The Dos & Don’ts Of An Office Romance
Posted by: Nikki Dowling
Filed in:
relationships
9:45AM, Friday July 3rd 2009
I’m not going to lie and say I have never hooked up with a coworker. I have. That said, I don’t think it’s a particularly good idea. Ladies, we need people to take us seriously at work, glass ceiling be damned. If you are dating the dude who sits at the other end of the office, chances are, he’s admiring your legs rather than the speed at which you typed up that report. But while I don’t think one-night stands or friends with benefits are good for the office, romance happens. So, what if you develop real feelings for one of your coworkers? The dos and don’ts of office dating, after the jump.
Serious Applicants Only: Leave your casual hookups for the bar and club scene. You won’t be respected if people at work think you are interested in anyone who happens to cross your path. Also, if your coworker doesn’t think your fling is going anywhere he’ll be more likely to blab about it to his cubicle neighbor.
Rule Book: If you do decide to pursue something with one of your office buddies, set the ground rules. You two should probably keep your relationship on the DL. Don’t complain about your partner problems to the gal you go on coffee runs with.
No PDA: This is super obvious. Also, be careful about coming and going at the same time. Peeps will get suspicious.
Bossy: Women’s Health suggests that you tell your boss. I’m going to go out on a limb here and ... disagree! Yeah, why would you do that? If you two are careful, no one will find out. Maybe if your relationship starts to get really serious you could think about dishing on the deets, but save that for later in case things don’t work out.
Pulling Rank: If the coworker you’re shaggin’ could also be the one to send you packin’, you are making a big mistake. Always ask yourself: If this relationship ends badly will it affect my job?
What do you think about office romance?
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_jsw_
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]
I don’t see a problem with office romances, assuming you’re comfortable with two possibilities: (1) _everyone_ finding out, and (2) life there after it ends. Yes, sure, it might be love eternal. Or one or both of you might leave before it ends. But odds are it’ll end while you’re both there, and everyone will find out. So.. just make sure you’re cool with that before continuing.
wildwildwest
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 01:27 pm: [report]
A twosome at my office were involved in some after hours nookie. Holy cats, did they make it uncomfortable for the rest of us. All over each other, completely inappropriate and when they broke up it was like the cold was.
I have also been half of an office duo and it was horrible. Probably because he was a pyscho.
In the end, I’m negative X on the office romance. I don’t like to bring my work home with me in the first place, much less into my bed.
_jsw_
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 02:05 pm: [report]
I forgot to mention that I completely agree with the guidelines mentioned in the post.
One other thing: you need to assume that anything you send each other using office systems (email, IM, voice mail, web posts, etc.) might be monitored. And therefore seen/heard by your boss. So use your own phones.
In general, though, it’s almost always more hassle than it’s worth.
ballhawk
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 02:14 pm: [report]
I like rule #1. No point in entering a weird work environment after sleeping (or even simply dating) someone if there isn’t anything more than pure physical attraction. Sure there’s the possibility of a horrific break-up but better than a one-and-done? Yes? No? Heck I don’t know!
Erin G
wrote on July 3 2009 @ 02:16 pm: [report]
One thing you don’t want to forget, and I speak from experience. Don’t confuse the thrill of a secret relationship for the thrill of romance. I dated a coworker once, and when I left for a different job, I realized that we built the relationship on the thrill of hiding. It quickly fizzled out and left us with some bad feelings.
MrsPRMom
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]
My mother always told me “Don’t sh*t where you eat”. I think that is damn good advice for dating in the workplace. There is usually enough drama at the job, so why add to it? But I know that attraction happens on the job, hell, your stuck with these people at least eight hours a day! But like anything in life, just play it smart. I agree with _jsw_ that if you MUST get some serious nookie on with a co worker you have to be ok with what will happen…people finding out and how will the possible breakup effect you and your job.
40yrolddad
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 04:37 pm: [report]
it’s hard for me not to sound like a hypocrite on this but it’s a bad idea, you’re playing w/fire, all the usual boilerplate cliches, etc. that said, my wife & I met @ work back in the early 90s… she kind of wigged out for a few days after the 1st time we slept together but other than that the work part was surprisingly not that big a deal - of course in our case it helped that we had > 1,200 employees in our building so a lot of people grow up in towns w/fewer people than we had in our office.
MuchoMacho
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:38 pm: [report]
#1 is tough when you work IN the bar scene… Laid ground rules (which she agreed to (ie - this is not serious)) before I laid her… Then when she asked me very publically about our “relationship” (after 2 nights) I very publically reminded her of the ground rules we’d agreed to. She hates me for life. Oh well.
tbird1971
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 02:58 am: [report]
It needs to be made very clear that in these recessionary times where companies would love to cut “dead wood” off the payroll that it is not time to pursue an office romance that can lead to a misconduct termination. A misconduct termination that results from a conflict of interest to the company or sexual harassment or something that other violates company policy could result in loss of unemployment benefits and even severence pay. This could result folks in an appeals fight that won’t end until you have no shelter or food. I, fortunately, have never been involved in an office romance with a coworker or a supervisor in my life, and having been through a solely performance-based downsizing myself and not misconduct in this recession, the last thing I would want an employee, male or female, to experience is a firing based on misconduct in the office, for it could be a major setback in career and loss of any postjob benefits to ride out the storm. Think about that before viewing your workplace as simply an opportunistic meat market. The workplace is for work (not goofing off or finding another notch on the bedpost and surfing the net for nonbusiness reasons) and a means to make a living, period. Maybe if more employees learn that, the US can actually beat China and India in economic growth for a change.
Yodar Critch
wrote on November 19 2009 @ 08:16 am: [report]
I think it is important to define co-worker.
To me, a co-worker is someone I need to interact with as part of my work. Given that as the definition, I would never date a co-worker.
If you define a co-worker as simply being employed at the same company, then that’s different. I would not have a problem dating someone in my company that I did not normally interact with on a daily basis.
That difference is the key.
People dating co-workers (using my first definition) have to be aware that the dating is actually their second relationship with this person. The first being the work relationship.
Most likely one of the two relationships will end (life happens)
If the work relationship ends and the dating relationship continues, there is little problem
However, if the dating relationship ends and the work relationship continues, there probably will be problems.
It can suck trying to meet people when we are spending 40, 50, 60 hours at the office, who has time for “hunting” after work?
Well, we have to make the time actually. There are still plenty of places to meet people without the risks (no matter how small) of dating a co-worker (as I first defined it)