Kiki T
wrote on January 06 2009 @ 03:13 pm:

I love my nephews and nieces, but I love sleeping in more than anything--how do I ever rectify that? If I had enough money to have a live in nanny for me and the baby, that’d be another story.

...but seriously, bonsai for knowing what you want...I really can’t stand women who think having a baby is the end all be all of being a woman. they usually turn out creepy kids.

bella7623
wrote on January 06 2009 @ 03:23 pm:

I’m all about my daughter. She really IS awesome. I didnt think I ever wanted kids at all until I was actually pregnant and had to make the choice. I could have gone either way. For some reason, at that very moment the planets aligned and I proceeded to make the most insane, twisted, hormonally-charged, life-swallowing then regurgitating something unrecognizable type decision I have ever made. I HAD THE BABY. Within six months I was a single Mother. She is 4 now. Colleen, if you arent ready, if you arent even ready to think it....THAT’S GREAT! There are lots of ways to be a kickass Mother and one of them is ACTUALLY knowing when its not time to be one. I love and live for my daughter. It has been the most amazing & terrifying and life-changing experience. I dont regret it for a minute but there are the days I miss my non-parent existence. Once it happens, no matter what anyone tells you, there is no going back to your pre-child self. There just isnt. Yes life is richer and funnier and there are days of wonder and excitement beyond what you now know. Wait until you just HAVE to see the other side of that door. If you never want to see the other side, thats your business!

WinkyFace
wrote on January 06 2009 @ 03:49 pm:

I’ve never heard people compare having children to being chased by a pack of zombies, but it’s hilarious. And, now that I think about it, kind of true.

I partially agree with Kiki T… I love love love my niece and my younger cousins, and I am babysitting and playing with kids constantly. But there is something to be said about being able to hand the kid over at the end of the day and then curling up to uninterrupted sleep. However, if and when I do have my own kids, I don’t think I’d be able to dump all the hard work on a nanny. I’d definitely be a hands-on mom and give everything to my kids… which is why I’m nowhere near ready to give up my freedom now!

joyy
wrote on January 06 2009 @ 05:31 pm:

Word.  I simply have no interest in bearing/raising children.  Kind of like I have no interest in getting married.  As Kiki T said, what creeps me out the most is the women who think having kids (or getting married, for that matter) is the end all bee all of womanhood ... and I feel like that attitude is totally condoned by American society (as an admitted over-generalization). 

I remember how my parents would describe other couples in our family who had more money, bigger house, etc, the tone in their voice of “well they don’t have children” as if it were some sort of tragedy born of blind selfishness.

Elle
wrote on January 06 2009 @ 06:02 pm:

I think it’s good to know what you want in life.  I was adamantly against having kids.  I had no interest in babies and figured if I had any it would be well into my 30’s.  My bio-clock definitely kicked in though and suddenly I wanted nothing more then to have a baby now.  It’s a weird thing once it does kick in, if ever, because suddenly the world is not all about you anymore and yet it still is.  Creating a baby is like the ultimate ego trip manifested in a human body.  It’s part of you and part of the person you love the most in the world (for some of us).  It’s the embodiment of self-love and the love in your relationship.  Having children is not for all of us, but it definitely is a large part of why we are on this planet, IMHO.

og217
wrote on January 06 2009 @ 06:14 pm:

Maybe it made sense to have kids when they were helpful, respectful and grateful (and out of the house at 18, returning only to care for you kindly and dutifully in old age.) These days, its insane - a mocking, entitled, 30-year-old brat playing video games in your living room while screeching for a new car and designer jeans is the image that comes to mind. Eeek. No thanks.

Chelle
wrote on January 06 2009 @ 06:47 pm:

If you’re not ready to have a child at this point in your life, it might be better not to. There are many health risks for women having babies after 35. Also, the risk of having a child with Down’s Syndrome goes up every year after the age of 25. For more information you can go to http://www.babycenter.com and look up the risks of having a baby 35 or older. I already have a son, wish to have another child, and am not quite ready. However, when I’m even past 30, I’m not risking it (I only have a few more years :(). @bella7623-I wasn’t so sure I wanted kids until I got pregnant either. Some things are just meant to be whether you know it yet or not.

