It Was Over When ...
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
1:00PM, Tuesday August 11th 2009
There’s a new dating confession site to add to some of our old favorites called It Was Over When. The site is dedicated to, you guessed it, the moment or event in a relationship when one or both parties knew it was over. Like others in its genre, it’s a community effort with readers submitting their own sad — and often hilarious — stories. After the jump, a few of my favorites.
About 6 months into the relationship, she took a particularly hothothot sexual act off the menu. “That ship has sailed,”she said. So did I.
—Perry
I drove 140 miles to console her over getting a ‘B’ on a graduate school exam even though I was terribly ill. During the night she woke me to tell me my breathing was bothering her and could I go sleep on the couch?
—Andy
I had never been that sexually attracted to my boyfriend. One morning, after a long, booze-filled night, I was hungover and headachy. He tried to have sex with me anyway. I just acquiesced because I figured I could just lay there. I realized, as he was taking his pants off and thrusting toward me, that the reason I wasn’t attracted to him was because with his big round belly and hard dick, he looked like a bee coming at me with its stinger.
—Franny
I heard him singing “Oklahoma” in the shower.
—Becky
Less than year into our relationship I asked her why she didn’t seem to want to be around me in any way. No sex, no contact of any kind. She told me, “That’s what couples do: They stop having sex.”
—Aaron
About a year or so into our relationship, my first significant girlfriend made me a mix tape. It was then that I learned that she really, actually, genuinely LIKED the Steve Miller Band. I probably already knew this, but the reality of this fact didn’t hit me until I got that mix tape, popped it in the boombox, and heard the opening riff to “Space Cowboy.”
—Collin
At the end of dinner at a high-end restaurant, he blew his nose into a cloth napkin.
—Joanne
I asked him what his sexual fantasy was, and he said, “two redheads.” I’m a brunette.
—Autumn
You’ll have to go read the site yourself to find out the “aftermath” of each of these stories. The really fascinating thing is how long some of these people let their relationships continue despite knowing “it was over.” So, fess up, when did YOU know it was over?
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
ladyparts
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 12:20 pm: [report]
I read this one and immediately thought of George from Miami Social who was also dating a hot but annoying Russian babe. Wouldn’t it be amazing if celebs (and uh, okay, Relity Stars) were using these too? “I knew it was over when they adopted another child from a foreign country together…”
shesaid
Physically, she was everything I wanted in woman. Yet her thick Russian accent and her choice of words were holding her back from being a perfect “10.” One evening, we cuddled on the bed and watched TV when I noticed her large hoop earnings. I told her how nice they looked and she immediately responded, “I will make you jump through hoops for me,” in that thick Russian accent. Those words, along with her strong accent, turned me off instantly. Her gorgeous looks couldn’t save her.
—George
Aftermath: Two days after the comment she became the first and only girl I broke up with via text message
xifeng882
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 12:22 pm: [report]
When he proposed… I was 19! Way too young.
roastchicken
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 12:29 pm: [report]
When we both realized that even though we loved each other, our lives were heading in opposite directions.
For now.
Humble Bee
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]
when I realized he didn’t give a sh*t about me, I was never a priority to him, only his slutty high maintenance mother who still doesn’t give a flying f*ck about him.
AgentBeryllium
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 01:09 pm: [report]
After we broke up and remained friends I knew it would never happen again for us because I saw what an ass he was.
intuition
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 01:14 pm: [report]
When I bought sexy new pajamas for him, and he slept on the couch instead.
*sam*
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 02:10 pm: [report]
When he told me over dinner while complaining about an employee that called out of work b/c they couldn’t find a sitter and their gf couldn’t get off work for w/e reason, that he would *never* EVER call out of work to watch (our future) children. That it would be *my* responsibility to make sure they’re supervised at all times, even if that means that *I* have to leave work so *he* can go to work—b/c essentially, his job as an assistant manager at a #&@$% truck stop buffet is *infinitely* more important than my (future) job as a psychologist. After all, as he put it, he’s the man and it’s below him to sacrifice work, even in an extreme situation, to care for a child—that’s the woman’s responsibility. (but he would never marry a housewife either—b/c they’re leaching, money-grubbing sluts).
god, just thinking back to that conversation makes me sick to my stomach.
