Liveblogging “The Bachelor”
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
news
6:15PM, Monday February 16th 2009
It’s down to three! On tonight’s episode, Papa Bach takes the three remaining women—Jillian, Molly, and Melissa—on romantic overnight dates during which we will no doubt here the sweet sounds of face-sucking. BUT! The moment we’ve all been waiting for, DeAnna’s return to, supposedly, beg for Papa Bach back is also tonight! This is going to be GOOD. So check back with this post at 8 pm EST!
7:58 Preparing for The Bach with a glass of wine, while preparing a burrito.
8:03 Making an early prediction about who will go home—my vote goes to Molly. So Papa Bach is taking all three women to the same destination for the overnight dates? I really hope they don’t all share walls…
8:05 “Too independent?” What the hell does that mean Papa Bach? I hate it when they talk about “the soft side” because I don’t understand what that is. I mean, none of these chicks are “hard.” They’re all former prom queens, for goodness sake.
8:09 Yeah, Molly opened up when she spent the night during the campfire date. She opened up her legs. Actually, scratch that, maybe Molly and her golf shirts are still around because she didn’t give it up and Papa Bach wants to see her, you know, swing. Papa Bach just said that Melissa reminds him of DeAnna and his ex—what does that mean? What brings all three of these women together? Melissa can’t win—Papa Bach needs to against type, obviously.
8:11 I need another burrito. The one I made was VERY small. SWEET! COMMERCIAL. Back with another, larger burrito…
8:14 These commercials are short! Jillian is wearing plaid. She continues to be MY pick for the winner and this is even further proof. A helicopter ride is a pretty sweet date, I gotta say. Okay, so I may like her shirt, but Jillian needs to take the pageant hair down a notch. That girl is HOT ROLLER HAPPY. Aww, and Papa Bach is wearing plaid too! Okay, this is a pretty awesome date. I want to have a picnic (with wine) on a cliff overlooking New Zealand. Um, Chicken Parm Guy, take notes.
8:19 However, I might not enjoy the hiking down. Also, STFU Papa Bach—of course Jillian wants more than friendship too, you dork. Dude, Jason totally expects the bitches to give him at least a beej to make sure there’s “passion” between them.
8:24 I can get behind Jillian’s dress but the accessories are WAY too matchy-matchy. Um, Jillian’s makeup is already messed up—they obviously cut out some hot and heavy kissing. Sigh. I think these two are cute. JILLIAN FOR THE WIN! FOR THE WIN! She’s crazy ABOOT him!
8:27 Oh man, Jillian RULES! She straight up ASKED for the key to the fantasy suite. She’s a modern woman. You go girl. Also, now I want to make out with someone. They are tots going to bone. Is any of that champagne left? I want some. Um, her body is sick. How do all these women have such perfect bodies? What do they do?
8:30 These two are high on pheromones….and Spanish guitar music. Also, what was that menacing music that came before? I thought it was DeAnna’s music—like her music that will be played before she comes and tries to RUIN everything. Um, this is kind of hot. I’m getting kind of hot under the collar. Seriously. Ugh.
8:34 Haha, it rained on Molly’s date. Ooh what a pretty view. Also, that’s kind of awesome that Molly has to jump off a bridge for her date while Jillian got a helicopter ride and a picnic. It’s amazing. These two are still boring the crap out of me this episode. Someone let me know when something interesting happens. Also, Jason screams like a dork.
8:39 Oh, I’m vaguely impressed that Molly has a list. However, so far, her questions are about as deep as that Facebook 25 Things About Me nonsense. Also, if his house was on fire, Papa Bach would save his sneakers. Not his son. Just sayin’. Did she ask him he had any STDs? That’s an important question? What about number of sexual partners? That stuff is important.
8:44 I don’t understand what he sees in Molly. Like, she seems like a sweet girl, but she seems so YOUNG. Dude, I think he WANTS Molly to be the one, but she just isn’t. Listening to these two talk to each other, is like listening to the teacher in “Peanuts” having a conversation with herself. Yawn.
