Madonna Rocks Out With Her Crotch Out, Gets Booed
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
celebs
2:30PM, Wednesday January 7th 2009
In an article entitled “Put It Away Madonna!” UK newspaper, The Daily Mail, boldly stated that they think Madge is too old to flash her vadge. Excuse me, the Material Girl damn near invented crotch shots! And the now 50-year-old looks super sexy in the new Louis Vuitton ads in which she’s sprawled out in a booth with a leg up and a come hither look. Honestly, I can’t get over the muscle training alone required to lift that piece of luggage above her head with a stiletto heel! I can barely grab my bag off the airport turnstile with both arms. Heck, even a homosexual like designer Marc Jacobs can’t resist her charms! It was his idea to make the Queen of Pop his cover girl. Why should motherhood stop the sex symbol from doing her thing? She’s a straight up MILF representin’! At the very least, over 15 years later, it’s nice to know people still uncontrollably pop a woody for her, even if it makes reporter/hater Chris Johnson uncomfortably critical. We’ve come up with five other things we think that the newly single M could do with her crotch to expand her business, besides sell luxury handbags…
1. Work Out Video: The Queen has kept her body super tight, even after babies and the ‘pause. She should share the invaluable knowledge and her personal kegel exercise regimen with the people. An instructional video on how to stay like a virgin would fly off the shelves!
2. Spokesvadge: Madge is all about giving back through UNICEF, but what about a group like Planned Parenthood? We’re sure if sexpert Madonna’s crotch could talk, it’d certainly have some stories about the importance of taking care of down there!
3. Launch Her Own Lingerie Line: Dita Von Teese tricked out Wonderbra, perhaps Madonna can bring back her cone shaped bullet bra bodysuits.
4. Make Prints: Madonna should forgo traditional autographs and do crotch prints for fans a la Maude Lebowski.
5. Porn: Sure, she’s pretty much done it before, but nothing says, “I don’t need you, Guy,” quite like sex tape with some Hollywood hottie(s).
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theothergyllenhaal
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 03:08 pm: [report]
Gotta agree with the Daily Mail, Madonna’s a boner-killer. She’s in shape, yeah, but she’s too sinewy and lean. Her body’s as hard as her icy stare.
Humble Bee
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 03:45 pm: [report]
I have one for the list!
How about take a damn day to take care of her kids! or better yet, raise them.
She’s a great artist, but maybe somewhere in that hungry head, she thinks she’s a great mom just because she doesn’t let her kids watch TV.. Puh lease. Stop being the spokeperson for the world, and be a rolemodel to your kids!
I do have to give her props though, for not whoring them out like other celebrities.
sinerella
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 04:10 pm: [report]
I agree, frisky.
Honestly, I think it’s sad how people such as the “journalist” of the dailymail judge Madonna in such a negative way. Sure, there have been few photos of her looking a little “gaunt”. However, there also have been hundreds, if not thousands of pictures over the last few months and years where she looked amazing, even without makeup, and that doesn’t get any publication. of course. It’s sad how they (British tabloids) want to make her look like such an awful individual. If they don’t make up some gossip about her saint husband and sinner Madonna, they look for the worst picture of her to make an article about it. Even with pretty pictures (that might be airbrushed, but ALL pictures are airbrushed aside from paparazzi photos, keep that in mind, folks) they still manage to write a negative article.
This world is so sexist. So ageist. Madonna is one of the few people that seems to act against it. In 20 years we’ll probably honor and respect her for it, now, people just aren’t ready for woman of 50 or older to be successful.
There’s something wrong with our society. I’m not a feminist, but hearing about all of this hypocrisy and unfair treatment might make me one.
On other people here who again said something negative: okay, that’s your opinion. You’re not a journalist for a public tabloid so it’s different, however, you don’t know her, so therefore, I don’t think you have the right to say she’s a bad parent. Last time I saw Madonna I also saw Lourdes with her. Those two always smile at each other, they obviously really adore each other. I really doubt the two would seem so close if she didn’t pay so much attention to her kids.
I’ve also seen a documentary with her and her kids and those kids, let me tell you; they’re crazy for her.
It’s funny how no one judges fathers, famous fathers, that is. How come no one mentions anything about Guy Ritchie who spends his time in pubs when his kids finally see him? Again, I’m not to judge just like none of you are, but he gives me more reasons to doubt his fatherhood than Madonna her motherhood.
Madonna’s a businesswoman, but so are many parents. She has more time during the day and a lot more time when she is not touring than your average parent. In fact, your normal/average parent will probably put their children in daycare centers. Is that so much better?
Besides, this might sound naive, but we don’t really know if those pictures are airbrushed or not. I’ve seen pictures of Madonna for the Give it to me photo-shoot without any airbrushing and let me tell you; there’s barely any difference. In fact, she looks better without the airbrushing than with it.
Simcha
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 04:29 pm: [report]
@Sinerella
Tear! I hope Madonna is reading….
hawaiianpeach
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 04:31 pm: [report]
Madonna sells more sex than a discount hooker in the red light district of Amsterdam…WhAt?! That is what she does best…
sinerella
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 04:45 pm: [report]
Simcha: you know what? If you’re okay with this world being so sexist, the media being so unfair towards females, then that’s too bad for you. Have a happy life.
Simcha
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 10:51 pm: [report]
Wait, sinerella, I think you misunderstood me. I thought what you wrote was touching and really supportive.
Humble Bee
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 03:17 pm: [report]
lol. Tear as in cry, not Tear as in rip off.
I actually didn’t take the fact that she DOES have more time on her hands than most parents, i guess i was just having a bad day and took it out on Maddona. haha.
Oy vey!
par3
wrote on January 14 2009 @ 07:49 am: [report]
why can’t she act her age?