How Do Grown Women Make Friends?

Lilypie
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:05 pm: [report]

I wish I knew!  I’ve been feeling the same way.  I work from home, alone, so co-workers isn’t an option.  I suppose this highlights the larger problem that I don’t really have hobbies that get me out of the house.  So at this point, unless a potential friend is going to knock on my door I’ve got to make some changes.

LolaDallas
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]

Meetup.com. moved from the Northeast to Dallas 2 years ago and have met the best group of girls on this site.

amandabear
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]

I totally agree that making friends is harder than finding a mate when you’re an adult. I’m sort of faced with this situation right now - I’m in a new city and I have NO idea how to make friends. I’ve been here for over a year and haven’t made one single lasting friend. The coworkers thing wouldn’t work for me even if I wanted to go there, either, since I only work with 2 other people. I don’t have any advice, just commiseration. I really don’t know how to make it happen and it’s incredibly frustrating.

BKsweetheart
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:09 pm: [report]

That’s a great question and I don’t know! I’ve been living in NYC for almost 5 years and have had a hard time meeting new girlfriends.

heythere
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:09 pm: [report]

Take a yoga class or pilates class. Volunteer with a local group. Take kick boxing class. Or take a pole dance class. They are all filled with chicks, and when you go enough, you get to see you guys have things in common. And then start inviting them out for drinks, and so on. Good Luck.

k_roja
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

This sounds exactly like me!!  I moved away from my hometown about 7 years ago now, and most of the friends I’ve made in Florida have moved away at some point.  The one friend who has hung around is also trying to find herself after having a child, getting married, declaring herself a lesbian, and getting a divorce (in one year’s time).

I have made some friendships through work, but yes, that can get weird sometimes.  I’d rather have it be weird sometimes than to not make friends.  That’s about all I have for you.  If you think of anything else, let me know!

AgentBeryllium
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

Hi Annika! I’ll be your friend! ;-D I made ‘lady’ friends because I’m involved with horses and I have group of ladies I enjoy hanging around with. Now mind you like all things, you will run into your run of the mill weirdo’s and nut jobs. I would suggest get involved with either a book club or sport or activity that you enjoy that forces you to go out and meet somewhere so you can meet other people. My my guy vs girl friend ratio is about even, but mostly horse people or art people.

You can also run a craigslist ad and start a group or activity. Just be careful about it.

Typewriter
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]

I would love to know, too. This is a big part of why I spend so muc time with my boyfriend. Luckily through school I’ve managed to meet some fun girls in classes and societies, but we still don’t have that “I can call you at 4 a.m.” kind of chemistry. (I think you need chemistry in friendship just as much as you need it in romance.)
Anyway, I’m just in the process of trying to meet some new friends now. My boyfriend’s sister, his best female friend, his female co-workers, and his friends’ girlfriends have all come into my life recently. Maybe I will hit it off with some of them.

JenniferRly
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]

I don’t know, but I do know this: Trying to hold on to old ones after the expiration date is not a good plan.  I’m so glad you wrote this, I can’t wait for some suggestions!

Stef-F
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]

I just moved to Baltimore….if you’re on this site and need a friend, so do I!

joyy
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:14 pm: [report]

I hope you have a lot of patience, because you’re going to meet it.  I actually answered a craigslist ad for a girl who moved to my town and was looking for girls/friends to hang out with.  She turned out to be kind of ditzy and she moved w/i six months, but she was fairly cool otherwise.  Otherwise, just networknetworknetwork.  Meet friends of friends, friends of coworkers, go do things you enjoy and make an effort to introduce yourself to people who share your interests.  I’m slowly building up a girl posse, but even most of those girls I know through my bf.  Good luck!

sammyisadog
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]

I just moved to NYC four weeks ago, and while I moved in with my best friend from High School (omg! roomies!), I haven’t made any friends outside of her.  That’s not to say that I don’t go places with her friends, and have a blast hanging out within her circle, but I would like to find fun like-minded people of my own to hang out with.

Humble Bee
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:19 pm: [report]

I’m on the SAME boat! I don’t have any friends, people always ask me, ‘why does a girl like you not have a boyfriend?’ If they only knew that I don’t even have friends. lol. I have one stupid friend that I just get drunk with and go out once in a while with her, but mostly for wild stupid things that I rather not be involved with anyways! Maybe its the fact that I like to be by myself, and I’ve been really busy doing things for me and my family. What friend wants to spend the day with your little sister? I’m just really family oriented and It’s kind of detrimental to my social life. I meet guys on a daily basis, but I never call them lol. I blame myself for being a loner. I think I just got fed up with fake friendships, I’ve had TOO many friends and got lost in trying to please them, now I don’t have any, but I rather it be that way sometimes because I have yet to find a trustworthy person.

Velexxie
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:21 pm: [report]

Well I am in the same boat with you ladies. I find myself in a world of nonstop movement yet borde all at the same time. I moved here to Stephenville Tx 10 monthes ago and have yet to make one friend. I have tried but I guess the people around here dont like me idk ....I dont get out much im a mother of 3 and we are pretty low income and only one car ad a babysitter is something unhead of for me lol. So i find myself friendless and I tried the cafe mom thing ... ppuuffftttt that stuff is a joke if i wanted drama I would cause my own drama. Most of my life is spent in a trailer raiseing children and my MAIN source of communication is over the internet. I am even getting my Psychology degree over the internet so even classrooms dont pose a play ground for me to socialize. If your in the area toss me a line or two or a BUNCH!

SCRMOM
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:22 pm: [report]

I think it changes are people get older and experience different phases in their lives.  I have made friends through school, college, work, through husband’s work, friends of friends, moms of my kids’ friends, volunteering, hobbies, etc.  Sometimes those older friendships have stayed strong as I make new friends, but sometimes, those friendships have faded away.  Whether those friendships fall into the “fade away” or “stay strong” category has more to do with common interests and where we are in our lives.  However, it seems like all those friendships that previously faded away have resurfaced with Facebook.

delovely
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:24 pm: [report]

I second meetup.org, GREAT way to meet new friends.

MissPandaXD
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]

Volunteer. You’ll feel better about yourself and meet new people who share your passions or are just good hearted.

justme
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:32 pm: [report]

The way I’ve done it is I’ve casually hung out with my coworkers to play softball.  Softball teams / sports teams are full of fringe friends usually.  Also, hanging out with social butterflies that aren’t your soulmate but have a lot of connections is the best way to meet a lot of people in low pressure friendly situations. Basically I networked thru the coworkers and causal friends to find some really great female friends.  Find someone that you think you can connect with and suggest going to dinner and a show or some other activity.
Singles events are full of lady friends too.  Meet-up.com etc. etc.

