibe in between you and the strap-on, it makes it a whole other world of sexy fun.
And I am with Dan Savage on this one, if you want to put your penis in my ass, then you have to be willing to know EXACTLY what it is like. Fair is fair.
emmpea
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 07:59 am: [report]
I think danila qnzmami718 need to start reading Savage Love - a sex-advice column by the master of all masters: Dan Savage. Just because a man is into such an act does not make him gay. The only thing that makes him gay is if he fantasizes about, and likes to have sex with, other men. I think this column is bringing up a good topic of discussion, in that, we all need to be a little more open-minded about others’ sexual kinks, we’d ALL have better sex lives if that were the case.
ootie
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 08:02 am: [report]
I’d try it if my boyfriend wanted me to. It honestly sounds fun, though admittedly not very sexual. I probably wouldn’t want it to become a part of my usual sexual routine.
SamL
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 08:16 am: [report]
ChocoBoo has nailed this pretty accurately. If you don’t have a fantasy about this, you might wonder what the big deal is… especially as the penetrating tool is actually not animate… so any arousal on your part, will have to be either audio or visual! Or both.
Yes I’ve tried it and whilst my partner was enthusiastic, I was frankly underwhelmed.
Personally, if a man of mine wanted domination I’d probably use a dildo rather than a strap on. Bondage would be integral as well.
Is a man who wants to be penetrated likely to be/turn gay? Can’t see the connection. Don’t understand the question…
Anal sex is NOT a gay exclusive. I enjoy a full and varied sex life (well OK, I enjoy anal sex) and I don’t consider myself “gay.”
ChocoBoo
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 08:26 am: [report]
@SamL: super comment!
Folks, anal sex does not mean Mr.Right will suddenly end up in bed w/ Mr.Slave (from south park)! Please, never try to ‘shame’ your guy out of his request for anal play.
As with most fantasies, if u don’t like or can’t fulfill the request, politely decline and move on. No need to give the dude a complex about it.
SunBun
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 10:53 am: [report]
I can say from personal experience that seeing your boyfriend holding his knees to his chest and telling you how good that dildo feels up is a** is NOT HOT. The smell, the image, eww. It’s just too emasculating for me to ever think of this guy the same way.
And ya, guess what - he’s into guys now (10 year later).
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 10:55 am: [report]
@SunBun: Just because it’s not hot to you doesn’t mean it isn’t to someone else. Stop being so judgmental.
brandyalexander
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]
Sigh. Like SamL said, anal isn’t exclusively a gay activity. Saying that you could make your boy gay by indulging this fantasy would be like a guy not giving oral to his girlfriend for fear she’d become a lesbian, you know, ten years later.
janieee
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]
Agreed. There are a lot of great nerve endings back there, nothing about that makes anyone gay. I have tried this but what SamL said was true, without being able to feel anything it’s difficult to get any sexual pleasure from it unless the idea itself is a turn on. Though, the fact that my guy was open enough with his sexuality to let me try it is very sexy.
Lynn
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]
yep, this. I haven’t tried it but I would if he asked, but I can’t see it being something I would want to do all the time.
SamL
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 11:32 am: [report]
@SunBun. It’s just too emasculating for me to ever think of this guy the same way.
And that’s a valid opinion.
But I don’t think you should beat yourself up about him now being “into guys” now. It wasn’t your use of a dildo on him, that “turned” him gay, although your reaction might have contributed.
If it wasn’t something you wanted to do, or you felt was too emasculating, why did you agree to do it?
majicksand
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 01:10 pm: [report]
I’ve always thought it might be cool to try. I don’t see my husband being into it though. He’s not into anal on me(for which I am profoundly grateful), so I won’t be suggesting it for him either.
Guess I’ll have to lump that fantasy in with the three-way one.
As for stimulation from a strap-on… aren’t there some with vibrators or clitoral stimulators attached? I can’t imagine the lesbian community has never addressed this issue.
MuchoMacho
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 02:30 pm: [report]
i consider myself a trysexual. ill try anything that doesnt hurt. this does not qualify as something i would try.
