Girl Talk: We’re Moving In Together—After Three Months
Posted by: Jessica Wakeman
Filed in:
relationships
11:00AM, Monday June 29th 2009
Gollum slithered around the picnic tables in a bald wig and a loincloth. Bilbo Baggins manned the barbecue. An elf with pointy ears asked if we had any veggie burgers.
My boyfriend, David, and I had not come dressed for the “Lord Of The Rings” theme for his family’s annual group vacation with their friends. But costumed or not, I knew I’d be under scrutiny: I’m the first woman he’d brought along to introduce to everybody in his 26 years of attending.
As Gollum lumbered by towards the card table full of key lime pies and cookie burgers, I turned to David and grinned. “Real love,” I said, “is spending the weekend with your parents and their friends when everyone is dressed like Hobbits.” He grinned back and we kissed.
Forty-eight hours later, David and I decided that we would move in together, waking up next to each other every morning and falling asleep together every night. Beginning our lives together this way felt like the right thing to do.
But did I mention we’ve only been dating for two months?
David and I didn’t intend to move in with each other less than three months before we met. In fact, when we first had a conversation about moving in together, he said he thought it had been “too soon” to move in with his ex after nine months and that maybe he and I should wait a year. I’ve never lived with a partner before, I trusted he knew what he was talking about, and so I readily agreed.
Really, I’d wait close to forever for David: meeting him has been the blessing of a lifetime. David sees me for exactly who I am and loves me completely. He doesn’t care that I suffer from depression. He doesn’t care about the drug and alcohol addiction speckled through my family. He doesn’t care that I need lots of time alone for my writing. I just make him very, very happy, despite what other people might see as “flaws.” And I feel the same way about him. Truly, neither of us knew what “finding the one” felt like—if it even existed!—until it actually happened to us. So I was not surprised when, after dating for only three weeks, David hugged me and said, “We’re going to get married.” I grinned and nodded. I’d already been imagining myself chasing a little baby, with Asian features like his, around a house.
As we’ve fallen deeper and deeper in love with each other, waiting a year to move in felt really far off. Hell, six months felt really far off. As recently as this past weekend, we’d talked about moving in together in October or November. David is temporarily living in Philadelphia this summer for his job, but we thought we’d find ourselves an apartment as he settled himself back up here in NYC.
Then, last night, my landlord threw me a curveball: he announced that my roommate and I had to move out of our apartment by August 1. Yeah, that’s right. I have to move out in a month.
My first inclination was to move back home to Connecticut with my parents. Why bother with a sublet if I’ll just move out in a few months anyway?
But meanwhile, David’s best friend, who lives just outside the city in New Jersey, called him up to say that David is welcome to move into his spare bedroom for $450 when his temporary program in Philly ends in August. What a coincidence, right?
“Well, actually,” David told him, “Jessie’s landlord asked her to move out in a month. So maybe she could move into your spare bedroom on August 1st and I’ll move in when my program in Philly ends a month later.”
The best friend said yes, of course. So I went from moving back in with my parents to moving in with my boyfriend in a few hours’ time.
But it’s not a decision we’re making lightly. Our hearts are telling both of us that moving in together is the right thing to do, but the quickness with which it’s happening has an “unplanned pregnancy” feeling to it. It’s happening so fast and that’s just a little bit of a mindf**k. It’s one thing to discuss about “off in the distance” things—our future baby names, where we’d like to go on vacation, or what kind of ring I’d like when he proposes—but it’s another to take a Big Relationship Step before Mad Men season three even airs. We feel ready for this, but are we ready for this? We know the allure of paying only $300 each for rent is not a good reason to move in together.
But we talked this through for a long time last night, and a long time this morning, too. We know that each day that we spend together proves we are more and more right for each other. Both of our families have told us we each have definitely found “the one.” We want to get married. We want to have children together. I want to grow old with a man who once said to me, “I’m just thinking about how beautiful you’re going to be when you’re 65.”
So we’re going to do it. We’re going to move in together after dating for three months.
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Riley
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]
Good luck!
