Hide Your Sons! The Hyena Comes Out To Prey
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
sex
10:00AM, Friday April 17th 2009
Just as soon as we’ve tired of hearing, using, typing, writing the word “cougar,” a new type of female has emerged from the forest. According to Dr. Jennifer Austin Leigh, the “number one teen girl expert in America,” men have another feline to worry about—the “hyena.” “Hyena” describes a much younger woman/girl, who preys upon and dominates young men. The female hyena (the real one), you see, is much more sexually aggressive than her male counterpart—just like many of today’s teen girls and young women, says Best. She coined the term in her new book, “Laid or Loved? The Secrets Guys Wish You Knew About Being a Dream Girl Instead of a Just-in-his-Jeans Girl,” in which she quotes a teenage boy describing the loss of his virginity.
“I was at a party and had too much to drink. One of the girls decided she wanted a thrill and pulled off my pants and made me get a hard-on and had sex with me ... Everyone watched. Some friends even took pictures of us on their cell phones. I don’t remember a lot of it. But I regret that I lost my virginity like that.”
Wow. Crazy. But is this one example really indicative of some raging epidemic?
While I’d normally write off such clever term coinage as just a sales ploy, our own Susannah Breslin says she’s heard stories like this. On a recent trip to California, where she was hanging out with porn stars (no really!), one of the women told her about engaging in gang bangs in high school “for fun.” She, of course, decided she might as well get paid for it, which is why she’s in porn, but seriously, WTF? Gang bangs? In high school?
Even still, I think this and the story in Leigh’s book are just extreme examples which prove that, yes, teen girls are decidedly more…expressive of their sexuality than they were even 10 years ago. You could easily “blame” that on the weird mixed messages girls are getting from society and pop culture, but I’m not entirely sure the trend as a whole is so negative. I mean, would we rather they be totally sexually repressed? No thank you. I hardly doubt gang bangs are every teenage girl’s favorite after school activity, but I do think, and the statistics are showing, that more teenagers are having sex—and if teenage girls are doing more of the initiating (“preying”) then so be it. No one cares what teenage boys do with their boners—but when girls show some sexual aggression, it’s a full blown trend that requires descriptions better suited for the The Nature Channel.
Whatever. Really, the main cause for concern should be that these predatory, horny hyenas aren’t getting a proper sex education. Am I right? [Salon’s Broadsheet]
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PinkRanger
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 10:10 am: [report]
wow, thats messed up though if girls are taking advantage of boys like that kids story. I’m not sure thats a good thing. I’m all for girls embracing their sexuality, and not being afraid of pleasure and all, but seriously? Some of these girls may be feeling that age-old pressure to obtain “hotness”, and they feel like this sexual aggression is the only way that guys will accept them. If lots of their peers are doing it, than they should too, right? this just worries me. Girls shouldn’t feel obligated to make themsleves into sex objects, and more and more in recent years its become trendy, and cool, and its rarely about the pleasure of the individual girl, its more about reputation, and impressing others. Is this really what girls should do to fight sexual repression?
Humble Bee
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 10:32 am: [report]
wow again,
thats just nuts, I agree that those are extreme examples. Sure girls are way more sexually active now a days, but that doesn’t actually happen. I live in California, in Los angeles to be exact and I know a porn star too, she din’t do that kind of stuff, she was actually kind of quiet, she did have a effed up childhood though.
Ive hooked up with a younger guy, and took his virginity, but that story just sounded soo wrong, I didnt take advantage of the dude. He did have a major crush, I met his family, very nice people, very nice guy, and I’m almost positive that he doesn’t regret loosing his virginity to me. It was a really nice expirience and he knew that I wasnt a virgin. So i know i’m not a ‘hyena’ that just another word for teenage slut.
tabby
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 10:52 am: [report]
I hope the author at least mentioned to that poor boy that he wasn’t so much losing his virginity as being sexually assaulted.
Maybe this will prompt people to also teach boys that it is ok to “just say No” and to also teach girls that “No means No”.