(FTR: after he told me all of this, I lost my appetite and we slept in separate rooms that night.—we ended up breaking up a few months later).
ooo, I just thought of another one.
When he constantly became offended by the fact that b/c I was going to college and planned on pursuing my Ph.D. that I would (potentially) be able to make (at least) twice as much as him—a high school drop out with *no* intentions on getting his GED—he lied to his boss a/b having a diploma to get the job of assistant manager & planned on taking the GM position when he retires in 10(+)yrs—even though the #&@$% hole he was [probably still is] working in is paying him FAR less than what most asst. mgrs make…even in places like Denny’s or Applebee’s.
OR when he *refused* to help me out financially (even though he was making twice as much as me at the time) by paying a larger percentage of the bills b/c he was so paranoid that I was going to leave him for a guy that I met in school, and he was *NOT* going to “put a girl through college” that was probably just using him for money to pay for school anyway—never mind the fact that in actuality, my PARENTS were the ones putting me through school and forking out the last 25% of my tuition and helping towards books, NOT him.
oo, or when he refused to move closer to my school/work b/c it was too convenient for him to live 1/2 mile from his job—regardless of the fact that I was driving over 30miles to each (school & work) and almost wrecked my car on the interstate *numerous* times b/c I started to fall asleep. (I was physically/mentally exhausted from working full-time [often-times pulling 10 or 12hr days to get over-time b/c I needed the money to pay the aforementioned bills that he refused to help out with] and going to school full-time while still keeping up with being a research assistant).
yeah, he’s quite a catch. *rolls eyes*. but alas, I was young, and infinitely, dumber. My standards have since raised… dramatically.
develange
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 02:22 pm: [report]
when he told me he didn’t love me. And then had the nerve to say it was MY fault he didn’t.
SEMI-girl
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]
My ex had this funny reflex where if he experienced something pleasureable (though not sexual) his eyes rolled back into his head. He did it once while sipping an expensive scotch, but me scratching the top of his head with my fingers was the most effective. He had been acting distant for a few weeks until I basically had to talk him into letting me come over one Saturday afternoon (even though we’d supposedly made plans earlier in the week). At one point I started scratching his head and his eyes rolled back for a few seconds, before they snapped back into place and he looked at me and asked abruptly, “what are you doing?” All I could do was let my hand drop and respond, “nothing.” I think we had our “spending some time apart” talk the next morning and officially broke up a few weeks later.
tigerstripe
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 03:19 pm: [report]
One of the most important things for me in all my relationships is to say “I love you” when we’re saying goodbye. It started because my parents always said “I love you” every night at bedtime. When my first boyfriend neglected to return the “I love you” before signing off AIM, it was over.
The “Oklahoma” one is awesome! XD
chouette
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 03:51 pm: [report]
@ tigerstripe the same thing happened to me- I texted him goodnight and said I loved him, and he texted back just “goodnight”. I asked if something was wrong (because he always said it), and he called 3 minutes later and dumped me over the phone. Not that I had a clue 5 minutes before this happened…but yeah, I went cold the second I read that.
ExGirlfriend
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 04:05 pm: [report]
...when I realized we’ve only had sex 8 times since 2003. And we’ve lived together since 2002.
Lynn
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 05:05 pm: [report]
@tigerstripe - I’m confused. Did he know you wanted him to say that and he refused?
Riley
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 05:12 pm: [report]
@Lynn - First boyfriend, teen in love with saying “I love you”, the rest fills itself in.
Kind of diminishes the meaning for me when I am forced to say it or someone has a fixation on the word; i.e. says it all the time.
jstavixxxen
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 05:44 pm: [report]
I remember exactly when it was over, it seems like only yesterday. We had conceived our daughter on October 30th,2000, I remember that day very well as it was the last time we made love. Because of issues we had to refrain from sex the first trimester but, after that it was okay, he, however, thought we needed to be careful so we refrained for my whole freaking pregnancy!!!
After I had the baby,I was ready to go, (beyond ready) and I made it clear too, lingerie, candles, the whole nine yards and when he realized what I wanted, he shuffled his feet and said…..
“Um, it’s the season premiere of FRIENDS, think we can just do this tomorrow?”