It was weird for me, I was in the position of the best friend in your story. I ended up moving out. Felt like I was the constant third-wheel, even when I was just trying to be by myself.
jojo32
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
Oh how I would do the same thing if only my boyfriend and I didnt each have a child of our own. That makes it a little harder to make the decision. We both want to, but with 2 kids to consider…
*sigh*
SEMI-girl
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 11:23 am: [report]
I’m moving in with my boyfriend after 8 months, and we were seriously discussing it by 2. It feels totally right but is still completely terrifying, since we’re not only dealing with shared space but shared finances. I finally moved into my own apartment a year ago after years and years of fantasizing about what it would be like and how I’d decorate. This time, I’m flying by the seat of my pants, but because we’re doing it together I know we’ll figure everything out!
RoxyGirl
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]
My boyfriend and I moved in together after only 4 months of being together, and if anything our relationship got better! Like you, we were also talking about moving in after being together only a couple of weeks! When you know, you know! There’s no textbook rule that tells you what is the right time for certain things. And most importantly: don’t listen to anybody’s negative comments about it; they don’t live your life!
becktasm
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]
I moved in with my boyfriend after three months as well, and things are just peachy. It’s work, for sure, and our different levels of tidiness do sometimes clash, but honestly, it’s wonderful. Waking up next to him every morning is bliss, and I smile from ear to ear every time I refer to our apartment together as “home.” Like RoxyGirl said, there’s no rule. Just do what makes you happy.
mikeyellenlee
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 12:16 pm: [report]
My boyfriend and I just had our 1 month yesterday, and we’re moving in together. We spend each night and all of our time together anyway, and it just works. Good luck to you
joyy
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 12:41 pm: [report]
Here’s the only piece of advice I got when I moved in with my bf (alongside LOTS of eyerolling, nasty looks, and judgement) because it happened to be great: don’t be financially independent on each other.
I didn’t move in with my bf until after 1.5 years, so a lot of these stories seem um, kind of crazy to me. But I’m not any of you. So do what works for you, just make sure you keep all that other boring but totally important real-life stuff straight along the way.
juliePS
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]
well, um, good luck!
avalari
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 12:49 pm: [report]
My boyfriend practically moved in after a month and a half due to his broken A/C system. We are at three months tomorrow. He’ll move back out next month but I’ll be moving in with him in November, when my lease is up. Is it too soon? Maybe. I love waking up to him but I feel like we’ve skipped a HUGE part of our relationship and now we’re already acting like a married couple and the whole dating thing and reaallly getting to know each other (like when all the little things that I used to think were cute aren’t cute anymore, that doesn’t happen until at least 8 months to a year) parts were skipped. Maybe I’m just cynical. A pile of failed live-in relationships to his never having lived with a girl makes me less optimistic about it than him. He keeps telling me if I wasn’t the “one” he would know by now. But honestly, how can you know the rest of your life for sure after only 3 months?
Jessica Wakeman
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 12:52 pm: [report]
The cool thing about moving in together at this particular apartment in NJ is that it will actually help my boyfriend and I be MORE financially independent than we otherwise would be. The rent is so inexpensive that we’ll both be able to save up a lot of money. Whether we use it for ourselves (like me going to grad school) or for our relationship (perhaps buying our own place someday) I don’t know, but I am happy that this place is so cheap that we’ll be able to actually SAVE money.
jimnist10
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 01:00 pm: [report]
If it works for you it works for you! When my bf finally moves back to NYC from Germany (which he’s doing basically for me), we’re moving in together. We’ve only been dating since February. I’ve dated guys for years and we (he) never wanted to “take that next step”. People are so hung up on a proper time line with relationships, and for the most part, relationships do go according to that time frame. Meet, say “I love you” at between months 3-6, move in around the year to year and a half mark, get engaged around 2 or 2.5 years,....I understand why people are cynical about something that seems to move “so fast”, but there’s no point in waiting if you both know it’s just “right”. Ususally, when you overthink, it just messes everything up. Good luck!
bogart4017
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 01:15 pm: [report]
If you both want it i say go for it. My wife and i moved in together after 2 months. 22 years later and we’re still hanging in there!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 01:35 pm: [report]
@Jessica Wakeman: The Jerz is so awesome like that. Welcome neighbor.
sarahprotzman
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]
To each his own, but I recently read a very compelling chapter in a book called, “Why Hasn’t He Proposed?” about the perils of living together before marriage, and it’s backed up by hard data. (Yucky/desperate-sounding title, I know, but you can find most of the chapter on Amazon.) I am totally in love with my boyfriend, but shacking up’s not for me.
