Making The Walk Of Shame Less Shameful
Posted by: Ali Jawin
Filed in:
style
3:00PM, Monday June 22nd 2009
We have all been there. At some point in your life, you’ll be forced to drag your sorry ass home in the harsh light of day. Whether you regret the dude or your laziness, you inevitably regret that you wore such a short sparkly mini with “do me” pumps. Tragically, it is a universally accepted fact that last night’s hot number is this morning’s hot tranny mess. While we at The Frisky will never judge your sexual exploits (we will likely share them!), we might judge your post facto fashion. Granted, you are never going to look as polished as Michelle Obama as you run from bush to bush in a doomed attempt to minimize sightings, but at least we can give you a few tips so grannies do no avert their eyes in moral indignation.
- Borrow One Large Item of Clothing: If you spent the night, you are entitled to demand one article of clothing to cover whatever was most revealed last night. I doubt Emily Post would object to you politely asking your host to borrow a sweater to throw over a corset top or a pair of track pants to be exchanged for your miniskirt. The actual asking is potentially awkward, especially if you are asking a guy whose name doesn’t extend farther than “dude with the drool-worthy bod.” Buck up, you will be glad you did. You should return said item of clothing, but we won’t judge you if you “forget.”
- Take Off The Bling: You wore sparkles and gems to get noticed, and if you are doing the walk of shame you probably succeeded. Congrats! Now onto your strategy for sneaking home undetected. Remove any item of clothing or jewelry that catches the light. The walk of shame is not the time to discover the similarities between the sun and the disco ball. The rocks and sequins will only draw attention to yourself, and until posh sparkly frocks are considered appropriate office wear, you will only be drawing attention to last nights adventures.
- Do What You Can With Your Hair and Makeup: Undoubtedly, hair and makeup is the trickiest giveaway. If you crashed on a girlfriends floor you can easily ask her for some face wash, eye makeup remover, brush, hair elastic and styling tool of choice. If you spent the night with a guy…you are probably in trouble. Unless the dude is a major player or cross dresses routinely, you need to get creative. Remove last night’s makeup. Investigate and do an inventory of your resources. With a towel, water, soap and aggressive scrubbing you can work minor miracles. Just think of it as intense exfoliation. In lieu of a brush, use your fingers. Instead of a hair elastic, use floss as a ribbon. With a little outside of the box thinking you can look presentable if not quite bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
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sunrise
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 04:19 pm: [report]
how about stowing a lightweight daytime dress that rolls up really tiny into your purse the night before?
raqueleza
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 06:44 pm: [report]
Big sunglasses are a must. I make sure to stick a pair in my bag when I foresee a long night.
becktasm
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 07:15 pm: [report]
Oh my god, I remember my worst walk of shame. A good guy friend of mine invited me to a formal at his fraternity, so I got all gussied up in a bright floral Gaultier dress and strappy silver heeled sandals. Needless to say, the jungle juice was quite strong, and I wound up waking up next to him in his tiny little bunk bed, panties nowhere to be found. I carefully located my dress and shoes, pulled my hair into a bun to disguise how ratty it was, and whipped out my biggest sunglasses. I walked out of his room to see that I had to step over his roommate who, having been locked out, just crashed in the hall. Delicately, I stepped over the lad’s head, and started my 20 minute walk back to my dorm. It was 7 AM, my dress was strapless, and I was freezing. I received many an embarrassing jeer from men opening shops and doing construction, but avoided any interaction with anyone I knew. Thank god
My bed buddy later texted me to ask why I had dashed out so early, and informed me that I had been his first (a fact he may have neglected to let me in on due to our extreme drunkenness). He also told me that his roommate had been awake when I snuck out, and had seen straight up my dress. All in all, in interesting night for my vagina.
redvixen
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 07:29 pm: [report]
@ sunrise: if you have room to stash a dress, stash some flipflops, I think the stilettos are the WORST giveaway!!!
Ali Jawin
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 07:31 pm: [report]
Stilettos are bad, but a ball gown at 1pm on a sunny Sunday afternoon is much much worse
sunrise
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 09:16 pm: [report]
@ redvixen: oh yeah! or… i saw an article recently, i think it was on here, about vending machines that dispensed rolled up ballet flats… genius.
Alison Wonderland
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 09:31 pm: [report]
How about not dressing like a skank to begin with?
Ginger
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 11:48 pm: [report]
A friend and I discussed walks of shame today and decided that we don’t believe in them. To us, they are walks of pride. If you got laid and are heading home late because of it, then hold your head high and strut your stuff you sexy thing.
bubblegum
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 01:23 am: [report]
I remember walking home wearing this guy’s huge pijamas (he was 6’3” I’m only 5’4”)rolled up, with a tiny top and stilettos at noon on a Saturday. All the shops were open, and people were looking at me on the streets.
