Keepin’ It Classy: Making Plans With Friends
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
style
11:00AM, Monday May 25th 2009
This week in “Keepin’ It Classy,” I received a letter from a lady who is trying to get back out onto the dating scene, but she’s confused about current social mores:
“I’m recently single and although I’m not quite yet ready to mingle, I do want to go out with my old girlfriends. Now that I have so much free time, I thought that it would make my social life easier, but it totally hasn’t. I’m so used to just hanging out at home with my man or making couple plans, that I don’t know what the protocol for an average date with the girls is. When did I get this lame? If I want to make plans day of, can I text two friends at the same time to see what they’re doing? Or do I have to wait for one to respond first? Making plans to hang out with friends is even tougher than dating!”
Breakin’ up is hard to do, so start with baby steps. The rules for dating don’t apply to friends— even if they’re friends with benefits. They’re your pals, no pretense necessary. Double-booking dates is rude, but you can text two or more buddies to hang. See who gets back to you. A few things to be wary of, though:
- Holla Back Girl: Get back to everyone who gets back to you. Even if their plans are lame, thank them for the offer and suggest another time or way you can party.
- Mass Appeal: Don’t send out a mass text: “Anyone want to play?” Make your friends feel special by asking them to spend time. Desperate mailings fall on deaf ears.
- Two Timer: You have to make a choice—call, email, text? Do not do two or more back-to-back. You will look crazy … not to mention lame.
- The More, The Merrier: What if more than one person wants to hang out? You can invite both along, but sometimes it’s hard to mix company. If they don’t already know each other, be careful what you organize. Also, make sure they’re aware of who’s on the guest list.
- Too Much Of A Good Thing: If a pal says they don’t have plans and they want to chill, but you already made plans and they can’t join, you’ll feel a bit guilty. But you’retmaking last minute arrangements, so no biggie. The short time period is on your side. Be honest. Tell them your commitments have changed, and you would love to see them some other time. Don’t ignore them because you’re feeling guilty. That’s the only behavior that would warrant an apology.
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niltiac
wrote on May 25 2009 @ 11:10 am: [report]
There’s a simple solution if you don’t want to wait for an answer - you can pick up the phone and call. Email and texting is great for asynchronous communication, ie. if you’re making floating an invitation a few days in advance. But if you’re making plans on the day, then you need an answer straight away and it’s best to call.
It’s not cool to text with an invitation and then rescind it, so only text friends simultaneously if you can see them both together.
DancerNinja
wrote on May 25 2009 @ 11:33 am: [report]
I found texting is best when you have something specific you want to attend and you want to send out a quick, mass invite to people. If it is an open ended “let’s hand out”, well, not everyone has the unlimited text plan and won’t want to have that conversation via text. $$$
Backliteyes
wrote on May 25 2009 @ 07:41 pm: [report]
I hate people that constantly make last minute arrangements. Some of the time, fine. But too often and it’s probably a good recipe not to see me much because I’ve made plans IN ADVANCE. I know, shocking. I’m not hugging my phone waiting for someone to text me to do something.
HitOrMissJudy
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]
It’s also easier to remember how to make plans with friends if you don’t forget how in the first place. Meaning, next time don’t ditch your girls just because you get a boyfriend!