Sweet Overload: 15 Ways A Guy Can Overdo It
Posted by: Carrie Wasterlain
Filed in:
relationships
7:00AM, Thursday May 28th 2009
When it comes to dating, what many women would see as charming, I find repulsive. From nauseating nick-names to gag-worthy gifts, I’m often left wondering, Is this guy for real? While I love a caring man, I also love my space. Sometimes, sweet becomes just a little bit too sweet (yes, it’s possible for a guy to be too clingy). Is the new guy you’re dating cute, or is his behavior so sweet it’s mildly repulsive? Find out after the jump.
| CUTE | TOO CUTE |
|---|---|
| Winking at me from across a crowded room | Winking at me when I’m the only other person in the room |
| Taking care of me by bringing me soup when I’m sick | Taking care of me by pouring water from your glass into my glass after every time I take a sip |
| Calling me "babe" | Referring to me as my name + "angel" |
| Buying me earrings | Buying me earrings that are green and blue because "those are the colors of our birthstones" |
| Talking to me nicely | Talking to me in the voice you talk to your cat in, when in bed |
| Asking me if I’d like more cake | Giving me more cake when I said I didn’t want it because "I look hungry" |
| Asking me what gets me off | Telling me I should read an article your mom suggested on how to have an orgasm |
| Telling me you care about me | Whispering “I think I’m falling in love with you” when you (mistakenly) believe I'm sleeping |
| Sleeping over once in a while | Begging me to sleep over because you can "no longer sleep without me" |
| Telling me you like me | Telling me that you’ve tended to like the women you’ve dated more than they’ve liked you |
| Friending me on Facebook | Changing your status to "in a relationship" after three dates |
| Calling me occasionally | Being the only one to initiate the calls, and initiating them 3x a day |
| Letting me share your umbrella | Insisting I take your umbrella while you get soaked |
| Taking me out on Valentine’s Day | Writing me a poem about how we're made for each other on Valentines Day |
| Complementing me on my eyes | Telling me my eyes shine like the stars and that my skin is “creamy like butter” (true story) |
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Arty
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:06 am: [report]
A few years ago for my birthday this guy that I wasn’t even dating bought me about ten things off my Amazon wishlist and had them gift wrapped and sent to me with little notes that were all signed Love, Hisname. It was all way too much! I didn’t know what to do. I talked to him about it and he said if I tried to return them he’d just send them again!
shannac02
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:07 am: [report]
After two years in a relationship with NO niceness and NO gifts whatsoever, I’ll take what I can get!
ChinaCatSunflower
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:10 am: [report]
Haha…I dated a “normal” guy and got bored, because he wasn’t doing all the sweet little things (many listed above) that I thought I would like… So, I switched to a sweet guy, and after hearing the whispered “I think I love you” begging me to sleep over, and telling me we were made for each over… I just ran for the hills lol. It was too too much. I’ll take my “normal” men any day! The uber sweetness just isn’t for me.
PS
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:36 am: [report]
Women are the new men
Jessica
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:38 am: [report]
Aww, I wouldn’t mind a guy doing any of these things! Better a sweet guy than a jerk.
Perceptible
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:41 am: [report]
Does the sweetness level matter if it’s sincere? This sounds a little picky. Isn’t sincerity more important than the details? Isn’t it the thought that counts?
Besides, we all know the little nice things go away over time. If he’s ultra sweet in the beginning, he’ll be “appropriately sweet” two years in.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:50 am: [report]
@jessica: Haven’t we already worn out the conclusion that women love jerks?
DancerNinja
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 08:10 am: [report]
Most of them would make me gag, but not angry enough to break up with the bloke. I’d say “That’s very sweet, but please, just don’t.”
One guy tries to shorten my name to Kristy, I hated it, told him to stop, and then just stopped answering when he used it. He said “But it’s cute!” and I said “Exactly. Stop.”
Carrie Wasterlain
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 08:28 am: [report]
Wait a minute-I don’t love jerks in any way shape or form. I just don’t like to be constantly showered by (what seem like premature)excessive gestures, if I’ve only known the guy a few weeks!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 08:36 am: [report]
@Carrie Wasterlain: http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-why-do-women-love-jerks/?cnn=yes
Queen Frostine
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 09:21 am: [report]
Adding…
Kisses and tender touches when I’m getting dressed, good. Smothering me with kisses and tender touches when I’m scrubbing greasy kitchen dishes, eww.
bogart4017
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 09:26 am: [report]
If any such guy exists on the too sweet list then i have to agree with PS—men are the new women.
Anway if over-attentiveness bothers you just say so. I had a fiancee i used to compliment all the time. She really did know how to dress. Anyway i must have caught her on the wrong day once because when i complimented her earring she rolled her eyes and said something like “yeah, right”. Believe this—she never ever had to worry about me trying to make her feel good about herself.
