Girl Talk: I’m Just Not That Into Anyone Anymore
Posted by: Leonora Epstein
Filed in:
relationships
9:00AM, Thursday August 13th 2009
A year ago, my average week was something like a “Sex and The City” episode. Maybe it wasn’t that funny, maybe my clothes weren’t that fabulous, and maybe there weren’t that many hot-yet-problematic men, but there were guys, quite a few of them. I’d never had a boyfriend in high school. Then I went to an all-women’s college. In my senior year, I was in a serious relationship. When that didn’t work out, I found a Pandora’s Box of pleasures in the City.
It wasn’t exactly easy to meet a guy of substance, but it was relatively simple to get a date. All you had to do was poke around online, ask a friend to set you up, demand contact info of the guy you talked to at a party. Dating culture became intertwined with what I imagined to be the “New York lifestyle” of twenty-something working girls. At a certain point, I took it upon myself to look at dating as part of my job. If I was going to work in the media and writing about relationships—and myself in them—I might as well play the part and score the experience.
My week’s schedule was obsessively booked. At least one date a week. On a good week, two dates. On other nights, I was networking or out with my girlfriends, but my secret intention was finding my next rendezvous.
Most of the dates were bad, many epically so. Mostly, they were completely mediocre: guys who were cocky, guys who didn’t talk, guys who had boring jobs and lives, guys who talked about other girls. No matter, I thought. It would all be “practice dating,” so I would be completely confident in my choice when someone of quality came around. As for those “quality” types, there were a few false alarms: the ones who, after four dates, I would tell my friends that we were on the road to girlfriend-boyfrienddom. No. Not even close.
Some time around January, I stopped. Not cold turkey, but I slowed things down a lot. As if not wanting to admit to myself that I wasn’t made out to be a “dater,” I told myself that this slow period was about becoming more “selective.” Then, selectivity gave way to jadedness, where I’d laugh at most online profiles and think every guy at a party or bar was absolutely a douchebag.
After my “I need male attention” desire subsided, I realized how different things were. I couldn’t tell if they were better, but I had way more time to myself. I drank less and began to get really comfortable—for the first time ever—with being alone. Not “alone” in the sense of being single, but spending less time around other people. Once I left my office job, and became a work-at-home freelance writer, I was astounded. It was incredible! I could go for two days, sometimes more, without seeing anyone—guys or friends.
Now, I’m starting to realize how my comfort with being alone can become, well, dangerous if I let things go for too long without going out or catching up with a friend. But, for the most part, I can’t be dragged to any kind of evident singles event or bar with a hookup scene. Every day, I receive a dozen or so emails from the dating websites that I’m a member of. “He’s waiting for you in Manhattan!” “MrHotStuff345 Just Winked At You!” “Leonora, Your New Matches For New York City!” scream the headlines. Delete, delete, delete. Go. Away. I don’t even want to unsubscribe because that would mean I’d have to log-in, and who knows how that would make me feel.
Sometimes, though, I do start to wonder: Does this mean I’m depressed? Lack of romantic interest is a prime symptom, you know.
Whatever, I think. Things will turn around. For now, I’m going to take myself to a movie and eat dinner alone, thank you very much.
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
xifeng882
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 08:19 am: [report]
I’m starting to feel like this is a side effect of going to a woman’s college. After 4 years of not dealing with guys we’ve stopped caring. Of all my friends who came out of a Mount Holyoke not one of us cares in the slightest. I think most of us would just rather sleep…
H. Blue
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 08:22 am: [report]
I seem to be in a similar situation that you are in.. except that I dated a couple guys for 4-5 months, was really into them, never was introduced to their friends (or vice versa, so no overtures about gf/bf-dom were mentioned to anyone) and then was unceremoniously dumped.
And now I’m sort of afraid to date anyone because I don’t want to be hurt again, but I peruse (dating sites) and sometimes start up a correspondence, but I dismiss myself before anyone else has a chance to.
I’m getting good at being alone. (sort of) I do my own thing. I work a full time job. I go to the gym almost every day. I’m applying to grad school. I attend happy hours and try to meet new people. I even just went on a vacation by myself. But as good as I’m becoming at being alone, I really don’t want to be alone. And I feel alone.
I would love my friends to drag me to some singles thing.. but they’re all married. So I kind of envy you in several respects. lol I wish I were as comfortable in my alone-ness as you. You go girl. Do your thing. Your awareness probably means you’re not depressed, just in a phase, and it’ll change too. Own it. Be who you are, and do what you want.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 08:26 am: [report]
Welcome to my world.
