How To Compliment A Man’s Wang
Posted by: The Frisky
Filed in:
guys, sex
10:00AM, Tuesday October 6th 2009
Our friends over at Asylum created a handy guide on “How to Praise Your Lady’s Vagina.” Do guys really need tips on stuff like that? What is the proper etiquette for a vagina conversation? Do women actually need vagina compliments? Anyway, “Your vagina is so much hotter than my last girlfriend’s vagina” inspired us to create a comparable list for the ladies. Face-to-face with a man’s penis, what’s a girl supposed to say? Our suggestions, after the jump!
“OMG, it’s HUUUUUGGGEE.” Any variation will do: “OMG, it’s so BIG,” “OMG, it’s so LARGE,” “OMG, it’s so MASSIVE,” etc. Repeat as necessary.
“That looks waaaaay less like a Shar Pei than I thought it would.” Works best with uncircumsized fellows.
“Awww, he’s happy to see me.” Phalluses are suckers for flattery.
“Oh, you gave it a haircut and everything!” It’s important to let him know that you care about him, not just his wang.
“Does that really say ‘Kung Fu Hero’?” Only works with that guy from “Tool Academy.”
“I had no idea you could pierce the human body like that.” Let him know you aren’t afraid of a little man-junk jewelry.
“Hmmm. What would be a good place to hide this? Let me see ... “ Because guys are easy like that.
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peacock
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:10 am: [report]
I feel as though in a situation like this, actions speak louder than words. Men would probably appreciate them more too…
treehugr
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:17 am: [report]
i would never be able to say any of these lines with a straight face and i don’t think laughing helps the situation much =)
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:26 am: [report]
Personally I have been know to utter the phrase; “Nice c0ck!”
SouthOC
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:38 am: [report]
I like this one: “Awww, he’s happy to see me.”
lividyoungnpoor
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 10:17 am: [report]
I agree with treehugr! No way I would be able to keep a straight face, nor would my boyfriend!
brandyalexander
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]
Aw, I could say some of these, and do! Surprisingly effective has been, “what a beautiful cock!” haha (minus the “haha,” bien sur)
ksdancer
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]
Most of the guys I know…and I’ve known a few, LOVE when you compliment, talk about, even MEASURE their manhood. its like a verbal turn on….and a form of flirtation….if you get started with the verbal cues first, then that leads to some mighty HOT sex. I also think its partly because most men are so insecure about their size or performance in bed. So, ladies, I recommend you learn how to ACT (yes, ACT) if need be…. to get your guy going! Pretend you are in a movie and keep a straight face (yes, its a chore, I know, sometimes) but the results can be Orgasmic!
C.Munro
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]
I think the words, “it’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen” are genetically embedded in every woman’s vocabulary. For the record, I’m not gullible enough to believe it.
I find wang-flattery a bit of a turn-off, myself. I don’t want a woman to stroke my ego ....
majicksand
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:19 pm: [report]
My appreciation for my husband’s genitalia is much more action oriented.
Humble Bee
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:29 pm: [report]
@C.Munro, That’s true!
I once dated this guy and was just mesmerized by the size! It was so big, I kept reminding him and joking about it, but I could tell he didn’t really feel comfortable talking about it. Or he’d be like, yeah, its not that big of a deal, then I’d jump and be like, you bet your ass its a BIG deal, haha. He didn’t think my jokes were very funny. I’d always try and feel on him just for kicks and he’d always tell me to keep my hand to myself. I guess not all guys are pervs! lol. What a dumb assumption.
OKSUNI
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:28 pm: [report]
Trehugr—I totally agree, it would be a near impossibility to say these things without cracking up!
In my experience, the best way to compliment a guy is to “show” him how much you love it…at this point he’s probably not listening anyway
RayCougar
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 05:31 pm: [report]
The last on is kinda hilarious. Guy: “Oh my God, I think I know the answer to this one.”
I think the best compliment I’ve heard was, “I didn’t know if it would fit.” I knew she was into making a scene with how loud she got. Even if there was some acting, it was still a turn-on.
IronSatan
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:22 pm: [report]
Acting really pisses most guys off but only if we find out you are acting, no we cant tell most of the time, we’re too busy fishing for results with our “poles” that even a carp is fun to catch if it looks like a trout.
bogart4017
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:15 am: [report]
A big blue star for all the ladies who said action speaks louder than words. The first time is tense enuff without you making like kathy griffin with the “cock jokes”. Also wait till afterwards, that way you can compliment the act as well as the size.
SouthOC
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:41 am: [report]
Is it too late to object to the word “Wang?”
SamL
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]
@SouthOC. I would never refer to a man’s penis as a “Wang.” I thought it was some form of accepted US vernacular…
SouthOC
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 03:20 pm: [report]
@SamL: Thank you!