Humble Bee
wrote on January 06 2009 @ 08:27 pm:

I have taken care of kids all my life, I’m so sick of caring for others, I always put myself second or third just because I have to be a mother to my 8 brothers and sisters!
I can’t deny I have a crazy love for them, i sometimes feel I treat them better than my own mom and dad. Kids are a big commitment, i try so hard to explain to my mom that its not just about giving them life, its about actually raising them. People don’t raise kids anymore, they just let them run loose while theyre too busy doing something else. My mom had me at age 16, i’m positive she wasn’t ready for me, and I still think she’s not fit for this 8th child, but hey, shes my mom, I love the pregnant lady regardless and I loved my childhood; it was rough, but i made it through the tough times. (with out having a little pest of my own, thats the best part!)

Syrupnhoney
wrote on January 06 2009 @ 11:12 pm:

I completely agree Colleen! Except with the ‘not ready to rule anything out’ part!
I’m starting a ‘tubal ligation’ fund!
No babies for me!

Montana
wrote on January 06 2009 @ 11:36 pm:

I agree with not having kids until you are ready.  I waited until I was 30. At some point in life if something happens in your brain that finally says, “I WANT A BABY,” don’t fight it....go for it. 
You will never be sorry.  I have three.  They tend to grow on you like you could never imagine.

ChoJinn
wrote on January 07 2009 @ 05:37 am:

@many of you: you put the “i” in cynic.
@author: There’s a time and place for everything, and obfuscating what is likely a non-option on your part with said cynical “didn’t want to anyway” attitude is somewhat disingenuous.  No reasonable person believes having children is the end all/be all for a woman: this country may have condoned the attitude 50 years ago.  That being said, it is probably best that those women who cling to such a misconception not breed and instead support their step-children and the pet industry.

SummerLane
wrote on January 07 2009 @ 10:43 am:

Obviously if you KNOW that you don’t want kids or aren’t ready for them, don’t have them. I see too many abused/neglected children at work every day. I wasn’t ready to have kids when I first got pregnant but I became ready pretty quick.
I will be 25 in a month and have two kids, 4 and 1. And sometimes it really sucks, for instance I have to find a babysitter to do anything, my house is always a mess, and when one of them gets sick I have to leave work for the day. BUT, there is nothing better in this world than my 4 year old saying “I love you more Mommy!” and seeing my daughter’s eyes light up when I walk into the room. I would take those two things over going to the bars/traveling the world anyday.
I am a firm believer of “To each his/her own” and if you don’t want them, great but please don’t make statements that knock having children/parenting if you’ve never done it!

msnb
wrote on January 07 2009 @ 07:31 pm:

Dear Chelle:

Sorry to be so blunt but your head is up your ass. Believe it or not modern medicine helps women over 30 with pregnancy issues and countless healthy children are born to them.  I know from my own family-children born to over 30 & over 40 moms and thank G-D, no Downs yet.  Also, many women over 30 have decided to wait until that point in their life to have kids because: we have things to do, places to go & people to see before giving ouselves over to our children the way they deserve to be cared for and nurtured.  I recently read about a study which found that the children of older parents are actually smarter because their parents offer them greater intellectual stimulation.  I rarely rant like this but your comment was so absurd and ageist it merited comment. People should have kids however they choose.

Chelle
wrote on January 08 2009 @ 11:01 am:

@msnb-Obviously I’m not the one with their head up their ass. First of all I did not say over 30, I said over 35. I said I do not wish to have children over 30. Secondly, did you visit the website I posted? You should. I’m glad that the women and children in your family haven’t had any problems. They are very lucky and that is great. However it is heartbreaking to see the ones who weren’t so lucky knowing that if they hadn’t risked it, there wouldn’t be another suffering child in this world. There are many children who need homes and if someone wants to wait that long, why not adopt? Also, if people continue to wait longer and longer, the children won’t get as much time with their grandparents before they die. They may even die before they are born. It’s okay to disagree but to say that a valid point is absurd is just rude.

toyen
wrote on January 09 2009 @ 12:13 am:

I could have written that article… In fact, I almost pitched it a few months ago. But I still wonder if one day (I’m almost 31) some hormonal switch will shift and i will go baby nuts. Who knows.

audiosmear
wrote on January 10 2009 @ 12:26 am:

THANK YOU!