Abandon all hope ye who enter here.
bjoontheupside
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 08:35 am: [report]
I actually miss being on my own. Similar to your situation, the men I seem to date are always wrong for me. I’m dating someone currently and it’s not going very well. I’d end it, but sadly we are living together and it’s a little complicated at the moment, but I know I do much better on my own than when I’m in a relationship. I’m much more focused on finding out who I am and what I want and I tend to take better care of myself. It’s kind of selfish I guess, but it’s not like it hurts anybody and I think we all need to be a little selfish at times otherwise we’ll never be happy. Not really anyway…
lawyrgrl
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 08:39 am: [report]
I always secretly wondered if there was something wrong with me that I was like this. It is good to hear from someone else that likes being alone. When I was single I could go for days without communicating with a singe soul. When I got married it was a real adjustment! I share a house now with my boyfriend and love spending time with him. I am also very social and enjoy spending time with friends. However, if I don’t have a decent amount of time alone I get really grumpy. Often I will stay up into the small hours of the morning just to have quiet time for me.
Riley
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 08:52 am: [report]
When you stop dating like it is a job I think you’ll have better luck. I’ve only been on dates with three women this year, the third is currently on-going, don’t date just to do it. I think it is more of a bad sign to constantly need that romantic involvment, whether it is real or perceived, than to be content being alone. Not permanently alone, but you should at least be comfortable without company on a semi-regular basis.
I live by myself and am purchasing a house by myself, alone time is awesome.
BlueVibe
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 09:00 am: [report]
lawyrgrl—you’re just an introvert! Nothing wrong with you at all.
I have a boyfriend, but we both need our alone time. I admit the idea of being married to somebody freaks me out a little bit; I can be pretty grouchy if I have to spend too much time with anyone, no matter how much I like that person.
There was a while there when I was really freaked out and miserable about being perpetually single, but the idea of it doesn’t bother me so much now. If we broke up, I would be seriously unhappy about it but it wouldn’t send me into a tailspin.
Lauren Fritsky
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 09:02 am: [report]
Great post Leonora! I am finally spending time alone and just don’t feel like dating. Other people can’t understand it, but my feeling is you will spend most of your life around or responsible for other people, so taking time for yourself is important.
River
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 09:06 am: [report]
Not fair to say, xifeng882! I happen to have quite a good group of MoHo alumnae (all of us single grad students with our own flats) here in London who do go out every week and enjoy the company of guys. However, I think the purpose of our relationships with said city boys is different—
We’re not out to find Mr. Right. We’re not out to find our soul mate, or our future husband, or the father of our potential children. We’re out to have a good night, with friends, and hopefully take back a couple of good stories to giggle about at a later date (especially concerning the stupid things those guys will do to vie for our affections).
I would say that it’s not fair to say that we don’t care. I think we all do to a certain extent, graduate of a women’s college or not. However, I think that the big difference is that we’re not actively pursuing any sort of long term, significant relationships. All of us have had our multi-year relationships, have questioned our sexualities, have found love and broken hearts. I think this descent into jadedness is a part of growing up, maturing, and letting ourselves grow as people during our single time. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with us; don’t we deserve a time out to be selfish and think solely about ourselves? Us Mount Holyoke alumnae here joke around and say we’re too busy for relationships because we’re married to our dissertations. Throwing a significant other into the mix would leave less time for me, my work, and my friends, let alone a sub-par experience for him.
Taking a break from the dating scene is a great way to focus time on bettering yourself, becoming more independent, and assessing what it is that you want in a partner.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 09:07 am: [report]
@Lauren Fritsky: “my feeling is you will spend most of your life around or responsible for other people”
Yeah, if you choose that.
xifeng882
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 09:10 am: [report]
@River. I should have clarified! I meant my group of friends in particular. We all just graduated and are so trapped in our new work lives that we just want to sleep and be with each other during this new stretch of our lives. Its been a tough adjustment and none of us really want anything from a guy nowadays. We just jokingly blame it on MoHo jading us.
java82
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 10:07 am: [report]
Awesome post. I’ll admit, I’ve been single all of my 27 years. There’s the good and the bad with it. The bad of it is that my closest friend of the past 10 years has gone AWOL on me; navigating the singles scene is tolerable when you have a friend by your side, but when she’s gone, you feel even more alone. Which isn’t all bad; I love alone time, and can’t wait to get my own place someday for the peace, quiet and privacy. (I still live with my family.) But I keep myself busy with work, friends, family, social activities… But I think I know myself well anough (all too well) as a single gal, that I am 200% ready for a ‘ship. It’s going to feel new and weird, but I am trying my best to get to that part. Slim pickings on dating sites, though.
