Girl Talk: I Had Labiaplasty Surgery
Posted by: Anonymous | Filed in: Sex
6:00PM, Saturday December 13th 2008
| Comments (31) |
|
E-Mail | Share: |
|
I first heard the word “labiaplasty” three years ago. Immediately, my interest was piqued. My unruly butterfly wings—otherwise known as my labia—interfered with my sexual activities. Riding a bike for more than 15 minutes? Painful. Camel toe? Obvious. Intercourse? Lube did little to relieve all that smooshing, pulling, stretching, especially when condoms were involved.
And then there were the unsolicited anatomical editorials that I’d received over the years, ranging from the respectfully observant, “You’re very floral,” to the horrifying, “Damn, girl. You got a fat p***y!,” to the complimentary, “Actually, I like it full and lippy ... That’s my thing.”
I recalled my intimate experiences with other women, the opportunity to explore and compare my own anatomy with theirs. Theirs were so little, cute, easy to navigate. Mine looked like something stuck to the underside of a movie theater seat.
For the past five Halloweens, I’ve expressed my so-called secret shame by donning a head-to-toe vagina costume.
My methodology might be lost on some, but I’ve found it healing. Everyone else on the street has found it riotous. For me, it’s a comment on the overplayed, sexy girl Halloween get-up. My real scarlet letter was known only to my boudoir buddies.
Last year, a nice, drunk, young Captain Kirk barreled towards me, grabbed my four-foot, fire-resistant labia majora, and gestured in what I presumed to be the internationally-recognized hand symbol for “nice vagina.” Then, he assessed my ensemble: “Nice and clean, not too much junk going on here ... Me likey!” I, ten years older than this little creep, I, who had behaved unflappably for so long during intimate moments, I, who has never made a small-penis joke around any man—I shrank. How was I ever going to embrace the full potential of my womanhood whilst dragging around all this extra flesh? Labia begone!
I did vacillate. Previously, I’d disparaged elective plastic surgery. It was for rich bitches, I thought. Now, it doesn’t seem so different from tattoos or piercings.
I recalled my intimate experiences with other women, the opportunity to explore and compare my own anatomy with theirs. Theirs were so little, cute, easy to navigate. Mine looked like something stuck to the underside of a movie theater seat.
It was easily the most ignoble, selfish decision I’d ever made. And none of my others were so expensive. The world won’t be a better, just, more peaceful place because I went under for a new punani. Why didn’t I donate $5,000 to an organization devoted to obliterating forced female circumcision? Professionally, I work with suffering people all day long. I wanted to be one of the pretty girls.
After two consultations, I chose the less expensive doctor. She was board-certified and an instructor at a medical school who performed humanitarian surgical work on children in the Middle East. (My father is of Middle Eastern descent.) Plus, she packaged the clitoral hood reduction into her basic surgery fee, and the other guy didn’t. So, one week before my 38th birthday, I underwent a snip-snip.
What followed was a world of no fun. I violently vomited up the apple juice and biscuits they fed me at the hospital. Although I was able to return to work within two days (I was advised to take a week off), I was a swollen, achy, stitched-up, limping Franken-vagina who urinated like a spastic lawn sprinkler. Ice packs, blood-loss, dabbing-not-wiping, three weeks of inactivity, menstrual pads, and ten pairs of Bacitracin-stained underwear were followed by a seemingly interminable period of hypersensitivity.
Worst of all, I was expecting to resume sexual activity in four to six weeks. Yet, at week seven, I was forced to explain to a potential new lover why we couldn’t go to third base. The clitoral hood reduction took forever to heal. His witty response unwittingly further justified my decision: “So, you’ve had your roast beef removed…”
Finally, four months later, I got the payoff. It was the sensation of space between my body and my clothing. There was no more surreptitious dislodging of my jeans from my hoo-ha. Biking for longer distances doesn’t hurt, like it once did.
But the most unexpected feeling was that of a virtual revirginization. Who, I wondered, would become my new first with my new anatomy?
