10 Ways NOT To Praise Our Vaginas
Posted by: Ami Angelowicz
Filed in:
sex
2:50PM, Tuesday October 6th 2009
Oh Asylum, how happy are we that you’ve discovered our need to have praise bestowed upon our sacred lady flowers! So happy that we were inspired to compliment your wangs! Although your vajayjay compliment primer is certainly a valiant effort, now might be a good time to tell you that a comment like “Your vagina is so much hotter than my last girlfriend’s vagina” may just leave us closed for business. More important than what you say is what you must vow not to say in order to keep the peace down south. After the jump, 10 things that you should never say to our vaginas—at least if you want to see them again.
1. “What is that?” If you don’t know or you don’t like what you see ... go home.
2. “Mmmm” or “Yum.” Or really anything else that makes us feel like a snack.
3. “It’s nice to see one with hair for a change.” Looking like a pre-pubescent girl is not something that turns US on.
4. “It’s almost time for your wax appointment, right?” Do you have any freaking idea how much waxing hurts? No, you don’t.
5. “You have such a strong smell.” That’s our worst nightmare as strong does not always equal good, even if you meant it that way.
6. “Your clitoris is so big.” Yeah, we don’t measure them like you do.
7. “C**t” or “P**sy.” Proceed with caution when using these words, in bed especially. Our vaginas are particular about the names they like to be called. Notice what we say and mimic.
8. “She’s a real trooper.” Sure, our vaginas are certainly strong and resilient; however, they are not soldiers coming back from war.
9. “It’s so cute!” It’s not a pet, fahcrissakes.
10. “I want to pet you all night long.” See above.
Readers out there in Friskyland, please add the phrase your vagina finds the most offensive.
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brandyalexander
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:01 pm: [report]
I like ‘yum…’ but then again, I’m a freak.
MissMissy
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:13 pm: [report]
I’m ok with “yum” and “mmm” and “c**t”. For some reason, I can’t stomach “p**sy” - even in OTHER contexts.
My ex told me once, after about 6 weeks of not seeing him (and therefore not waxing), “Wow, are the 70’s making a comeback?” Mind you, I’m not at all hirsute and have even been praised by waxers who have said, “Oh, you’re lucky you’re so sparse!” I thought it was the most hilarious thing he ever said, the ex! I still laugh about it.
Humble Bee
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:14 pm: [report]
I concurr Brandyalexander, I don’t mind him telling me I’m yummy, but then I too am part of the freak club.
NomChompsky
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:15 pm: [report]
If you get incredibly offended if I say “mmm” while going down on you, you’re probably uptight to the point where I wouldn’t want to do it again.
1, 9, and 10 are so stupid that I’m confused; are there guys who point at a vagina and ask what it is, after the age of 12? In the Internet Age, no less?
For number 3, I’m not sure what the actual complaint is. I would think that the real issue is being compared to vaginas off-stage, but the follow-up comment doesn’t make much sense. Especially because most of the girls I know who care to bare down there do it for themselves.
5 and 6 are just weird.
7, in my experience, is an extremely trick one. The advice given is solid.
Terpgirl31
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:20 pm: [report]
“Yum” would nto seriously offend me. But the rest of them make me super thankful that my boyfriend isnt very verbal. Are these ACTUAL examples???
PS
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]
I once got “Wow! You’ve got a text book vagina. It’s so… user friendly!”
I was like “Maybe I should get for dummies tattooed across my stomach.”
lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]
Two words: Baby Talk! Yuck!
NomChompsky
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:33 pm: [report]
Perhaps a more contentious one:
What say you all to comments on wetness? In my experience saying, “you get so wet” isn’t always taken in as complimentary a way as intended; some women are embarrassed by what they might think is excessive moisture.
brandyalexander
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:38 pm: [report]
Nom… its all in the wording. That wouldn’t bother me, but I’ve had guys say it in other ways that were just gross. They meant it as a compliment, but the way it came out it didn’t sound very good!
stormygirl
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:47 pm: [report]
If I ever had someone say #1 I would tell them to go home and don’t ever come near me ever again. #5 would actually cause me to punch you right in the face. the rest is funny, though.
cattgirl813
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:58 pm: [report]
I was once with a guy who told me I was “tight…like a 16 year old.” We were both way past 16 when we hooked up. It killed the mood for me and creeped me out. I never saw him again.
majicksand
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:01 pm: [report]
I’m good with yum. My husband likes to say ‘mine’ which is cool too since it kinda is at this point. I don’t care for p***y. I can’t stand c**t—except in porn.
