In New Relationships, Is Sleep An Indicator Of Your Future Together?

Perceptible
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 07:41 am: [report]

Nah, it’s no indication of compatibility. Sleeping with our without someone just takes getting used to, like sleeping in a new home or bed. And I think the older you get, the longer it can take to adjust to a new arrangement.

novavariations
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 07:47 am: [report]

Yes, and no. My ex snored like he was sawing down the rainforest as opposed to your standard ‘sawing logs’. I couldn’t get any sleep. My current boyfriend and I sleep perfectly together because neither of us snore or really move once we fall asleep.

However, I know lots of older couples that just get used to the fact that their partner snores loudly and in fact cannot fall asleep without the sound of it. I don’t think it’s alright to generalize, because I hate the sound of snoring and it’ll keep me up for hours. But if you are a heavy sleeper, it obviously won’t stand in your way.

bjoontheupside
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 07:51 am: [report]

While I can’t say for sure what I believe about sleeping compatibility, I will say that the last boyfriend I had I could not sleep well with at all. If it wasn’t his restless legs, his loud snoring, and bed hogging, it was something else. Since we’ve broke up I’ve been sleeping better, and yes, one of the reasons it didn’t work out between us had to do with my lack of sleep in the relationship.

luke15chick
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 07:53 am: [report]

It’s funny this has been on my mind because so far my boyfriend and I have not slept in the same bed together. We did try it once and he tossed and turned so much I moved to another room. But it worries me because it is something I see as important. Part of me is hoping that it’s like perceptible said and it just takes adjusting.

Rose
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 07:55 am: [report]

I used to think if you could sleep all cuddled up, that meant something about compatability, but my husband of 17 years sleeps like a corpse, perfectly still and without touching me, with a no-man’s-land of several inches between us, and always has, and we’re super-compatable all the time we’re awake.  I miss sleep snuggling, but it’s not important in the grand scheme of things.

Chebs
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 08:00 am: [report]

Meh, I think it’s just something that takes time to try to adjust to.  My ex was a night owl, and I got used to sleeping alone.  On the nights he would go to sleep at a decent hour (before 4am), I could never sleep, and would usually end up sleeping on the couch.  My current bf snores something fierce, but unless it’s unusually loud, I just go to bed before he does and sleep through it just fine.

The first couple nights I slept with my bf, I’d get too excited to sleep.  I’d rub on his back, his arms, just because it was new.  I still wake up for a minute when he comes to bed, then fall asleep cuddled up against his back, but it doesn’t keep me up for hours anymore.

Penelope09
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 08:14 am: [report]

I don’t think it means anything. I live with my boyfriend and we have the most difficult time sleeping. We kick, we snore, we steal covers, everything. Usually it will get so bad that one of us will have to sleep on the futon at least once a week. But that is our relationship’s only problem. So we’re saving up for a king. Problem solved.

treehugr
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 08:25 am: [report]

I’ve always been conflicted about this, but i’m more inclined to say yes- that it could be a huge indicator whether i can sleep in the same bed comfortably with him. sleep is extremely important for me, and there have been past boyfriends that i was SO uncomfortable in the middle of the night with (one snored, one liked to cuddle so much it cut off my air supply, one tossed and turned all night….)plus if im cranky all the time, that’s not a good basis for a healthy relationship.

Steph9668
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 08:26 am: [report]

Only reason I can’t sleep is because he lets his darn dogs sleep in the bed… Most annoying.

But otherwise, I don’t think how you sleep together indicates anything.

SCRMOM
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 08:47 am: [report]

My husband and I used to sleep in a twin bed together in college, so we sleep very well together in a queen bed.  However, through the various stages we’ve been through (pregnancies, new babies, toddlers coming into our bed, etc.), that hasn’t always been the case.  Now the kids are all old enough that they sleep in their own beds, and that has been wonderful for my husband and I.

Emi
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 08:49 am: [report]

My boyfriend snores, steals the covers, hogs my side of the bed, and one time elbowed me in the face. I remember one night of misery I was hanging over the edge of the bed freezing my ass off because I couldn’t get him to budge, or relinquish any sheets. So most nights I give up and sleep in another room, but during the day we cuddle on the couch. lol

Queen Frostine
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 08:59 am: [report]

We had major problems initially, cover stealing and his restless leg syndrome. Two twin covers and a foam mattress have cured it. We’re six inches apart and yet, it feels like I have my own bed.