MissMissy
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 10:43 am: [report]
About 5-6 weeks ago, I got out of a big relationship. I was glad to be out of something not working, but also glad to have my thoughts to and FOR myself again, all the wile missing the companionship - you know the drill. For a while I was totally uninterested in anything, as I guess the mourning process was getting a hold of me. I did get a little worried about that lack of interest. I had dates, cancelled them, rearraged them only to again cancel, or just ignored texts/phone calls. Finally, though, I stuck to a date that happened to be last night. WOW… it was splended. It helped that we had history, having dated when the new ex and I were on a break. We picked up right where we left off and he wanted to see me more and more and more. While I’m not ready for a committment, I’m ready for the sweetness of dating. Doesn’t hurt that he’s blazing hot and thinks the same of me. I’m still a giddy school girl this morning.
A friend told me .. “Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” HOLLA
Humble Bee
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 01:49 pm: [report]
Being by yourself lets you do things that you wouldn’t do for yourself often. Its helped me get closer to my family and appreciate things that actually matter to me. I actually notice a beautiful day, rather than worrying what i’m wearing on a date with so and so, or I have to meet up with this group. I have time for me, to go grocery shopping, to nap, to clarify my goals and what I want. I used to be very social, but now I’d rather go to the beach and chill instead of shopping with friends or dates. I feel like if I ‘look for a guy’ then I’m just forcing things. Your not a loner and there’s definitely nothing wrong with you, you just don’t need anyone’s approval to have a good time anymore. I used to feel like I needed someone to have fun or to relax, pppfffttt. you dont!
liliplaid
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]
Your story really hit home. Ive been feeling that way for the last few months, but Im also concerned that it might be depression. The other possibility is it just might mean I’m getting older and I am tired of the going out every night. Id love to hear from people that felt way and changed. What did they do? What triggerd change? Thanks again for the great article.
konstantine
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 02:02 pm: [report]
I think part of the problem in singledom is that sure we could all be just fine on our own, but eventually someone’s going to spark your interest, or you will spark theirs. The question is, for how long? Single life is unpredictable, filled with feast and famine and you’ll never really know when either will hit you. But essentially whether you want to or not, you do care about whether or not a certain person will bring a significant relationship or not (otherwise you wouldn’t have made that date with them to begin with). And given the dating climate in this day and age (texting, facebooking, email…) it is very easy for a guy (or girl, of course) to not have to be held accountable for his dating actions. They can make and breaks plans with the tap of a finger on the keypad. So its not about whether you’re alone or not, its often about what you could have been doing instead of being alone. Who you could have been having dinner with if only he hadn’t forgotten or “something came up.”
So, it becomes about figuring out how to fill time that had been previously reserved for someone else. And how do you not feel a little lonely when the game plan hadn’t been to be alone? I would much prefer planned aloneness over the hopeless and sometimes pathetic feelings that accompany meeting someone, hitting it off, and being disappointed when they decide to disappear- leaving you to pick up your enthusiasm, and start all over again when the next one comes along.
Frankly, its exhausting!
bogart4017
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]
Its completely normal. Most people feel a little like that once a day—some once a month. You should only be scaared if the opposite were true—-that you had to be around or up under someone all the time.
pornqueen
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 02:33 pm: [report]
after being married for more than 13 years, I am enjoying this single-ness, I date (as my friends call it “mess around”) quite a lot though. I just find it easier and more comfortable now to decide whether I want to go at it alone on with company. I’ve learned to enjoy my own company. There’s time that a guy calls me up and I’m like “...thank you but no thank you!”. I think I’m setting myself up for less heartbreak in the future this way. As many of you have said it’s exhausting putting yourself out there and then have some stupid jerk completely disregard your feelings and hurt you. I think that the writer (leonora) is a pro at this alone-ness thing, there’s times that I struggle with it but for the most part I’m pretty content with just me. Not depression just content!