IrinaGonzalez
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 02:06 pm: [report]
@sarahprotzman of course, that book assumes that you WANT to get married.. I know just as many friends (male and female) that dont’ want to ever get married with as many that do.. but all of them want a loving, life-long partner.
Anyways, my 2 cents on this is that do what makes you happy. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, and that would s*ck and all, but if it DOES work out, you’ll never live to regret it. I don’t really think that moving in together TOO SOON can damage the relationship if both of you are completely ready for that next step.
As for me, my boyfriend’s been practically living with me for a year (meaning he sleeps over 99% of the time, sometimes not going back to his place for like a month) and we’re nearing out 1.5yr anniversary. And yet we’ve never said “I love you”... so, as far as I’m concerned, “timelines” just don’t work for some people!
mlyway
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 02:15 pm: [report]
I know I am still young (18) but I really enjoy the times when I spend the weekend at my boyfriend’s apartment, or even a week..but then I go back to my place. I feel like there is more lust and desire when you can’t always be together. Plus my boyfriend is 6 years older, so he is very independent and I don’t want to be dependent on anyone. It is sort of similar to long-distance relationships. In order to have a successful long-distance relationship, both people need to be independent and solid for each other so that when you are together again, the love, etc is still there. But moving in so soon (if ever) works for many people. Good luck!
ExGirlfriend
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 02:15 pm: [report]
my boyfriend and I moved in together after dating a month, mainly due to the fact I was still living with an insane exboyfriend. 7 and a half years later we’re still together, so I guess moving in together wasn’t such a bad thing.
sarahprotzman
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]
@MagickGoddess, it definitely does. For those who do, I certainly don’t like the idea that some women choose not to live with their partner as a way to finagle their way into a ring!
Tango
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 02:28 pm: [report]
My husband and I moved intogether a 3 months after meeting, and we got married 1.5 years after meeting. Our families were not too keen on the idea and very unsupportive, but he is the most amazing person I have ever met. His name is also David btw, maybe it’s all in the name? But whatever, when you know, you know.
loveitlala
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 06:20 pm: [report]
Yay you are in LOVE! I moved in with someone after two months too. We lived together for a bit over a year, but in the end it didn’t work out. Have fun, I don’t regret the experience and the excitement is great!
sarah102605
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 07:38 pm: [report]
I moved in with my bf after only 3 months and now we will be celebrating our 4 year ann. this year if it feels right and you truely know its love go for it I did.
karumble
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 07:58 pm: [report]
My advice to you is to always have an out. Enjoy the experience, but always have a backup plan. Not only is it just smart, but you can also relax a little knowing that you’re not stuck in a situation you might find you don’t want to be in. But definitely enjoy it.
hereshestands
wrote on June 29 2009 @ 11:50 pm: [report]
Awww yay! Good luck. (=
MrsPRMom
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 03:43 am: [report]
I agree with most of the writers here…if you know in your gut, go with it! My husband (once upon a time bf) move in together after only two months. It felt right to the both of us, and nine months after that we were married! We now have a son and a wonderful life together and are looking towards three years of marriage this year! Only you know your own heart, and if it is telling you to take that leap..do it!
