How To Make Your Rack The Center Of Attention
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
style
4:00PM, Monday January 26th 2009
Veronica Valter, of Million Dollar Looks, wrote an awesome story called “7 Tips For Women With A Big Bust.” While her advice, from getting bras that fit to swimsuits with cup support, was all good, it was a little too modest for girl like me with big ta-ta’s who likes her bragging rights. If I wanted to lessen the impact of my golden globes, I would have gotten a breast reduction like our babelicious Wendy. Her new sweater kittens are sweet and really prove that any titty committee is sexy. Well, I’ve got some tips of my own, and I think they work on melons, both big and small. But they do require one special size—a gigantic amount of confidence. Especially if you’re stacked, there is just no hiding them. So why try to conceal what was made to be revealed? With that ethos, here is my advice for making your tits the center of attention!
1. Make-Up: This tip is the gospel truth I learned from the Queen of Cleave herself, Dolly Parton. We all pay so much attention to evening the skin on our face, but what about our boobs?! After all, all eyes are on them—even if you’re surrounded by a band, Kenny Rogers, back up singers, and giant sparkly set pieces. So, use powder or bronzer and, in some cases, even blush, to make your cleavage pop and match the tan on your face. Now, think twice about using something extreme like foundation; it’s only for those times when you have a blemish to hide and, even then, use sparingly. No one wants to peel off your bra and see a painted tan line…or worse yet, eat that bad make-up job!
2. Low Rider: Wear plunging necklines, like deep Vs and scoop necks. The only crew you should have on your body is a crew team! Always show at least 20% of your cleavage, which brings me to my next point….
3. Tease It:Show heavin’ cleave, but do net let any of your bra show. It ruins the illusion that your boobs are in perfect shape. People should think your tits sit pretty naturally, even if it takes curved metal rods to hold ‘em up. That’s Victoria’s Secret, so keep it!
4. Turn On Your Headlights: Now I know women find the sight of another woman’s nipples unseemly—just ask Beyonce and her pointer sisters at the Obama’s Inaugural Ball. However, men love it! They already have a hard time not staring at your ample bosom, but when they can see your nipples, it’s like ten times the attention getter. So don’t be shy about tweaking them for a special occasion.
5. Skin Tight Tops: Show the globes off! Wear tops that hug the full roundness of your breasts. Wrap tops and spandex really highlight the appealing under-boob.
6. Show Off: When it comes to ta-tas, if you can see all the supply, it lessens the demand. You can’t just put it all out there, sadly. Even if you get cast in the “Rock of Love 4,” do yourself a favor and never show more than 40% of your assets at any time.
7. Squeeze: Cleavage is awesome, but not when it resembles fat rolls or muffin top. Make sure your bra and you shirt do not pinch, restrain, or form a band across your boobies. Especially if you’re busty, their beauty must be unencumbered.
8. Bejewel: Don’t sport chokers, they can make you look saggy. Wear necklaces that dip down low to meet the top of your rack. Nothing ups the wow factor and points the eye in the right direction quite like some shiny glitz. Set the standard high!
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EarthGoddess
wrote on January 26 2009 @ 05:13 pm: [report]
I’m extra curvy on top, and I’ve tried a few of these myself ... the makeup thing is awesome when done correctly! If ya got ‘em, flaunt ‘em. It’s a lot of fun to watch my husband’s reaction to other men looking at what only he’s allowed to have.
Humble Bee
wrote on January 26 2009 @ 05:24 pm: [report]
I belong to the ittybitty titty committee. I dress my litte B’s when I go out!!. My favorite is the jewelry, just add on a little sparkling necklace with a nice V top, and it doesn’t have to be all over the top dramatic cleavage. Love the tips Simcha.
jadeycakes
wrote on January 26 2009 @ 06:32 pm: [report]
Great tips! I’m pretty heavy on top and sometimes have a hard time dealing with it. Hopefully these help! Thanks!
Lynn
wrote on January 26 2009 @ 08:20 pm: [report]
As an H cup, I am definitely part of the more endowed population. AND, by some stupid genetic gift, they are not only huge but I have permanent headlights. Seriously. The other day I was wearing a moulded (i.e. lightly padded) bra, a cami with a built-in shelf bra (so, two layers of fabric there) and a *sweater* and they were still very obviously at attention. Fun for a night out with my BF, crappy when I’m trying to look respectable at work. I have some of those gross silicone “petals” on hand for such occasions.
But anyway, my main reason for posting is that the best tip for making your boobs their best is to get a quality bra fitting! Don’t go to VS - they’re total crap. I’ve never heard of *anyone* being properly sized there. Go to Nordstrom or, better yet, a small lingerie store with a huge size range (I think mine has bands as small as 26 and cups as large as L!). If you go somewhere that doesn’t have your size, they will lie to you just to sell you something in stock! And be prepared to spend a bundle, too. My bras are all around $80, and because they have to do a lot of work to support all that weight, the everyday ones that I wear most often only last a couple months. I always have a black and nude seamless bra on hand, and they’re $60 a piece, so every couple months I have to restock and pay $120 for a replacement for both - and that is, of course, even when they’re only being worn a couple times a week each, so it’s not counting all the other ones I buy and wear! It adds up to hundreds of dollars a year but it is SO worth it if your bazongas are big and heavy!
cjmar
wrote on January 26 2009 @ 09:39 pm: [report]
Lynn I completely agree with you! I went to VS to get panties and was talked into a bra fitting, even though I’m a 34GG. The salesgirl told me I was a 34D, and when that didn’t fit, she tried to sell me a 38D bra. Hello! It doesn’t fit! I found an amazing bra store just down the street from VS though, with an amazing range of sizes. They didn’t have much in my size in stock at the time, but assured me they carry many styles in my size. The best part was, no one t pressured me into buying something that didn’t fit right. I need to return since they got a few shipments.
Lynn
wrote on January 27 2009 @ 09:58 am: [report]
@cjmar - that’s a perfect example. VS is retarded. One of my friends went in there for a bra fitting, and the lady tried to do it OVER HER COAT. Another girl I know worked for VS for a while, and she admitted that in the training video, they say to push a different size on a customer if that person actually measures out to something that’s not in the store. It baffles me that VS, the biggest lingerie chain in the US, has SUCH a limited size range.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on January 27 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]
I don’t like big boobs or asses, as an atypical man I can’t get my head around the draw factor of either. What purpose do they serve but attract those who, in my eyes, are weird for liking something so lacking function.
Lynn
wrote on January 27 2009 @ 01:01 pm: [report]
They sure do have a purpose! My boobs and my bandonkadonk show that I’m a woman, not a man or a prepubescent kid. That’s their function. And I’m happy to attract men who like women!
Plus, when I sit on my guy’s lap I don’t stab him with a bony ass, and when I’m sitting on front of the TV (alone!) I can use my rack as a table to rest my plate on. So functional!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on January 27 2009 @ 03:22 pm: [report]
Yeeeahh…right there. You make it all about excess, I’m glad you’re happy with your body, but all the craziness over size (PUN!) is ridiculous.
Cathy38c
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 01:08 pm: [report]
I get compliments when i wear a bra, and I’m a 59 year old guy.