I dumped his ass and cringe every time I hear the theme song to friends, it literally effects me physically. In hindsight I am SO better off and recently thought I should send him a thank you note for his stupidity and his A-sexual attitude, I traded up and couldn’t be happier
Tamara
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 07:08 pm: [report]
Ex 1, it was over when he and I were ‘working on our problems’ and he got bent out of shape because this woman he worked with and had been hanging out with on a regular basis was dating a douchebag. When the words, “She’s perfect.” flew out of his mouth the thought ran through my mind, I don’t love you anymore, wow. Not once in 6 years did he say I was perfect, there was always a little more I could do, a few more pounds here and I’d be perfect, etc. I’m not saying that I expect my partner to think I’m perfect, and it wasn’t the only thing that brought that thought to mind, it was just everything else and that was the final straw.
Ex 2 it was over when I realized after our break up that he was emotionally abusive, selfish and years behind me maturity wise. That moment of clarity came after I realized he thought he could sleep with me and some 19 year old at the same time. When confronted and after I explained that I was interested in seeing someone else and I didn’t think still sleeping with him was healthy he took the victim role and blamed me pretty much for everything wrong in his life.
lindseylee21
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 08:06 am: [report]
When he told me he couldn’t afford to help buy groceries but came home with cigarettes, a six pack of beer and a bag of weed.
bjoontheupside
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]
When he let me walk out that door.
bjoontheupside
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 10:19 am: [report]
When I caught him eating the toenail he picked off his toe minutes before.
Lynn
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]
@Riley - my thoughts exactly!
powplz
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 11:52 am: [report]
... when he tossed out thinly veiled threats to beat the f*ck out of me, and then actually started throwing things.
@Riley - the ex mentioned above was the same way with saying “I love you” all the time and pressuring me to say it too! d-bags.
H. Blue
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 12:02 pm: [report]
When he said I “forced” him to dump me. And called me “one of those stuck-up D.C. bitches.” When he texted me to tell me “so I guess it’s your birthday today” and after he asked what I wanted and I told him I wanted a phone call later (I was away on business) he texted me after midnight to tell me he was too tired from hanging out with his friggin’ BFF all day and kissing up to BFF’s rich parents to call me and say good night. When he almost threw me out of his house after I asked what I was to him after we’d been “dating” for 4 months. When he hid his DUI from me for months. Not in chronological order, all the same d-bag, and I continued to sleep with him occasionally. This final straw was that he didn’t wish me a happy birthday, knowing it meant a lot to me.
It’s funny, I was reading some of these and thinking “and you STAYED with him for HOW LONG?” but then, I’ve wasted the last two years of my life wanting the above to be in love with me. Haha.. weird how amazing sex can make you totally unreasonable and stupid.
tigerstripe
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
@Lynn: He definitely didn’t leave it out by mistake, I asked him if he loved me when he left it out and he just said something random about WoW and then signed off. Probably not a good idea in retrospect to corner him… but I was hoping maybe it was a mistake.
@Riley - Saying I love you every day doesn’t diminish the meaning, at least for me. It’s a very important part of my relationship with my parents since I was a child, that has carried over to my romantic relationships. It’s important to me that if something were to happen to one of my loved ones, the last thing I said to them would be that I love them. In the case with this boyfriend, he told me he loved me after about a week of knowing each other and was hurt when I didn’t immediately say it back. I thought about it carefully and was eventually able to say it to him too. The fact that he failed to say “I love you” that night wasn’t just because he felt pressured into the routine. With the help of his mom, he had finally started thinking about whether he felt strongly enough about me to honestly say that he did love me… and he obviously didn’t. But, please know that I don’t take that phrase lightly and I don’t say it to just anyone.
autumn_dust
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 02:23 pm: [report]
we had this tradition of writing each other sentimental notes each month to celebrate being together. one month i guess he just “forgot.” I gave him his, painfully realized i wasn’t getting one back, and tried to fight back the tears with a big smile as he thanked me over and over for such a sweet note.
TheMaraBear
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 10:16 pm: [report]
...He cheated on me.
Then he gave me a month to have sex with him—or else. I was fourteen.
I realise now that it was an altogether very stupid relationship, but it still hurt like hell.
jayc
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 11:36 pm: [report]
It was over….a long time before it was actually over. I realize that now. I was trying so hard to hang on to a relationship that just wasn’t meant to be saved. Anyway…let me get to the acual moment.