Jenn27549
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:33 pm: [report]

Yeah, I have the same problem and I just don’t know.  I’m kind of shy so even when I do try and go out and be involved in things I tend to just do it in my bubble and leave when its over and not make friends.  I specifically joined a pole dance class with two old friends I’d lost touch with from high school for this purpose and after one class I stopped going.  It just felt fake and forced.  I think its hard when you are kind of in an in-between stage of life b/c you really have to have things in common to talk about and make a friendship out of.  In school there was all that, and you were around each other on a daily basis so it just naturally becomes something.  In the “real world” unless you work with people you aren’t going to be around them as much and so its harder to grow close, at least rapidly.

It seems that once you have kids or whatever then you become friends with the other “mommies” but I dread that, too.  I don’t want to become one of those pod people who only talks about their kid(s).  I’ve tried being friends with my husband’s friend’s wives/girlfriends to no avail either. 

I think you just have fewer friends as you get older, and you may make some new ones along the way but it just happens, I don’t think you can make an effort and have it happen and not feel totally odd IMO.

skywalk
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:34 pm: [report]

When my daughter was younger it was harder for me to make girl friends, I have one really true girl friend that I’ve had since my daughter was young.  But now that she is 16+ I find I have more time to go out and hang with friends, younger friends, older friends and some friends that still have kids.  I just didn’t know a bunch of people that had kids my daughters age, I think that would have helped.  But now I have quite a few girl friends, but I have to admit two things:

1. I’m kinda a bad friend I don’t like to commit to too many things, I have commitment issues and like to do things on the fly or keep them to a minimum, I don’t return calls at all, but I will return email or respond to FB, I hate phones…  But I’m a good listener and I’m fun to hang out with (I have references)

2. All my life 95% of my best friends have been guys and I prefer to hang out with guys, we have more in common, I like to play horse shoes, pool, cribbage, drink beer, go see live bands, boating, camping etc..  so I tend to hang out with my guy friends more.  I think this is why I enjoy this site so much, I don’t get to see women’s prospective as much 

SCRMOM
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:36 pm: [report]

@Velexxie:  Check and see if there is a moms club near you - http://www.momsclub.org is a popular group but there are other local independent organizations.  When my three kids were all infants/toddlers, I joined a local moms club, and I met so many wonderful women who continue to be good friends.  The group has social (all during the day with your kids) and philanthropic activities.

amandabear
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:37 pm: [report]

@Jenn27549: I’m the same way. I go out and do things - I volunteer, I take the occasional class, etc - and I talk to people sometimes, but I never really “meet” anyone, if that makes sense. I think it’s just a personality thing, because I’ve always been more of a loner. It definitely doesn’t help.

qnzmami718
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:40 pm: [report]

@Typewriter
tht sounds like me. just be careful with getting too close to the women in ur bf’s life. i became very close with my ex’s sister and best female friend and wen we broke up it got awkward. he was pissed tht his best female friend and i got close, even tho he was the one to push our friendship, and cut all ties with BOTH of us.. as for his sister, well were still close & hes still pissed at her.. so hopefully ur man isnt as immature as mine apparently was

ElleSays
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:43 pm: [report]

Just recently, I’ve begun making new women friends! It’s been fantastic… here’s how I did it… I started going to shows for a band I really love (local band, friends of mine) and with that in common, bonded with other people that were also doing the same.

It’s been YEARS since I’ve had new women friends that weren’t just casual friends.

SCRMOM
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:44 pm: [report]

@Jenn27549: When you’re a new parent, you will probably talk non-stop about your child.  But, as your children get older, you learn to filter that.  When I get together with other moms, we do still talk about our kids somewhat, but we have plenty of other topics to talk about - sex, wine, sex, vacations, sex, husbands, sex, etc.

moogyboobles
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]

Wish I knew too!  10 years I’ve been a SAHM, had my children a good ten years earlier than my school friends (who all moved away from my boring town).  Have nothing in common with the clique school gate lot who are the only people in real life I get to meet in person regularly.  TFF twitter is all I can say.

surfSoCal
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:46 pm: [report]

Take a surf trip to Costa Rica. Met some really great women from around the country when I was there in August and hope to stay connected for a long time to come.

bjoontheupside
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:51 pm: [report]

Like the majority of you, I too am in search of new friends and until reading this post and all of your replies was completely stumped as to how I was going to make new friends since I’m currently not working, but attending school full-time. I’m not exactly what you’d call a social butterfly, so even in a classroom setting I have a hard time connecting with people. Sure I do a lot of “small talk” but it never leads anywhere. I do also volunteer, but that hasn’t helped me either. A couple of you mentioned a website-meetup.com and I do intend to try it out so thanks for the suggestions!

H. Blue
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:52 pm: [report]

I have had the same trouble as you.  I moved back to the US after living abroad and had to start all over again, since all my school friends dispersed anyway.  I have tried Craiglist (though it’s gotten so skanky, I wouldn’t go there now), and meetup.com.  Meetup actually has brought me some very cool people, though we’re not tight. I do have a few friends I met through my old job, but then I moved over an hour away, and I don’t see them as often.  Now I’m so busy I hardly have time to meet anyone.

Ste-F- I live in Baltimore!

angiecakes
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:00 pm: [report]

After my friends and I split up following college, I’ve found that getting involved in alumni organizations, volunteering, and meetup.com have really helped.

Meetup is especially useful in finding like-minded people that you’ll be more inclined to get along with. I’ve gone for girls nights out, hiking a park, exercise, after work drinks, political rallies, etc. It’s helped!

emflow
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:02 pm: [report]

Ugh, I don’t know. Between living with my parents and working 8.5hrs a day with 3hrs commuting by train, I’ve given up on meeting people. Add in time to just be by myself and time for the gym (and the chances of making friends at my gym are slim to none) and I feel like I can barely manage hang out with my only friend who’s close enough to visit.

Well, that was a big self-pitying rant. I’m hoping things will be better when I’m in grad school.

Queen Frostine
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:10 pm: [report]

I live in an urban area, so I started volunteering on community projects, joined a dance group, attended city arts meetings and started a freelance business in which I got to known several business owners. Slowly, strangers became casual acquaintances, then friends, then best friends. Now I know almost everyone on my street by name and have a host of great new friends.

