How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend In 44 Easy Steps
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
11:00AM, Wednesday February 18th 2009
There’s a short video making its way around the internet called “How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend In 64 Easy Steps” that satirizes the typical highs and lows of an average relationship so well and surprisingly succinctly, I’ve watched it no fewer than, like, 18 times in the last week. It’s not perfect, though, mainly because it’s completely from the guy’s point of view and because, well, 64 steps is a lot. Being the more efficient sex, we ladies can break up with our guys much more quickly. So after the jump: How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend In 44 Easy Steps.
1. Get a boyfriend
2. Tell everyone you know you have a boyfriend
3. Update your Facebook profile to reflect that you now have a boyfriend
4. Stop hanging out with your friends so you can spend every minute with your boyfriend
5. Go on the Pill so you can have lots of unprotected sex with your boyfriend
6. Start reading The Knot and daydream about planning a wedding with your boyfriend
7. Look for apartments on Craigslist that you can move into with your boyfriend
8. Stock your fridge with your boyfriend’s favorite beer
9. Get annoyed when your boyfriend wants to hang out with the guys one night
10. Get angry when you and your boyfriend run into a girl he used to date at a party
11. Go balls-out ballistic when you and your boyfriend run into one of his co-workers and he introduces you as his “friend”
12. Break up
13. Tell everyone you know you’ve broken up
14. Change your Facebook status to reflect your breakup
15. See your friends for the first time in six months
16. Spend a weekend watching as many episodes of “Sex and the City” as you can
17. Decide that your ex-boyfriend is totally your Mr. Big
18. Go to Macy’s just to smell your ex-boyfriend’s cologne
19. Get a short haircut
20. Sleep with some hot random younger guy you meet in a bar one night
21. Tell everyone you know you slept with a hot random younger guy you met in a bar
22. Wonder why hot random younger guy never calls you afterward
23. Wonder why your ex-boyfriend never calls
24. Decide to call your ex-boyfriend and tell him you think you left one of your “Sex and the City” DVDs at his place and you want it back
25. Put on a cute new outfit and meet your ex-boyfriend for a quick drink so he can give you back your DVD
26. Tell your ex-boyfriend you miss him
27. Go back to his place and have break up sex
28. Wait for him to call afterward
29. Turn your apartment upside down looking for anything he may have left that you need to return to him immediately
30. Find an old copy of Time Out
31. Text him and ask if he wants his old copy of Time Out
32. Wonder why he isn’t texting you back
33. Text him something you overhear on the street the next day that you know he’d think was really funny
34. Wait for him to text back
35. Call him and leave a message asking if he’s getting your texts
36. Wait for him to call back
37. Call one of his friends and ask if he’s okay
38. Decide you need to take a break from dating
39. Tell everyone you know you’re taking a break from dating
40. Make a new Facebook status that says “Not dating anyone for at least three months”
41. Go to a friend’s engagement party and meet a hot vet who asks for your number
42. Decide it’s stupid not to date anyone for three months
43. Go out with hot vet
44. Repeat from beginning
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EastCoastMale
wrote on February 18 2009 @ 11:10 am: [report]
Humorous…if women are more efficient it was certainly demonstrated in the article. I wont be mean and say how =)
Humble Bee
wrote on February 18 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]
O man, thats horrible, but Iv’e seen it happen many times.
All my girlfriends sleep with everyone they meet, then wonder “why hasn’t he called me?!?!??” My response is always, “which one?”
Muttface
wrote on February 18 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]
I think #45 should be accidentally run into ex with new significant other and have a uncomfortable conversation. Why is it you always run into them at some random place and have that akward conversation (you know, sidestepping the fact that you are trying to ignore the presence of some douchebag with sideburns that is now plugging you ex-girlfriend) where you talk about the you tube video with the smoking monkey? Weird.
Simcha
wrote on February 18 2009 @ 06:03 pm: [report]
HILARIOUS! I totally have a rule- no more than 2 SITC episodes back to back…or you do something crazy like liken your X to Big
Trishkabob
wrote on February 18 2009 @ 09:23 pm: [report]
HAHA this is brilliant.
Trishkabob
wrote on February 19 2009 @ 06:32 am: [report]
ohh one more thing, Number 6 should be = write your name with his last name every time your holding a pen.
eatmybook
wrote on February 19 2009 @ 09:50 am: [report]
Ugh. It makes us sound so pathetic. And yet ... familiar.
rafcity01
wrote on February 21 2009 @ 03:29 am: [report]
I couldn’t stop laughing to this article wow this is hilarious WOW!!! Ive only had that happen once when my ex freaked me out big time with her nonstop phone calls and of course I never called her back!!
steventc
wrote on September 26 2009 @ 08:10 am: [report]
Hilarious. The list keeps on getting better with every item on the list. Never knew break up can be so convulsed.