Women Are Unhappier Now More Than Ever

Is The “Narcissism Epidemic” Making Women Unhappy?

Posted by: Carrie Wasterlain Filed in: news
4:30PM, Monday July 27th 2009

A recent study shows that women are more unhappy than ever before. Over the past 50 years, mental disorders have risen significantly in women, while reported rates of “subjective well-being” have dropped dramatically. This would suggest that our mothers or grandmothers – those “oppressed housewives” that hadn’t yet reaped the benefits of the feminist movement—were, um, happier than we are? But how?!

In the past 40 years, women have made gains on all fronts: we’ve gained sexual freedom with the increased availability of birth control, our educational opportunities have been widely expanded, we’ve been rapidly making our way into traditionally male-dominated fields, and we’re even living longer. So why, then, are we more depressed than ever?

Two researchers, Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, are speculating that the increase in despair is due to a phenomenon they call the “narcissism epidemic.” In today’s society, they argue, narcissism is rewarded by both our parents (who remind us daily of how special we are) and the media (which insists it’s best to love, but also improve ourselves), leading us to think we’re far more fabulous than we actually are, or that we’re capable of becoming far more fabulous than we actually can become. The result? When life turns out to be a bit more of a bitch than we were told it would be, we become unhappy. In other words, because women have been taught to expect and achieve more in life (and to look flawless while doing so) we’re unsatisfied when our expectations aren’t met.

The results of this study may be accurate – we’ve noticed an increasingly popular trend of self-hate that seems specific to women, and we’ve also noticed a rise in narcissistic tendencies (some have even speculated that it’s keeping ladies who are searching for love, single). As psychologist Oliver James points out, the pressures of “consumerised, commercially driven version of femininity” have put a huge amount of pressure on females’ appearance. It’s inevitable that after being told we need bigger breasts, fewer wrinkles, and thinner thighs, we feel like failures when we don’t fit the mold. Maybe it’s also the fact that we’ve been taught we can have everything (fulfilling career, flawless husband, happy family, etc.) when maybe we can’t.

But I have other, less depressing ideas on why these discouraging results came to be. First of all, I don’t know what the studies that were conducted 50 years ago entailed, but I’m not sure the women back then were as happy as they might have reported. Maybe we’re just being more open about our feelings these days and admitting we’re not living amidst rainbows and smiles 24/7. Also, reported “happiness” figures during the ‘70s may have been inflated due to the feminist movement; women were excited about the changes and were therefore “happier.” But now that we’ve realized things still aren’t quite as wonderful for women as we’d hoped, we’re not fully satisfied.

I’m certain that I wouldn’t have been a happier woman 50 years ago. I probably would be a little happier today, however, if pop culture wasn’t shoving plastic surgery, anti-wrinkle creams, and skinny-Minnie models in my face, but I’ll take that over oppression, thank you very much.

comments

Coral
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 05:28 pm: [report]

I agree. I don’t think women were happier 50 years ago than they are today. I think a big part of it is that our society is more open and accepting to discussions of mental disorders. Women (and men) are more accepting to realize that they have mental and/or emotional problems and society accepts it as well. I think the use of therapists and psychologists have increased over the years—but not because we are an unhappier society, but because we are accepting of the problems that we endure and are finally willing to talk about it and treat it.

prgirl
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 08:23 pm: [report]

Totally agree w/Coral. Hello? Anyone ever read “The Feminine Mystique”? And sales of anti-depressants and similar-purpose drugs were through the roof in the 1950s. Women just weren’t supposed to say they weren’t happy, even though they might have been. I think we just voice our opinions more freely today.

seraphmaiden
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 08:29 pm: [report]

“It’s not getting what you want; it’s wanting what you’ve got.” Surprisingly wise for a line from a sheryl crow song.

I’m not looking to give back any of my freedom, or abilities, and I recognize that my life is amazing in so many ways.

however, I think that the standards we place on ourselves have risen. I realized recently that I spend an inordinate amount of time pissed as hell that I can’t achieve standards that I have more or less placed on myself. I highly doubt that I’m alone in that.

I watched the movie working girl recently and was flabergasted. The teeth were not all sparkly white. Melanie griffith did not have six pack abs in a scene showing her in lingerie.

ahw
wrote on July 28 2009 @ 12:38 am: [report]

It’s odd. I’m one of the few women in the world, apparently, who truly thinks I am beautiful. I feel like I get a lot of flack from people who feel bad about themselves. I get called narcissistic, and sometimes I feel like, in order to fit in, I have to complain about my body when I am with other women who are doing so. Anybody else ever feel this way?

DancerNinja
wrote on July 28 2009 @ 12:59 am: [report]

@ahw - I’m with you on that. Sure, I don’t think I’m perfect, but dammit, I’m pretty freaking happy with who I am and how I look. But that didn’t come overnight, either.

Luckily, I’m not around ladies who often bitch about things they can’t or won’t change.

BedRocka
wrote on July 28 2009 @ 09:29 am: [report]

wow ... just lik ethet article said .. lots of I, I’m and btw every girl/woman/lady seems to think they are of the few women in the world who think they are beaut’s and happy! I think the article is not an indictment of women in the present but merely touching on about how women are moving towards Narcissism. Plus good things sell themselves no need to blurt it out loud about how happy or satisfied one is with themselves since one way or another it will find a way to manifest itself in the open.

AnonymousFan
wrote on July 28 2009 @ 11:58 am: [report]

Wow, Carrie, excellent article and what a load to think about! I’ve often wondered whether it is possible for women to be truly socially equal to men, thriving in career, home life, and personal life, as we have the biological duty to reproduce. By the time most women get around to making it in their field of work, its about too late to have five kids and live to see their offspring reach the age of five. I know that the three of my grandparents who were dedicated to their work and dreamed of career successes all passed before I was twelve, while the one who was a young mother and housewife is still here to see me graduate college.

So now, how are we suppossed to have it all, and are these expectations making women depressed?

I think it is possible, especially as we look around and see women that have made it. The real issue, it seems, may be that women haven’t faced the effort it takes to get everything they want. Let’s face it - it’s always going to be harder for us than it is for men. Harder to climb the career ladder, harder to balance family and work, harder to orgasm…but that means that we reap the greater benefits! What we see in the media is not only flawless bikini bodies but also the illusion that it’s natural and effortless. We have to realize that even if we did want to look like a Barbie doll, we would have to work at it.

That ‘70’s feminist elation that you talked about, Carrie? We’re in the after-effects of that, the time where we realize we’ve gained opportunity but not guarenteed success. It’s time to work our asses off to get the things that we want, instead of moping around saying we’re depressed because our lives are imperfect (am I sounding too feminist-activist?). I’m not about to cast off my ambitions because someone says I’m narcissistic and unrealistic. I’m just going to strive to achieve them.

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