SexDebriefing
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:16 pm: [report]

It’s definitely hard to make “grown up” girlfriends. I met one friend on craigslist when I first moved here, though she has now moved away. Meetup.com is a great way to meet people also, or see if your college has a local alumni group.

I’ve been here 4 years and just now starting to feel like I’ve made one good girlfriend, though no replacement for my best friend who I met in college.

Sidenote: Stef_F- I am in Baltimore too! If you ever want to come out for happy hour or something feel free to contact me

cidonie
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:24 pm: [report]

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/someofthegirls/

If you’re in the tri-state area, join my (free) women’s activity partners group. I broke up with a live-in boyfriend 6 years ago and realized I hardly knew anyone despite being a native NYer. Took care of that with the group! Our next brunch is on 10/17, plus feel free to invite other women out for things YOU want to do!

katnohat
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:30 pm: [report]

This may sound lame, but try to find a church that you feel comfortable with. I finally did, joined a women’s group there and now have a few people to do stuff with. It may not be bar hopping, but it helps make sitting through G-Force a little more bearable if there’s another adult to commiserate with.

elizabethmarley
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:43 pm: [report]

For me, it was all organic. Right out of college last year, all of my “besties” moved away and I was left here with a few acquaintances and a lame boyfriend. Then I met a girl online who decided to move here and be my roommate. We clicked instantly, but we were also both on a mission to make new friends. We tapped the few sort-of friends we had and went on a six-month hang out spree. Seriously, our rule was never ever turn down a social engagement. And we’d go together and make ourselves be outgoing and a year later we’ve made some pretty great friends. They even seem like friends forever friends. So, who knows…

RobinUncommon
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:54 pm: [report]

Just because you’ve been friends forever doesn’t mean you have to be friends forever. If you wouldn’t accept nonsense from a guy, why should your female friends be the exception? If someone wants to befriend you, they’ll put in th…e effort. (Just don’t begrudge them for putting work first)

Perceptible
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:59 pm: [report]

You know, I hadn’t really given this much thought. I guess I should count myself lucky. When I was married (23 through 33) I wondered where all my friends went. The few acquaintances I had all had their own busy lives and I was too busy “being married.” I guess I didn’t notice until I was no longer married that I had almost no friends.

Now (age 39) I’m so lucky to have so many friends. Some are scattered around the country, but most I met at previous places of employment. We had a connection at work, and stayed friends after that employment ended. It takes a little work at first, I guess, but the payoff is a great circle of friends I’ve collected throughout the years. I have a group of 5 friends (all from a previous job) and we all get together when we can. And then I have friends who have kids that play with mine, and then I have friends without kids whom I see when I can get a babysitter. All this takes a lot of juggling because I’m a single mom with two kids, a full-time job and a boyfriend with 3 kids of his own! Email helps!

Besides former jobs, I met one friend through Craigslist. I went to buy an item she had listed, and even though I didn’t end up buying it, we had so much in common we emailed for a while and eventually became friends. I also have met friends through my son’s school. In spite of how difficult it may seem to make friends as an adult, I find that the friends you do make as an adult are more likely to be friends for life because you are less likely to grow apart.

I think everyone above has had some great advice. Joining groups that interest you is a great way to find friends with things in common. Of course, all this reminds me of the “bromance” movie we were discussing a few weeks ago with Paul Rudd, I Love You Man. Only with women. You can always take out an ad. (j/k)

Ginacakes
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:05 pm: [report]

@Stef-f I’m in Baltimore, I’ll be your friend! haha I definitely hear you on friendships running their course. I recently broke-up(kind of the best way to put it) with my best friend of 15 years. Sometimes it’s just over. We’re obviously not the same girls we were at 10 years old. I have met some great girls at bars, believe it or not. It’s a bonding experience to both be dodging unwanted attention.

SummertimeFirefly
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]

Thanks for this article! I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I’m glad I’m not the only one. I just moved to Washington, DC and need some girl friends - seriously. At this point all of mine are all spread out all over the country, but it’s important to have women nearby. Plus, I’ve never really been a “girls girl” so this make it even more difficult.

I’ve joined a few Meetup groups, but still need to actually attend a meetup - I should get on that and stop being such a loser

anjaly
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]

Ahh! Why are there so many Baltimore people? I’m in DC/Arlington, VA! I’ve got to admit, it was tough when I moved here to make friends. I randomly went out with a friend that came to visit me and saw a friend from back home that lived up here and kinda joined in on his group of friends and went to a few happy hours and met people that way. I sorta fell into meeting mainly Indian people (I’m Indian..btw) and I’d like to branch out (if that makes sense?) but thats the tough part. I hang out with mostly Indians.

SummertimeFirefly
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:29 pm: [report]

@Anjaly…We’re both in D.C… We should hang out! Lol.

anjaly
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:33 pm: [report]

@summertimefirely

I sent you a message on here..

email me!

I guess replying on Frisky comments works as a way to meet people too.

ciarabug
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:42 pm: [report]

i’ve always had trouble making friends with women/girls (depending on how old i was at the time).

i spent most of my childhood climbing around in the woods and being a total sci fi nerd, so it was always just easier to hang out with guys—even up until college. now they’re all over the place, none are within easy hangout distance, and i’m starting to regret not having made more female friendships (as girls/women seem more likely to stick it out and make a point to get in touch with you even if you don’t live nearby.)

my one best girlfriend of my teenage years is long gone. i have no idea where she went or how to contact her; all i know is she’s not where she was anymore. i’m not even sure how we lost contact like this, to be honest.

yeah, i’m close to just going up to people and asking, will you be my friend XD?

ksdancer
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:44 pm: [report]

Absolutely tough to make new female friends as an adult and the older you get, the tougher it is. I agree. I moved from the midwest to Southern California. Was lucky enough to have an office supply vendor invite me to her birthday party and then we became friends. Have also made one good friend from a previous job (we still keep in touch) and then there was the gym (spinning class). Now I’m into dancing and found some lady friends around my own age. People are so busy these days that it is tough to maintain friendships, but I truly believe that if the people you meet are worth it, then you have to take time and give care to your friendships, as much as you would with a boyfriend and your family. If you nurture your friendships, you will find some lasting people to share your life.

BKsweetheart
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 02:54 pm: [report]

Anyone in NYC? Lets make it happen! Happy Hour @ Stone Street LOL..

stormygirl
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:07 pm: [report]

just have patience and it will happen. I know how you feel, I have really good girlfriends that I can count on one hand, and still have 3 fingers left over. 98 percent of my friends, and I’m talking about really close friends are men. it’s been that way all of my life and I’m very happy with with that. These guys are my best friends and they are a good part of my life.