NomChompsky
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]
If you’re sexually aroused by women to the exclusion of men, you’re a heterosexual. Being penetrated isn’t the same thing as being gay; if you’re turned on by women, you’re turned on by women.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]
@MuchoMacho: If it hurts, you aren’t doing it right. Your attempt at “trysexual” fails.
impoddity
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 03:12 pm: [report]
I actually just read an article about pegging in Filament Mag. It’s always something I’ve been interested in trying. Just have to find a willing participant.
bethlynn00
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 03:18 pm: [report]
I have had guys ask me to use a strap-on on them and frankly I am just too damn lazy to do it! I mean everyone works hard at sex, but giving me an extra responsibility, that won’t bring me much pleasure, unless the straps rubbing against my lady parts feels good? Not sure about that, but it just seems like extra work that’s not working towards getting me off. Call me selfish, but since I would NEVER ask for anal, I would never feel obligated to perform it on anyone.
equnsuocha
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 03:46 pm: [report]
Its amazing how touchy most guys are about this topic. Most think that it makes them gay if anything goes in through the out door but have no problem trying it with us. Now I do think that the dildo option is something a hetero man would enjoy more than the strap on. It feels like the strap on approach may indicate that he is a switch hitter which is fine as long as I know up front. But this doesn’t freak me out NEARLY as much as the guy who wanted me to snowball him. That was just, well…
draymond
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 01:57 am: [report]
It takes something of an unusual set of fantasies on both members. Sure the anus has plenty of snesitivity, but to say that getting pegged in the rear doesn’t have at least some overtones of gay sex is naieve. Similarly unless the girl is just going along with it to be a good sport she has to have some fantasies about being the guy. Without that the act doesn’t have much attractiveness for the women, because obviously what is missing from a dildo compared to a penis is nerve endings as the Marie Claire writer found. One possible way of mitigating that would be to use a feeldoe in the strapon.
SamL
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 04:52 am: [report]
@draymond. Sure the anus has plenty of sensitivity, but to say that getting pegged in the rear doesn’t have at least some overtones of gay sex is naive. Similarly unless the girl is just going along with it to be a good sport she has to have some fantasies about being the guy.
In your view….
So, according to your thinking, if I use a strap on to penetrate a man, I want to BE a man, and my partner MUST BE a latent homosexual?
If that is the crux of your comment, then it’s complete bullsh!t! That’s like saying if I lie in the sun to get a tan, I must fantasise about being black!
How about anal sex being a pleasurable sexual practice for both (enlightened) partners? Why does there have to be some sinister overtone, which is not only insulting to gays, but to women as well?
Your own prejudices reveal far more about you than you know!
bethany356
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 01:32 pm: [report]
My husband and I actually do this on a regular basis… It doesn’t have to be “smelly” (think enema) and like it has been previously stated, a little vibe makes it pleasurable for both partners. My husband is not gay, nor do I want to be a man. It’s something diffrent to mix up the sex life.
shesatwat
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 06:10 pm: [report]
I am pretty adventurous in bed to the point that I want to at least try everything twice (with a very few, albeit important, exceptions). My ex was very masculine in both appearance and personality so I was a bit surprised that after we had been together a few months, he admitted that he had always wanted the girl to take the lead. We went down to the local Hustler store in Hollywood and bought a feeldoe.
Mixed feelings. I can relate with the writer of the column that I felt a bit disconnected and it was anything but sexual at first. I never became fond of it, but I have to admit, the feeldoe is responsible for many orgasms. It isn’t the traditional strap-on. Instead, it has no strings and it is supported by a small dildo that goes inside the female with an additional battery powered buzz placed very well just for her.
So yeah, anyone who is interested in giving this a go should know two things:
1. It is hard, at least it was for me, to think of my man in exactly the same light after bagging him in that manor
2. If you are going to try it, good for you! Just make sure you get something out of it with something along the lines of a feeldoe (made by chicks) as opposed to plastic dong with straps.
shesatwat
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 06:14 pm: [report]
@SamL on her comment about wanting to be domninated does not necessarily mean gay.
