Liveblogging “The Bachelor”
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
news
6:15PM, Monday February 9th 2009
Hey bitches, I’m baccccck! I’m sorry I missed last week’s episode, but trust that I was mourning the loss of Eyebrows just as much as the rest of America. Tonight the remaining bachelorettes—Naomi, Molly, Jillian and Melissa—take Papa Bach back to their hometowns to meet their families. This is guaranteed to the episode that makes me miss Shayne’s mom. So check back with this post starting at 8pm 9pm EST!
8:58 Are y’all ready? Should we start taking bets on who the final three will be? My gut says Naomi, Molly, and Jillian.
9:00 Ruh-roh, Obama is going over time a touch. Oh Mr. President. Oh wait, he’s done. Must be a fan. Looking back at the recap of last week’s episode, I might want to change my vote. I think Melissa might be in, Molly might be out. Hmm. Ugh, I miss Eyebrows. She was awesome. Eyebrows for Bachelorette. Sign the petition. With an eyebrow pencil.
9:05 Um, Jillian’s MOM has depression? Bitch, I got depression. Get a better sob story, for realz. Oh crap, Naomi’s parents are hippies? Hell yeah. Wow, Melissa’s parents are, um, like normal parents it seems, who don’t want their kid meeting some dude on TV and won’t appear on the show. Sweet.
9:08 Jillian is pretty great. She’s fun. Her grandma seems kind of scary though. Whoa, Jillian has a serious accent. Oh, so a little Bach gossip. DeAnna is now dating Ace who was on the Paris season of “The Real World.” Girlfriend is obvi a fame whore. And Jesse is dating some chick who was on the “London Calling” season of “The Bach.” I forget her name. Sarah?
9:10 Hmm, I enjoy Molly. And I like Naomi. But she’s a little bit of a youngster. She still seems like she’s into giving belly shots. She has that beautiful Eva Mendes look though—her skin tone is like warm caramel. Can you tell I’ve always wanted skin like warm caramel? So jealous.
9:13 Wait, how many kids does Melissa have? Someone remind me. Jamie Lee?
9:18 I like Jillian’s coat. Ohhh she’s Canaaaadian. Okay. That explains the OOT. And HOOSE instead of house. Her pink motorcycle gloves are pretty dope too. Okay, so I think I am rooting for her. I feel bad for making fun of Jillian’s mom’s depression. Her mom tried to kill herself. That’s really hard to grow up with. Oh this is very touching and emotional. It actually feels quite genuine. Although I wonder if her mom minds her telling the world about her problems?
9:28 Jillian’s parents are adorable. They’re so wholesome. Jillian For The Win. I predict. Even though her mother writes realllllllly awful toasts/poetry. White wine drinkers. I like it. Haha, Jillian’s mom has notes and a list of questions. Jillian and her cousin look like sisters. I like that for the first time on this show, they’re actually talking about a person having depth.
9:34 Jesus, these parents are effing cute. I want to miniaturize them and put them in my pocket. Also, I have to pee. Commercial break soon, please. Oh good, they are talking about Jillian’s accent. And her Grandma has arrived! I think Grandma wants to date Jason—after she marries Jillian off to some Northern Canadian Ukranian. There’s Ukranians in Northern Canada? Can we also get Jillian’s some facial powder? She is looking a little shiny. This show makes me want to make out. MAKE OUT.
9:39 PEE BREAK.
9:42 Could Molly possibly compete with Jillian? We’ll seeeee….eww, country club. I don’t like this beyatch. I bet she was a debutante. Do Molly’s parents have astroturf for a front lawn? I dunno, she’s not compatible for Jason, I don’t think. I think she’s going home. I mean, golf is their passion. That’s kind of weird, unless you’re Tiger Woods. And now her parents are trying to wacky, but it seems so fake and forced. SEE YA LATER MOLLY. Don’t let the golf clubs hit you on the way out. This family is snooooooozevilllllleeeeeee…....WINE BREAK. Someone tell me when Molly and her boring family are gone, okay?
