How To Save Face During A Breakup
Posted by: Leigh Raines
Filed in:
relationships
3:00PM, Tuesday August 26th 2008
Breakups are bad enough without looking like a total fool in the aftermath. So, in a bold move of honesty, and to help save others in the same place, I’m going to admit that in the throes of some past breakups I’ve been a little bit intense. I’ve learned my lessons on what not to do through a lot of tears, friend and family interventions, and often through making huge mistakes. And now I will pass along this harnessed wisdom to you.
Now, there are probably a lot of people who are just as stubborn as me, who in the face of rejection might just want to burn their ex’s stuff and cause a huge scene—to hell with other people’s advice. However, I’m going to beg you not to – it’s not worth it. Of course, just for clarification, if someone did something truly horrendous that warrants major destruction, such as cheating? Well then all bets are off.
REMOVING ALL REMINDERS: Take down all pictures. Refill said picture frames with happy photos of friends or family. Take the photos of your ex and all love trinkets, and store in a far away place. Don’t burn things—you may want to look back when you’re not bitter. And don’t sell things on eBay on a whim; you are totally going to want that Hermes bracelet one day.
EXCHANGING GOODS: If your ex wants their stuff back or vice versa (and I’m not talking about diamonds) and you are not okay to see each other face to face, that is why God created doormen, supers, and kindly old lady next door neighbors. Also, a simple spot to drop it off or even a friend who feels like being a Good Samaritan will suffice.
THE FINAL WORD: It’s never actually final is it? You might be grinding your teeth, steam coming out of your ears, red in the face angry after your breakup. You’ll probably have A LOT to say to your ex that you feel you need to get off of your chest. Venting is good, but only in proper forums. DO NOT write a goodbye letter, text, email, IM, etcetera where you tell your ex all the terrible things you really think of them. This can only result in a) them becoming more annoyed with you, b) you feeling like a huge a—hole two days later, c) you looking desperate, or d) the paper trail becoming public. If you need to write things down, journals are great, or write the letter and don’t send it. At least not until you are in a more lucid state of mind.
CONFIDE IN A SELECT FEW: This one might be the most important on this list: only talk to people you can trust. Rumors fly faster than an SR-71 Blackbird—that’s faster than a G5 and way faster than you’d ever want your dirty laundry flying around. Don’t pretend your friends will keep their mouths shut when you’re talking about something juicy. People love to talk. And the more you talk, the worse you will look. Words get twisted, stories get changed, and this will only perpetuate the drama.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Do not throw yourself in front of your moving car, do not proclaim in a public forum that you want them to die, do not get excessively inebriated and throw a full drink in their direction at a bar, don’t hook up with your ex’s friend in front of them, do not cry hysterically in public, do not tell them horrible things out of spite, and do not start a horrible rumor and pass it on to their parents.
COVER UP FASHIONABLY: Lastly, keep a good pair of sunglasses handy, decide on an answer to those who ask how you’re handling things and make it discreet, and try not to contact your ex until you feel you’ve regained some sanity. And for Christ’s Sake, do not beg for them back. Delete their number from your cell, take a little time to regroup, and start booking your calendar with distractions. Trust me on these tips…you don’t want to be called “crazy.”
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DJ Qualls
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 09:29 am: [report]
“cheating” is a vague term…There are a whole bunch of loopholes…
Like it’s not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your testicles and let your dog lick it off. Because it’s YOUR dog!
S
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 09:40 am: [report]
WHAT NOT TO DO continued:
1. Chuck your new prada bag with intense gold metal hardware at your ex’s head in his fraternity parking lot, causing a VERY public scene of hysterics(clearly under the influence of several magnums of cheap wine) as the entirity of the greek system watches.
2. Proclaim your hatred over an away message. The internet is NOT your friend, and most likely no one else will want to be either.
3. DO NOT BE THIS GIRL: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d6e7281182
seriously.
Truthteller
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 07:13 pm: [report]
Thanks for the advice S, you’re right, no one has the right to be as stupid and immature as that girl. Here’s another piece of admin: Stabbing your girl is not a good way to say “I want to break up”. It will just get you arrested and cost me more tax money.
Judy H
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 10:57 pm: [report]
Just don’t get involved with John Barker, as he will Lie, and Cheat. I learned a hard lesson, as he is loyal to no one but himself. Just his lame excuse of poor him and all his lies. He truly is a fake cowboy, no honor, no word, no handshake, just a stupid hat an a pair of boots. Let’s see who he uses next, cause there will be another, an another, an another…..
Mizz Blogger
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 11:28 pm: [report]
This is all true. I’d also add:
Don’t call him when the next guy you date breaks your heart. In fact, don’t call him at all. Period. Ever.
It’s over.
pimp_nyc
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 05:00 am: [report]
hi everyone , I’m a 21/m/new york…I’m glad that me and my ex are back together , we were together for almost 3 months , the other day I was callin her and callin her , she wasnt answering , I got mad & left her a nasty voice mail cuz I thought she was ignoring me! lolz..but nah she was @ work…so after she heard the voice mail she calle me back and she was like itz over! we are done! dont call me , or Im me [ aim s/n : pimpny123 ] or ever try to contact me again! , I was like babez I’m sorry I know I #&@$% up ,but babez I was just A lil jealous , she was like : #&@$% it! & #&@$% you! I dont want anything to do with u anymore…I was all deprresed and stuff cuz I know I #&@$% up , I cried a couple times a day everytime I remember her I use 2 cry…so she wasnt talking 2 me for almost a week , I thought I lost her forever! I mean there’s a lot of girls that wanna be with me , but I love this girl sooo much , so I decided to send her a text telling her how bad I miss her , I thought she will never replys and I was deciding to move over and get a new girl! so magicly she replied saying yeah right! u got all these b**hes on myspace U know U lying! Then I texted her I was like baby can I please call u?! she was like nope we’r done! I was like baby please! lets make this the last time I hear ur voice! she was like ok fine! , so I called her and then I explained to her everything and I said I’m sorry like a million times! lolz..and then she opened to me and she told me how bad she missed me and she told me to go over to her house ” right now” I was like hell yeah Imma be there in 10 minutes! lolz…so now everything is back to normal and I love her more then ever , so guys always keep trying but if u think she doesnt wanna be with u anymore then hey stop cryin & get ur ass up , there’s too many girls out there ...thank you , I know It was a long story! thanx for reading , have a nice day
Chris
wrote on September 5 2008 @ 11:21 am: [report]
I just deleted all the pictures of my ex from my iphone the other day and it was the most liberating thing I’ve done all year. I still left copies on my hard drive stashed in a folder that I buried pretty deep just in case I want to look at them ten years from now when I’m happily married to the person I was meant to be with. The bottom line: LET IT GO!