Absolutely right. I think a lot of guys, like most women, have fantasized about the same sex. While it may not be true in all cases, I tend to think it is a safe way for the male in the relationship to explore that fantasy without having to go all the way with another man.
Have any females on this board date and/or have dated men who have been with men or admitted they had fantasized about it?
GreyWolf
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 10:03 pm: [report]
@draymond: I agree with SamL… your comment seems flawed. I’ve never done that, and have only ever had more than a passing thought about trying it. On the other hand, I have OFTEN wondered what sex feels like to women (I know how great it feels to me!), but lacking the female genitalia, I’ve wondered what the actual sensation is like for my partner. I see this questions as simply an extension of that curiousity, albeit different in that it can be experienced by a guy.
However, given how many guys are severely homophobic and cringe at the mere thought of contact with another man, the only solution is to convince his spouse/gf to try the strap-on method. And I would maintain that if he found that pleasurable (likely), and wanted to do it again if his partner were willing, he’d STILL be no more homosexual than the partner would be a latent transexual.
I think you’re confused about what homosexuality really is.
Friskynforty
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 11:00 pm: [report]
MY ex constantly requested this little treat….He was always the submissive in our relationship. After awhile, this got to be his whole sexual focus. When we went to the grocery store together he would point out things he wanted me to buy and insert. It made me feel like less of a woman becaue he preferred anal sex to anything else. When we did have vaginal sex, he would get it over with as quickly as possible, but when it came to anal sex, he would make himself last forever. He even would use his Viagra prescription on anal play alone but refused to use it when we had sex because he didnt’ want to “waste” it. By the end of our marriage we had completely stopped having sex together because he preferred to do himself anally rather than have sex with me. It caused a huge self esteem problem with me. When I first became single again, I had a huge problem with my sexuality and my appeal to the opposite sex. Thankfully, my lover now is all man and not afraid to let me know that our sex life is very satisfying. I was a virgin when I got married over 25 years ago so my ex was all I ever knew when it came to intimacy. I now feel like I have discovered what sex is all about and feel confident in the bedroom. If you like it, go for it. Personally, I would never be involved with another man who was in to anal sex after my experience with my ex. I am an adventerous woman, but..been there done that..NEVER AGAIN!!
majicksand
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 08:02 am: [report]
@shesatwat: I have. I dated a guy for a few months who admitted he was bi-sexual. We were arguing (he was losing and looking dumber by the minute), and I think he was trying to shock me into saying something nasty that he could use against me later. He got really flustered when I was not only not bothered but curious. Far from getting to explore a new twist, we broke up shortly thereafter.
Opportunity wasted.
LadyDomina
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]
Emmpea and ChocoBoo, you are both spot-on! Anal play is part of a beautiful spectrum of human erotic potential. As a lifestyle Domme and retired pro-Domme, I can tell you this Lady finds it is deeply sensual and sexual and tremendously fulfilling for both parties. For you ladies who may be skeeved, don’t be! The anus has lots and lots and lots of nerve endings. Be glad he is so sensual. His desires have nothing to do with homosexuality or bisexuality; those are based on whom he would like to have any sort of sex. If he desires you and your gender? He’s hetero.
He’s shared his darkest secret, so trust Me, he’ll gladly oblige you whatever you want.
If you’re skeeved, remember you can buy latex gloves right near the laundry detergent in your local Sainsbury’s or your supermarket. Lots of lube, a very very gentle pinkie finger at first, and you’re off to a good start. Make sure he’s empty; you don’t want to tear a lining. As for the strap-on, when he’s appropriately widened, just position it correctly—not just in him, darlings, against Your mound—and if you are a sensual woman, I promise you can have multiple and simultaneous orgasms. Go for the silicone, not the plastic. Not sexual? Ummm, it’s hot, sexy, fun and power-tripping delightful. Oh yes, they make attachments for your pleasure, but a skilled Lady doesn’t need them
My question: Why does Marie Claire (and these other mags) allow such prudes and virgins to write these articles on sex??
