How To Pop Your Cork On New Year’s Eve

Getting laid on New Year’s Eve is like shooting fish in a barrel…a barrel full of alcohol. So, if you want to put the lick in liquor this New Year’s Eve, here are our tips for getting frisky…

1. Slut It Up: This is the one holiday you can truly strut around in your slinkiest cocktail attire!  Bust out of your dress and throw on those “do me pumps”—the fancier the better. My girl friend Megs wore a Gautier sequin top last year and down the front was a sexy lace cut out.  Racy for her normal corporate job, but on New Year’s, that mutha was turned out! And the difference from her usual look got her a lot of added attention.

TIP: Wear something you feel confident in. Nothing kills your sex appeal quite like giving off an awkward vibe. You don’t want to look like you’re rocking heels for the first time. Put on an outfit you can get festively drunk in that takes your personality to the max! 

2. Tune Out: It’s New Year’s Eve! Sure, the combo of Kathy Griffin, Anderson Cooper, and a ball o’ light bulbs slowly descending down a pole is irresistible—under normal circumstances.  But if you’re single, don’t get stuck watching TV on the biggest party night of the year. TiVo that crap and mingle in the moment.

TIP: Your couple friends may be your closest buds, but unless you want to have an awkward threesome with them, ditch the bitches. If you’re cruisin’ for crotch, you need to go where there’s action! Hit up parties that are guaranteed to be packed with honeys.

3. Too Drunk To Screw:  Okay, so unless you’re in AA, you definitely are going to imbibing bubbly cocktails tonight—but don’t get wasted. Once you injure yourself, ruin your outfit with a bad spill, or start spit-talking, the party is over! Skip martinis and shots. Drink champagne or other faves with lower alcohol content. This way, you can keep a festive drink in your hand, but maintain your composure.

TIP: Fight hangovers and incredible drunkenness by having a glass of water every couple drinks.  To fake like you’re actually still indulging, order a club soda. And of course, be very cautious about who you expect free drinks from—you never know when some slimeball is going to slip you a roofie.

4. Coming Up Roses: Speaking of booze, you’re bound to smell like it if you’re pounding back the drinks.  So spritz on a lil’ perfume and keep mints and gum on hand.

TIP: Do not go crazy and dip yourself in a bath of Chanel No. 5…mostly cause you’ll smell like my Grandma.  However, the same thing goes for hair gel and polyester. Use sparingly. A lil’ bit goes a long way.

5. Wish Upon A Cell: Even if you have new studs circling, text dudes you wouldn’t mind having sexy times with and wish them a Happy New Year! Make it specific and add their name to the generic message, so they never know you texted every Y chromosome within 50 miles. Then see who gets back to you. This way you keep your options open!

TIP: Sure, the drunkest guy may be the grabbiest, but nothing will ruin your New Year’s quite like having to clean up puke. So choose your partner wisely. Or go back to his place, if you’re determined, but worried about your sheets.