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 09:27 am: [report]
meh…to each there own. It seems some women gravitate towards D-bags just as some men go only for high maintenance drama inducers. I think this was all the subject of a movie with Marilyn Monroe and Tony Curtis, “some like it sweet” (kidding).
@arty
Yea that is a little too stalkerish for my taste.
There is a wide spectrum of people…some who wont hang up first on a phonecall and call each other schmoopy and others that will pass each other in the hallway and think the other is hot only to realize they live together as BF and GF. =)
retro chic
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 09:28 am: [report]
Oh, Carrie, I think you’ve encountered future husbands, still lumps of coal—just not yours. Did you like any of their qualities? I’d keep tabs on them if you thought they had any potential, but were too much for you to deal with now. But, if you think they’re potential stalker material and you’re truly repulsed by them, move on.
My fave sweet, charming exBF was one who wanted to do everything I wanted to do, even running errands with me (barf). I wanted to escape my routine and live in his new world. Hindsight says there’s a happy medium and something to be gleaned from every encounter.
Lynn
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]
This whole list sounds like an ex-BF. It drove me up the wall. I wouldn’t blame anyone for breaking up with a guy who acted like that - sometimes it was way more than I could take! And no matter how many times I talked to him about it, he wouldn’t stop. And when I did talk to him about it, there were those huge puppydog eyes and “I was just trying to show you how much I love you” and maybe some tears.
Gag me.
CatGoesNomNom
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]
God, I would KILL for a man who did ANY of the things from either column, frankly. I think it says a lot about a woman who likes to be treated like crap by a jerk. It’s also much easier to fix smothering than it is to fix #&@$%.
ChinaCatSunflower
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]
I agree with Carrie… I mean it’s all good and well after time, but don’t start out a relationship pulling out all the stops, because it really does get overwhelming to a creepy degree. I mean being sweet and saying something nice is one thing, but all the You were made for me, I can’t sleep when you’re not here, I’ve never connected with anyone like this, you’re MY girl stuff when you’re a month in is completely unsettling to me, at least. I think maybe timing is key. I appreciate every little sweet thing my current bf of 6 years does for me, but in the past when I’ve been with a guy and he’s attempted to throw on an excessive amount of the love and charm b.s. too early it’s just a complete turn off.
ChinaCatSunflower
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:29 am: [report]
I don’t think any woman enjoys being treated like crap, and who’s to say that just because a man doesn’t stare longingly into your eyes every minute of the day that he’s an #&@$%? I’m just saying I don’t like someone doting over me every second of the day.
Carrie Wasterlain
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:36 am: [report]
Yea I guess what a big issue with these types of guys is for me is that, besides being over the top, the actions border on possessive. When a guy thinks he knows what I want better than I do (puts more food on my plate FOR me), I just can’t deal. To each her own!
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:48 am: [report]
Agreed Carrie, to me thats not being sweet, thats being controlling. Maybe he thinks he doesnt need the portion because he’s already so full of it.
Arsenic
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:49 am: [report]
I so agree with this.
There’s a big difference between being nice and being smothering, and that’s something that people of ALL sexes get wrong sometimes; smothering someone isn’t “nice”, it makes people uncomfortable and doesn’t respect their independence.
That being said, in my experience no one likes a jerk either- there’s also a big difference between being a jerk and being confident.
kristy1584
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
Well my boyfriend is an all around a$$hole. He says rude things bc he thinks its “funny” when I get mad, he knows every button i have and pushes them repeatedly any chance he gets. BUT, when he goes into sweet mode (which isnt very often) its wonderful. Though he tends to go from one extreme to the other hes sweet, when he wants to be. As far as the list above, i dont think hes ever said any of those things to me more than once in the yr and half we’ve been “together”.
Perceptible
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:28 am: [report]
Um, no offense @kristy1584, but your bf sounds a bit passive aggressive. There are plenty of wonderful men out there who will be sweet to you without the #&@$%-ness the rest of the time. (Or “#&@$%” as CatGoesNomNom so eloquently said above.)
Humble Bee
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]
I think that’s the problem with these guys, they think they know what you like, they think they know you better than you do! I had an ex who was over the top dumbas$. It wasn’t that he was too sweet, he just took things out of context and to an extreme. When we’d eat, he’d sit accross me and just gare into my eyes like if we were playing a starring contest. So I told him, please don’t stare at me, so the rest of the night, he starts facing the other way.. um, I didn’t mean don’t look at me, I just meant stop effing staring. Once I sat next to him instead of across becase I felt sick and wanted to rest my head on his shoulder for a while, weell, he thinks its to get “closer” to him so EVERY time we went to eat, he’d sit next to me and hold my hand, while eating with the other. If I told him I liked something he did, he’d do it extremely exaggerated. AND the worst thing about these so called sweet guys, why do they think that crying is going to get me to forget anything and take them back or forget the stupid mistake they did. Wa wa, it cause’ I love you and you mean the world to me, boo hoo. I forgot to mention theee corniest line someone told me once , “Our love is like a circle, it will never end” I started cracking up. what a joke.
