Porn's Impact On Women

If Porn Saps A Guy’s Manliness, What Does It Do To Women?

Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry Filed in: sex
7:00AM, Friday May 15th 2009

Brett and Kate McKay are the husband/wife team behind the Art of Manliness, which seeks to help men “be better husbands, better fathers, and better men.” Brett was turned off by traditional men’s magazines like Men’s Health because they were filled with articles about sex and six-pack abs. “Was this all there was to being a man?” he asks.

It should come as no surprise that Brett has a big problem with porn. After all, it’s filled with men with six-pack abs having sex. In “The Problem with Porn,” he warns men that porn “saps your manliness” and lists five reasons why. Our Mind of Man has shared his perspective on guys and porn, and when I IM’d him about the article, he wrote back, “Porn is sexy. Too much porn is bad. Wine is yummy. Too much is bad.” But if porn saps a guy’s manliness, what does it do to women?

Mostly, too much of a good thing is bad. Does watching the occasional porn movie have some sort of “sapping” effect on women? As I can only speak for myself, I decided to see whether I suffered from the perils of porn that McKay lists. I probably watch porn once a week if I haven’t gotten laid in a few weeks. If I’m having sex on the regular, I don’t really watch it. And if I’m on a sex sabbatical, well, my online porn watching goes up to maybe twice a week. Don’t want to get rusty.

1. It objectifies women
Yes, it does. It also objectifies men, but in the porn I’ve seen, most of the men aren’t very good looking. The only thing they have going for them is their ability to pump away and ejaculate on command. They’re being objectified, but is all objectification bad?

2. It supports a filthy industry
I’m no expect on the porn industry, but rumor has it that lots of female porn stars have “abusive back stories,” to quote one of our commenters. However, the fastest growing genre of porn is the amateur stuff available online, often for free. While there’s no way of knowing whether these exhibitionists have abusive back stories themselves, it’s far more likely that their little on camera performance is a one time deal, rather than a career choice made after a soul crushing childhood. So, ladies, if you don’t want to support that “filthy industry,” watch amateur porn. Then protest The Gap and go vegan, because the people who work in sweatshops and slaughter houses have abusive back stories as well. Just a reminder.

3. It messes with your sexual expectations
I don’t expect guys in real life to ejaculate on command or do much of the other nonsense I watch in porn. I don’t want to watch porn stars do the stuff I do in real life, like cuddle, do the crossword, or whisper sweet nothings while my boyfriend is sleeping. If you actually expect your partner to have the same sexual prowess as a porn star, you have other problems. But if you want cuddly, crossword loving porn, I’m sure there’s a niche genre for that.

4. It diminishes your sexual pleasure
I don’t think porn diminishes my sexual pleasure. I do, however, think maybe I am slightly addicted to my vibrator, which gets me off, partner or no partner, like clockwork. I, like many women, have a hard time orgasming through regular intercourse—I can usually get off from oral sex (if I’m comfortable with the person, especially) and can come during sex with some extra stimulation. I think the only reason I get off easier while watching porn is because I’m alone and not distracted, preoccupied, or focused on anyone but myself and my needs.

5. It saps your manly (or feminine) confidence.
McKay believes porn make men feel less confident in their abilities. I can see how that might happen, as the women in porn always “orgasm,” while women in real life do not. This fact effects women too. Sometimes, we feel like men expect us to get off. Rather than hurt their feelings and tell them it’s not going to happen—because sometimes, it’s just not—we fake it. The thing is, I really only think this is a big problem if you are faking with the person you’re in a relationship with. My ex knew that I did not orgasm easily and we experimented and found ways that satisfied both of us. If you’re not talking to your partner about how to have the best time possible in the sack, you’re probably not sharing other things, and then—again—you have other problems.

comments

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 07:56 am: [report]

Some of this is true, most is bullcrap. In regards to #5, I have actually found stars who O every scene, and before you question me, for real. This one time she literally passes out. Usually it’s just intense body shaking O. Oh yeah and the woman I’m talking about also has dual bachelors in Biochemistry and Visual Arts.

doridori
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 08:48 am: [report]

@Amelia, I just want to say that you’re bold for sharing such personal information, and it’s appreciated.