9:57 I think Papa Bach is into Naomi for the sex. I like that Naomi’s mom rocks the gray hair. And she tried to save a dove. Or she tried to release it into the afterlife in a kind way. Okay, kind of loving this family, thus kind of loving Naomi. A Jillian/Naomi face-off would be pretty exciting for this show, which usually has personality-less blond vs. personality-less brunette in the finale.
10:05 What’s up with the Harry Potter music? Gawdddd, longest episode EVER. I need dessert. Um, wait a second, these dove burying weirdos are hardcore religious? Really? Oh, but wait, Joanne, the mom, is not so crazy religious as Hector, her husband. She has premonitions and believes in past lives. WTF? Naomi is drinking red wine. I cosign that.
[SIDE NOTE: The guy I am kind of dating, just accidentally said “love you” instead of “miss you” in an IM. To freak out or to not freak out, that is the question.]
10:20 I feel bad for Melissa—this puts her at a big disadvantage. That said, I think she won’t go home. Melissa is annoying me sort of. Am I just distracted? I think so. What is up with Melissa’s parents? Maybe they don’t exist. Maybe Melissa emerged from a pea pod in a magical garden.
10:39 I am going to reitterate. Molly is going home. Putt putt. I hate this part where Papa Bach has DEEP THOUGHTS with Chris Harrison.
10:46 MOLLY?! THE NUMBER ONE CALLED? WTF? I DO NOT COSIGN. Phew. Jillian has a rose…Who will it be? Melissa or Naomi?
10:53 MELISSA. WHOA. Oh Naomi. Your mom kicked this relationship to the curb along with that dead dove. He is basically all, “Naomi, no matter what you say, you tots wanna party. And I don’t. I want to make s’mores.” Anyway, I reiterate, JILLIAN FOR THE WIN.
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Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 06:20 pm: [report]
i don’t think its starting until 9 because President Obama is giving a press conference tonight at 8….I am kinda mad that the president didn’t pick a better time for his press conference, i mean its THE BACHELOR man!!!
also i have missed the last two weeks, one week i had no computer, but omg did i have some opinions and it was killing me to have to keep them to myself!!! and i will miss eyebrows too, but i totally saw that coming. she will meet a nice southern gentlemen i am sure…or EYEBROWS FOR BACHELORETTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amelia
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 06:32 pm: [report]
YES EYEBROWS FOR BACHELORETTE! Let’s start a campaign!
Also, thanks for the update on the time! I will change the post…
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 06:52 pm: [report]
she should be bachelorette AND they should have it in Atlanta or Charleston…The Bachelorette: Atlanta…I like it…
and also bachelorette people…if you use my ideas, i am going to need some money and the hot british bachelors phone number, thank you
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 07:59 pm: [report]
i think naomi is getting the ax tonight…
ahhhhhh yesssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:05 pm: [report]
lmao @ eyebrow pencil…
idk though you might be right about melissa…he is not gonna like that her family is not involved in this…
and jillian…umm a history of depression in the family…GET OUT NOW…but i do heart her though
i do not however heart naomi, therefore i vote for her to go far far away…
TexasGirl
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:26 pm: [report]
It’s been a few weeks but I’m still pulling for Melissa!
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:29 pm: [report]
omg i got a phone call…and he won’t shut up!!! but he is really hot and taking me out on valentines day…so i guess its worth the pause…idk about melissas kids, i thought 2…
TexasGirl
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:41 pm: [report]
Um, he has a cute backside in his preppy golf pants.
allieite
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:42 pm: [report]
I am so glad someone else feels the need to MAKE OUT after watching this show. I thought it was just because I am in a serious kissing drought!
TexasGirl
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:43 pm: [report]
*yawn* I’m over Molly.
Amelia
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:43 pm: [report]
@allieite dude, I seriously want to kiss someone. like my pillow, if i can’t find someone.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:45 pm: [report]
ok i know i am late but i really like that green and white comforter at jillians house…
allieite
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:45 pm: [report]
haha… I may invest in a body pillow by the next episode. I am not liking Molly anymore. The whole golfing every Saturday and the mom luring over him drawing a goofy picture.