Lynn
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:20 pm: [report]

We need to organize a Frisky friend matchup program.

I’m in the same place a lot of people are - moved after graduating from college, I know my family and my boyfriend and other than that I don’t know many people here!

meredith
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:56 pm: [report]

My mom (she’s 47, I’m 21) goes to these Zumba classes. Usually at the YMCA, sometimes at independent studios. It’s this kind of aerobic class where they incorporate dance moves to Latin & dance pop music. She’s friends with her instructors and other women who she’s met there and now my little sisters are friends with her friends’ kids, and the women all go out for drinks and dinner and to each others houses. My mom even made a facebook group. It’s kind of annoying but mostly cute.

LaRosa
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:00 pm: [report]

I can totally relate.

whatshesays
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:28 pm: [report]

Wow, I really want to show this article to my mom! I have moved around a bunch growing up and I’ve managed to stay in touch with friends dating back to 3rd grade (we don’t see each other much, but I can definitely call and meet up with them if we’re in the same area).

She, on the other hand, tried to keep friends during each move but a lot of the women grew distant when our family moved (if you’re not sticking around for PTA meetings and no longer in the circle, it requires more effort). She doesn’t have many long-term friends and although she is a pretty private person I know it gets to her. What a great article.

tttongue_tied
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 05:54 pm: [report]

From all of these comments, it sounds like a lot of women are feeling the same! The problem is we judge, and by proxy, feel judged (even if you don’t think you judge, sometimes in the littlest ways we all do, whether or not we mean it) before we even speak to a woman, and we’re all so standoffish towards each other for fear of girl-on-girl rejection. Like how cats are cautious when meeting other cats, compared to dogs who go straight up and sniff another in the butt, and everything’s cool [and how this is clearly a euphemism for the difference between girls and guys].

I propose this: the next time you see a girl you think you would like to hang out with, go straight up to her and introduce yourself, friendly, open, and with a smile. By the looks of all the friend-seeking women who are too embarrassed to say to here, chances are she’ll respond positively. So next time you’re next to a girl on the bus/metro and you hear a song through her headphones you like, ask her about it—you might even work close to each other and be available for lunch later that day. She’s probably thinking the same thing you are: I really don’t feel like eating with Beth at the sandwich shop today again.

tttongue_tied
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 05:57 pm: [report]

Oh, and I met two of my great friends on livejournal in a community because we had common interests, and exchanged MSN accounts, and then eventually phone numbers, and now I drive an hour and a half to see one of them. Just be open, and friendship will find you. Or you could also just go looking, and when you find it and yell I have been looking all over for you, missy! (But only if you’re sure you won’t scare her).

bethlynn00
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 06:46 pm: [report]

Wow, good question! Most of the friends I have now are from college, when we were all living in the dorm together, and so most of them live in different cities.  I mena i have work buddies, just that I am around at work and occassionally go out with, but I wouldn’t call them friends really.  Otherwise, I guess the only other firends I have that i go out with and things like that are my sisters.  So I thought I could give a suggestion, but I guess I’m in the same boat as many other people woh have posted.  It’s hard once your out of school and everything, how weird.

melissaann
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 08:13 pm: [report]

2 WORDS: BOOK CLUB. It’s where big girls meet and hang out. Find one!

fifi
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 09:05 pm: [report]

Great post! I’m kinda going through the same thing. Not having friends feels so much worse than not having a boyfriend. People who comment have good tips, so I’m leaving the suggestions to them!

thickasawhaleomelette
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 10:25 pm: [report]

Classes!

I started going back to school this summer, and especially in a program like mine that has lots of collaborative projects, you start to meet people. I was really struggling with this whole idea, but am really happy to report that it’s getting better. Grad school is definitely not something to take on as a way to make friends, but that’s a great bonus. You could always take a class in something you enjoy at a community college, or an art class, or a dance class, etc.. Just pick something that interests you, and go meet other people who are interested.

The other second idea is to make yourself a regular somewhere. Suck up your insecurities about going alone, and walk in confident to a regular open mic night (you don’t have to be a musician to go to them, after all). I recently realized that it is very very easy to start conversations at an open mic night because every performer is anxious for (positive) feedback. If you’re friendly and cheerful, you don’t seem strange for going alone, and soon enough you’ll be going to catch up with other regulars who have become your friends.

Good luck! =)

canadiancutie
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 10:46 pm: [report]

(sigh) Thank you so very much for asking this question. I love women and I need more of them in my life. My girlfriends, dear as they are to me, live quite far from me and spend most of their time with their boyfriends. I recently made plans with a co-worker who is so sweet and I’m hoping it evolves into a great friendship. This was so much easier back in school.

It seems that outside of school and the workplace it can be next to impossible to make same-sex friends. It’s easier, from my experience, to make guy friends. But then it always starts out awkwardly because they have motives other than friendship.

BlueVibe
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 08:34 am: [report]

I never make friends with coworkers.  I mean, I don’t hate my coworkers, and we’re friendly, but I never make long-lasting friendships at work.  Too much weirdness.

Go do stuff you like and see who shows up.  (Which I know sounds mindlessly simplistic, but . .  seriously.)  I have great friends I’ve made through music clubs and festivals, hobby conventions, and the architecture section at Half-Price Books.

ChocoBoo
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 08:57 am: [report]

It’s a relief to read some of these comments. I mainly read Frisky because I miss this kind of chatter. I’m a Brooklynite who lives 1/2 the year in NY, the other half in the Netherlands. Not only does distance put a damper on my best friendships in NY, but culture differences practically killed any chance of friendship here in Holland.

I find myself even considering occasional people who leave messages on FaceBook as ‘real friends’ these days (still feels weird to have virtual friends).

I feel like I have to beg people to give real ‘friendship’ a chance instead of being strung along for 20+ drink dates that never lead to much else.
Some of the women in my dance class in Amsterdam are FINALLY starting to warm up after a year. They actually dare to grab a snack with me after class once in awhile. I found out that some of the thought I was really sweet and polite .. ‘for an American’ :(
These type of back-handed compliments are plentiful in Holland= still didn’t feel nice to hear it.
Unfortunately, the 2 other Dutch women I had become close to over the years both have kids now, and mainly choose to hang out with other mommies rather than with me (I have no kids, but get along great with theirs). I kind of give up sometimes…..

ellie1202
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:05 am: [report]

i agree with the meetup.com suggestions. it’s a great way to meet new people.

aries3_04
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:26 am: [report]

Angiecakes mentioned it already, but I completely back up the idea of getting in touch with your college alumni network (especially if it’s a large school, they’ll likely have chapters in major cities).