I’ve only ever had good “moisture” comments. I’ve never had a lover see it as anything but an indication that I’m hot for him and ready to get busy. If I’m dry, I’m not into it—yet!
lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:04 pm: [report]
My ex once looked at me and said “Damn that was finger lickin good”. Talk about strange!
NomChompsky
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:12 pm: [report]
Wait, I just realized something:
When you say, c**t, does it rhyme with wit or hunt? That changes my answer entirely.
OKSUNI
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:16 pm: [report]
I am OK, with yum also. I like the thought of a guy wanting to eat me! I have had a guy tell me I have a musty smell, didn’t mind that either…made me feel animal-like and he sure didn’t have a problem with it
We were like animals, if you know what I mean!
majicksand
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:19 pm: [report]
@nom: I rhymed it with hunt.
323Felicity
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:35 pm: [report]
I wouldn’t mind the mmmm or saying it’s cute or p***y, but the rest? Pretty much ranges on weird to offensive.
NomChompsky
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:39 pm: [report]
I like to wrap my hands around her hips, grip them tightly and shake them vigorously while yelling, “why won’t the candy come out?”
Needless to say, I’m very popular with the ladies.
majicksand
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:42 pm: [report]
@nom: That was lol worthy! When I read the email, I would have sworn that comment came from jsw.
That’s one of the best compliments you can get around here, btw.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:46 pm: [report]
@majick: Nothing like a Cheese scorned.
majicksand
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:57 pm: [report]
@cheese: I said one of. You know I still love you!
MuchoMacho
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]
1 - has a man ever actually said this?
2 - this man says these two often… you dont like it? try not to be so delicious looking!
3 - i might not say it, but i would definately think it… it IS nice to see one with hair… every chick thinks she needs to look like a porn star below her belt…
4 - yeah. i enjoy my access. if it that time, im just not going down on you… maybe (see #3).
5 - another of those thoughts better kept to yourself…
6 - guys say these things?
7 - i dont think i could have put it better than ‘proceed with caution…’ some chicks are into it, which gets me really into it, and some are not. youre better off listening for what they call it than winging it.
8 - what, like 3/4 of the way into a gang bang? dumb.
9 - ill call it cute. the key for women when talking about the dong bone - call it big. the key for men talking about vaginas - call it small. lie. it doesnt matter. its always ‘tight’ and ‘tiny’. and ladies, as you know, its always the biggest youve ever seen.
10 - wtf?
amorsalado
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:35 pm: [report]
@Nom-that’s probably the first time I’ve laughed all day. Thanks!
I had an ex tell me once that mine was “too strong” and it “hurt”. This of course gave me a HUGE complex. No one else has ever said that before or after him.
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:37 pm: [report]
I can’t say I’ve ever had anyone actually say any of the above, except the UK equivalent of “Yum!” Which is “tasty…”
That said, if anyone DID say any of the above except for #2 or #7 (in the right circumstances), he’d pretty much be history.
Of course, if I was in bed with a troll, I would insist on my vagina being called a “bitch c**t….
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:55 pm: [report]
Sorry, let me correct that… if I was in bed with a troll, like the dork just above, I would insist on my vagina being called a “DUMB C U N T!!!!!!…. And he’d have to shout as well!
RayCougar
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 05:42 pm: [report]
@Muchomacho: Good call on the “small” and “tight.” Plus good call on being very careful about certain swears, some ladies it kicks things into overdrive, some it gets you kicked out of bed.
I think the only thing “weird” I’ve ever said was, “Hello in there!” Girl and I waited a while before getting our clothes off and she had a long dry spell before that. Thank God she laughed. That could have ended really badly.
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 05:52 pm: [report]
@RayCougar
That could have ended really badly.