Reading some of the other “equipment” oriented posts, people’s preferences for “private parts” terminology seem to be all over the place.
It’s amazing to me how what is common place to some, totally offends others.
However, I cannot imagine a world in which the term “Wang” is acceptable…
Anniushka
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:25 pm: [report]
@SouthOC: I would feel really uncomfortable if my last name was Wang. I think that slang term is better off followed by [arch.].
Jillakiss
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 11:06 am: [report]
The other day my bf’s roommate was asking about his TV and was it 32 inches? I yelled back, “YEAAAAAH!” and everybody got a big kick out of it. Plus I earned brownie points b/c the roommate had just broken up with a girl who thought it was funny to make small d*ck jokes.
Gingee
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 04:09 pm: [report]
Unless the fella has a penis that is made of gold, I’m saying nothing.
It is about as stupid (and insulting) as being told, “You’re so pretty,” as if you made had any choice. Some people win the genetic lottery, complimenting them is a waste of air.
GreyWolf
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 05:12 am: [report]
Well, from the male side, I can tell you that having women fawn over and compliment your junk DOES get old (but actually drooling is acceptable!) I can’t tell you the number of times women have expressed awe at my size and claimed it’s either the biggest, the thickest, the cutest, the most impressive, etc. they’ve ever seen.
Honestly ladies, 4-inchers just aren’t that uncommon!
n40nile
wrote on October 11 2009 @ 05:09 pm: [report]
Do what I did: First time ever with husband, first time I ever saw a “happy” one live and in person (at 22!) he walked towards me, “bouncing” in anticipation. I scrunched up into a little ball on the bed using the sheets like armor, my eyes HUGE and glued to his “weapon” as I demanded, “You’re not coming anywhere NEAR me with THAT thing! Just where do you plan on sticking THAT?!?” It was 20 years ago and he still swears he married me to save me from all the bad men out there who would have taken advantage of me.
If that doesn’t work, gently grab it, tap the head with a finger, lean down and coo, “Is this thing on??” If he doesn’t chuckle, look into his eyes, smile and blow on it a couple times, then let nature take its course. When you’re both tired later, tell him you think it’s working perfectly, no complaints.
condomelite1
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 08:02 pm: [report]
Just make an “O” with your lips!
One Big Voice
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]
@ n40nile - “Is this thing on??” had me laughtering out loud, thanks!
luvinpa131
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]
I find that gasping at the first thrust - and occasionally after - drives my dude craaazy
JelloMushrooms
wrote on October 17 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]
To me if you can see it in her eyes, then she will not have to say any of these comments. Let’s remember sometimes actions speak louder then words.
n40nile
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 10:16 pm: [report]
Trust me, Jello, the look of absolute horror and terror on my face as this large (6’3” 300lb!) young farm boy loped towards me like a big ol’ slobbery Saint Bernard puppy with that “lookit what I got!” look on his sweet innocent face, as the “hugest” hard-on (let alone the ONLY one) I’d ever seen approaching me like a steely slashing weapon in one of those blood bath “teen killer summer camp of doom” movies from the 80s approached to seal my mortal end. My lips parted, my eyes wide in shock and fear, horror, trepidation as I vacillated between screaming bloody murder or kicking him in the “jumblies” and he put on soft romantic “music to lose ones virginity by”…… the 1812 Overture! Yup, you’re right; the look on my face said it all.
condomelite1
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 06:29 am: [report]
Could not agree more!
SamL
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 08:48 am: [report]
@n40nile. Honey, you just made me spill my latte all over my keyboard! That was the funniest thing I’ve read today!
Sam xxx
Yodar Critch
wrote on November 20 2009 @ 12:32 pm: [report]
“Look, it’s just like a penis, only smaller”
Not good.
Honestly and truly ladies, we men know exactly how large our penis is compared to other men. We watch porn. We know that we are not the “largest I have ever seen; OMG; its too big”. If a man really needs a woman to lie about his penis, he may have other issues to consider in the relationship.
Our penises are lousy conversationalists. No need to waste conversation on it.
Actions are better than words. Complement through action and reaction.
If you like our penis, please take the appropriate action.
If you don’t like our penis, please pretend you do and take the appropriate action.
Yodar Critch
wrote on November 20 2009 @ 12:37 pm: [report]
@SouthOC
“Is it too late to object to the word “Wang?” “
Never too late. Back in the 80’s I remember going to Wang school in order to learn to properly use my Wang. My Wang appeared to be easy to use, but to get the maximum performance out of it, the Wang school taught me a lot.
I used to get complements on my Wang’s performance, and my Wang always seemed to get the job done.
I still have my Wang Ruler too.