betty123
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 08:11 am: [report]
I could see moving in that quickly when you are older but you look pretty young. Since you are mentioning grad school i will assume you are around 22? At that age I feel it is too young to move in with someone you have only known for 3 months. You have your whole life ahead of you and this is the time to make decisions for you and only you. And at a young age like that that there is really no rush for cohabitation. If you end up married forever, you won’t regret the time that you waited to move in together because you have your whole lives. However, if you end up breaking up, you most likely will look back in regret the experiences you missed out on because you moved in so soon. As much as anyone can say “when you know you know” that is a load of crap, because you never know. And how many people “know” thinking the other person “knows” only to be dumped unexpectedly on their ass. And the things that you “know” that you want in your early 20’s are almost always different than what you want in your 30’s or even late 20’s. I also agree with the person that said that you are skipping over a lot of the good things about the beginning of a relationship by moving in so quickly. Not to put a damper on what i am sure is true love, it is scientifically proven that in the beginning stages of a relationsip the brain reacts in much the same way as a drug addiction. That wears off eventually. I am assuming that at 3 months that initial addiction is still kicking. Maybe it sounds a little pessamistic but with the love fest going on in this string of comments, I thought I would throw the other side in.
Symian
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 08:17 am: [report]
I wish I could be more carefree and move in with my guy, but being single for so long with my little one I can’t imagine living with him because I’m very territorial. We’ve been dating for a year and I’ve only managed to stay for breakfast twice. I’d rather be in my own place where everything is how I like it and I don’t have to compromise anything. I think he’s more the type to want to move in together and get married eventually, but I’m content to date him forever and go home in the morning to my own little world.
Good Luck to you and anyone who is able to share their home life with another, I hear it can be very fulfilling.
joyy
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 08:23 am: [report]
@betty - I agree completely. I would have said as much, but every time I tried to type it out, it just sounded super bitchy, which is not what I was going for and would have just worked against the point anyway. Also, I am a very big believer in being honest with ourselves about how much things will change over time, and I’m glad to see someone else pointing it out too as people don’t like to believe it. Managing expectations can do worlds of good for stress levels.
I don’t think, however, that if this goes sour she’ll regret the experiences she missed out on - living with someone can teach you a lot about yourself and grow a really great experience, even if it doesn’t last forever. And as you pointed out, she’s still pretty young. I think the more risky part is the mixing of things and how that glue is pretty hard to undo, keeping a lot of people in bad relationships longer than they ought to be - especially if they’ve become financially dependent on the situation, which she will hopefully, wisely, continue to avoid.
Jessica Wakeman
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 08:33 am: [report]
@betty123 I am 25 and he is 26. Young-ish, I guess, but believe me, we’ve both been around the block enough times.
Miss.LalaLydia
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 08:44 am: [report]
Personally I’ve not lived with a bf yet- but I thought you might enjoy watching this :http://current.com/items/90217102_should-you-live-with-your-girlfriend.htm Please bear in mind it’s only a joke and good luck
kmatter
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 11:53 am: [report]
wow…betty123 sounds a little mean >_> while what she said was true. mean lol
my bf and i have been dating for 2 years… and i would feel totally comfortable with living with him, and he would with me, and that was the plan about 3 months ago… before i wrecked my car :-( bummer. so now we’re back at square one with me being broke, and needing a car. where as before it would have been easier because neither of us wants to completely support the other. oh well…
sparklestar
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 01:08 pm: [report]
I have all you ladies beat… I asked my man to move in with me after just 3 WEEKS.
In my defence:
I may have needed to move 60 miles away from him for uni and he was going to have to move back to his parents house as he’d just graduated !
Also: we’d been good friends for over 2.5yrs. Getting together officially just made /sense/.
18 months later and we are still living in (un) married bliss and saving for our first house!
good luck! moving in highlights whether or not he wants a WIFE or a MOTHER. something best determined prior to marriage.
sparklestar
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]
Oh wait ... You’re all moving in with the best friend?! That is a whole world of noo!! Roomies generally stand in the way of things like sex, quiet meals and time alone together.
You should wait and get your OWN place. For reals. This would be hell.
bethylane
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]
@karumble, I agree completely: have a back-up plan. Jessica, I’m happy for you and I hope everything works out. From what you’ve posted, the communication seems great and my thoughts are with you! It should be an adventure, and hopefully a sweet one.
I have to put in my two-cents, though. I know you’re in love and feel amazing, but please do not be blinded by this. Always set aside a part of yourself to be prepared in case it doesn’t work out. DO NOT EVER think, “That’s impossible—it has to work out; look at us!”
