What Men Wear To Become Ex-Boyfriends
Posted by: Lily Q
Filed in:
guys
9:30AM, Thursday May 14th 2009
We spend most of our lives being preached at about the horrors of superficiality, about loving people for who they are, not what they look like. It all sounds so nice, but I’m sorry—there are certain fashion sins that are absolute deal breakers.
And it’s not just about how it looks. You’ve got to assume that any guy who consistently wears more hair gel than I do and pants so tight that even the most minute of details about his junk are very apparent has got deeper problems than bad clothes selection. (For the record, yeah, that guy happened.) ‘Cuz seriously, your man had better have some intense redeeming qualities if he’s 20-something and still fails to understand that no, socks do not go with flip flops.
Don’t believe that style matters when it comes to men? A handful of badly-dressed men have former girlfriends who will tell you otherwise…
“My high school boyfriend wore a silver dress shirt and white tux to prom. I had to pretend I liked it. I thought he looked really shady, especially since his mom lent us her bling-y car for the night.” —Lianna
“One ex (who was also shorter than me, which is a whole other issue) wore baggy pleated khakis, and brown Doc Martens. ALL.THE.TIME. Plus, he had little feet, so the entire outfit along with the vertical challenges he faced made him look like a puffy elf. The relationship lasted all of three months until I came to my senses…” —Jeanne
“My ex-boyfriend used to wear these horrific shoes that were kind of like Chinese grandpa sneakers. They had huge tongues and, for some reason, made his ass look huge. It was awful.” —Georgia
“My worst-dressed ex wore a poly short-sleeved shirt, button snaps (unbuttoned for maximum chest hair, of course) with black jeans and Tevas. It was shocking. Oh, and the jeans were cut-offs, by the way.” —Samantha
“Ugh! This guy David was totally stuck in the ‘80s. He had this horrid two-toned balloon shaped leather jacket that hit at his waist. His sweaters were the worst, too. Think Bill Cosby color blocked.” —Lana
“My ex-boyfriend Josh wore mirrored wrap around sunglasses, a woman’s pea coat from Old Navy, and Skechers for the first few months of our relationship.” —Serena
“I had a boyfriend who was an over-the-top Glam Guy: open shirts, tight pants, long hair, and oh yeah, he wore makeup. I would take him to my bourgeois dinners with some of my uptight friends and the reaction was hilarious.” —Michelle
“I was very offended when I went on a date with a guy…and he showed up with a backpack on and an Elmo “Sesame Street” tee shirt!! He was dressed like a 12-year-old!” —Corey
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elizabethmarley
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 09:59 am: [report]
My most recent ex used to wear t-shirts with holes in the armpits, or in the stomach, or both. Double points if the t-shirt was a little sheer and you could see his nipples. It was so gross. Whenever I’d tell him to PLEASE wear a shirt without holes because we were going to have dinner with my parents/go to an important event/I was trying NOT to look like the girl dating an #&@$%, he would go on and on about how it was his favorite shirt or how he had this aesthetic going or some equally #&@$% response.
I’ve also dated a few guys with a mysterious love for sports sandals.
powplz
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 10:09 am: [report]
My bf continues to wear socks with orange-sized holes in the bottom and boxers that are barely hanging on, despite making MORE than enough money to properly clothe himself. I started buying him nice, padded socks for Christmas, and boxers (along with other more fun gifts, I’m not that boring). Thankfully his mom sends him boxers for b-days and other holidays as well.
He’s also got an unfortunate collection of bad hawaiin shirts and polyester soccer jerseys (he has ZERO interest in soccer). Surprisingly enough, he actually does know how to dress well. He was amazingly helpful when he tagged along to help me get some nice work clothes.
The things we do for love…
Humble Bee
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
Don’t even get me started on my ex, he swore and still does that he dresses so cool and so pimped out. He buys 200-300 dollar basketball Jerseys of every sports team and doesn’t even have a favorite one. They are waay colorful and he buys them 3X even though he’s an extra large. So not only are they fruity, they are extremely oversized. He looks like a wannabe rapper with bad style. He still thinks that because it costs so much, that its so in. AND he makes fun of me for being cheap on my clothes just because I don’t buy designer brands! He said things like, where did you get that, Target? haha.