8:51 So, I think Molly is hinting at DeAnna’s reply with her whole, “Aren’t you worried that you’ll pick someone and realize it was the wrong one later?” Oh god, now I am getting worried that Molly will stay. They are SO GOOD at making it seem like The Bach is always totally conflicted up until the last second. Okay, so Molly took a page from the Jillian handbook and asked Papa Bach to stay the night with her. Ugh. Papa Bach is totally stickin’ it in each of these women, one after the other! ABC should really market Bachelor-branded condoms.
8:55 DID ABC NOT GET THE MEMO?! I EFFING HATE COED BATHTUBS AND BATHING! I HATE THE LOOK OF A MAN IN A BUBBLE BATH. I AM TOTALLY GAGGING. UGHHHHH….
9:00 I’m worried for Jillian. Going first is a huge disadvantage. Of course, Megan Melissa, who is going last, is at a disadvantage because her parents aren’t media whores and didn’t want to be on the show. Molly is looking more and more like a shoe-in for Final Two. BOOOOO!
9:13 Okay you guys—what do you think is gonna happen? Who’s going home? I think Melissa is going home, despite being able to leave the last impression. I cannot fathom Jillian going home, and Molly, for whatever reason, has totally put a voodoo spell on Papa Bach. God, remember the days when a Bachelorette WOULDN’T go back to the fantasy suite? Where are the virgins? The women who don’t want their parents knowing they’re effing on ABC’s dime?
9:18 Melissa’s date is a bit of a downer. Hence I think she is going home. But I clearly have no idea what I’m talking about, because I thought Naomi was safe last episode. If Jillian goes home, I swear to God, my head will blow off. Also, DeAnna BETTER be back this episode. That’s what ABC.com said…but they’re previewing that for this episode at all. Hmm….
9:25 It’s already rose ceremony time and there’s 35 minutes left. DeAnna MUST be on her way! I hope Papa Bach tells her to suck it. If she doesn’t come back this episode, I am going to be mad at ABC.com for leading me on. Also, what else could happen in 30 minutes? His heart-to-heart with Chris is almost over!
9:30 Oh. Private video messages. Ugh. I like Jillian’s dress. This rose ceremony is obviously sponsored by Jaguar. Classy! Molly’s sorority ponytails have GOT to go. And now Melissa has a side pony going on. What’s up with these chicks? Wow, Melissa was smart to say definitively, “I love you” at the end of her schpiel.
9:37 Okay, my prediction is that the rose ceremony happens, Jason says goodbye to the discarded Bachelorette, and THEN DeAnna shows up and it cuts away to next week, where we get to see their confrontation!
9:40 The roses go to…MELISSA! And…MOLLY.
WTF. PAPA BACH YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. DEAD TO ME. UGH. I am disgusted. I hope whoever Papa Bach picks in the end turns his ass down. IDIOT. Papa Bach YOU SUCK.
JILLIAN FOR BACHELORETTE! You deserve better girl!
9:46 Obvs, I am angry. I will liveblog next week (“The Women Tell All,” I assume) and the finale, but I kind of don’t care anymore who wins. I was invested in Jillian and her plaid and her Canadian accent and her colorful motorcycle gloves. Oh, and now Jason is crying. Wah, wah, wah… Ugh, is this episode so long because of Papa Bach EMOTING. Barf. This dude is a loser. I hate him. Where is DeAnna? I want her to come back and make him even more confused. He is calling Melissa and Molly “girls.” Doesn’t he want his wife to be a WOMAN?
9:50 HIGHLIGHTS of the finale? So DeAnna comes back on the last episode? Ugh. I wonder if he chooses HER in the end? Actually she is supposedly dating some “Real World’ guy. I am so annoyed. I was so sure Jillian was safe. Just proves you cannot trust your instincts when it comes to s**tty reality TV.
9:54 Ooooh, “The Women Tell All” special looks awesome! And on the finale! Bonding with Ty! And Ty hates Molly like we do! HAHAHAHAHA! Dude, DeAnna is totally coming back at the very last second! DRAMATIC BITCH! Loves it. This is AMAZING. And The Bach loses it! And SOMETHING CRAZY HAPPENS at the final rose ceremony! Cause it’s so emotional! ZOMG!
Dude, I admit it. This s**t is good TV. Also, is Jason is farting in the bathtub? Oh, it’s the draining…weird. Awkward.
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TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:06 pm: [report]
I agree. I think Molly goes home tonight and Melissa takes it home for the win.