BeckiLG
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 09:00 am: [report]

So if there is some indication, should I be worried? The second night my new gentleman spent in my bed, I ended up sleeping on the floor in my closet. That may have been tequila induced though.

nicole0X
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 09:03 am: [report]

After my ex of 3 years and I broke up (sleeping together and waking up with him was my favorite thing in the entire world) it’s been tough for me to have sleepovers with anyone else. I started dating a new guy, but after 4 or 5 sleepovers it’s still hard to get used to a new person- I’m restless all night and then wake up super early and can’t sleep in. Is that a bad sign?? I hope it doesn’t last forever :(

Frisky Noetic
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]

While I don’t think that either scenario will specifically result in a better (or worse) relationship, lack of quality sleep can put a strain on every other aspect of our lives, and in that way, effect our relationships.
I’m a light restless sleeper. All noise, other than a “white-noise” fan will keep me up. I need it cool, dark and quiet. I use ear plugs, but they don’t always mask the sound of a loud snorer. Times like this, it is important to have a creative solution! For restlessness, a larger bed can be helpful. For noise distractions, use ear plugs or have another bed/couch to use when it is really bad AND a mutual understanding that it isn’t a reflection of the relationship itself. We just need sleep. If you don’t have a plan, make adjustments, then you will sit up all night hating your partner. 

and LOL atBeckiLG “I ended up sleeping on the floor in my closet. That may have been tequila induced though.”

Nicaly
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]

I used to think that I just couldn’t sleep well next to anyone because I was always restless and wanted my space when going to sleep with my exes.  I’ve been with my boyfriend since April and I sleep better when he’s next to me than not.  I don’t know if it’s a sign of compatibility or just me being more into him.  I used to hate when someone would get too close to me during the night but now I prefer it.

sarahprotzman
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 11:40 am: [report]

Mostly, I’ve found it comes with time and frequency. The only people I’ve been able to sleep soundly beside are ones I am comfortable with. But also, those remain my two healthiest relationships! If I’m at ease about how things are going, it’s unlikely I’ll lie there for hours, staring at the ceiling and going nuts inside my head.

writergirl
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]

I sleep better when my husband is home, then when he travels.  Even though we don’t cuddle or anything while sleeping—and he’s actually very restless sleeper—I still don’t sleep right without him.

hlh22
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 12:22 pm: [report]

I think that the much better indicator of compatibility is how you deal with potential problems.  For example, my ex-finance’s solution was that we’d just sleep in separate rooms our whole marriage (I slept like a log, he got up a million times during the night).  To me, that wasn’t okay since I enjoy sleeping with someone and caused a huge fight.  Just one of the many reasons why we broke up.

Steph Pro
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]

I think sleepless nights would be normal at first.  Though, if in the long run, neither of you can sleep in the same bed together, there may be a problem.  I have ex’s who snore, and I could not sleep.  My current gentleman snores, but it does not seem to bother me.  I don’t know if sleeping well together is a sign of compatibility, but I know I feel better, and look better after a good nights sleep.  I think that is something to consider.

bogart4017
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 02:13 pm: [report]

yes and no. I had one girlfriend who hesitated at sleepovers and then abruptly changed her mind. If shed have stuck to her guns we might still be together. I have to sleep w/a tv or radio on. I can overlook these things sometimes but she needs absolute blackness! Not to mention she snored like a truckdriver, was a deep deep sleeper and never moved in her sleep. Me? I fight in my sleep, have restless legs, sleep lightly and wake up several times a night. I stayed there one night and never did it again. It felt funny sexing and leaving so it didnt last long. When i got together with my then future wife and found out she slept thru the night i got scared. But after a few years guess what? I wake up seeing stars from the elbow to the eye socket, she snores, flips positions several times a night, talks in her sleep just like me (we once woke up having a conversation) and shakes her leg just like me. 22 years later we are still “sleep compatible”!!!

ciao
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 04:04 pm: [report]

I’ve been able to sleep perfectly fine with my current boyfriend from the beginning! But maybe it has something to do with being seriously tired before going to bed.

joyy
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 04:33 pm: [report]

lol, a friend from college and I went through a ‘benefits’ phase and thinking back, he and I were effing champs at getting a full night’s sleep sharing a twin bed, even though we never actually had sex and turned out to be horribly incompatible.  It was kind of amazing really, since we didn’t really sleep in space-saving cuddle mode either.