We had been fighting alot. I felt like i gave 100% and he gave about..5. i told him that i would no longer test or call him anymore and that if he wanted to talk or seem me he’d have to ask. I told him i wanted to see what would happen if i left our relationship in his hands. I tried this for about a week. I barely heard a word from him…he knewthe whole point of it and he still didn’t even attempt to care.
After that i called him.I’d decided to try to listen to him or either call it off. One of his family members answered the phone and told me thold on and they’d give it to him. I heard him call them hard headed. Apparently he made it clear to them he didn’t want to speak to me. they handed him the phone…and he hung up. That was the momentit was over. Seems kinda small but it wasn’t. It was really…eye opening.
3 1/2 yrs together…and he hung up and ended it just like that.
DancerNinja
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 12:44 am: [report]
When an Ex-A told me he was really looking for a wife that could follow him on his career and raise his children. It ended mere weeks later.
When Ex-B, in some argument, told me that I was thisclose to leaving my PhD for a Masters (which I did) as though it was some sort of failure. He had dropped out of high school. It ended about a month after that (I had to move out).
When Ex-C, after extensive inviting by me and friends, didn’t come to my judo competition, then called and just said “uh, call me back.” I didn’t, it ended there.
Wow. Men suck.
pornqueen
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 03:13 pm: [report]
OMG my “It’s so over moment” was more physical…when he couldnt get it up… I know it sounds mean and superficial, but that was it :(. I mean I tried to deal with it but in a serious, long term relationship…he better be able to perform, that’s all I’m saying. Maybe it was me that was causing his, ahem, lack of performance, but if you think about it, then we were not meant to be together anyways, right???
irishsocer
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 03:22 pm: [report]
I knew it was over (even though it probably should have ended a lot sooner than it did) when I got an email from my old boss asking me if I was interested in a position in his new company. I hated my current job and was dying to get to out and my bf knew that. When I told him about the email, his first reaction was to laugh and say “too bad it’s in Philadelphia.” We were in MA. I realized then and there that my priorities and dreams were never important to him. As soon I ended it (3 months later due to committements, etc) I felt like a wieght was lifted off my chest and I was free again. It wasn’t a bad relationship by any means but it had run it course a long before that and it was nice to be out of it finally.
brandyalexander
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 11:40 am: [report]
When I cringed when I heard his ringtone on my phone. I used to smile. Then I realized I dreaded spending time with him.
PaulaDDN
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 09:42 pm: [report]
When i learn he cheated on me. That was the best news i could have in that moment, is like it opened my eyes and let me see that i deserve waaaay better than a cheater and i shouldnt be crying for a guy that don’t even have the guts to tell me in my face that it’s over before he start dating another woman.
Charmayne
wrote on August 16 2009 @ 07:16 am: [report]
when he got his last DUI. He had several priors. It happened in our driveway. I could hear him arguing with the police. They arrested him and I had to go bail him out at 3 a.m. When we got home he complained for an hour about how it wasn’t his fault and everyone was out to get him. I stayed with him another two years while he went to rehab but continued to drink daily. It took me a year to get him out of the house. It will take just as long to finalize the divorce because he is so irresponsible he does not respond to proceedings. We are tied together by business matters and he has put us into huge debt that he completely ignores.
Agtfos
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 07:22 am: [report]
When she asked me what I thought about her having an affair with a woman, and then told me that she would be exclusive to her and that we (husband and wife)would just be friends.
Well. We’re NOT!
julychild
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 10:53 pm: [report]
When he played a song on the jukebox for all of his guy friends, but wouldn’t play one for me.
actionchix
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 06:44 am: [report]
When he said he’d “met someone,” I was cool with that, it was the postscript that got me, “its o.k., I haven’t f***ed her yet.” Like that would make it better??
bearclover
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 07:40 pm: [report]
When, in an attempt to control me and prove to me how I should do everything his way because I was a terrible person, he asked me how I would feel if my children knew a terribly embarrassing and shameful secret of mine from years ago that I had confided in him. It was then that I realized the depth of what this man was capable of doing.
Not only was he trying to blackmail me with something I had confided in him, he was also willing to hurt my children with something they didn’t need to ever know about.
Midnight
wrote on September 15 2009 @ 05:55 pm: [report]
It was over when he was telling me that he loved me and wanted to marry me but didn’t want to have a meaningful relationship with me anymore.