I enjoyed the night before, though…
Ali Jawin
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 07:19 am: [report]
@Ginger: I agree that walks of shame aren’t bad. I only wanted to give a few pointers in case you don’t want everyone knowing your bidness. Case in point, one of my college roommates ran into her professor mid walk of shame. It gets worse, she was supposed to hand in the final paper to the prof. in 30 minutes!
Riley
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 07:29 am: [report]
Maybe I’m missing something, but I would at least offer to give the girl a ride (car this time). Or call and pay for a cab; especially if it is cold out or if she is wearing some crazy heels. Even if it was a one-nighter, a complete mistake, etc., you can still be polite.
Yes, I’m being serious and not trying to look suave for the online ladies.
Joey Daytona
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 07:33 am: [report]
Reminds me of the old SNL fake ad for the perfume, ‘Hey You’ with Gilda Radner the next morning trying to hail a cab looking all disheveled. I loaned one lady my black trenchcoat in the AM for that long awkward walk and she looked great in it. The fantasy was she’d call me to come get it and that’s all she’d be wearing, reality was she put it in a plastic shopping bag and left it on the doorknob…
joyy
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 07:39 am: [report]
@ginger - apparently men refer to this phenomenon (when it happens to them) as not the walk of shame, but the walk of FAME.
Riley
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 07:42 am: [report]
@joyy - Depends on who you took home.
Ali Jawin
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 08:09 am: [report]
@Riley: Wow, you are one classy man. Can you please spread your words of wisdom to all your guy friends. Seriously, I am impressed.
Naneenya
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 08:18 am: [report]
The best day to witness the walk of shame is November 1st. The day after Halloween. There is nothing funnier/more awkward than a girl doused in glitter, carrying her stilettos and fairy wings back home.
Riley
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 08:38 am: [report]
@Ali - There is no hope for them, I have tried. When you suggest they do something nice and the answer is “Why?”, you know you have already lost.
bogart4017
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 09:15 am: [report]
Hey if they just gotta walk i see no reason why we can’t walk with them right?
Ali Jawin
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 09:44 am: [report]
@Riley and @bogart4017: I have renewed hope for the male species. Just keep on spreading the word and improving the world one guy at a time.
Riley
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 09:53 am: [report]
@Ali - Don’t get too far ahead of yourself, I still laugh at toilet humor and watch South Park.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]
@Ali Jawin: <Shameless Pandering> I’d give you a pair of boxers if you lost your panties. </Shameless Pandering>
Kay Kay
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:06 am: [report]
If you stash a dress in your purse, make sure you leave with the one you were wearing the night before as well! Last night, I was over at the boy’s house again, and he handed me the dress I had been wearing last time!
Ali Jawin
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:49 am: [report]
Is there an actual etiquette to returning borrowed clothes from the walk of shame? Have any of you ever had the guts to retrace your steps and hand over the garment? Have any of you gotten clothing back? If you borrow something is it necessary to wash it before you return it?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]
@Ali: That is fodder for another post, you’re the writer…make it happen.
TOO_DOPE
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]
This post is great! I have to agree with Naneenya. Even looking over at the car next to you in traffic the morning after Halloween is insane. Not quite the walk of shame but still funny stuff.
Ali Jawin
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]
@TOO_DOPE: Thanks! I try. But I agree with and Naneenya: Halloween equals craziness.
secondchance
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 10:03 pm: [report]
I had a potential walk of shame/pride last week and my partner was kind enough to catch it before I did. (I’m a little out of practice as I’m newly single after 14 years)
He loaned me a T-shirt and shorts. Since he has a no shoes home, no heels, I waltzed in with a LBD and Chacos. Gotta love Colorado!
Now, I would only have had to walk from house to car, but it is 15 miles of mountain roads. Imagine car trouble!
I think returning the clothes will be a way to go back up.
Trixie Firecracker
wrote on August 4 2009 @ 07:55 pm: [report]
Stash a thong, mini bottle of lotion, gloss, and contact lens case/solution mini thing (if you need it), and hair tie into your evening bag. Those items are small enough that they don’t take up too much room. I just thought to toss a face wash wipe or two in a ziplock bag and stow that in your bag too but that might be overdoing it.
Trixie Firecracker
wrote on August 4 2009 @ 08:51 pm: [report]
@sunrise: Those flats you are talking about are called Rollasoles and unfortunately they are only available in the UK for now but I think they plan on expanding to NYC and LA in the fall, check them out here: http://www.rollasole.com/
@Naneenya: I made a point of walking home at 5 am on the morning of November 1st in the freezing cold in my skanky bee costume, wings, and stiletto boots so I wouldn’t have to do the post-Halloween walk of shame. At 5 AM, everyone’s too passed out to notice anything.