TexasGirl
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:07 pm: [report]
Naomi’s parents are complete opposites of one another . . . poor Jason looks so confused and baffled.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:15 pm: [report]
@ amelia
omg an accidental i love you!!! wow….
i have been talking to a guy that i am in love with for like the past hour, its great…
TexasGirl
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:18 pm: [report]
OMG!! That’s a freak out!
allieite
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:23 pm: [report]
Hrmmm… I do not think it is possible for a guy to accidentally type “I love you.” But I could be wrong!
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:26 pm: [report]
@allieite
i agree…typing takes some thought, its not like a slip of the tongue…so it was a not accidental, accidental i love you…hmmmm….
allieite
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:30 pm: [report]
Well I say that because girls throw that phrase out all the time to friends, animals, clothes… it rolls off the tongue for us, for guys to say it not so much.
Amelia
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:34 pm: [report]
This might inspire a post tomorrow. Thank God he is too much of a boy to bother to read this site.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:44 pm: [report]
ok so i am finally off the phone…thank God for the liveblog so i actually (kinda) know what happened…but 77 minutes of phone conversation with a hot guy who works construction…sorry jason, but he def beats you…
and i kinda like naomi a litte bit more now because her family was so weird…i agree with hoping that molly goes home…when is deanna coming back?? i hope jason really makes her feel crappy
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:45 pm: [report]
can you do a guys on IM thoughts about how a guy on IM accidentally i love you’d .... its like a play within a play…LOVE IT
Amelia
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:48 pm: [report]
seriously where is deanna? is she waiting until the last possible second?
guys in construction are the reason why the bach is available to watch for free online.
TexasGirl
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:50 pm: [report]
At least we know he doesn’t fall for Deanna since she’s dating Ace from the Real World London.
allieite
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:51 pm: [report]
Yay Jillian. Big mistake on Molls and her snooze fest of a home visit.
TexasGirl
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:53 pm: [report]
I think Naomi’s family did her in.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:54 pm: [report]
i thought ace was from real world paris….
also naomi, i knew it!! kinda sad though, man molly musta really impressed him in that tent…guess naomi is just too young…oh well, i think it was a smart choice by jason, she is only 24…
TexasGirl
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:54 pm: [report]
Sorry guys, but I’m excited it was Melissa . . . I just wish Molly would have been the one walking out the door.
TexasGirl
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:56 pm: [report]
It may be Paris - I don’t really watch that show.
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:58 pm: [report]
what! new zealand!!! awesome….tots awesome
also deanna and ace make sense…both georgia born and bred…and stupid and annoying…anyway…
wow i really hope there is a ‘fall in love’ pun with regards to the bungee jump…man i crack myself up…
goodnite lovely ladies!!!
Amelia
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 09:59 pm: [report]
The Real World Paris, for sure! He was hot. He dated Mallory from his season. She’s now a J. Crew model.
Amelia
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 10:01 pm: [report]
UNTIL NEXT WEEK!
scb197
wrote on February 10 2009 @ 09:32 am: [report]
“The guy I am kind of dating”...so what was your reaction to that if you’re only kind of dating him.
Anyways, isn’t there still another 24 y/o on the show, or am I wrong? Age ain’t nothin but a number…I’m 24, my boyfriend is 41, and we do ok.
Naomi’s father is INSANE. I think that scared Jason off more than the bird. And I think Jason is Jewish, no? Anyways…all that religious bs would send me running.
Parents with the country club were just annoying. Father was dull…mother beyond irritating.
Amelia-nice write up! My vote is for Jill.
Avah
wrote on February 10 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]
Jill for tha WIN!
Canadian all da way!
And she’s super sweet…
lorilovesyouu
wrote on February 10 2009 @ 10:57 pm: [report]
I saw the Bachelor at my local Nordstrom last Friday.
Talk about random!