Kate Torgovnick
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 02:35 pm: [report]
I’m SOOOO in the same place, too. And second the emotion that it’s totally normal. My new rule is that I’m not going out and/or hooking up with anyone unless I’m really excited about them. Tired of the blah.
hms2488
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 02:35 pm: [report]
There’s nothing wrong with being happy alone - I think it shows you’re independent. As long as you don’t get too comfortable being alone… It could only be looked at as a positive thing!
I agree with Bogart—it would be a problem if you were constantly depending on someone else to make you happy. You know that cliche - can’t be happy with someone until you’re happy with yourself! So it’s pretty great that you are!
shewholaughslast
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]
I totally get it . . . sort of good to see that I’m not the only one dealing with these issues.
gabi
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 02:52 pm: [report]
@Konstantine pretty much summed up what I’ve been going through. As many times as I tell myself I’m fine being alone, I’m secretly (and shamefully) always waiting for someone to come around the corner. A string of rejections (both by me, and to me) have left me exhausted as well. I’ve found it hard for me to be strongly attracted to someone initially - that’s always been the case. My past relationships formed with people I would never have thought, oh hey he’s hot! But their personalities grew on me.
Bottom line, reconciling the single, independent girl with the lonely, hopeful-for-something-out-there girl is TOUGH.
jimnist10
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 03:26 pm: [report]
I feel like when you graduate college and move to a big city, this is the inevitable course your life takes, as indicated by most of the comments on here. You party it up after you graduate, enjoy yourself (and guys!)and being with your friends. And then, it gets old. You want to be…alone. And being alone just as great as going out all the time. And eventually, you’ll get sick of all the alone time and find a nice happy medium. The key is to not feel like anything is wrong with you because you like being alone or have no interest at going out on dates. I’ve been down that road, and it does get lonely and depressing of you start to focus on being alone as opposed to just enjoying your life and getting to know yourself!
DancingGeek
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 05:44 pm: [report]
Great post Leonora! I feel the same way. I have my things I enjoy doing, walking, writing, whatever… and I have no one to answer to, no one to distract me from what I’m enjoying.
I dated someone for less than two months and while he was on the fast track to serious relationship- I bailed! He just wanted so much of my time! I went on another date about a month after that with a really nice guy but ‘eh’.
Honestly I like not having someone all up in my face all the time, and I can eat cheese and crackers and grapes for dinner if I want.
I socialize with my friends as well as professionally, but I’m underwhelmed by the thought of having a boyfriend.
*sam*
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 05:55 pm: [report]
:( I read this post today before I left for training, and while I was there waiting on the class to begin, I was talking to one of the trainers, and somehow we started discussing my lack of willingness to get out and meet new people… he was basically telling me that it’s not healthy for me to be alone all the time (I recently moved to a new state and don’t know anyone aside from my bf & a few of his marine buddies, who, incidentally are getting deployed soon) and that I need to break out of my “box” as he put it, and go out to clubs and bars to meet people. :( I tried to explain to him that the bar/club scene just really isn’t me, and so then he told me to go to Barnes and Noble and just start introducing myself to people whom I thought looked as though I would be friends with them.. and no matter how much I tried to explain that I’m really just too shy/introverted to do that, and, while sometimes it can suck not having any friends nearby, I don’t really mind being alone, he just kept telling me that I was making up excuses for myself. all I could think a/b on the way home was this post and how much it was refreshing to hear that I’m not the only one who enjoys cooping herself up in her house and playing hermit for months on end. so, thanks
Antiquity
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 08:35 pm: [report]
“Delete, delete, delete. Go. Away. I don’t even want to unsubscribe because that would mean I’d have to log-in, and who knows how that would make me feel.”
Oh my god; you live in my mind… lol.
Like many others have commented- good to know I’m not alone. I don’t think it’s depression. I think in my case it’s more like burn out and the desire will come back eventually.
For now I’m going to enjoy my random adventures by myself and the occasional visitor to my bed. haha.
develange
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 09:04 pm: [report]
@jimnist10: YESSSS.
post graduation, my need to go out all the time and get drunk and hit on guys has dwindled (this may also be due to slight depression and a recent breakup). But now that all the craziness of school is over and most people have moved across the country, it’s the perfect time to figure out what I want in life and really get to know myself.
Why spend time with people you don’t really care about? It does take time to get to know someone, but if that initial connection isn’t there, why bother?
Ellis
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 11:05 pm: [report]
Who cares if you want to be alone? Are you miserable? Hopeless? Without motivation or energy? Those are the prime symptoms of depression, not lack of desire for a romantic relationship. Seriously. Really.