I moved in with a bf after ~3 months, and it was fine at first but ended up driving me up the wall. I definitely hope this does not happen with you. He was a little batty to begin with and we didn’t think the decision through—it was more out of convenience that we moved in together (living with his friends) and I should have given it a LOT more thought beforehand.
I got stuck. I didn’t have the money to move out so despite our arguing and the general deterioration of our relationship, we weren’t able to live separately so the relationship kept going awkwardly. Eventually I got my own place, but whooo boy. It was terrible.
Again, I do wish you the best and am not trying to be Debbie Downer, but like karumble said above: have a back-up plan, Just In Case. Even if you think that day will never come (and let’s hope it doesn’t), have a plan anyway.
Best of luck to you dear, seriously! Remember that communication is SO important, especially under 1 roof.
MochaMama42
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 02:13 pm: [report]
I say, ” Go for it”. The stars definitely seemed lined up for the two of you.
Congrats.
I Go To 11
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]
Each relationship is different, so what works for one doesn’t work for another, etc. My ex and I were engaged after knowing each other for 1 week and got married 9 weeks later, which, it turns out, was NOT the best idea. (I was also 19 and incredibly naive—no, I wasn’t pregnant at the time, either, which is what my family thought when we first announced our plans.) I’ll skip the very long story and just say that it ended badly.
However, with my current relationship, we moved in together after 1 year. We got engaged about 6 months later; we had been discussing marriage for awhile and knew that it was more a matter of “when” than anything else. I’ll just say that when it’s right, you just know, so if that’s what you’re feeling then go with it.
nakedsushi
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 01:40 am: [report]
I’m a very strong believer in the fact that every relationship is unique and what works for one couple doesn’t necessarily work for another.
My boyfriend is my soulmate, I know that for a fact. We’ve been together for a year and a half. I’ve always thought that I would want to move in with ‘the one’ before getting married, but I have realized that I absolutely do not want that. BUT that’s just my opinion, because of various personal reasons… No relationship should be forced to correspond with a certain timeline just for the sake of it. I think it puts way too much unnecessary pressure on a relationship.
Jessica, I am so excited for you! Enjoy every second of this experience!
I agree with you - when you know, you know.
I absolutely despise older people telling ‘younger’ people that they are too young to make decisions and that their mind will change as they get older. To me it’s exactly the same situation as above - some of us already know what we want even though we are young! Every person is unique and I think it is so disrespectful to judge someone’s decisions based on their age!
I am currently studying at university, and my boyfriend and I plan on getting engaged sometime after I’ve finished, meaning between the age of 21-23… Now, I understand that many people considered a very young age, however, for me it is perfect.
Haha, just throwing in my two cents here. This is a very interesting discussion!
Jessica Wakeman
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 07:30 am: [report]
Thanks for all the well wishes, everyone. We’re both really thrilled to move in together. With all the happy endings we have, it’s a big old lovefest up here.
Emasaurus
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 02:48 pm: [report]
I know exactly the feeling your describing. I met ‘the one’ and it was love at first sight. we moved in together from day 1 practically. 2 years later, we’re going strong. if things don’t work out its got naff all to do with living together, they were there anyway.
I say go for it, it may not always be easy but that feeling of waking up next to the man you love is truly amazing. enjoy!
hazeleyed
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 01:21 am: [report]
Kudos for everyone who “just knows” and it actually works out, but hasn’t everyone known a few people who “just knew” and it didn’t work? No one should move in with someone because it’s cheap or convenient or the lease is up. If it’s really right it’ll still be right in a few years.
It seems that most of the people commenting have been with their SO for about 2 years, and couples get divorced after a decade or two. My ex boyfriend (we dated 2 years) was convinced we’d get married. Of course everything feels perfect in the beginning of the relationship- you can’t know enough about each other.
Take Amelia: 5 years, was it? Engaged with a dog and apartment and everything. Now she’s back to square one. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and we’ve never lived together. Then again this is what feels right for us. I don’t want to be “that girl” who goes on and on about how she’s going to marry her boyfriend only to break up later- I’ve known way too many of them.
MrsPRMom
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 03:58 am: [report]
I have been reading over the post after mine was made and I would just like to say a few things. First off, there is ALOT of good advice here. All of us have had a wide range of experience and that goes hand in hand with out wide range of thought on this subject matter.