Like if thats a bad thing… whateves, man. YOu look like a fool. Despite his many insults, I was always nice about his clothes and only insinuated things by buying him clothes that I liked. Its kind of funny because he would say I didnt know anything about sports, yet I played every sport (except football) and his fat as$ just watches them. How can I not know??? That just angered me right now,... whew, luckily its over baby.
retro chic
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 11:47 am: [report]
Sometimes when I see looks stuck in the ‘80s, etc, I think it’s an (arrested)development thing—marking a safe/happy time. Or it’s such a low priority it’s almost like wearing a uniform that they think works (all the time), and don’t have to give much thought to. I like men who can see themselves the way others do—dressing to enhance that.
powplz
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 12:01 pm: [report]
@retro chic - my bf’s explanation, which seems to maybe apply to your thought, was that no man will replace an item of clothing until it is fully un-wearable. *shrug*
Pas Quotidienne
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 12:17 pm: [report]
When my ex and I would go on dates/somewhere important, it would astound me how well he managed to put himself together—because his daily wardrobe was dirty jeans he pulled off the floor and the closest hole-riddled/worn thin shirt he could find. He’d always insist on wearing his gold chain too, as if that somehow disguised the fact that he looked like a slob.
retro chic
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]
joyy, I think that is def true, too, and beyond. I’ve had to run wardrobe recon on retrieved t-shirts from the trash/rag bin—cut them up, pour oil on them, and on occasion, set fire to them.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 12:42 pm: [report]
I like shorts and flip flops, and if I had the means I wouldn’t wear long pants ever again.
theoldman
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 12:59 pm: [report]
You girls just don’t understand. So bite your lip, keep your mouth shut, and get a hold of Ray Davies and the Kinks “Dedicated Follower of Fashion”. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQAR-nx4w88 In that vein, I can top anything you want to complain about. Try 40 year old Army/Marine fatigues complete with name tape and shoulder flashes in color, OD tshirt and boxers, OD cushion sole socks and either jump boots or jungle boots(high brow /low brow). Then the dorky (even back then) OD base ball cap, regrettably I don’t have a helmet liner it looks cooler. Going upscale would be Khaki shirt and pants, white tshirt, OD boxers, black socks and shoes, OD #&@$% cap. Belt with peace sign on it. Why buy anything new when this isn’t worn out. I have better things to do than waste money on clothes when these are perfectly serviceable. They just don’t make’em like they used to.
This is absolutely appropriate (expected attire if you can still wear it) when you go to DC and the Wall.
retro chic
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 01:17 pm: [report]
hohoho, theoldman, yes I do understand. Even what you call “practical” is still niche, say, “PTSD Chic.” You’re making a statement—which is more than some of the others can say, except for maybe “I don’t care!”
Btw, that song is about fops, not high-functioning reg guys.
theoldman
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 02:01 pm: [report]
Maybe me being cynical but the song reminds me of the GQ. The attire does serve a purpose when having a political discussion with the chickenhawks like Rush and Ann. Wuerking cartoon on right with two elephants http://www.politico.com/ right column 2/3 ‘s down.
By the way what is the problem with a Charlie Uniform November Tango cap. Tha tis what it was officially called in the quartermasters list.
Tango
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]
My Ex used to wear these hidious tommy bahama shirts…I straight up told him I hated them and all he would say is “they cost $150 and they’re silk!” As if that somehow made it ok to go to church with my family in a hawaiin shirt that was at least 2 sizes too big for him, plus he was really tall so the shirts fit funny too, if even shrugged his shoulders i would have to see gross hairy belly. /vomit.
retro chic
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 02:35 pm: [report]
theoldman, No probs [surely I jest sometimes]! I’m sure it makes a necessary and important statement when dealing with CHs, not to mention, officially chic and practical, all in one ensemble!
theoldman
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 03:15 pm: [report]
No offense taken I was laughing with you. I think that fashion in GQ Maxium and other such mags is so far over the top as to be ridiculous. Give me a nice clean polo shirt and clean pair of Levi’s. Designer jeans for men? Who are we trying to kid/impress. I am as unimpressed as I am with a $10k Rolex and gold chains. The point proven is pretty superficial. Some times like when I work on cars older than you are it is more practical to wear tshirts with holes in them in case I spill gear lube over everything. I have a whole drawer full of tshirts and jeans for such occasions. You throw them away and I might throw you away.