Humble Bee
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:34 am: [report]
*glare*
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:41 am: [report]
you should have said….a spiral looks like a circle, depending on your POV. =)
Carrie Wasterlain
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:41 am: [report]
@ Humble Bee
HAHAHA. I so understand.
gingerlove
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 01:01 pm: [report]
IDK. I am with a man who has these wonderful spontaneous moments. Like I was in the undies department ( yes he was with me, much to my suprise) he heard some music overhead and pulled me into his arms to dance. Right there in the Lane Bryant Outlet underwear department! Never in my life had something like this happened. All I could say to him was “please don’t stop” I agree with Perceptable, if it’s sincere, it’s all good. Men are people, people aren’t perfect. Long live imperfection!
Bad Breakup
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 02:56 pm: [report]
Ugh, my gf does half the stuff on the right hand column. It’s just way too much. I consider myself pretty nice, and have done or do most of the things on the left side, but you can’t eat cake for every meal, and eventually all that sweetness is going to make you vomit.
Oh, and:
“Talking to me in the voice you talk to your cat in, when in bed”
I believe that’s a misprint. It should read:
“Talking to me in the voice you talk to your DOG in, when in bed”
No self-respecting man should ever own a cat by his own accord.
wonder_bread
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:49 pm: [report]
Perceptible is right about one thing. Sincerity. If he is being genuine then i’ll adore it, well most of it. i ca’nt stand clingy and i love my space from time to time. I have managed to find a guy with most of those too sweet quailties but i love it becuz he genuinely feels that way he’s not trying to over do it or impress. me
It took a while for me to really figure out if he was just trying to butter me up but almost a year later and he still has the best poems and the warmest hugs. He’s not every girls, dream but the more i get to know him he’s more than a little fine for me. ya’ll can have ya’ll rough borderline jerks. there’s too many of them and not enough sweet ones going around.
Though i can say i met someone more sweet then my current guy and it made me sick to my stomach and uneasy everytime he tried to take to me or get my attention it was jsut weird like he was trying to hard to prove his point of digging me
fallonthecity
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 09:07 pm: [report]
I hate “I can’t live without you…”
I mean we’re not Siamese twins sharing a kidney or anything.
brandyalexander
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 08:04 am: [report]
@ Bad Breakup, what’s your issue with cats? My man has a cat :( Cat guys are sexy. And as much as I like them, dogs can really smell bad.
SassySexpert
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 02:00 pm: [report]
@Bad Breakup and @Brandyalexander I actually think a man is sexier if he owns a cat but maybe it’s because I think of myself as a little feline in nature…so I assume he may know how to handle me.
Bad Breakup
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 02:46 pm: [report]
Well, to be honest with you, it was mostly sarcasm, but I do have a long-standing rivalry with the feline kind. My ex had 2 of the furry bastards, and they drove me mad to the point where I can’t even enjoy LOLcats anymore. Seriously. They knock crap over, scratch the hell out of things (like a 300 dollar ottoman or my record collection), walked all over my pianos and got hair inside them and between the keys, and generally stunk the place up. They never look happy, only pissed off or suspicious. Aaaaaagh I’m sorry, I just had a bad experience I guess. All I know is now a lady would have to be really darn special to get me to ever co-habitate with a cat ever again.
Oh, and dogs are just a lesser of two evils, but I actually like them, as long as they’re someone else’s.
eeyayo
wrote on June 2 2009 @ 10:46 pm: [report]
Awwww, I love winks—they’re a dying art!
But, I agree with the rest of the craziness listed.
landesign
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 06:17 am: [report]
I met the hottest lady ever years ago when I worked nights at a supermart while going to school. But she was cold hearted from being screwed over by guys in the past. She was dating a doctor and continuing a long distance relationship with an old boyfriend, where she would fly out and stay for a week. She was being the player rather than being played in the past. She had decided to look out for herself, being in her early thirties.
We had an instant connection sexually but she could have dumped me any time. I melted her heart with the little things I did.
I’d call to check on her. I’d compliment her on her eyes.
She did have big baby blue eyes. Public displays of affection were spontaneous and unavoidable. Well she never saw that long distance guy again, calling him in front of me to cut it off. The doctor met a similar fate, crying when she broke it off with him.
When she was deciding, upon my insistence, whether we were
long term, I found a list in her apartment that mentioned all three of our attributes. The Doctor- stability. The long distance boyfriend- adventure. Me- Love.
twilight faerie
wrote on June 6 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]
@landesign: What happened with her?
CantGetThereFromHere
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 02:04 am: [report]
I do some of those things on that list. If some women think that’s “smothering” them, too bad. The woman I’m with would appreciate it without judging me or thinking I’m less of a man for it. Too many women like jackasses. And they wonder why “good guys” are so rare these days. The answer can be found in the mirror, ladies.
Lynn
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 10:54 am: [report]
woah. someone’s bitter.