But I would like to give a different angle for you to look at.
Some people do not have the luxury to wait two or three (if not more) years to see if the relationship will work out. Where the idea of taking it slow is not possible. My husband and I are both in the military, if things had not moved at the pace that they did there is a very good chance we would not have gotten married. I was due to move to the other side of the world in less than two years from the time we met. But fate was with us and it all fell into place. What I’m saying here is sometimes you can’t/don’t have all the time in the world. To think that you always have tomorrow is cocky and foolhardy. I say trust your gut. I don’t really believe in playing it safe when it comes to love or life for that matter, because everything in life is a gamble. If it all falls apart, then you walk away a wiser woman. But if it works, well my dears, there is nothing better than that.In ten years do you want to look back and be glad you took the risk or look back and kick yourself in the but for not taking a chance?
But I agree that you have to cover your a$$ too, keep some money aside in case things don’t work out…your best friend and parents on speed dial and such.
Ok, that’s it. Bring on the criticism! Or kudos work too.
sparkle05
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 10:19 am: [report]
I was also afraid of what people would think of me moving in with my boyfriend of 9 months back in 2005. At the time, my family was driving me insane. I didn’t identify with them at all. My life choices were let’s just say much better. Funny thing is, my bf’s mom accepted it. Granted the first year of living together was the toughest, but I survived. Now after almost 5 years of being together we are engaged as of last month. I couldn’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else.
LostInStars
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 11:28 am: [report]
Jessica, our similarities continue! I too moved in with my boyfriend after dating for three months. We’ve been dating for almost a year now, and it’s been bliss. When we’re together, it’s still happiness all around, not too much fighting, we work well together as a faux-married couple. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Be happy, be cautious, have fun! :D
Kia
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 12:09 pm: [report]
My husband and I moved in together after only dating for 3 months, then he proposed 3 months after that. I was the one that suggested we be engaged for at least a year before we got married. We were married in May and all is well. I say go for it and you know what, if it doesn’t work out at least you tried it and can learn from it. Just make sure both of you have realistic expectations and be open to discussion if there are any problems or issues. Communication is so important. Good luck!
eintkilfs
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 05:08 pm: [report]
Falling in love and hitting it off can happen very quickly. It takes time to really get to know someone, though. Perhaps the main risk of moving in together “too soon” is simply that it creates a huge practical barrier to leaving a relationship which turns out to not be working as well as you had hoped it might. Your essay mentions what a big factor things like leases and rent savings play in such decisions. Anyway, you’ve already decided to do it - so best wishes for happiness for you.
You might consider the suggestion that the two of you keep your moneys separate - at least for a while. Negotiate how the two of you will share the expenses of your home, and each of you contribute your share into a common expenses account (formal or informal), then pay all the expenses from that account. At least the mere process of negotiating and discussing and things like your attitudes and beliefs about money will help you get to really know each other better, sooner.
Thanks for a great essay. Good luck!
mysterious
wrote on July 4 2009 @ 10:24 pm: [report]
Granted I have never lived with a boyfriend and really would not want to but I wanted to share something. Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine living with a man. But I had this one guy who was homeless and one of my people so I took him in. Why? Because I wanted the experience. I like trying new things and seeing how I react to those new things. Really this man is the best candidate to have as a roommate. We are not dating, we are not even in a friends with benefit state, and he will be moving out soon. We have no feelings for each other other than friendship.
I am not going to lie. I am looking forward to having him leave which is this coming Monday. I am grateful for the experience of living with my friend but would I be thrilled to do it again? No. But neverthless it was nice to have someone to come home to, someone to talk to and do things with. But to everything is postiive and negative. Granted my experience is different compared to yours, I still understand why you are doing it. For experience, to try new things, and to see if you would like it or not. Living with this man taught me if I ever have a boyfriend I would want us to marry before moving in together. To me, it was not worth it but still grateful for the experience.