Also, professional organizations are great too (e.g. Toastmasters or Young Non-profit Professional Network - chapters throughout the country, usually it’s free to be a member). Not only do you make friends, but it’s great for networking.

Hey, making friends over the Frisky might work too, I see some of you are working that. Chi-town holla

HotFudgeSundae
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]

I moved to DC about two years ago and I’m still struggling to make good girl friends.  I’ve tried meetup.com but haven’t been to any events yet.  It is so much harder when you’re not in college and surrounded by people in your same age group and with similar interests. It makes me feel better to see that other people are having the same issues.

resullins
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 11:58 am: [report]

I’m in the same boat! All my friends from college scattered (as did I) after graduation. It’s not easy!

I suggest the Frisky start a friend-meeter site!

Pril
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]

My gosh, I had no idea there were so many of us! I hang out with work friends, but I work and live on opposite ends of the Monterey Bay, so it’s hard. Like most of us, I end up hanging out with my BF, but I know I need other friends. I blame my mother

resullins
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

@Pril: At least you have people at work to hang out with… my office doesn’t even have another woman in it! Except the receptionists… and we fire those about every 3 months, so I can’t get attached.

Pril
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:31 pm: [report]

@resullens: That’s rough. I think the hardest thing is the time we have to invest in groups to get close to people. It’s a lot of work!

chasingstars
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]

I’m 19 and I have about a gazillion guy friends and just ONE best-friend-that’s-a-girl. We were attached at the hip for 3 years but when college started, we went to opposite paths- she found God and I found a boyfriend and frat parties.

While having a boyffiend is fabulous, every girl still needs that ONE girlfriend to spill to when your relationship is a roller coaster, or when mother nature has a personal week-long vendetta against you. I was lucky and my boyfriend’s guy friend’s all had girlfriend and it was an INSTANT click. It took some time to get personal with them because I was always worried that whatever I said would become pillow talk and end up being public knowledge. But as time passed, the girly gene took over the girlfriend gene and we’re now inseperable.

As for ex-bestie? I still try to make time for her, but friendship is a two way street and her car’s broken.

wild-ting
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:24 pm: [report]

I agree with LolaDallas. Join some groups on meetup.com or start your own. I belong to several hiking groups, a biking group (although I never go with them, I just use there routes…heeheehee), voyeurs club ( :o TMI), brunch club, board game group (sooooo much fun), and a social girl’s night out club. I have area friends but they aren’t always available (most have kids or boyfriend drama) and my crazy fun BFF lives 8 hours away!

I’ll admit, it’s far easier to meet men than to find a decent girlfriend.

afmm
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:10 pm: [report]

I recently moved to a new state and I agree, meetup is helpful.  From what I’ve experienced, people in meetup groups are more interested in meeting new people/ making new friends than the general population. 

And even if you don’t find your new best friend through a meetup group, it’s still nice to have social activities to attend. It’s also a good way to learn about places to hang out, drink coffee, hike, etc. in a new city.

Asta
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:16 pm: [report]

I went to UT-Austin, so there is an extensive alumni network and social gatherings all over the country. If you went to a large school there might be the same thing. I’m like you, I don’t usually play organized sports. Since I am really social and like planning things, I think if I moved to a new place I would volunteer to help plan a few benefits for a non-profit or something like that. Plus in my experience those meetings involve eating/ drinking/ not always staying on topic.

Jill
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 09:03 am: [report]

Wow I am shocked by the number of responses.  It’s SO good to know that I’m not alone.  I’ve lived here in Chicago for over two years and have had a hard time making and keeping female friends.  I have an overabundance of plutonic male friends but sometimes wish for a girl to talk to.  It’s nice to know I’m not a weirdo and that lots of you are in the same boat.

Pril
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]

It’s funny, this one little thread has done so much to make me feel like I’m not a loser because I don’t have a thousand besties.

resullins
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]

@Pril: Me too!!! I’m not pathetic, but now I am sad! I think I’ll go to MeetUp.com now…

Jillakiss
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]

A lot of the friends I’ve made in my adult life are girls I knew in high school or younger, but never really hit it off with them then.  People I’d liked, but just ran in different circles, you know?  So once we were adults and slightly different than the high school versions of ourselves, it was easier to connect.  Same goes for some other friends—I knew them from grade school, reconnected, and then played in their softball league so it sorta cemented it (and helped me connect with my current bf!).  Sports and even the gym always seem to help you meet people.  I would imagine that interest groups do the same—cooking classes, jewelry-making venues, things like that?  Also poaching friends from my younger sister and friends are also good options

And are I the biggest geek for feeling like I have this little online community of friends here?  Not really helpful for the face time, but it’s definitely a great place to chat with like-minded individuals.

SassyDaisy
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 11:33 am: [report]

OMG..thank you for writing this eventhough i’m reading it kinda late..i can totally relate its not that i don’t have friends but i am from NJ and bc i went to school in NY all my friends are from NY…I need some NJ friends, my boyfriend agrees w/me..I’m always pulling him to NY.

Although NY it’s fun but i just don’t want to deal w/the traffic sometimes and my friends never come NJ bc they don’t drive…i’ve tried takin buses and train but then i’m limited bc they only work ‘till midnight…I will try meetup.com…

I felt like a loser for a sec…thanks for writing this.

superstyling
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]

It is a matter of perspective.  One has to open herself up to all possibilities to people.  Making friends isn’t like an interview.  It is about going out to art shows, dancing, going to see local bands play and going out into the world.  The more people you meet, the more chance it will to find someone to click with.  You have to go to public places.  When I moved to my new city not knowing anyone, I would look into the local trendy newspaper and read the columnists recommendations of cool shows and gigs to check out.  Go where the people are.  Making friends isn’t just going to happen, it is about being open to new people and environments.

Jillakiss
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]

I’m from NJ!

majicksand
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 05:44 pm: [report]

My BFF lives out of state.  I have 3 kids, a husband, and my own business.  I work 50-60 hours a week.  On my one day off, I am on a pool league.  I’ve gotten pretty close to one of the girls on the team, but we both work a lot and live 45 minutes away from each other.  Other than that, I’ve gotten close to my employee’s (girl)friend, who is now also my youngest son’s sitter/teacher.