While I applaud the notion that teenage girls feel sexually empowered, I am horrified that they think they are allowed to get away with sexual assault because “all guys want to just get laid”. Cause that is crap.
peacock
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 10:54 am: [report]
I don’t think its too far fetched to think events like that happen on a regular basis. I mean if the roles in the scenario above were switched around, and some girl told this story I don’t think I’m out of line in thinking the majority of people reading it would be up in arms over it, telling the girl that she had been forcibly raped. If this is how we treat stories like this, (wow, crazy, but come on a one time thing) why would we ever expect young men to come forward with these stories. I know two guys personally who lost their virginity in similar situations (minus the part about it being in front of people). It does happen, and our society turns a blind eye to it. I got into an argument/discussion with one of my feminist lit proffs because she told me that it was impossible for a woman to rape a man because rape was solely about the feeling of unwanted penetration. I had 3 different guys and 2 girls after that class within a week come up to me or e-mail me thanking me for arguing with her, because they or their friends have been taken advantage of.
As for the whole, allowing teenaged girls to express their sexuality, I have to disagree. Acting sluty is not “expressing your sexuality”, its young girls doing what they think boys want them to. Instead of telling these girls to lower their standards and expectations to conform with Maxim or Playboy, or the dumb kid telling the two girls to make out at a party, why don’t we think its a good idea for girls to hold out and make guys conform to the standards that they expect?
cougiex
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 01:16 pm: [report]
Since when were hyenas feline?
Seriously though, is there a term for a “younger man, who preys upon and dominates young women”? I get frustrated how negative terms seem to only be associated with females and whom they chose to be with:
Gold-digger
Cougar
and now Hyena.
Is that just because I don’t know any better, or is it because we’re more judged based on our actions in the bedroom than males?
retro chic
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 01:50 pm: [report]
Haha… Good article, Amelia, but a trend? No. These “experts” are the real predators. How about “Squids” with poison ink and tentacles in you wallet. So, I’m sure you’d agree the most important takeaway here is that there are more “experts” to watch out for.
I live in LA, not far from Chatsworth, the Porn Capital of the World. I have a ‘tweener daughter on the brink of hormone oblivion, and there’ve been no drumbeats in the parent networks I know of. Solid parenting is the key.
Any credible evidence is probably no different than any other parallel drawn among both genders coming of age in this Internet/porn era, one in reaction to the other. Let’s hear them both in real-world context.
So, I think I’ll wait for more best-selling experts to weigh in, and then tell *them* all to shove it. Besides I already take my cafe psychology from Dr. Drew, thanks.
chill
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 03:14 pm: [report]
I have repeatedly been called a cougar. I swear I’m not. I don’t go out looking for younger guys. I happen to be in a relationship currently with a 23 year old and I’m 37. He on the other hand has always dated older women. His last girlfriend of 2 years was 35. While I find these types of names to be negative in nature, I wonder if there is a name for such a man. I honestly don’t think he goes out intentionally looking for older women, it just happens. I’m so sick of being called that and wish I had a snappy comeback.
Blue Ring
wrote on April 18 2009 @ 11:56 pm: [report]
From a biologist perspective - I’ve got no problem being compared to a Hyena. Despite their notoriously bad rap due to like, centuries of biological misunderstanding…a female Hyena has her #&@$% together. (and hyenas are not dogs but are more closely related to cats)
It’s a matriarchal pack society, hyenas as a whole are highly intelligent, incredibly efficient hunters, and female hyenas posses a pretty damn massive clitoris - the positioning of which assures *they* get to pick who they engage in sex (and the boys need lots of practice to get it right) male hyenas must be appropriately suppliant if they want to get…well anything done from eating to procreating.
For a society used to venerating the incredibly lazy Alpha Male lion with his impressive mane and even more impressive working harem of females…the Hyena must seem like their worst nightmare. A big, powerful, toothy matriarch.