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:11 pm: [report]
I wonder if Ty is in NZ with them
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:14 pm: [report]
I always love Jillian’s outfits… who remembers that horrible tube top that Melissa had on a few weeks ago?? the one with the snake on it? she’s cute but she looked strippertastic in that thing
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:18 pm: [report]
I’ve decided my next BF is taking me to New Zealand.
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:19 pm: [report]
My next BF is going to wear plaid regularly. But he will not have a kid.
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:25 pm: [report]
I agree, no kiddos - too much baggage. However, I second the plaid.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:27 pm: [report]
hey ladies!! i am late tonight, believe me i was hauling butt to get home in time!! i can’t wait to see what happens tonight!!!
Yellow
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:28 pm: [report]
Damn, if Jillian doesn’t get the win, whoever does must be pissed at how steamy this hot tub scene is! Plaid does this to people I guess!
Yellow
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:36 pm: [report]
The Molly segment is definitely dull. Last week I used the time to fold my laundry. This week, I’m making nachos.
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:37 pm: [report]
Molly keeps re-iterating how her parents didn’t like her last boyfriend. I think she’s not over that and she’s on my nerves.
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:38 pm: [report]
this list sounds like first date questions
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:40 pm: [report]
I wonder if Molly’s ex-boyfriend was a pimp or a conman.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:45 pm: [report]
molly always has ridiculous ponytails….
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:52 pm: [report]
LMAO at bachelor condoms.. they would def have to be rose-scented
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:53 pm: [report]
Wake me up when they’re done w/ her segment. *BLECK*
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:00 pm: [report]
Amelia, it’s Melissa. . . NOT Megan.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:01 pm: [report]
i love how they all say “i am falling in love with you” and all he can say is “wow” ...its a girls worst nightmare…i mean, i know he can’t say anything, but wow, what a letdown…
Also didn’t they read the frisky article about how girls should never say that first!!!
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:10 pm: [report]
CRAP. They’re all the same!!!!
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:13 pm: [report]
Jason got tail from all 3!!
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:14 pm: [report]
i hope the fantasy suite sheets get changed daily
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:14 pm: [report]
Do we think Papa Bach boned them all? Just making out? Oral? Finger banging? Jason is kind of pimp.
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:15 pm: [report]
I stick with my first prediction, Molly goes home tonight which will leave Jillian and Melissa (my pick) for the last two.
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:15 pm: [report]
i predict melissa and jillian staying tonight
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:17 pm: [report]
Really?! But Molly seemed to do so well…maybe it’s just the editing. I HOPE she goes home, of course.
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:20 pm: [report]
there is over half an hour left in this episode.. what else can possibly happen?
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:22 pm: [report]
Lots of soul searching and heart to hearts with Chris Harrison?
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:22 pm: [report]
ohhh deanna?
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:24 pm: [report]
soul searching, check.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:24 pm: [report]
the commercial that was on last night during desperate housewives made it seem like deanna doesn’t come back until the finale…
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:25 pm: [report]
Deanna HAS to be this episode. Surely they won’t ruin the FINAL rose ceremony w/ her stupid ass. That was rude but I don’t like her.
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:30 pm: [report]
go jillian!!
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:34 pm: [report]
MELISSA!!!!!
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:35 pm: [report]
At least we are all on the same page about Molly.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:37 pm: [report]
i kinda hope he dumps jillian so i can marry her and borrow her pink motorcycle gloves…girlcrush on jillian!!!
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:38 pm: [report]
I am going to do a whole post on motorcycle gloves tomorrow.
Yellow
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:39 pm: [report]
oh god oh god oh god
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:39 pm: [report]
melissa dress looks like it was meant for square dancing
allieite
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:39 pm: [report]
Whhhaaa biggest mistake of his life…
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:39 pm: [report]
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DIBBS ON JILLIAN
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:40 pm: [report]
OMG!! I want Melissa for the win but NOT against Molly. ICK!!! WTF is he thinking?
Yellow
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:40 pm: [report]
Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:40 pm: [report]
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. SO UPSET RIGHT NOW.
belleheh
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:41 pm: [report]
UN-Believable!! Jillian is awesome!!!