Yeah, when I read that you had said; “Hello in there!” it sounded as if you were waiting for an echo… :(
raqueleza
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 06:21 pm: [report]
I’m fine with p**sy…it’s the stupid pet names that get me; it’s not a “kitty,” it’s my p**sy. Or just use “you,” and in “you’re so tight/wet/etc.”
I had one guy say, “Now THAT’S a p**sy!” once, and I felt so incredibly awkward, like he was talking about a burger or bucket of chicken wings or something.
bethlynn00
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 06:34 pm: [report]
I’m okay with #3 actually, because I am not a waxer, actaully I prefer to be au natureal, so I have heard variations of #4 and I have had to break the news that the bush stays intact. I’ve never lost a man because of that though, because I make it very clear up front, and most have not had a probably with that. Again, maybe that’s a midwest thing…
RayCougar
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 06:38 pm: [report]
@SamL
Not the smartest of my many ideas. The funny thing is, it was sort of a gateway to us cracking on each other and not taking it personally. I finished really early once and she asked if I had started without her. Whatever performance anxiety there was sort of fell off and we just enjoyed each other’s bodies. God, I sound like a hippie.
IronSatan
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:12 pm: [report]
I have said yummy…ok I say it alot. I know that my friends have told me their men have said:
“oh #&@$%!” - not sure if he was scared or if it was a compliment…
“Nom Nom” - 3 yrold escaped and dressed like a man?
“Cowabunga!” - No clue what he was thinking….
and finally:
“Squeaky clean” - I guess could be a compliment to some…means no swamp monster here, guess he had bad luck with one in the past.
whatshesays
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 10:19 pm: [report]
@nom: still laughing about the rhymes. way to go.
The only problem I ever had was when an ex took it upon himself to compare what I liked to what other women in his past preferred… completely ruining the moment, but yes I now know that we are in fact all a little different! Thanks. =)
ChocoBoo
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 04:57 am: [report]
Okay, good to know I’m not the only person with a ‘freaky chick’membership card just because I like using ‘yum’ or ‘p*ssy’ during intimate moments.
I agree that childish names (unless it’s an obvious joke) should be BANNED during intimate moments.
I have to admit my husband had us cracking up when he yelled “Hellooo Kitty!” when I revealed some new see-through underwear (seeing as how I do collect Hello Kitty stationery).
canadiancutie
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 05:48 am: [report]
Wow, this list is to accurate. I slept with a guy who used one of the terms in #7, and I seriously contemplated whether we should continue doing it together. I mean, no matter how cute, some guys just have no clue what women want in bed.
bogart4017
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 07:24 am: [report]
Hate the p and c words. My wife uses “cookie box” and i’m not at all sure how i feel about that.
brandyalexander
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 07:56 am: [report]
OKSANI: I hope you meant musky, not musty. Musky would be like an animal, musty would be like moth-eaten clothes. Musty would definitely not be a compliment!
NaomiK
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:39 am: [report]
I was dating this guy once, and after fingering me, he put his fingers in his mouth and said, “not bad, not bad”. It just struck me as really odd, and was a turn off, but this guy in general was weird. Thank goodness he was just a rebound.
C.Munro
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 11:30 am: [report]
The only specific parts of a woman’s body I’ll compliment are her hair and her eyes. Everything else is a potential minefield, and I find it better to give a more general compliment like, “you’re so pretty” than to try and find a non-creepy way of saying I like her vag.
MarieMacCee
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:09 pm: [report]
“She’s a real trooper.”
thats a hop-skip-and-a-jump away from slapping it on the ass and saying “good game”
Sex is not the Superbowl (though GOALLLLLLLL could be an appropriate way to claim orgasm)
MarieMacCee
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]
@nom
I like to wrap my hands around her hips, grip them tightly and shake them vigorously while yelling, “why won’t the candy come out?”
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
SCRMOM
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:31 pm: [report]
@C.Munco: Smart man!
DancingGeek
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 04:16 pm: [report]
1 Scram kiddo.
2 Not offended by that at all.
3 No comparisons please.
4 you better be mowing the front lawn if you say this.
5 could be taken as a non compliment, but some men dig a womans natural smell.
6 have never heard that one
7 oh please not the C word! P*ssy is fine.