So if they’re going to call you by an animals name - better Hyena than “bitch”
That being said, it’s no good for young guys to also feel as though they are being victimized or pushed into sexuality earlier than they want to be or in circumstances they would not prefer, but…doesn’t this trend already cut both ways? Why is this minor uproar only buzzworthy when it’s to do with young boys? Or do we now just assume young girls will not mind loosing their virginity in a similar circumstance (not with someone they loved/in a highly publicized fashion/rape or a coerced situation) because it’s what they’re conditioned to accept?
retro chic
wrote on April 19 2009 @ 08:33 am: [report]
FYI—Jennifer Austin Leigh Fun Fact:
She received her online doctorate in 2007 from “CalSouthern University.” And I’m sure her own wealth of NONparenting experience greatly informs her *vast* clinical/empirical knowledge. And, yes, she is “starring” in her own TV talk show later this year.
@Blue Ring: Yeah, caught The Hyena “backstory” in the press surrounding Leigh’s book, and Amelia’s feline article ref. But I agree that the buzz doesn’t, but should, cut both ways, as I mentioned, too. There needs to be real studies by real experts to balance both sides.
Big picture? As a parent in the trenches, I find this whole *trend* of predatory labeling and artificial niche book marketing highly offensive. These self-anointed “experts” claiming to belong to the helping professions—just isn’t helping. And, no one, esp children should be branded this way.
Cha_Bella
wrote on April 19 2009 @ 10:37 pm: [report]
You know what sucks about this whole article?
Labeling. I mean what was the point of posting an article about giving new names to stereotypical ideals about women? I mean we barely understand the complex structures of the animal kingdom and some quack decides that some qualities found in the hyena line are similar to qualities found in promiscuous young women?
Leave animals out of it!
Also young women who enjoy this kind of behavior is on them. I don’t know who they are and how they became that way. One thing I know is that if young people are taking said interactions so lightly, are acting like damn fools! Grow up some before you decide to knock boots with a kid who doesn’t know a damn thing about respecting you. Because when he does, you will know what great sex feels like.
And my thanks go out to the boy for being able to come out and say that. I’m sorry you did not have control over that instance of your life during that scenario.
stormygirl
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 07:22 pm: [report]
This stuff is crazy. that’s all we need, teenage girls running around acting like a bunch of skanky whores. we parents have enough to worry about, teen pregnancy, sexting, now this? where are these girls’ parents? and we certainly don’t need some so called “expert on teen girls” who got her doctorate on line, toting her so called “wisdom” for these kids to see.
bogart4017
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 01:14 pm: [report]
Please. These type of girls existed in the early 70s when i was a teen. They were just young girls who were out of their element with older guys and sexually jumped the bones of clearly inexperienced guys. Some purposely set out to tramatize these boys to shut up the loud mouth liars who claimed to be sleeping with everything moving. Believe me, it worked. One sexually tramatized teenaged boy was a walking-talking example for all of us!!
CuteCora
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
So for starter’s, I am loving the Idea that people ( not boys or girls) people are growing on the idea that sexuality is not a bad thing and can be expressed equally on both sides, we are starting to catch up to the 20th century. However, yet again we go on and label something ” hyena” WTF is up with that! Why do we have to put a name on sex, or sexual beings? this is the reason that people get objectified…. however I do not make the rules. I do want to mention that is this story with the girl who took advantage of the guy..is that not considered RAPE? Just asking because we all know that if a boy did that to a girl it would be rape..so I figured the same rules aply…apparently not. However a girl like that mentioned in the story is not the type of girl I would not call “Hyena” more than a girl I would say is a troubled , attention thriving whore! Again it is not classy to #&@$% in front of your school and allow people to take pictures..thats not being sexually aggressive or ’ Hyena” if that’s the choice word, thats just being trashy! let’s call a whore a whore..it is what it is! So as for the Doc there… WTF, never give advice or opinions about anything you yourself and not been through, experienced, witnessed etc… Really have a kid, raise him/her then come talk to me in 15 years and we will see if your advice can hold any merit or truth!