I absolutely feel a lack of ‘girltime’, but I just don’t have any more time to socialize.  The friends I spend the most time with?  You guys here on The Frisky!  I’m stuck at my desk all day even when it’s slow, and I don’t miss the conversation if I have to leave for an hour.

Though I’d like to have more face-to-face socialization, it just isn’t an option right now.  In the interim, I feel as those I have great conversations with some really cool people here.  I’ve even gotten to know a few of you somewhat.  Aside from the troll attacks, this is a fabulous compromise for me.

Thank you to all my ‘Frisky Friends’ for making my days not only bearable, but fun.  None of us are as alone as we may think!

Vicarious
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 05:51 pm: [report]

Man, there’s a bunch of you out there! Maybe I’m not as alone as I think I am… Well, if my career search turns out to be fruitful, I’ll be living in San Antonio in a few months. A lot more opportunities to join clubs and meet people there. Another suggestion would be adult education classes (jewelry making, Spanish, etc.) at a local community college. While this didn’t work for me, it could definitely work for some people. I moved back to Texas from New Mexico’s 2nd largest city, which was a retirement mecca with few like-minded, childless, career-oriented 30-somethings to connect with, so maybe that’s why it didn’t work. Maybe next time. Hopefully, San Antonio will be different.

My experience with Craigslist and the internet personals is, if you say you are looking for a female friend, guys answer your ad looking for a threesome involving women or people assume that you are gay and are looking for a *friend*. Not the way to go, IMHO.

EileenMarie
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 07:47 pm: [report]

Hey gals…I was struck by this article, because I have been wondering that for years!  I am a bit shy and don’t like to feel I am prying into someone’s life, but I’m wrong to feel this way!!
I have a close friend who has always been an expert at developing and maintaining friendships with other women. I think it’s because she is so willing to put herself out there and make the effort.
From my observations she does the following:
-finds common interests right away (and tries to make connections with that person and her own network)
-invites them out for a drink, a shared activity and always to meet her other friends
-always invites them to parties (which she makes sure she hosts herself)
-confides and reveals some of her own personal stories and asks them what they think
-always followsup (phone call / text message) to let them know she is thinking of them somehow

I think, in essence, she shows alot of interest in the other person and follows up with them unsolicited. It has always worked for her!

thickasawhaleomelette
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 10:46 pm: [report]

Thanks for posting, Frisky ladies! Apparently there are more of us out there than I thought and you have me inspired to be more proactive in asking people to get together. =)

ChocoBoo
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 03:19 am: [report]

After seeing how many people have posted their friendship woes here.. I’m starting to realize I’m not such a ‘loser’. Though I miss connecting with actual human beings..perhaps I shouldn’t be so picky the next time someone asks to be friends via FaceBook or another network site. Even having ‘e-pals’ must count for something…

secretsquirrel
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 06:43 am: [report]

I think it’s not just finding female friends, it’s finding female friends that suit your personality and that understand you.  THAT is the hard thing.  I don’t usually do well with girlfriends, I prefer to hang out with men because they’re straight up honest and don’t play #&@$% games.  You know exactly what you get with them.  Women, not so much.  So I have a blog and I’m the way I am in real life, what you see is what you get if you ever meet me.  Interestingly enough, I’ve made a few online friends that I see in real life occasionally and I don’t have to modify my behavior to suit “polite society.”  The girls get me and I get them and we have a GREAT time when we get together, even if it is infrequently.  That counts for a lot in my book.

TraceFace
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 08:48 am: [report]

Wow, I totally thought I was the only one who had trouble making friends as an adult. I live in the same city I went to college in (NYC, holla!), but almost all of my girlfriends have moved away since graduation 2 years ago.

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years to boot, so I’m suddenly alone on most Saturday nights with a bag of candy corn and a stack of DVDs.

Glad I’m not a total loser for having trouble with this…NYC girlies hit me up!

SassyDaisy
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 09:26 am: [report]

@eileenMarie: i don’t know about all of that now…i wouldn’t confide something personal to someone just to be accepted or get closer to that person…My trust needs to be earned…Your friend is trying a little too hard now…

I might be wrong though!

@My other Jersey girl in here…Hi!

hheeeeyyyy
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 09:17 am: [report]

I had this same problem after moving 2000 miles and then splitting with my husband about 2 years later.  So for a period of a few months, I made a point not to turn down any social engagements, whether I really felt like going or not.  I ended up meeting a lot friends of friends, including one who I’ve become really close with. 

I guess it’s kind of like dating; you can’t expect to find someone new if you’re sitting on your couch every night.

Psych-chick
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 02:52 pm: [report]

I am in the weird position of having moved away for a few years and then moved back to my hometown.  Many of my old friends have moved on, and don’t seem to have time/room for me any more.  I’ve been disappointed and irritated with the few friends I do still have because of their self-centered-ness and personal issues that seem to control their lives. When I do find someone I want to be friends with, it seems so difficult to actually create a friendshipbecause of differing schedules or life demands.  Now it seems like everyone is married and/or has kids, plus works, and they don’t make time for friends.

MissChang
wrote on October 11 2009 @ 05:18 am: [report]

best thing i ever did was go to Burning Man

patatthebay
wrote on October 11 2009 @ 03:11 pm: [report]

My relationship if 15 years ended earlier this year.  Many of my friends are married and I found my list of single friends somewhat depressing.  A co-worker told me about meetup.com and I have met a group of incredible single women.  I suggest it to anyonw.

dearface
wrote on October 11 2009 @ 04:56 pm: [report]

Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer (at some great place like Planned Parenthood, NARAL, HRC, or women’s/domestic violence organizations) Or I guess wherever your interests may lie.

moogyboobles
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 10:27 am: [report]

secretsquirrel that’s exactly my situation.  There are women about, but it’s all school gate bitching, so judgemental if you have even a hair out of place, I just can’t stand it.  Try and talk about something other than the latest Avon book and you get a blank look.
  I find men much less stressful to socialise with.  Online I can be myself, I have friends (male and female) I can say anything with.  Just so rarely meet up in real life.

rsonnack
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]

Step 1: Throw an open house at Lou Ferrigno’s house.
Step 2: Put out a spread of fancy rosemary-herbed focaccia sandwiches.
Step 3: Discuss farts with the tall man eating a sandwich.
Step 4: Eat fish tacos and get drunk with aforementioned tall man.
Step 5: BFF!!!!

