How To Seduce Someone (Or Simply Get A Date)
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
10:30AM, Monday February 8th 2010
In honor of Valentine’s Day, there’s an article in today’s Daily Mail called “How to ... Seduce a Man,” written by the founder of the popular lingerie boutique Coco de Mer. The advice, which is really applicable to either sex, made me think of this weekend’s “Dear Wendy” column in which a reader asked me why she can’t get a date. I offered her some suggestions, but because a lot of us could use a refresher, check out some of the best tips for seducing someone (or simply getting a date) ...
1. Flirt!
“Flirtation is simply about making the other party feel like a million dollars: it’s a way of making someone feel so good that they are attracted to you and want to be around you.”
So how do you flirt? Flirting is as much about body language as it as about the words you say. Start with eye contact, smile genuinely, turn your body or cross your legs towards him or her, and, if these signals are returned, don’t be afraid to gently touch his or her arm, hand or knee when making a point. A simple and genuine compliment like “You have a nice smile” or “I like your laugh” doesn’t hurt either. Just make sure you limit yourself to one compliment and don’t make it overtly sexual or you’ll come across as desperate.
2. Be confident.
“It’s often said that confidence is the sexiest attribute one can possess, and it’s true that people are naturally drawn to those who are comfortable in their own skin. Make sure you’re happy with what you are wearing, you like your hair and make-up, and you’re feeling calm and happy. It’s much easier to seduce a man when you are at ease with yourself and have a sense of your own personality.”
Do a dress rehearsal before you go out to a party or somewhere else you’re likely to meet new people, and elicit the opinion of someone you trust. Wear a flattering color and something that shows off your best assets. Avoid anything too tight or restrictive — the key is to be comfortable but feel attractive. Make note of which items in your closet get you the most compliments and wear them when you want to feel especially good about yourself and make an impression. If you lack hair and makeup skills, ask trusted friends to recommend a stylist or to accompany you to a makeup counter in a department store where you can get some professional tips. If you aren’t a makeup kind of gal, you don’t have to try to be something you aren’t, but there are plenty of ways to wear just a touch of it without feeling like your face is caked on. Experiment with a bit of gloss or a light layer of mascara. The key is to feel comfortable, though, so don’t ever wear anything that makes you self-conscious — even if everyone’s telling you you look like a knock-out.
3. Acknowledge your interest and the possibility of intimacy.
“If you are looking to seduce a new partner, demonstrate some kind of awareness of the possibility of physical intimacy without being overtly sexual or threatening.”
This goes back to flirting. Nothing should be too overt, but a knowing glance, a sexy smirk, and a lighthearted innuendo uttered at just the right moment get the point across.
4. Don’t appear desperate.
“You mustn’t chase hard: nothing is more off-putting than desperation. Make yourself attractive by being as gorgeous as you can in your own skin. Seducing a man is about making him want to chase you.”
The key to all these tips is not to overdo them. There’s a fine line between showing interest and practically begging for a date. Bottom line: don’t do, say or wear anything that makes you uncomfortable. Not everyone is always going to love you or be interested in pursuing you, but, eventually, someone will, and it’s so much better to be liked for who you are rather than who you’re pretending to be.
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AtlantaGirl10
wrote on February 8 2010 @ 10:33 am: [report]
getting a date is easy. getting a date you want to go out on a SECOND date with, not so much.
H. Blue
wrote on February 8 2010 @ 10:58 am: [report]
haha.. I second that one, AtlantaGirl10. Sooo many first dates..
bogart4017
wrote on February 8 2010 @ 11:19 am: [report]
I love #3! So many possibilites abound.
impoddity
wrote on February 8 2010 @ 02:52 pm: [report]
D’you reckon this would work for same-sex… questing? Or is it exclusive to M-F pursuit?
TheOtherMe
wrote on February 8 2010 @ 04:04 pm: [report]
@impodity: I would think it would apply to same sex, most of the references are about seducing a partner.