SunBun
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:33 pm: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse
I was sharing my experience… as read in the first line of my comment “I can say from personal experience…”
Back off - I’m not judgemental at all. I’m proud of my ex - he became a very popular gay porn star and is hot.
@SamL
Hi SamL! Just to quickly answer your question - I did it because I like to try lots of sexual things, and it was fun while it was happening. But just wasn’t for me.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:36 pm: [report]
Awww.
SamL
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 03:05 pm: [report]
@SunBun That’s cool! At least you tried it.
@LadyDomina Hallelujah! Although the rubber Marigold gloves would be a turn off for me… surgical gloves maybe, but if anyone’s that squeamish, I’d recommend giving this experience a miss… Or until you’re both so turned on that anything goes!
Maxxx Steele
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 02:08 pm: [report]
Are people afraid to go shopping for toys?? There are plenty of fun bum toys that can be used on both partners and even a a double ender for a male/female experience. But how often does a man go all out and make sure his woman gets pleasure from oral or whatnot NOT expecting or experiencing any sexual stimulation BUT is VERY turned on by the fact that they are pleasuring their partner?
Just for the record, the smooth dildos are rather boring as stimulation does not occur unless there is some form of variety in texture when the toy is moving in and out of the rectum. And ladies, if you man likes it up there, get the Eros!! Woooo! Its the strangest looking prostate stimulator that has given me multi orgasms to the point that I have passed out… (sigh)
duhh
wrote on October 23 2009 @ 08:25 pm: [report]
majicksand, yes there are some strap on’s with buzzers on them, I own one…........
and making a guy feel embarrassed of a sexual fantasy is cruel….........
mine can’t even stand a finger up his butt, but, he’s like totally retentive…..........
majicksand
wrote on October 24 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
@duhh: When did I try to embarass someone about a sexual fantasy?
Shriekback68
wrote on October 24 2009 @ 12:37 pm: [report]
I don’t get the whole anal thing. At all. There’s a perfectly good vagina right THERE, gentlemen. Learn to use it.
newryder
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 05:33 am: [report]
A great discussion.
Strapon sex is just sex. There is though allot of taboo associated with men and anal sex. The ladies who are shocked that their man wants anal sex - strapon sex - with them, should be thankful that the guys don’t have to go meet some guy in a bathroom to satisfy his curiosity.
We guys who like strapon sex want sex with you! Not a guy.
Guys? They need to give the girls time. guys need to understand why they want what they want.
Girls? They need to give it time too.
Is it normal? No. But so what? Two people love each other and they want to pleasure each other and explore. That is normal.
Strapon sex is not for everybody. But for those that need it or want it and find their way? It is awesome and just another way of enjoying sex.
ryder
rrtt11
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 07:04 pm: [report]
I have heard various times that prostate stimulation is great and I would like to try it but that is not an easy thing to bring up without risking her thinking you are gay or as others said “think of you in a different light”
Also, I really appreciate females who have tried the strap-on and realize just how much work it is and that is really just in light weight situations mostly.
You can always tell in a lesbian video just who has any experiencing being f-er and not the f-ee. I mostly just want to say “you are doing it wrong”
Lion
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 10:28 pm: [report]
I am so into this…honestly it is my number one turn on, and I come every time with out a dildo. Just trusting… this was a great read!
iamozy
wrote on November 8 2009 @ 03:48 am: [report]
I’ve met a guy before who found anal stimulations extremely satisfying. It was mystifying to me at first because he seemed to physically want that sort of stimulation, but he was very attracted to women. Before that, I didn’t realize that guys differed that much in simple physical satisfaction. The guy was also into being submissive, so he found it psychologically stimulating too, exciting.
although he wanted me to, i never got intimate with him enough to have sex, the normal way or otherwise, so that is an avenue i have not yet taken (and i may never, since my current boyfriend has shown no interest in that, which is not surprising). i wouldn’t find it gross if done correctly.