The bf and I rock the king size these days, and it’s really nice since I tend to toss and turn before falling asleep, and the bf tends to sleep on an angle - especially if the dog is already taking up half of the bed.  It makes me wonder how we survived so many visits on my twin mattress in college, though I distinctly remember sleeping on the floor at least once because I wanted space to stretch out.

@writergirl - I’m the same with with my bf. It always takes me a bit to fall asleep, but it takes way longer when I’m alone.

majicksand
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 05:10 pm: [report]

My husband and I sleep like pretzels.  He swears he never had any desire to cuddle with anyone else.  With my ex it went from posessive cuddling to opposite ends of the bed.

vanillalatte
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 05:23 pm: [report]

majicksand
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 06:10 pm: [report]

My husband and I sleep like pretzels.  He swears he never had any desire to cuddle with anyone else.  With my ex it went from posessive cuddling to opposite ends of the bed.

+++

My bf and I sleep like pretzels too! He keeps me warm and I love waking up next to him and his kisses.

Taurwen
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 06:06 pm: [report]

The guy I’ve been sleeping with occasionally is a huge cuddler. I am not. The first night we spent together he kept moving closer and closer and I kept moving over until he woke up, saw me half hanging off the bed, woke me up and demanded to know why I wouldn’t cuddle him.
He’s slowly turning me (Although now he just straight up steals the covers, kicks them off the bed forcing me to cuddle for warmth) I’m getting used to it, I sleep better beside him than anyone else I’ve slept with.

bumbler
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 06:14 pm: [report]

Eh this means nothing.  My husband and I have nightly battles over space and covers.  I usually end up with one of his gawky elbows digging into my back.  Probably the worst is when I fall asleep on my stomach and he manages to roll over so he’s lying on top of me back to back.  Then I have to kick and scream until he wakes up and gets off.  We’re insanely compatible in everything else.

cadyms
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 07:23 pm: [report]

@ Author - I would have loved some actual content, e.g. looking up research (if it exists) in that area?

alexadean
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 11:44 pm: [report]

i’m very bad at sleeping with other people- mostly because i’m self conscious about my snoring. it doesn’t happen alot, but when i have sleepovers with a new boy, i toss and turn all night for mostly this reason. i’m also not a cuddley sleeper- never will be. i need my space. don’t get me wrong, i enjoy some cuddle time, i just can’t fall asleep that way, no matter how compatible i am with a guy. it’s just a matter of comfort- both mentally and physically.

BlueVibe
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 03:00 pm: [report]

This would be a major indicator for me.  I’m a bit of a picky sleeper.  Past boyfriends always moved around too much or snored too much or hogged the blankets.

Current BF and I aren’t to the point of sleepovers yet but I already find myself thinking that I’d sleep really well next to him.  Especially now that the weather’s going to cool off.

Knitter79
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 08:19 pm: [report]

I’d say it’s more of an issue if one person is fine and the other isn’t.  Many very happy couples sleep in separate beds and think nothing of it.  But if you want him to leave you alone and he wants to be all cuddled up then it’s going to cause problems.

I’m a super light sleeper.  My ex would toss and turn violently, so needless to say I never slept through the night.  He didn’t get the big deal because he always slept fine.  It eased a little with time but now that I have the bed to myself again I realize just how much it affected me.  He also hated that I had a fan on every night (it made the room too cold, but he refused to use a blanket).

New guy is as light a sleeper as I am so it’s not an issue to have the white noise machine on (though we had to change the setting because I couldn’t do seagulls) and if one of us wakes up the other does too.  That may not sound good, but I can’t tell you how many times my ex would wake me up and I’d lay there pissed off because he’s sleeping soundly and I couldn’t get back to sleep.

ChocoBoo
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 06:02 am: [report]

HAHA, great to hear that I’m not the only one attached to a Blankie Bandit! I’m now married to husband for 7 years. Even when we were dating= he’d practically flip me out of the bed while trying to steal the covers! And he’s a ‘dream talker’= I get a jumbled play-by-play account of what ever whacko dream he’s having. Sometimes I wake up a bit grumpy and with a cold booty, but at least we’re sweet to eachother in our waking hours.

Wytch
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 12:48 pm: [report]

Hah! I’ve been with my current bf for nearly 4 years now and he still keeps me awake thrashing, but the awake time is worth it. I feel that no matter how annoying someone’s sleep habits, if it’s worth it, you can adjust. All relationships are about compromise, right?

amylou
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:20 pm: [report]

i hope not slash i don’t think so, because my boyfriend snores his face off and twitches, but we’re probably going to end up together.