I don’t believe that porn is “the devil” nor does it influence or sap any of my sexual confidence, pleasure or expectations. It’s a fantasy and anyone with any common sense understands that fact before they watch that XXX rated scene. Objectifying people and sex is normal and most the sexually active people I know have one point or another have made it clear that it was the instant gratification of the act or the attraction of the person that they were after during one encounter or another, not necessarily the additional perks of the sex, such as cuddling, pillow talk, etc, etc.

As far as porn being a filthy industry, one could say the same about weapon manufacturing, the tobacco and alcohol industries and a whole mass of other industries. There are horror stories with any industry.

theattack
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]

My ex-boyfriend told me that when he was young (puberty or so), he watched some porn, and it destroyed his self confidence. He didn’t grow up to have a nine inch penis, and he expected to since that was what he had seen. He was average sized, which is completely fine, but he didn’t see it that way. As a result, he remained a virgin for an unusually long time (I never got any of that).

ksdancer
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 09:59 am: [report]

Most guys I know like porn. I don’t care if its playing in the background or not. Personally, if you don’t realize its all a fantasy, then there IS something wrong with your outlook of the it all. Yes, the men are usually not nice to look at and yes the women are ALL ACTING (think wrestling…its all big act). I say live and let live. If you like it, fine, if not, then don’t look at it.

flooze
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]

My ex told me about how younger, less experienced women he had been with would try to act like porn stars, because they thought that’s what all men wanted-he said it seemed robotic and cold and faked. I am (cough) a little older than him, and I grew up without the internet, and saw a few VHS tapes here and there—but I developed my sexuality completely on my own, without those media images. For the record, I like porn clips just fine, and have no problem in general with it, when used sparingly, and to add to my “spank bank” in my head!

loveitlala
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 05:22 pm: [report]

I agree with you on all fronts. And just based on how women function I’m going to have to agree and say at least 90% of the time these women are acting o’s. A tip… a good way to fake is to hyperventilate… you might just pass out. Aka orgasms don’t will never make you faint, but hyperventilation will. Respiratory alkalosis.

ChoJinn
wrote on May 16 2009 @ 09:01 am: [report]

1) That AoM site is rubbish. What definitely isn’t “manly” is anonymously espousing - or heeding - a bunch of fatalistic online pseudo-advice.

Simply put, porn, like any vice, can be over-consumed. Everything is exaggerated in porn because it has to be; it’s not actually happening to you. The girls are typically tiny, the lenses are fish-eyed to maximize the size of everything, etc. Those guys/gals who fail to realize the charade it is probably deserve to have their confidences dashed. For the rest of us, it’s just a fun way to spend some alone time before returning to the real world.

develange
wrote on May 18 2009 @ 08:55 pm: [report]

A major problem porn can create is the belief that women MUST get off from a big peen pounding their vag.

I’ve heard there are women who can get off from peen alone, but for many I’ve talked to and heard about, peen alone doesn’t do it for them. The worst thing I have heard (several times, from several different men) is, “why don’t you get off from sex?”

Iamcuriousblue
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 03:12 pm: [report]

What I find really interesting about the blog post that you link to is that its more or less from a more-or-less MRA blog, and yet cribs much of its objections toward porn from radical feminism, starting with the “objectification of women” argument. Further proof, to me, that MRAs and radical feminists are, for all of their diametric opposition, in many ways actually more alike than different, each having a deep-seated victim mentality around their gender and expressing that sense of victimization in much the same terms.

I remember another blogger saying something to the effect that MRAs and radfems are probably each other’s exes. That may not be literally true in more than a handful of cases, but I definitely think there’s a metaphoric truth to it.

Bonus
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 06:01 am: [report]

Number 6: Porn is subtly turning many young women into mini-pornstars - in their sexual behaviour.

Edriisxe
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 08:12 pm: [report]

I believe all this, especially the last two. It KILLS a person’s self sexual expectations and confidence. Of course, speaking for myself, people are exposed to what they believe is supposed to happen. And some people, even if they are smart enough to know that everyone is different, it could influence them when it starts to sink in.

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