It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Not that I’m super hot, but spare me the stretch marks, the loose vag, the bladder drop, the constant probing of the vagina, and worst of all - the kids.

They are dirty, they stink, they whine, cry, abuse, torture, and annoy. Mostly, they grow up to be maladjusted adults - lying in wait for their chance to do these things on a national or global scale.

I’ll spare myself the guilt. Maybe I’ll adopt when I’m bored with the world or finally come to the realization that I might just need someone to change my depends some day. For now, I’m the guardian of the Bruby (Bruno and Ruby - my doggies), and that’s all I need.

HarlemGirl
wrote on January 10 2009 @ 12:55 am:

audiosmear,

that was just gross!

writergirl
wrote on January 10 2009 @ 09:56 am:

The saddest thing I’ve ever seen is a friend of mine who had a baby because she thought it was what she wanted.  Then after having him, realized the adjustment to life after baby was bigger than she had anticipated.

She loves the child, but she resents him at the same time. 

So to assuage her guilt, she buys the kid everything under the sun in the hopes that the material possessions she is able to provide him will make up for the fact that on some deep level--one I don’t even think she has admitted to herself--she really didn’t want him to begin with.

That is just sad...there is no other word for it.

If you aren’t sure, then don’t.  The results aren’t pretty.

risatrix
wrote on January 10 2009 @ 12:41 pm:

I’m anti-kid myself, but surrounded by peers having kids.  Not a single tick from my clock, and I don’t think that’s going to change.

When it comes to the pro-kid faction, I remember a story that my fantastic, British, Bhatan-trekkin’ hairdresser once told me. She got at pregnant at 18 (don’t think she meant to), and she said that kids are “born with love, or else you’d kill them.” Meaning that the minute that critter comes out of you, biology ensures that you fall in love with it--it’s that crazy chemical oxycontin, the same one that spikes when you think you’re in love. It’s not even a choice, as far as I can tell.

So basically, whenever any parent, especially a new one, tells me how much they love being a parent, I take it with the same grain of salt I would when someone tells me they’re in love. It’s nice to think that you’ll baby no matter what--but it’s still your choice whether to have one or not, and subject yourself to that obligation.

vanya
wrote on January 10 2009 @ 01:14 pm:

I agree with writergirl.  Honesty with oneself is so very important when it comes to not having, or having, children.  I’ve seen that situation before, and it is sad.  Equally sad is watching your 48-year-old friends send themselves into unimaginable debt to afford multiple rounds of IVF with Donor Eggs because they spent their childbearing years telling themselves they didn’t want children, later to find they really did.

Stephanie
wrote on January 11 2009 @ 01:45 am:

Good conversation. I can only speak to my own situation. I spent my thirties being very unsure about whether or not I wanted a child, but at 39 I was on the subway one day and watched the beautiful interaction between a mother and her child and I thought yeah that is something I want - to be someone’s mom. After one miscarriage, I am so afraid that I may have missed the boat. Most everyone here has talked about realizing that either choice is valid, I just wish in my case that I had done that soul searching a bit earlier.

vanya
wrote on January 11 2009 @ 02:20 am:

@Stephanie - I’m sorry for your loss. I hope that your journey to parenthood is more smooth in the future.  ((hugs))

nicefrenchgurl
wrote on January 11 2009 @ 05:41 pm:

everybody talks about having a baby. ok.
maybe u should ask yourself whether you have the right partner yet
Im turning 39 and havent had a real bf for 8 years. so i guess its too late now. i must confess i grew up with an utterly crazy mother who was absolutely terrified of teenage pregnancy (mine) and locked me up very early on. talk about a great model.
but as far as im a great reliable, available, free babysitter for my friends’ kids, i think i am too lazy to care for a child, wake up at night, feed him at regular times, take him on time to school. not to mention the pregnancy.
i would like to ask all the ladies who share my point: wouldnt you have had a child had you been a man? because i am pretty much sure I would have.
weird isnt it?

