Star In Your Very Own Erotic Novel!

For your enjoyment, here is an excerpt from Johnny Depp and Ami Angelowicz: Fever in France:

“Mon Ami.” “Bizou Johnny.” Ami dismounts her little yellow bicycle and Johnny follows. Tired from a day of cycling about town—Museé Rodin, Tour Eiffel, crêpes de sucre, and passionate kisses on Rive Gauche—Ami finally collapses in the pristine Parisian grass of the Jardin de Luxembourg, stretching and soaking in the fall sun. Johnny opens the picnic basket he has been carrying on his handlebars all day. “Madame ... ” he gestures to an unopened bottle of wine ready to serve. “Wine for the lady?” It’s a fine deep red.

OK, so maybe I don’t have a future as a writer of romantic novels (and pardon my French, by the way), but I just got so carried away imagining a page from my soon-to-be published, customized erotic novel created by UStar Books and Novels. Yes, correct. You can create a novel starring you tailor-made to contain all of your most personal tastes and erotic desires. So perfect because it appeals to my romanticism and narcissism, all at once!

Here’s how it works … you pick the type of novel you desire (they have some awesome titles—my faves are “Indecent Italy,” “Amsterdam Lessons,” and, of course, “Fever in France”) then answer a series of intimate questions about you and your spouse, such as your pet names for each other, physical features, hometown, favorite perfume, favorite wine, and more … er … unmentionable deets. And what if you’re a single lady with a long-time celeb crush, like moi? You can ditch the spouse and replace him/her. Hello, Johnny! If you think you can pen something better than me (shouldn’t be too difficult, I’m sure) cruise the website to find out how you can enter a contest to write their latest title. Some very happy reading, indeed.