One thing I am proud of is after 40 years I still fit; pants have gone from baggy to real tight but I fit.
cjmar
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 08:19 pm: [report]
My boyfriend thought it would be hilarious to wear this obnoxious bright (red/orange/green with parrots) Hawaiian shirt to Vegas with me. *Facepalm* We went again recently and I forbade him from bringing that shirt.
I dated this guy a few years ago who sometimes had great fashion sense, skinny jeans and a nice vintage inspired tee or a button down shirt. But when it got hot, he lost the skinny jeans and would wear super short soccer shorts! What the hell! From the waist up he’d look good and then pair them with shorts where I was afraid his junk would fall out of!
rsonnack
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 10:44 pm: [report]
My boyfriend hates shopping for clothes and only has 3 pairs of jeans. Only 2 of them are wearable though because the other pair has a very visible quarter-sized hole in the crotch. Yet he refuses to buy another pair of jeans to replace them and continues to wear them when his other two pairs get dirty. If I catch him wearing them before he leaves the house I make him change. I get very annoyed when he comes home at the end of the day and discover he was wearing them IN PUBLIC all day long!!!
theattack
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 11:06 pm: [report]
Wow, this makes me appreciate my boyfriend big time. He dresses better than I do.
DancerNinja
wrote on May 14 2009 @ 11:08 pm: [report]
THREE pairs of jeans! I had to buy a pair for an ex so he could have ONE! I made him throw away his (1) taper legged jeans (2) loafers (3) elastic waist khaki shorts. Yes, you read that last one right. ELASTIC waist.
Hero
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 06:22 am: [report]
My ex owns four pairs of sweatpants (one pair is whole), one pair of dresspants (a bit to tight) and one pair of jeans (holes in the crotch, lovely). He’s only really got one shirt that he can wear the other one makes him look like hes a little boy with a round kiddie stomach. How do you get someone to not hate shopping?
Rose
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 07:00 am: [report]
@Hero, when I got married, I just took over buying his clothes for him. Then I complimented the heck out of him when he wore what I bought. He hates shopping, so I do it. As long as he’ll wear it the problem is solved.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 07:58 am: [report]
@DancerNinja: I don’t own a pair of jeans either.
theoldman
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 08:22 am: [report]
This will take a little thinking on your part but view the Apple 1984 super Bowl ad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYecfV3ubP8 When young men reach about 18-25 they start to rebel against the establishment. You are experiencing one of the forms that it takes. This is part of a progression to develop self identity. If you think that these guys dress lousy look at the photos from Woodstock.What is happening is best described by Gene Pitney in He’s A Rebel:
‘Cause he’s not just one of the crowd
My baby’s always the one
To try the things they’ve never done
And just because of that, they say
He’s a rebel and he’ll never ever be any good
He’s a rebel ‘cause he never ever does what he should
But just because he doesn’t do what everybody else does,”
I wore peace sysmbols on my helmet and I was a section/company commander.
All men do it search of self idenity. Very Orwellian.
As to shopping you are never going to solve that problem. Stores are organized for women to browse through shopping. That is why men have so much angst even going in the store.
sam04
wrote on May 15 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]
I’ve never really felt the need to buy clothes for my boyfriends. The odd time I would, it was because I saw something that they would like, not something they would hate that I wanted them to wear.
Fashion and style are totally objective. I couldn’t define how I dress. The clothes I wear are the ones that make me feel that I look good, regardless of how they fit in with what everyone else is wearing. I’m sure most guys don’t really give much thought to what they wear and wouldn’t care if their girlfriend treated them like a mannequin, but I don’t think I would ever care enough to try to change someone’s sense of style. It’s just clothes. That said, I probably wouldn’t be attracted to someone in the first place if they wore nothing but sports jerseys or tapered corduroys.
Limniade
wrote on May 21 2009 @ 09:10 pm: [report]
I sorta-dated a guy who was “goth” and thus wore black everything. Fine, I have a lot of black in my wardrobe too, I don’t care about that. However, he liked to think of himself as a fashion snob, and routinely bragged about his shopping trips to Chicago and NY where he’d pick up a designer t-shirt for $200 or pants for $300 or something ridiculous like that. But then he’d bring them home and do things like machine-wash the dry-clean-only items, so they shrank or stretched and became very ill-fitting. So there he’d be, in his $200 too-tight t-shirt showing off his man-boobs, and his $300 too-tight highwater pants with the kenes in the wrong place, sneering at everyone ELSE for their alleged lack of style. GOD.