The Lesbian Index: Nine Types Of Sapphic Lovers
Posted by: The Frisky
Filed in:
relationships
12:00PM, Wednesday August 20th 2008
Lesbianism is such a hot topic, some celebs even seem to be capitalizing on the media coming out party. While faux-mo’s make us want to barf, in general, the mainstreaming of what was once considered counterculture is exciting. Now heteros can finally play Indigo Girls’ records in public without being judged! But who are the trailblazing scissor sisters bridging their community? Since everyone’s personalities are a mixture of nurture and nature, here are the basic types of lesbians from which you can make-up the Venn diagram of lesbian society.
The Sophisticate Usually an artist or academic, this well read member of the intelligentsia is socially conscious without smelling like patchouli. An important public person, she’s a wise, loving role model. Example: Melissa Etheridge
The Tomboy She’s strong enough for a man, but made for a women. This gal wouldn’t be caught dead in a skirt! Naturally chivalrous, her attitude and outfit often make people question her gender. Example: Daniela Sea, Samantha Ronson, and Christine “Roja Caliente” Marinoni
The LUG (Lesbian Until Graduation) Maybe she’s stuck in an all-girls’ dorm, maybe she’s just experimenting because she’s at a small private college, but no matter what the impulse is, she’s just learning. Example: The kiddie you see just kissing another girl in a bar for 30 minutes straight without trying to slide into 2nd base.
The Lipstick Lesbian This girlie-girl is so girlie she likes girls. She isn’t afraid of attention and follows trends to a tee. Being a lesbian doesn’t make her look or feel like an outsider. She’s comfortable being her feminine self and that is why she is the dream girl male lesbian fantasies are made of. Example: Portia DiRossi and Lindsay Lohan
The Mama Smart and nurturing, she is ruled by her maternal instinct. Like a mother hen, she often spends her career caring for and teaching children. Example: That retired nun who taught you math or Rosie O’Donnell
The Hippie Homo Loves everyone and everything…except razors. Most of her music collection is jam bands and her favorite concert of all time was Ani DiFranco live, although the defunct Lillith Fair is a close second. She’s political, she’s spiritual, she’s au natural. Example: Bitch of “Bitch & The Exciting Conclusion”
The Attention Whore Why does she do the women she does? For attention. This crazy bitch likes women because she likes anyone she can perform for. Popular in the celeb realm, the audience can get a bit out of hand once the paps start flashing. Example: Paris Hilton and Aubrey O’Day
The Topper Powerful, professional, and aggressive tops like to dominate all areas of their lives. They’re stylish and clever, always sealing a deal. Example: Bette Porter from The L Word and Courtenay Semel
The DL Lesbian Although she’s gay all the way, she disguises her sexual orientation by claiming it’s merely an interest in rap culture. But let’s face it, baggy pants are still pretty revealing. Too bad those clothes are the only things coming out of the closet. Example: Missy Elliot, Jodie Foster, and Queen Latifah (we think)
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
Success
wrote on August 20 2008 @ 01:30 pm: [report]
Hmmmmmm, i would put myself between lipstick and hipp homo!!!
Renee
wrote on August 20 2008 @ 03:34 pm: [report]
This has got to be THE worst list of lesbian stereotypes I have ever read. Clearly the author of this article is straight… and narrow.
Rachel Kramer Bussel
wrote on August 20 2008 @ 05:47 pm: [report]
Girlie Girl, aka, uh, femme, a very well-established “identity” or what have you, and not exactly the same as “girlie girl” (but close). There was just a big Femme Conference even.
I’m kinda with Renee - I mean, yes, there are examples of all these kinds of women, but…maybe sexuality is more fluid than one or even nine labels can attest? Also, the LUG thing is a huge pet peeve to me. Like so what if girls want to sleep with/fool around with/make out with/whatever other girls, in college or whenever? It’s so negative. Also faux-mo - that term needs to be buried ASAP.
Amelia
wrote on August 20 2008 @ 06:35 pm: [report]
We’re big on doing lists on the site, obviously, and with this one we knew we were treading into potentially buggy territory since any sort of “type” story touches upon stereotypes. But we certainly intend to offend. Hey, at least we didn’t stick to two! Tomorrow I was thinking of doing a list of straight male types.
One Lesbo
wrote on August 20 2008 @ 09:26 pm: [report]
Nine types of Sapphic “Lovers”
I was expecting: 1) the dead fish
2) the wiggles around the bed so much you can’t find her much less have sex with her
3) the I wanted to have sex, not palpate a hefer’s uterus (don’t ask)
4) the ass so big that she has a line around the bottom of her back from lying in the tanning bed
5) the wouldn’t you like to put your head on this towel instead of my good pillow cases because you have so much make-up on that I’ll never get the stains out
6) the hey, didn’t you know, that’s what razors are for
7) the so friggin picky about the tinnie tiny spot that has to be touched at the exact right time, with the exact right speed, with the exact right pressure that . . . oh, just do it yourself
8) the skin gets cold and clammy when excited
9) the so easily distracted that you pray she doesn’t notice the uneven paint on the ceiling
10) the ride me like a bareback pony with little results phenomena
11) the I fell asleep - did we do it
12) the she fell asleep - guess I’ll do it
13) the what the f . . . was I thinkin
14) the hope I didn’t give her my real name
Anyway, that’s some of the stuff that’s went through my mind when I saw the title of your post.