Sanveann
wrote on July 5 2009 @ 11:44 am: [report]
Sometimes you really do “just know.” My husband and I were engaged after four and a half months and bought a house together after six months. My co-workers (and maybe some of my friends, but they stayed quiet) were flipping out! In retrospect, it maybe wasn’t a brilliant move, but it worked for us
We’ve now been married almost six years and have two little boys. He’s a fabulous husband and father, and I wouldn’t change a thing!
Meow?
wrote on July 6 2009 @ 07:20 pm: [report]
My boyfriend and I have been together now for 3 months and been living together for a little over two months. Things progressed crazy fast. It feels like we have been together alot longer. His friend recently moved in with us. It’s going well so far. I wish ya luck!
wiserpces
wrote on July 6 2009 @ 11:02 pm: [report]
Hi..well my heart goes out to this young lady and the decision she has to make. I met a young man at the age of 16, he was 20. We went on one date and knew we belonged together. For those out there that say you dont know, you obviously havent found that feeling yet in your life. For those who were hurt. It just wasnt meant to be and you learned from this. After one date we decided to be girlfriend/boyfriend. After one month, my parents dumped on me that we were moving two provinces away. I did everything I could to get my parent to let me stay in the province we were from. They finally said yes, and last minute told me no. I was devistated. My boyfriend drove and had his own vehicle so he offered to help my family move. He did and never left till 3 months later and took me with him. I then had to live with him and his parents and family and i dont regret one day of my life and the choices I made. We married at age 23/27, had 6 beautiful children together and our lives ended in the loss of his life to a heart condition we didnt know he had 24 yrs later. God knows the direction he has planned for our lives. Some get it sooner than others and some fight the most important thing that could happen in there lives.Some have to wait and its all ok….Life is fragile, its not to be gambled with. And yes sometimes we take chances we regret, but they’re lifes lessons…I have no idea where my life would have gone if I hadnt stayed with my soul mate. But theres one thing I will never do and thats look back at things I might have missed out on….I had the time of my life and wish I could have had 25 more years of life with my husband but thats not Gods plan. Life is too short to worry about tomorrow, to worry about what society thinks is right and wrong. Ive come to learn you have to do whats right for you…no one else is responsible for your happiness but YOU! I just hope your family will support you no matter what….thats the most important blessing of all. Your a young adult your not a teenager and life does change. Timing is everything. All the best to both of you. Just never stop communicating and remember there is nothing in your lives that you cant work out when love is front and center.
ktblueyz
wrote on July 13 2009 @ 10:41 am: [report]
sounds like you have already made up your mind but based on my experiences, that would scare the crap out of me if a guy was talking like that after a few weeks. Major red flag! But I guess every situation is different and there are always those stories about people who worked out after diving in head first like that…. but if you were a close friend of mine I would say that if its really that great then why rush it? “Convenience” and “love” believe it or not, should not be why anyone moves in together. Those are both irrational. Anyways I could go on and on listing all the reasons why this just sounds not right to me but from personal experience I would just suggest to wait till youve been together for a year. Good luck!
SarahDarah
wrote on July 15 2009 @ 09:27 am: [report]
@MrsPRMom - I completely agree with you there. I have moved in with a man before when I was ony 19/20 years old and I learned my lesson- luckily I had my family and friends to back me up and get me through it. But just because it doesn’t work for some people doesn’t mean it won’t for others, and vice versa. I can agree with all the advice on here, but I thought what you said was so true. You never know what’s going to happen tomorrow, or next month, or years from now. Today is all we have, and even that can be taken away.
Jessica- I’m so happy for you! I’m in the same boat. Been dating an amazing man for almost 4 months now. We spend most nights together, and have been talking about living together within the next month or two. Within dating for a month he told me that he knew the moment he saw me, he wants to marry me, how he will ask me in a couple of years, and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. It’s such a great feeling! I’m up on that super-mooshy love cloud too lol
I’m a full time college student at 25 (yes, took some time off before returning to school to work and help support my sisters & mom), so having my own place isn’t really an option. I don’t have to have a place at all- I’m currently lucky enough to have a mom who supports my going to school since I took the time to help her out when she needed it. However, being in school it’s hard for me to balance it all and find the time for my man between family, school and work. Timing and needing to depend on someone financially has nothing to do with it- I plan to contribute too- but I have plenty of people telling me that it’s too soon, and I should let him get a place and just go over all the time. I don’t agree with that either, it’s like saying “You can pay all the rent and cost to live there and I’ll just come over when I feel like it, pretty much every single night, and live with you for free.”