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:41 pm: [report]
NOOOOOOOOOO. if eyebrows isnt the next bachelorette, it totally needs to be jillian, just so i can watch her again
Yellow
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:42 pm: [report]
Even her break up talk is SO GOOD. I’m so jealous of Jamie Lee and her dibbs!
belleheh
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:42 pm: [report]
Actually, she can do better.
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:43 pm: [report]
TOTALLY can do better. She is way to fierce and fun for Papa Bach and his lameness. Ugh.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:43 pm: [report]
omg jillian…..this is so sad…but at least she isn’t being ridiculous…
he is so stupid…i cannot believe he let her go…
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:45 pm: [report]
@ Yellow…
i probably will be willing to share with all my frisky friends
Yellow
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:45 pm: [report]
Yeah, that’s right, you CRY Papa Bach.
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:45 pm: [report]
jason crying on the bench = him realizing he just made the worst decision of his life.
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:47 pm: [report]
okay we all know molly is completely lame so melissa is obviously going to win. i don’t even want to watch anymore
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:49 pm: [report]
But do we know that? Because we thought we knew Jillian was so awesome Papa Bach couldn’t possibly NOT take her to the end. Maybe Molly really does have The Bach under her spell. Maybe she wagged a golf club in front of his face and hypnotized him.
Yellow
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:50 pm: [report]
Amelia, your 9:46 entry is like you walked into my brain, and then typed out everything you saw inside. Perfect.
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:52 pm: [report]
Seriously?? We have to wait two effin weeks until the we know? NERVES!!! They’re aggitated right about now.
TexasGirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:54 pm: [report]
Let me correct myself, They’re aggitating ME right about now. TOO MUCH WINE!
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:54 pm: [report]
i kind of hope he picks molly so they can go somewhere and be boring together. and melissa is young so she can find something fun to do with her teased-ponytail hair…
HAHAA in the preview ty hates molly!
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:55 pm: [report]
i meant melissa can find something fun to do with her life? ha, i’m so mad he didnt pick jillian that i cant think straight
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:56 pm: [report]
what the hell does that mean…so dramatic we kept it as intimate as possible??
i can’t wait two weeks….
Amelia
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 08:58 pm: [report]
Yeah, what’s so intimate and emotional? How is it any more emotional than any other final rose ceremony? Does someone have cancer? Does someone pass out? Does someone DIE?!
lesfh11
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 09:01 pm: [report]
wonder how ty will handle an instant mommy?
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 09:07 pm: [report]
yet another reason why men and women shouldn’t be in a bubble bath together….weird accidental fart/drain noises…
i mean, that just drained the romance right out of it…
oh i love a good pun…
toyen
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 10:14 pm: [report]
Ok, I am skipping the gym in two weeks and watching this live with you ladies, because being on delay blows…
BUT NOT AS MUCH AS JILLIAN GOING HOME!! WTF!?
Jason’s a loser. He can go have a mediocre life with the emotional cripple (Molly) or a short-lived relationship with Melissa. Idiot. Maybe the drama in the finale is the engagement doesn’t even last to the post-show wrap up.
“If Jillian goes home, I swear to God, my head will blow off.” Amelia, are you still with us?
alaina
wrote on February 17 2009 @ 12:35 am: [report]
big mistake. bah. i really dug jillian. i hope she didn’t actually bone him… i have a feeling the other two did, but who knows.
lynnbaby
wrote on February 17 2009 @ 09:36 am: [report]
Jillian BETTER BE the next bachelorette!
She can score much higher than Jason and we need to watch it on the tube!
scb197
wrote on February 17 2009 @ 10:53 am: [report]
Listening to these two talk to each other, is like listening to the teacher in “Peanuts” having a conversation with herself. Yawn.
Effing brilliant. He said at the end that Molly has him under his spell. OK…so it’ll be a short lived romance with either, oui?
What the hell…I wanted Deanna to come back and raise hell! Alas, I suppose I must skip my class in two weeks to watch this jawn:-) Damn my roommate for sucking me into this.
My coworker thinks that noone will be chosen when all this is over. Thoughts?
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 18 2009 @ 01:25 pm: [report]
jillian was on ellen today…she had on SUCH a cute outfit…super cute…
also she said she would if she was asked to be the bachelorette she would definitely do it…
also, she said she hopes jason chooses melissa…
but back to her outfit, her skirt and belt were the cutest i have seen in a minute…
can’t wait til monday!