Love and kisses,
One Lesbo
http://2lesbosgoinatit.wordpress.com
lau.rios
wrote on August 20 2008 @ 10:21 pm: [report]
LIPSTICK TOPPER! yay.
also, the LUG and attention whore should be one category.
Name Withheld by Request
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 07:46 am: [report]
Link
Christine
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 09:56 am: [report]
Frisky,
I would really like to know what you had hoped to achieve in voicing these opinions regarding lesbian sexuality? I understand you have a blog to run and content is content. I wonder at what point did you think to put down your neo-second wave flag long enough to consider how damaging it is to women on all ends of a sexuality spectrum to reinforce popular negative conceptions of lesbianism as predictable, performative, and uniform. Your sighting of these nine types of lesbians complete with celebrity examples tells us only that you have seen a few episodes of The L Word and sheds absolutely no light onto the rich theoretical discourse on sex and gender identity.
There are many problematic and off statements in your piece. But as a queer woman with multiple points of intersection across lines of gender, sexuality, I am primarily interesting in understanding your motivation in generating content which reinforces such oppressive normative beliefs about female sexuality. I wonder if you notice the privilege you’ve invoked by perpetuating the primacy of heterosexuality as an institution by othering women who act outside of its constructs?
lilo
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 10:18 am: [report]
Several of my lesbian friends thought this was funny and had some truth in it. They especially loved the response from One Lesbo. If the list were about 9 types of guys, “the dork,” “the jock,” etc., would it also be bad?
One Lesbo
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 12:17 pm: [report]
Frisky,
Christine is correct - in a strange odd not really but I’m trying to be nice way. She screams that lesbos aren’t predictable, performative, and uniform. Then she implies that predictably, performatively, and uniformly - we will all agree with her opinion.
We don’t.
I’m a lesbian (a really good one by the way if anyone wants my number - you have to send a photo to get mine), and I loved your post except, but as I indicated, my mind floated off in a totally different direction.
I also don’t find Melissa to be particularly sophisticated.
Other than that, loved your post.
Blogs have to have a voice and if your voice reveals the privilege you’ve invoked by perpetuating the primacy of heterosexuality as an institution by othering women who act outside of its constructs (is she kidding), somebody will disagree with you, somebody will agree and if you get enough of those bodies - you can either have a great blog or an orgy.
Hugs sweetie,
One Lesbo
One Lesbo
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 12:36 pm: [report]
By the way, I actually turned my response into a post over at our blog http://www.2lesbosgoinatit.wordpress.com My list of lesbo girls comes complete with photos . . .
http://2lesbosgoinatit.wordpress.com/2008/08/21/14-types-of-lesbian-lovers/
Oh, there are also LOTS of photos of celebrity/famous lesbians on our Lesbo Photos page.
However, the real reason that I came back to comment was . . . I just checked out the photo of Frisky’s Amelia dancing.
Amelia - hot hot hot
If that boyfriend ever gets ugly and when (because he will) gets boring . . . call me.
lilo
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 01:52 pm: [report]
i concur. melissa etheridge hardly qualifies as “the sophisticate.” otherwise, good calls.
Renee
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 02:00 pm: [report]
One lesbo - talk about a shameless plug-in for some traffic for your own blog - lame.
One Lesbo
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 02:46 pm: [report]
Renee, aren’t you the one who came over to my blog and accused me of being a . . . hand over mouth . . . huge eyes . . . gasp . . . man?
If you are that Renee, you’ve been to my blog and you know that I have no shame.
But I do love you, Renee.
J.D. Bauchery
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 03:09 pm: [report]
As a dyke myself, I didn’t find this offensive. But you did forget to include:
The Hipster Dyke - bandana around the neck - bandit style, asymmetrical haircut, tight jeans, tattoos and vegan shoes.
I’m just sayin…
Amelia
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 03:31 pm: [report]
@One Lesbo I’ll keep that in mind!
JennyBoom
wrote on August 28 2008 @ 09:04 am: [report]
This stuff is HYSTERICAL because it’s true.. However, i live for poking fun at the stereotypical and the “reserved, educated, and self-actualized modern women who just happens to have pride in their sexuality” crap.. See AfterEllen staff and their preachiness…
Maybe it’s because i never had to deal with discrimination in college (played two sports) or the military (USCG..but it did suck i couldn’t be openly affectionate but everyone knew)..
Maybe it was the atmosphere of “don’t make it a point to make a big deal of it” social enviroment.. It was personality/character first, who you slept with second.. and no one cared about the latter..
But that list is funny. I’ve seen something similar in an illustrated book called “How to be a Lesbian” or something along those lines…
This would probably be a fun game/drinking game to play during some quality people watching…
PS.. i’m considered “Sporty” - pretty much a tomboy but without the short hair and a need to workout or be physically active. Also can be known as “Soft-Butch”.. Mainly seen participating in scholatic athletics..
noyfb
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 10:30 am: [report]
LOL @ OneLesbo
Tomboy isn’t as ‘strong’ as a man. ‘Butch’ is