I say go for it if that’s what your heart tells you to do. Only you will know what’s right for you at any given time or moment, and it’s important to take advantage of the time you do have. Besides, nothing is ever permanent until your dead, so if it doesn’t work out, you learned your lesson and can move on and grow from it.
neskey
wrote on July 21 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]
I started dating this amazing guy in July and by September we had found an apartment and were living together! In February he bought a ring, in April he proposed! We took our time before the wedding, however, and were married two years later.
That was five years ago, and we have been happily married for two years. Most of our friends thought we were moving too fast (and many asumed we were pregnant!) but I wouldn’t change any part of what happened. We just knew that we were supposed to be together. After our first date, he told his friends he was going to marry me and I couldn’t picture my life without him in it.
Sometimes you just know!
wonderfultonight
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 04:24 pm: [report]
I wish you all the best, Jessica. I have never lived with a bf because my job requires me to travel and often spend weeks or even months on an assignment. I was in a serious year-long relationship that ended because of my being sent 2000 miles away for a 6 month job, which ended up being longer.
AS it turned out for me, this worked out just fine -after some very down weeks for me - since I met a man 15 years older than I was (at the time I was 26) and we ended up in a realy hot relationship that taught me a lot about myself and other things as well…:).
If you both feel it is right, go ahead. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. Half of all mariages don’t last, either. And the consequences, if there are children, especially, are far worse than breaking up with a bf - though I’m not discounting the emotional pain from that. either. If it doesn’t work out, don’t regret that you did it. You will learn a lot about yourself and what it’s like to actually live with someone. Wise advice, though, about having a back-up plan financially.
abestest25
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 01:10 am: [report]
Well, me and my boyfriend met online. we talked for a week every night on the phone, and we both knew we wanted to get married before we even saw each other. Since our first day in May 2008, we have haven’t spent a day away from each other and couldn’t be happier. I started to staying with him after our third date and basically moved in. And he was totally fine with that. He wanted me to! We decided to buy a house and move in together so it could be “our” house. We didn’t it because it just felt natural. We wouldn’t have it any other way!
shawbrooke
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 12:00 pm: [report]
I’ve been adult for a very long time and I agree that the length of time that you know someone doesn’t matter. What does matter is how well you really know him about the BIG THINGS. Plus, are you attracted to him physically, emotionally, is there a connection.
Are you sure that you’re on the same page when it comes to expectations? Are you both “heading toward marriage” but his game plan is that you’re the one unless he meets someone he loves in the next 5 or 6 years? Have you met his friends and family, and if not, why not? If you’re comfortable being his little secret, that’s up to you. Has he been upfront about health and financial issues, or are these the reasons you haven’t met family/friends? If he’s already moved in without a concrete decision to do so, is that how you will be treated for the rest of the relationship - he acts and you make his action into a decision that you never really made? That gets old.
How to run the relationship should be one of the first things that a couple works on together, so if moving in is a must for him, what other bottom lines does he have, and does he realize whether or not it is a big issue for you? Or must he get his way on everything BIG to you/the relationship and then give you something small in compensation (we’ll move in (big to you) but you get to choose the apartment (a more easily changed decision)?
If you want marriage, decades of consistent statistics show that the best chance for a marriage is when you don’t move in together until there is a ring and a date within the next year, or better yet until you’re married. Who wants to set things up that might compromise the marriage and why? He made up his mind in Grade 7? Grandma blames her failed marriage on her theory that living together would have been better? What else is lurking from Grade 7 or Grandma?
I won’t bore you with the many scary stories, and I totally agree with the comments about having a back up plan ready, in all circumstances.
It’s certain that we’ll each do what we want.My point is that it is expensive emotionally, financially and socially when we shut our eyes too soon. Each of us decides when to close our eyes and jump in. Wow, this got wordy, must go!