Dutch Guy
wrote on February 8 2010 @ 07:52 pm: [report]
As a guy, it seems that I am usually in the role of steering the relationship, but once in a while it’s great to be seduced! As a newly single guy, I drove into the city for dinner with a gal I met through a singles ad. With the help of wine and dim light, she convinced me it would be too long a drive to go home and invited me to stay on her couch. Needless to say, her goal was not to have me on her couch and it worked. In another relationship, a younger blonde had aparently decided to seduce me on our second date by inviting me back to her house after a walk in the botanical gardens. She handled my shyness by unzipping me and climbing on top without anything on under her long skirt.
I wouldn’t advise a girl to be as overt as either of those above as both set the tone of our relationship as highly sexual and that left other areas of mutual interest less developed. With my present love, she shyly and coyly seduced my mind with her brains and poetic writing. We didn’t meet in person for almost three months and then had a dinner date that confirmed the natural attraction between us, both mental as well as physical. Confidence and intelligence are very attractive and seductive in a woman as well as the way she dresses and wears her perfume and makeup.
Steph9668
wrote on February 9 2010 @ 10:59 pm: [report]
Yeah… this part I’m ok with. It’s the keep-the-relationship-going part that I have been a complete failure at thus far. Haha
Lexington
wrote on February 9 2010 @ 11:31 pm: [report]
I’m right there with you, @Steph!
james_everest
wrote on February 10 2010 @ 01:38 pm: [report]
1. Dennis Prager did an hour on why there so few 2nd dates. Expectations! If a man rates a woman at 80% of his expectations he is thrilled. If a woman rates a man at 80% of her expectations she thinks she is selling out.
2. It took me two long term relationship break ups to realize my trend. I liked confident assertive women. I found that they turned into control freaks. I still date them but I don’t have exclusive relationships with them. It is amazing how much happier you can be when you don’t have someone critiquing your every nuance.
pabarge
wrote on February 10 2010 @ 02:02 pm: [report]
moi aussi!
Alex Curylo
wrote on February 10 2010 @ 02:19 pm: [report]
I wouldn’t advise a girl to be as overt as either of those above
Oh, I don’t know, sometimes you have to be pretty overt to get the guy’s attention. I, for instance, am rather renowned for the level of overtness necessary to attract my attention. “Baseball bat” and “2x4” are commonly used metaphors. But the best example would be a young lady I knew as ‘Vampirella’ (it was that kind of scene) who eventually got annoyed enough at my complete obliviousness to her attempted seductive ways to grab me two-fisted by the shirt, throw me back against the chicken wire (it was that kind of club) and scream from about three inches in front of my face
“ARE YOU TAKING ME HOME OR WHAT?!?!!”
Anyone who’s not me, you probably don’t need to be quite *that* assertive to get their attention no; but it will certainly move things along. Any douchebag that’s threatened by assertive women, you probably don’t want him anyways. There are plenty of us out here that absolutely adore strong female characters, I assure you.
John M
wrote on February 10 2010 @ 02:28 pm: [report]
Here’s a tip: Don’t dress like a guy.
See this? It’s called a dress. That’s called a skirt. Those are your knees. Your legs look nicer in these things, they’re called heels. This stuff is called makeup.
Every time I see an episode of What Not To Wear, I think “They oughtta rename it Remember That You’re a Girl”.
Mikee
wrote on February 10 2010 @ 04:06 pm: [report]
I recall a joke where there is a list about a mile long about how to keep a woman interested in you, then one line about how to keep a man interested in you, namely, “Give him head.”
While that might not be appropriate for the intended audience of the blogpost, may I suggest that it is one way to get a second date, or at least a second request for head?
Dmun
wrote on February 10 2010 @ 08:46 pm: [report]
My advice for women is always intice and tease, in that order.
Know how to draw a guy toward you—a little look, a smile, a second glance… And be sure to break away from the pack. If you’re with your friends, get alone for a few moments—- just long enough to give the guy an opening without the extra pressure.
As for the tease, that’s just in the conversation. Don’t be A tease. But don’t sleep with a douche either.
Yodar Critch
wrote on February 16 2010 @ 12:56 pm: [report]
John M,
Well said,
Some women forget that men tend to like to date women.