Liveblogging The Season Finale Of “True Blood”

Oh lordy you guys. Is it Sunday? Yes! That means we have only 30 minutes before the season finale of “True Blood” airs. I’m super excited to find out if the killer is really Rene, if Sookie truly chooses Sam over Bill, and who in the hell that naked lady in the middle of the road was. Also, just to warn you, but I pulled an all nighter in Atlantic City this weekend and just finished watching “The Notebook” a few minutes ago, so my mind is a little loopy and my emotions are kind of raw—this could be the weirdest liveblog ever.

8:38 To have another bowl of pasta or not? Decisions, decisions…
8:57 I am having another. Also, I just caught up on last night’s “SNL” and I am sooo glad they brought back the Blizzard Man. Three minutes!!!
9:02 I love the vampire chick that Bill changed. Drew Marshall = Rene, but does that really mean that Rene is the killer? Seems to obvious at this point, but…
9:04 And Rene at the station now too. It’s just soooo obvious. I mean, I guess now it’s about finding out WHY it’s Rene. Aww, I feel so bad for his redheaded sweetheart.
9:07 Is it bad that I still think Rene is sexy? Wait, where is Tara again? I forget. I’m confused. Oh yeah…. that weird social worker/lawyer.
9:11 Okay, what do we think this lady’s deal is? What does she wants Tara to do for her? Ooof, that bed looks comfy. I’m tired.
9:13 Sookie’s hair was pin straight at the jail and now it’s wavy. You know, Jason has so grown on me. I love him now. Amy, while nuts, made him so much sweeter.
9:16 Where is Tara exactly? Eden? Who’s the hottie on the guitar? Why is there so much fruit? Collecting stray black people as a hobby—good one, Tara. Maybe this Mary Ann—is that her name?—is a cult leader?
9:19 Gah, what the hell is going on with Mary Ann and the pig?! Is she a shape shifter too?? Does Rene sing before he kills fang bangers?
9:20 ...and no Bill. HELLO, he’s the point of this show. Okay, so Rene doesn’t creep me out. I know he is supposed to, but that Creole accent is sexy. Man, taking Jason’s truck is cold, especially when you plan on killing his sister in it.
9:24 Oh no! Is Rene’s sexy Creole accent FAKE? The minute he drops it and shows himself as the killer, I bet my crush will go away. Oh my god, what are these children watching?
9:26 Oh man, Rene gets off on vampire porn? And then kills the women in the videos? That’s sick. Awesome, Sam is going to hunt them down based on scent. Oooh, and he didn’t intend to kill Gran, but she was there at the wrong time. Yikes. This is getting good. I’m kind of scared. Okay, I’m really scared.
9:29 Why is Sookie running into the woods? Why did Rene give a crap who his sister was sleeping with? Rene needs therapy. Is he schitzo?
9:31 Billlllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh no, is Bill going to char his skin permanently? Oh my god, if Sookie chooses Sam over Bill now, Bill who has ruined his beautiful face for her, I will scream.
9:34 Oh. My. God. That was GROSS. Oh my god, Bill is going to be okay right? I mean, seriously, they can’t kill him off. Right?
9:37 Oh no. Jason is going to be Bible beater now.
9:39 Poor Arlene. Can this poor woman get a break? Maybe she and Jason should fall in love.
9:41 Ooooh, Mary Ann knows Sam! They’re both shape shifters…I think Sam actually really does love Tara not Sookie.
9:44 Is Jason going to abstain from sex now that he’s been saved? I hope not, because I was beginning to enjoy his sex scenes. Umm, nothing bad better happen to Lafayette.
9:46 BILLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay! Finally! Vamp lovin’!!!
9:48 Sam is being a pouty bitch. Where is Lafayette?! This is so horrible. Oooh Arlene and the veteran! Yes, good match up, maybe. “Your hair is like a sunset after a bomb went off.”
9:50 Something tells me that Bible-beating Jason is not going to be as fun or as sexy.
9:52 Oh no, Bill is stuck taking care of that vampire he turned? Can’t she live by herself?
9:54 Andy Balfour was going to drive home drunk. And why is Sam packing up money? LAFAYETTE!!!!!!

Next. Summer. NEXT. SUMMER. What the hell are we going to do in the meantime?