Titi
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 03:33 am:

@msnb: I’m a science geek, first and foremost. Chelle does not, in fact, have her head up her ass. It is you that displays ignorance here. Chelle is right, your family is lucky. Your claims, however, are unfounded. Chelle was right in saying that the chances of Down Syndrome increase dramatically with the age of the mother. It’s just science, sister. There’s a ridiculous amount of research and stats to back it up.
I quote msnb..."Believe it or not modern medicine helps women over 30 with pregnancy issues and countless healthy children are born to them.  I know from my own family-children born to over 30 & over 40 moms and thank G-D, no Downs yet.”
This is all entirely false--it’s painfully obvious that you don’t comprehend the nature of this particular disorder. Medicine does NOT help or protect against Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome). It is a genetic mutation (genetics is a subject you might want to read up on--it’s quite interesting). There is nothing you can do to reverse Down Syndrome or even prevent it. You can’t control this mutation any more than you can control your child’s eye color. All the prenatal care in the world wouldn’t change this.
@ Chelle:
You are absolutely correct in saying that the chances of having a child born with Down Syndrome increase immensely with the age of the mother. You weren’t being ageist, just honest. All genetic abnormalities are more likely if the mother is older. Women are born with all the eggs we’ll ever have--we don’t make new ones. Your eggs are as old as you are. The older you are, the older your eggs are, so your eggs have a greater likelihood of having a genetic abnormality (the result of a mutation)the older you get. Down syndrome is the most common cause of mental retardation and malformation in a child. It occurs because of an extra 21st chromosome. This is called a trisomy. The 21st chromosome is the smallest and has the most room for error because of its size.
* Down syndrome occurs in roughly 1 of every 750 births in the United States.
* The risk of having a child with Down syndrome is less than 1 in 2,500 among young women.
* The risk of having a child with Down syndrome increases to roughly 1 in 350 when women reach 35 years of age.
* After age 45, the risk of having a child with Down Syndrome is about 1 in 25.

There, I’ve defended a complete stranger in the name of science.

Chelle
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 07:33 pm:

@Titi-thank you! It’s important that women are educated about this and realize that if they do want to have children, they really shouldn’t wait so long.

scarlett
wrote on January 26 2009 @ 10:19 am:

I would like to set the record straight about complications in pregnancy relating to age and then comment on my own biological clock.

I have been a labor and delivery nurse for several years now.  While it’s true that risk increases with age for various possible complications, Chelle’s warnings are a little strong for what is reality.  30 years of age is rather young and limiting.  Be careful about what you read online!

I work in a high risk birthing center in a large city.  That means, if there is a complication in pregnancy, those women come to us. We also deliver healthy, low-risk patients as well. 

The majority of the patients I deliver are in their early to mid-thirties with an increasing number of women pushing or in their forties. The number of issues I see with these moms are extremely low.  And we see everything!  From those moms with perfect babies to those who decide to keep their baby with a congenital or genetic defect..to those moms coming to us to terminate those imperfect pregnancies. 

It is true that there are risks.  I don’t recommend anyone purposely wait until their forties to have a child.  But I also really wouldn’t suggest cutting off the possibility at 35.  Definitely not at 30.  According to research, the time to really be worried is after 37/38 years of age. 
Of course, the reality is, you can really worry at any age about possible outcomes.  I have delivered DS babies to women in their teens and early 20’s.  On the other hand, my oldest patient was 53 having healthy twins. 

I think my greatest recommendation is this, don’t trust what you read here or anywhere on the internet.  If you put off having kids until you are older, find an awesome high-risk OB/GYN and let them help you with the facts and what current research says. 

