How To Respond To The Annoying Questions Relatives Ask During The Holidays
Posted by: Catherine Strawn
Filed in:
relationships
11:30AM, Thursday December 18th 2008
Several years ago, when I was in middle school, an uncle of mine tried to make conversation by asking whether I had a boyfriend. Of course, I got upset and didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night. What right did an uncle I rarely spoke to have asking about my personal life? Now, I realize that I should have come prepared, because family gatherings bring out all kinds of awkward questions. Find out how to respond to them after the jump…
Q: What are you up to these days?
This may be the toughest question of them all simply because it is so open-ended. Decide how you’re going to respond before you get to Aunt Sue’s house for Christmas Eve dinner. “Nothing really” or “Same old, same old” will not suffice. Arrive with a game plan. There must be something you wouldn’t mind talking about. Did you buy a goldfish? Or perhaps you rewired a lamp all by yourself? Steer the conversation in the direction you want.
Q: How’s your job?
Unless you work for a porn website or have been unemployed since your college graduation, this is probably the safest topic up for discussion. Relatives who don’t work in the same field as you won’t understand what you do. Say your job is “going well” and that you’re “learning a lot,” then ask if they need a drink refill. If you and Uncle Joe both work in the health profession, well, then you might be stuck discussing that for a while. But maybe you can learn something from him?
Q: Are you seeing anyone?
Unless you want to be grilled about the boy you’re kind of, sort of, hooking up with, the answer is “no.” They’ll feel bad for you and leave this conversation topic faster than Michael Phelps can swim 25 meters.
Q: When are you getting engaged?
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, this question is bound to come up. The pressure you put on your boyfriend is more than enough, so a simple “When the time is right” will do.
Q: You look great, have you lost weight?
Whether or not you’ve been working out, say, “Why, yes. I’m actually training for a marathon. Would you like to donate to the obese children’s treatment center I’m running for?” then keep the money for yourself. Fair’s fair.
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vanya
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 11:35 am: [report]
You forgot, “Sooooo, when are you going to have a baby??”
Amelia
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 11:38 am: [report]
@vanya I would shame them with a stoically delivered, “Oh, you didn’t know I’m infertile?”
HitOrMissJudy
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 11:42 am: [report]
I find that a really long, drawn-out cat story discourages any further discussion as to what I might be up to.
vanya
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 11:56 am: [report]
@Amelia, except that it doesn’t work… it seems very few people who ask that can be “shamed” into dropping the topic. Usually, saying something like that will just open up a whole new set of embarrassing questions & comments, like “whose fault is it? You or him?” and “have you done ABC test? or XYZ prodedure?” “Did you see that article online about YYY? You should do that. It worked for them!”
Not to mention the comments, “Well, be glad you don’t have cancer!” or “Oh, well. You’re not really mother material, anyway.” or “That’s not so bad. At least you won’t have to pay for braces or college now!” or the advice about sex positions you should try…
It took my brother and his wife 7 years to have a child, and I’m still gobsmacked by the things people said to them! A co-worker once asked her if she wasn’t pregnant yet because her husband was (and I quote) “using the wrong hole” to get her pregnant.
Any wonder why they just clammed up about it after a few years??
Not to mention that their child is under a year old, and people have been asking for a good six months, “So, when are you going to have ANOTHER baby??”
*sigh*
vanya
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 12:03 pm: [report]
Whenever people used to ask me if I was seeing someone, I used to ask them if they had someone to set me up with, without answering the question one way or another. They always said “no”, and I’d say, “Oh, I thought you were asking because you knew someone really great for me. So, you got my hopes up for nothing?” and they’d walk away.
That makes me sound far more evil than I am, really. lol.
Arty
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 12:20 pm: [report]
This holiday season is destined to be not so fun because it’s the first holiday since I left my fiance. Thankfully, my parents already informed everyone. However, many of them will likely forget. I just hope no one asks why we broke up. It’s none of the business!
I’ll probably say, “It just wasn’t working. Did you hear about my job?”
joyy
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 12:25 pm: [report]
This is why I keep my family in the dark and don’t go home for holidays. Guess what I’m getting for Christmas - my sanity!
gillybeans
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 12:55 pm: [report]
I always get, “When are you going to start making more money?” Sigh. Never, dad. So please loan me five hundred clams.
Humble Bee
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 02:51 pm: [report]
lol. gillybeans.
My family is just plain cruel. They say mean things. Like oh, “you look so different, your sister is the only thin one in the family.” Shes 11 for crying out loud! Or, “when is your mom going to stop having kids” WTF, aske her! its just demeaning!, are you saying she has too many??? and how is that their problem?
Last time i went to the mall and saw some girls from HS, I was just going for the quick, hey how are you, fine and you, thats great, bye conversation. BUt it was a full on interview, they didnt even ask how I was,
Are you still going to school?
Is it true they took your brother to jail? (They didn’t, but That is sooo personal)
Is it true your mom is pregnant again?
is true this, is it true that, and then for the stupidest question of all , Are you actually shopping? NO, i come to the mall to have people interview me. Of course im shopping dumbass!
i thought family was annoying…
diabadass
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 07:09 pm: [report]
Standard holiday answer guaranteed to make all relatives uncomfortable. “Well, meth can really kick your ass sometimes.” Sure they don’t believe you, but they’re also probably done talking to you for the rest of the night, just in case.
Backliteyes
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 09:01 pm: [report]
@missinformation, I’m in the same boat.
sailor_girl
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 09:43 pm: [report]
I always get “When are you going to come to your senses and get out of the military; its not a respectable career for a woman. oh and how are you going to find a man and raise children?” and the ever popular “I know this doctor thats very hansome..you should go on a date with him” from my grandparents. A. I like my job; you don’t have to be a man or manly to be in the military (girls kick butt too) and b. yes I would love to get into a long distance relationship with mr.doctor man or whoever else you have in mind. They treat me like some sort of freak because I’m 22 and single.
trlb
wrote on December 19 2008 @ 08:57 am: [report]
Oh you definitely forgot the when are you having kids…God I hear that daily…...
BrunetteBeauty
wrote on December 20 2008 @ 07:26 am: [report]
You also forget the one where they either say “wow, you’ve gained weight” or something to that effect or even worse, ask you when your baby’s due when you’re not even pregnant. What the hell do you say to that? LOL
DancerNinja
wrote on December 20 2008 @ 09:00 am: [report]
I’ve been asked when I’m going to settle down, and I’ll quote a friend here for my response: I’ve taken the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator. Yes, I’ve said that to the grandparents, aunts and uncles, and my parents. Luckily, they are crude too, and think it’s hilarious.