:-D

resullins
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]

I love that movie… unfortunately, that would be a very hard set of sircumstances to recreate.

rosepetal
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 01:25 am: [report]

This is a great topic.  With no co-workers and no kids, I had this situation, too.  Many have suggested volunteering - I’d recommend joining a volunteer group rather than just volunteering in an activity you can do mainly by yourself.  I chose to join a volunteer group that supports a local charitable organization.  They meet monthly and have a social time before meetings which really helps to get to know other members.  The group I joined has about 60 members (almost all women), and I have made some good friends.  Figure you’re not going to make friends with everyone, but give it time and make an effort with a few and you can find some people you can be friends with.

BioGirly82
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 05:35 pm: [report]

I sympathize with the writer of the article.  I have tried different things: meetup.com, etc. to make new friends.  Unfortunately it turned out to be not what I expected.  The friends whom I thought were my friends, turned out they were only my friends “out of sympathy” and talked, at great length, behind my back.  Even one used me to be only a “wing-man” and a “bodyguard” of sorts when going out. 

To be honest, I was in complete denial about it for a long time.  But due to some recent events which I won’t bore you with, unfortunately it came to realization of where I live it all depends on how much you make and if you are “beautiful”.  I know I’m not a beauty queen and I’m definitely not perfect.  But when will this madness end?

NoSleepTillBK
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 01:38 am: [report]

What a great thread! Definitely seems like this comment board is a way that can be added to that list. I too am fresh outta college and looking to find my very own Sam, Charlotte and Miranda (or 20-something equivalents) now that I’m back in NY. One thing I did with my ladies back at school was a brunch date; could this be the new lady-friend first date? If you’re kickin it in the city, hit me up!

refashionista
wrote on October 17 2009 @ 09:11 pm: [report]

compliments on outfits or other girl-minded things. making sarcastic comments about the annoying lady who’s got to count out the exact change in line or telling someone that you really love their shoes has always proven well for camaraderie! plus it’ll really make their day.

i_luv_violets
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 02:48 pm: [report]

So happy I found this article!  I have a very few close girlfriends that I rarely get to see.  The 2 friends I have boyfriends and never have time to return my calls or make definite plans.  My other friend is married and lives far away.  Some are still in school and in relationships so it’s very hard to make plans with them b/c they are so wrapped up.  I am getting bored with shopping by myself every weekend since there is nothing else to do.  I work with many older catty women!! I am 30 and feel like my girlfriends are non-existent.  I am not a fan of FBook and texting gets on my nerves!  Why do most people avoid the phone anymore?

i_luv_violets
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 04:52 pm: [report]

This is a really good article.  I agree it is very hard to make new trustworthy girlfriends when you’re older.

sally sue
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 10:30 am: [report]

I agree it is very difficult to makes new friends once you are out of school. It’s not so hard to make acquaintances but it’s very hard to find people you can be close friends with. I’ve had good success with meetup.com. You can meet people through there who introduce you to other people, and so on. I’m down to one close female friend, but I’m slowly finding people. It takes time.

AshleyM
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]

I’d Most Def agree with the article.  It’s hard to trust women today.  Between Work, School, house work and attending to our significant others, who has true time for Friends or finding Friends?  If and When you find true friends it’s hard to deal with the breakup part if it comes to that.

mickamick
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 12:46 pm: [report]

I guess I’m a pretty social person and my roommate is always making fun of me for constantly bringing new friends around, so I figured I’d share. The most recent close friends that I’ve made have been through the following methods:
1) My roommate brought a new coworker out to the bar with us one night. We bonded and I gave her my number, feeling weirdly the same way you feel when you meet a new guy… like “I hope they call me!!” A year and a half later she’s now my best friend.
2) I started hitting on a guy at my favorite karaoke bar, only to find out that the drunk girl I had made fun of the week before for wearing a bodysuit circa 1993 was his girlfriend. We all left and hit up a drag show together. I found out the girlfriend is amazing. A+ friend!
3) That karaoke couple have dinner parties constantly and I’ve met a barrage of people that way. After every party, I facebook just about everyone I met that night (which is easy once the pics get tagged). I’ve gotten about 4 regular female friends just through meeting them this way. Don’t underestimate social networking sites!

KellieCatLady
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 01:54 pm: [report]

I really enjoyed your article and feel for everyone. It seemed like a surprise to see how many ladies there are out there having trouble meeting girl friends…but in all honesty when I thought about it, it wasn’t a surprise at all.

I will say I have a good amount of good girl friends… I will also say that virtually NONE, save one, live in the same town as I do. That doesn’t mean we’re not still friends… but I crave human interaction. Sadly, most of these girls are going through the same thing in their respective cities.

I find that it’s to meet potential girl buds who want to hang out and just chill and not have to go have the “obligitory drink” ...I am not a huge bar fan… i go out to bars once in a while, but it’s not my ideal meeting place/hang out. 

I do agree with what secretsquirrel wrote:
“I think it’s not just finding female friends, it’s finding female friends that suit your personality and that understand you.  THAT is the hard thing.”

Anyway…I just wanted to say, I appreciate everyone’s posts and am looking forward to checking out meetup.com!

Shout out Savannah, GA!

PS- I will say Zumba I think will be a great way to meet people, I do believe I met a potential friend there!

50thenew20
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 02:24 pm: [report]

Just when I was feeling like a had a huge L on my forehead, I found this article!  I had/have close girlfriends, but they are back ‘home’ in CT and NY.  My husband, (ex now) moved us down to Florida a bunch of years ago.  Not to insult, but the women I have met here are all too interested in how much money they have, how to redecorate their houses or whether or not to have that next boob job, tummy tuck, liposuction….
On top of it all, the few friends I did have here dropped me like a hot potato when I got divorced.  I work in a very small office and supervise the 2 potential women friends.  One has clearly let me know she does not make friends in the workplace.
I have been taking art classes and I find I am meeting like-minded people through that.  But it is still a struggle because everyone is busy or already has their groups of friends.

PBer
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 02:33 pm: [report]

MY SUGGESTIONS:

1. Join all and any clubs, charities, leagues, causes, groups, classes, workouts, networking events, work events, industry events that strike your fancy. Go to any interesting free or paid events you hear or read about (local newspaper, social magazines, city periodicals, local internet sites, community calendars, internet google of your city’s events calendars). 
2. Exchange business cards or name cards with anyone of interest (just ask for their card or their website), after noting any compatible personality clues:  attitudes, humor, behavior, friendliness, interests, appearance, etc. Make sure you introduce yourself, where you work/live/moved from, and get email addresses or websites.
3. Become an activities director for yourself and your “potential” friends. Mass email (blind email a minimum of six interesting people) asking “if anyone is up for” the new lecture at the X Foundation, checking out the Y exhibit at Z Museum this weekend, or going to see Y movie at the Z Film Festival.  Make sure they are neutral low-cost activities, and that is clear you are inviting multiple people without obligating anyone, and any additional friends are welcome.  Take it lightly/airily, be the fun one.  Don’t worry if there are no takers at first.  Note any objections (too late, too early, etc.) and email a friendly acknowledgement back, without obligating or putting on any pressure.  Get creative and keep emailing/planning potential outtings from time to time, based on any feedback you get.
4. Respond to any invitations or suggestions made to you.  Use that correspondence to put your best face forward.
5. Act like a friend! Share yourself.  Listen. Be loyal. Be yourself.  Don’t be competitive. Don’t judge, don’t poach friends/mates, don’t become needy.