8 Generally their little troopers wear out first
9 She is many things, but not cute.
10 Pet this, and get lost.
ha- @amosalado- have you been cracking walnuts with your who-ha???
white chocolate
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]
okay i actually like when it is called cute and yummy cuz then that translates to me that they wanna go down which is always good. but everything else is on point
GreyWolf
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 07:57 am: [report]
1 - is he even old enough for sex?
2 - Ladies, those of you who have a problem with this have just got to understand… you DO taste delicious!
3 - Actually, the bald look doesn’t do much for me, but this just smacks of bragging about how many you’ve visited.
4 - Just plain crude & inexcusable.
5 - NO, NO, NO, NO. NEVER. But… “you smell wonderful!” has got to be acceptable.
6 - Why would you even bring this up unless you’ve had trouble finding one before?
7 - If she refers to it by a pet name (“Miss Kitty is waiting for you!”), fine. Otherwise, no name is needed… “Damn, you feel good!” (or tight or nice or hot). I really don’t think P***y should be considered offensive, though.
8 - What does that even mean?
9 - Doesn’t need to be said. They ARE cute. And wonderful, and exciting, and all sorts of things. If we take time to say them all, we’ll never any action.
10 - Actions speak louder than words in this case.
SamL
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 08:19 am: [report]
@GreyWolf. You sound like a sane, sensible, intelligent example of the male species!
onewriter
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]
very funny examples from everyone. P***y turns me on as he only says it rarely (he’s not talkative) but he doesn’t head south much, so, most of the rest of this is N/A for me.
Niner
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 10:33 pm: [report]
Comments by Niner and my lady, DeeDee
1. If you ask that question, pull up your pants and go home, you probably aren’t old enough to be diggin’ into a ladies pants anyway.
2. Shouldn’t be offensive in our opinion
3, 4, 5, 6, 8, & 10 - keep away from saying
7. Good advice…
9. Depends on your lady’s preferences
soulshine
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 06:48 am: [report]
Has anyone ever had their vag called a “cooter-butt”
Good God, when I heard this I had to leave…
onewriter
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 07:35 am: [report]
rofl!!! but um…no. (hee hee hee)
skc_1983
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]
LOL! Some of these are hilarious! I can’t imagine what I would do if a man ever said some of those things to me! I personally don’t care and the “C” and “P” words in bed but I understand that some women might find them offensive.
sugarspellitowt
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 02:55 am: [report]
I have shaved, trimmed, let it grow out.
I am never offended when someone LIKES what I’m doing down there. That’s just silly!
P**sy freaks me out in bed, though, for some reason. As does that actual word ‘vagina’.
VixenNyx
wrote on October 17 2009 @ 11:12 am: [report]
ok, from a womans point of view, personaly, i would be aboslutly MORTIFIEDif someone used #5! thats one of my biggest fears! and about what greywolf said:“you smell wonderfull” that is acceptable, finaly someone who isnt stupid enough to say something about it in a bad way, and to all your other answers, you may just be mr.right for some lucky girl. more people need to be like this. “if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all”
Scythe
wrote on October 22 2009 @ 12:46 pm: [report]
whats wrong with the word p**sy ?
Oreo
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 04:23 pm: [report]
Granted, it’s a pretty stupid for a man to comment on the presence of pubic hair in the moment (positive or negative), but this artificial backlash about men who like when their partners are hairless is equally dumb.
It has nothing to do with looking “pre-pubescent” any more than our preference for women with smooth legs. Some men simply find a trimmed or clean shaven look to be beautiful and sexy. Others are more attracted to the presence of pubic hair. From the preference standpoint, it really isn’t much different from women who prefer a man with a beard vs women who prefer a cleanly shaven face.
Still, most of us are appreciative enough to recognize what a pain in the neck it is to keep up with. My girlfriend shaves for a stretch of time and then will go for a while without. Either is perfectly fine by me, but I’m certainly not going to commentate on it in the sack.
As for the rest of the list, speaking for myself, it’s really difficult to make any reference to the vagina without sounding (A) clinical, (B) baby talk or (C) cheeseball porno. This tight rope may be why some men are less vocal in bed than women might like. Different women are comfortable with different things. A turn on to one woman is a complete dealbreaker with another, and we can’t exactly give you a survey before hand to find out where you stand.