Ellis
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 11:15 pm: [report]
Sorry, a quick clarification - I don’t mean that no one cares about the article (I realized I sounded rather rude!). I mean, be alone if you feel like it. Don’t pathologize independence.
ilovecarbs
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 11:25 pm: [report]
I’m not miserable, lonely or antisocial…i’m not even that ugly and I have no interest in guys right now. sometimes i think something’s wrong w/ me but there isn’t. i’m buying my first home, have a job I LOVE and amazing friends. men? not really concerned…i’m only 28 and i’m happier than ever…even w/ no boyfriend or prospects of one. and i don’t care :o)
anyone else?
canadiancutie
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 07:58 am: [report]
lol @ CheeeeEEEEse.
Very interesting article. While I’m not quite there yet, I have for the first time in my life, developed a bit of a terror or commitment. I am someone who was a commitment junkie from my very first boyfriend. All I wanted was to find “the one” and move in together. So I could, with time, see it progressing to the place where you are. And honestly, is it such a scary place? Why not embrace it? Like Ellis said, don’t pathologize independence. Some of us envy you and find it refreshing even to read.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:04 am: [report]
@canadiancutie: I’m serious. Not ‘loling’ here.
Sarinah
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 10:22 pm: [report]
I’m in the same mood now….after one year of my divorced i decided to date again. Dated a couple of guys but they are losers. So now i’m a little bit scared to date again and need time to get over the last date. Good to know I’m not the only one feeling like this lol.
canadiancutie
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]
Well I haven’t given up on dating entirely yet, but I am definitely now in the mode of “let’s take it slow” whereas before I would always want to rush into the coziness of committed coupledom. So maybe a certain amount of retained independence is a good thing. It keeps you from making rash, ill-fated decisions.
SpecialK
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 12:19 pm: [report]
TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FRISKY SISTERS: Thank you all so much for sharing and making me feel NOT so crazy after all…we’re all in this together in all this stuff. This made my week… I LOVE YOU ALL!
theoldman
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 05:13 pm: [report]
@River: Taking a break from the dating scene is a great way to focus time on bettering yourself, becoming more independent, and assessing what it is that you want in a partner.
Good for you. This is a big part of growing up. Add to it developing and understanding yourself on a deeper level, you will find relationships more satisfying. You will understand what makes you tick and learn to read men for substance not who is the most physically appealing and has the best line of BS. Then you become HOT in a way that the airheads, bimbos, and social butterflies can never touch. Call it sophistication. Watch Catherine Deneuve in Indochine. A bit tough on the edge but the kind of woman that men, who are the best, will die for. Compare Michelle Obama and Paris Hilton for substance. Then tell me who you want to be like and think about the class of men each attracts. Use this opportunity to really get to know the substance of who you are and learn to use that knowledge.
canadiancutie
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 07:03 pm: [report]
theoldman, I hope you don’t mind, I am hanging out with some friends right now and I thought your comment was so insightful, I read it aloud to them. Very inspiring. I think I am going to reference it in my day-to-day interactions with men from this day going forward.
*sam*
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 08:00 pm: [report]
*sigh* though (like I mentioned earlier) I agree with this article—I just watched the Sex & the City movie (for the first time) on a sat night home alone.
note to self: NOT A GOOD IDEA. :(
_jsw_
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 08:21 pm: [report]
@*sam*: (a) It ends well, yeah? And (b) you’re not alone. We’re all here for you. Well the three of us that are online.
If you’re bored, I found a bunch of new (to me) smilies to use. You can find them here. Go nuts!
*sam*
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 08:30 pm: [report]
_jsw_
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 08:34 pm: [report]
@*sam*: Excellent.
Why did they leave you hanging? We’ll have to form a posse and go have a talk with them.
*sam*
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 08:38 pm: [report]
@_jsw_: no, they didn’t leave me hanging… I moved away
and am too antisocial to go out and make new ones (note original comment).
and which one of those am I?? usually I’m pretty quick to spot myself out, but there were no rainbows for fairy wings in sight, so I’m confused!!
_jsw_
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 08:47 pm: [report]
@*sam*: Well, first of all, I hadn’t read the comments much. I usually do, but I skipped to the end this time.
Second, the three smileys were the three online friends here. I didn’t add you in because there weren’t any good enough for you (
seemed inappropriate).
Third, I understand now, after reading your comment. I didn’t realize the bf was busy (I knew he was being deployed soon). I’d not worry about being alone. Aside from the kids, I am, and it doesn’t much bother me. I mean, yes, I’m sad when no one comments here, but generally, it’s OK. Really.