KellieCatLady
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]

Okay, Just wanted to say that meetup.com for Savannah...sucks big time…

All I’ve found are mostly pagan, witches, vampires, d&d, gaming, libertarian, etc groups. LOL… really?

Anyone know of any other meetup websites other than that one and craigslist?

PBer
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 03:05 pm: [report]

PS.  If you decide to go to any interesting free or paid events that are sit-down, call the organizer and ask if there are any girls-only (or singles?) tables/sections you can join (or if they can start one)!! Tell the organizer you are looking to make friends and ask for a seating suggestion…most good organizers/promoters/hosts will most definitely work on this for you.

Friendly
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 03:47 pm: [report]

PBer—you nailed it!
Finding great girlfriends is as much work as finding the right man or the perfect job.  To find like minded women, go out and participate in things you love—join a bookclub, an exercise class, or volunteer.  Then be bold, approach a woman who has a great laugh or seems like fun.  Make conversation!  Make a lunch date! Hopefully some of these efforts result in girlfriend chemistry.  Follow up, initiate activities, have fun together and hope for the best.  It’s taken me four years to build the best group of girlfriends, and I’m so happy.  I will go the extra mile and do all I can to keep this going.

officerdangle
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 04:16 pm: [report]

It took me about five years in my current city to find a group of gals I can really relate to.  I tried joining all kinds of things like tennis groups, a group for people new to town, a book club, etc. Many of the people I met didn’t seem to be interested in striking up new friendships.  I finally joined an all ladies health club and met the nicest group of ladies.  I’m 49 but the people I’ve met range in age from 30 to the 60’s.  It took awhile but I feel like I finally have a network.  I think you have to find something that you really enjoy and you’ll find people who share your interest but keep in mind you might have to try more than one thing.

sixthtambourine
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 06:02 pm: [report]

I just discovered this article, and I hope I’m not too late (meaning, I hope people are still reading this), but I am yet another girl in this situation.  I just moved to Maryland in September, and all of my friends are in other states.  I’ve tried a few Meetup.com groups, but didn’t really connect with the club members.  I’m glad (or sad) to see that I’m not alone, though.  Anyone from Frederick, MD?

mouse
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 08:08 pm: [report]

Thanks for the article - I don’t feel so alone with my lack of female friends.
My children are nearly grown, and I’m currently between jobs, so it has really been in my face that other than the casual acquaintances in school groups and co-workers, I don’t have anyone I call “BFF” (Or call at all for that matter).
Usually - work, commute, homework, housework, yardwork, a little ‘me’ time, a little hubby time, a little family time, sleep - the week is too full for someone else.
I think all of the previous suggestions are great. Volunteer, join a group, get out of the house when you can, and generally be available to BE a friend. Do you know your neighbors? Throw a party and meet them!
One thing that doesn’t work for me - meeting someone at a big event. Nothing lonelier than being alone in a crowd.
Good luck!

hktea128
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 08:34 am: [report]

WOW! And to think I was the only one, or one of the few people having problems making friends!! I moved to Brooklyn, NY after I graduated from college in Pittsburgh and although I met an amazing guy here, I miss my girls friends—who are ALL over the country—PA, Cali, Pittsburgh, Baltimore… you name it, they’re there. And none are here in NY. This is one of the biggest cities in the world, I’ve always had an easy time making friends—so what happened? It amazes me as we get older, the harder it seems to get.  I sympathize with you all, and those of you in NYC, feel free to e-mail me!! Good luck everyone!!

RSL123
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 11:27 pm: [report]

@hktea128
Me too! I just moved here after graduating from college in DC, and it’s SO weird not having a group of girlfriends. Making friends post college is definitely a strange thing to get used to. I’m new to this site so I don’t really know how to e-mail people, but contact me, I’m in NYC too we should try and get a group together!

CaraPisc
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 12:22 pm: [report]

Yeah, I feel the same way. You may just have to branch out and take up a hobby like the other people commented. I just have my fiance and I don’t talk to any of my friends because of certain differences. And I do believe sometimes ladies may get jealous of each other but that’s a whole other story, lol. I am in school and trying to get into the nursing program next year so I am prepared that it will take up over 80 percent of my time so hopefully, I won’t think about it. But I would like to make new friends. Because I am getting older (i am only 26) I feel that I have gotten more shy! I don’t know what happened, though. I guess I am more scared of putting myself out there because we are more selective when it comes to the people we want to be around with. But I will put it out there, i am in Bklyn, NY and definitely looking for friends. I do enjoy volunteering and would probably volunteer @ a hospital. Also, I love working out (fitness is my passion). I think that’s another reason why my friends and I hardly talk. I love being healthy and working out but I don’t mind hanging out but I am not clubbing person. But anyway, I guess my whole life story is on this board!!! lol

Mercury
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 06:23 pm: [report]

This year, I have gotten rid of two girlfriends who were really close to me for a long time.  Now, I have my best friend (who is a guy) and my boyfriend, pretty much.  I have mo coworker and another girl I knew in high school that I see occasionally, but they are nothing serious.

I am moving to San Francisco next June for grad school and I’m kind of worried about not having any friends there.  I am pretty shy too, but I’m hoping the move will push me out of my comfort zone and get me to meet new people. 

I guess if anyone is in SF at that time and wants to meet up, let me know!

A Sunshine Girl
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 03:47 pm: [report]

I want to say Thank You in a big way.  I have a diffuclt time making friends, even though I am often told how nice I am or how much some one has enjoy being with me.  Nice to know that I am not the only one out there struggling with this.  I moved to Salem OR last December and have yet to make a friend here.  I did join Meet Up and joined two groups, one spirtual and the other for women’s dance work out group.  Maybe that will open a door for me.  Best of luck to EVERYONE! Kisses Sunshine