On a personal note, I am also 32 and I think that the older I get, the more quiet my biological clock becomes.  I love kids. I surround myself with my nieces and nephews and all of my friends’ babies and I love helping to bring those little newborns into the world at work.

For me, I worry about having a child for many reasons.  First and foremost, I worry about what I see going on in the world around me.  Is it really fair to bring a child into the world when they are predicting horrible environmental disaster (possible even in our life time!)? Not to mention the violent world we live in.  How would I explain to my child that I decided to have them, knowing that there would likely be wars over food and water?

On a more local level, I DO NOT like the way most people are raising their children.  I worry that, try as I might to instill those good old fashioned values of respect, diligence and all the other strong morals and values,it may be a losing battle.
Sure, when they are young it’s easy to teach kids to behave as you like....but I know far too many good parents that have lost their previously good kids to the bad influences of other people’s kids and the media too. 
All this scares me.  Luckily, it scares my husband too.  We are on the same page as far as having kids goes.  Sometimes I really like the idea of having 4 legged furry friends instead.

MorganBard
wrote on February 07 2009 @ 09:43 pm:

@audiosmear and her ilk. 

Wow.  For the love of whatever god or goddess you hold dear, and the sake of any potential children, by all means don’t have kids.

The last thing any kid needs is a whiny, insecure, selfish cow like you to screw them up beyond all human recognition.  Allow me to thank you for not contributing your crappy ass genes and attitudes to the global gene pool.  I mean, hell it needs chlorinating enough already without your questionable contributions.

You just keep on living your selfish vag and bladder saving lifestyle, by all means.  I personally applaud your decision not to litter the human species with your cast-offs.

A hearty, “Thank you!”

Morgan

Sue
wrote on February 08 2009 @ 03:37 am:

Funny how I knew there would be nasty posts filled by mothers filled with vitriol, directed at the author or anyone who agreed with her.  I also knew that the word “selfish” would come up to describe child-free women, when in fact, it is the people such as “Morgan” who are selfish.  Selfish for not respecting other people’s very personal decisions.

What is it to you? Why the extreme reaction? So what if someone doesn’t want kids? How does it hurt you? In fact, it helps you.  People with kids get tax breaks. People without kids pay more taxes, meaning we bear the greater tax burden, even though we use less of the tax-provided services by not having children. The only drawback of not having kids ourselves is the thought of the world being populated by the spawn of people like “Morgan.”

If you were so selfless, you wouldn’t give birth to kids yourself.  You would adopt, rather than contribute to overpopulation. The world has too many unwanted orphans, and that is what is truly sad.

Mackenzie
wrote on February 08 2009 @ 03:45 pm:

Thank you, Sue. I completely agree with the author and with audiosmear and others on the same page. I am 22 and have no interest whatsoever in giving birth to a money-sucking, drooling clinger who will wreck my body and stress me 24/7, but I don’t think that that makes me insecure or selfish. And others have told me that I’m great with kids, but I don’t think that’s a reason to have my own. I do understand and respect women who have babies though--obviously it’s necessary, but I do think it’s a very good thing to do with your life too. Just not for me.
And Morgan, I’d like to suggest that you not have kids either. “For the sake of your potential children” indeed. You are so mean and negative. Do not procreate, please.

scarlett
wrote on February 12 2009 @ 03:33 pm:

Wow! 
I appreciate the respectful and non-presumptuous responses from Sue and Mackenzie and had a good chuckle at the response from Morgan.
Morgan, I fear not for my bladder or my vagina.  As I said before, I am a L&D;nurse and the birthing process is not what worries me about having children.  Generally, those things heal. 
I am not sure what was so threatening to you in my post that resulted in such a venomous response.  Reality? Actually thinking about having children instead of just mindlessly having them?
Anyway, I agree with you Mackenzie, more than anything I respect those who have children and those who choose not to have children, whatever their reasons may be. 
Sue, you are right! I think there may be many benefits to having children that go far beyond tax-breaks.  If I choose not to have kids, I may not get to reap those ‘rewards’ but I know that my life will be meaningful and rewarding either way as I hope it would be for any woman with children or without.