*sam*
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 08:56 pm: [report]
@_jsw_: you are as good of an internet comment pal that a girl could ask for
<—in a, European, on the cheek kind of way, lol
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 09:00 pm: [report]
WTF is with this one?
Really ‘coolcheese’?
_jsw_
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 09:02 pm: [report]
@*sam*: Why, thank you. I hate being stuck in the infamous “Internet Comment Pal Zone”, but I’ll take it, just as I’ll interpret “cheek” as I choose.
<—And yes, those look like my glasses.
*sam*
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 09:04 pm: [report]
@_jsw_: HA!!! ah, if only they had a chat option (HINT HINT
) so we wouldn’t keep sending out emails to anyone who checked the infamous box!!!
_jsw_
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 09:11 pm: [report]
@*sam*: Yes. A chat option would be great. As would a forum, which is mentioned on the About page but which doesn’t exist. Grrr.
nutmeghan
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 09:26 pm: [report]
first off- leonora, if you are worried you might be depressed, i’d suggest seeing your doctor. there are things you can do to help yourself feel better, if depression is indeed your problem. (i say this not as an annoying advice-giver-even-though-it-wasn’t-exactly-asked-for, but as a (potentially-fellow-) sufferer-of-depression).
second- i think it’s probably okay to be more selective in who you go out with. it sounds like you used to go out with anything that moved, and now you’re recognizing that a lot of men are buttheads who don’t deserve your time. nothing wrong with that, as long as you don’t decide that ALL men are buttheads (although, to be fair, most of them really are!)
(just kidding). :p
Monty
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 04:02 am: [report]
I really liked this piece - thanks for it. It’s such a great feeling, I think, when you realise how much you can enjoy your own company (of course, without becoming a recluse). It’s so crucial to be able to appreciate that in order to work out who you are, which, in turn, makes you all the clearer on what kind of guy you would really like to date.
fifi
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 10:24 pm: [report]
I have an intense career and financial responsibilities to my mom, dad and sister. I went through a really depressed phase during college and some time after I graduated, thinking that I will never have the chance to date, meet the right person, and marry. When will I have the time? Who will want me, especially in the situation I’m in? But somewhere along the way I made a switch in my mentality. I resolved to take responsibility of my situation, and to find happiness with whatever I have. I became emotionally closer to my family, and miracle of miracles, I found a way to be happy with singlehood. You can do whatever you want with your time, and you develop a deeper sense of who you are. I became more independent, and I realized that I can handle life on my own. I became more confident, outgoing and sociable, just because I didn’t care anymore about my relationship status.
And guess what? I found a steady boyfriend. It just comes when it should
Ronald Mexico
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:21 am: [report]
You know, I admit that I kind of feel the same way. I’ve had girlfriends on and off for the past 10 years or so and I’m really tired of the dating scene as of late. I think I’m more into life experiences than dating or getting married. I’m worried that if I don’t find someone in the dating pool (where quality is rapidly shrinking, I’m in my late 20’s) my it will be too late before I know it. Oh yeah, I’m a dude.
oppositeofzen
wrote on August 26 2009 @ 09:00 am: [report]
Great post. Maybe this sounds lame, but it’s nice to know that other people feel this way too. My 1.5 years of grad school I was constantly trying to put myself out there and talk to guys. And what I now realized I got was guys who were just looking for someone to take care of them. And after a nice break from constantly hitting the bars, internet dating, etc. I finally feel like I’m learning more about who I am and what I want. And now I feel like a great guy has come into my life and am enjoying just being myself, homebody and all.
ronin
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 05:00 pm: [report]
Congratulation oppositeofzen!The problem is that most people don’t take the time to find out who they are and from that what and who makes them happy. Guys are like that to. I’m just an average looking guy, but I seem to constantly attract women because they sense I’m comfortable with myself, and I’m really the man they’re talking to and not just a a walking pick up line or marketing gimmick.
ronin
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 05:25 pm: [report]
Also, the women I date tend to be really good looking. These women tend to be kind of confused when they start realizing that I really like them for who they are, and not for being good looking (and/or sophisticated, glib, popular, rich take your pick). Looks and the rest become almost not a factor after a few weeks or months into a relationship anyway, right? So men and women who aren’t happy with who they’re choosing as partners, why not try moving that concept up to the “who I’m looking for” part of the cycle?