Rather than explain my vagina’s unique history to a new partner, I called upon a trusted longtime paramour. It took a few attempts. Had I make a mistake? Would I ever get back in the saddle?
I’m happy to report that I got my happy ending. Sex is definitely better. No pulling, no stretching, no smooshing. Looking at myself, I’d dare to say now I’m a pretty girl down there.
| Comments (31) |
|
E-Mail | Share: |
|
Simosa
[report]wrote on October 28 2008 @ 01:18 pm:
Fascinating
chloe
[report]wrote on October 28 2008 @ 03:32 pm:
thanks for sharing this. i’ve considered this surgery myself...i have one small labia, and one big flappy labia. i hate it. thanks for letting me know the surgery is worth it.
Jessica
[report]wrote on October 29 2008 @ 06:32 pm:
I’ve got to say, although I’m one of the lucky girls who doesn’t have any problems in this area, I truly sympathize with those who do. I also think it’s very brave of you to share so candidly about something that I would be sooo in the closet about. Kudos!
camelia
[report]wrote on October 29 2008 @ 09:10 pm:
I have floral labia and they don’t hurt. They don’t interfere with sex. I never felt anything but normal until I started reading about “ugly vaginas” and labiaplasties, and watching porn. I don’t get it. Somewhere someone decided that the less fleshy, smaller lips were prettier and - even worse - normal. My big lips have lots of pleasure-giving nerve endings. Would I cut them off? I don’t think so. You all should check this site: http://www.nickkarras.com/gallery.htm
ClatieK
[report]wrote on October 30 2008 @ 01:52 am:
The grass is quite often greener—I wish I were MORE floral.
dirgish
[report]wrote on October 30 2008 @ 01:06 pm:
i’m half and half, and though the bigger one sometimes gets in the way, i do think it is much more sensitive. whatcha going do… (shrug)
Sarah
[report]wrote on October 30 2008 @ 02:26 pm:
Mine are “flappy"--should I be embarrassed? WTF. They don’t cause any problems w/my clothing...!! I wonder if the author’s are even larger than mine...What’s wrong w/labial diversity?
Fattyfattytwobyfour
[report]wrote on October 30 2008 @ 02:55 pm:
I guess it’s the same thing as w/breasts - only a certain shape [or whatever you wanna call it] is considered acceptable, even though everyone is different [me included, as I have ‘ugly’ breasts (even my own mother stated so many times and wanted to take me to the doctor to see what was ‘wrong’ with me/them!), but my sweet hubs defends The Girls, *sigh, flutters eyelashes*], and it really doesn’t make sense. It seems to me that the author was having not just image issues with her anatomy, but real physical discomfort. I say if you feel the need and have the means, why not? But yeah, it isn’t fair. The world just ain’t fair. Bleah…
robf
[report]wrote on October 30 2008 @ 03:15 pm:
Issues of physical comfort aside (that’s an entirely different angle), I wish more women were comfortable with their bodies as they are. What makes you unique is what makes you interesting, and any guy/girl worth being with will realize that about you.
Society’s pressures and conventions are often worth ignoring.
tilepusher
[report]wrote on October 30 2008 @ 09:03 pm:
As a man, I am all for anything that makes you less self-conscious and causes less pain and more pleasure.
I admire your bravery to do something about a part of your body, so intimate...... and to share your experience here so that other women will have a little more knowledge about, what their options are.
I love all types of women, but not all of women love their bodies, like I do. My close-alone time with women has made me understand how lucky I am as a man. In general, I was raised believing that I am beautiful, whatever I did, while my sisters were raised believed that everything revolved around their looks at that moment. It is sad that most people are very superficial. At the same time I am glad that we are at a point, where we can safely change a lot of the things about our body’s that makes ourselves feel ugly or like a freak.
We all have options, but sometimes it is just more rewarding to change our physical self. It is so easy to say I love myself, and so hard to actually love everything about myself.
Tony Comstock
[report]wrote on October 31 2008 @ 12:20 pm:
I am not without sympathy for the author’s discomfort, either emotionally or physically. But it’s worth noting that many of our ideas about what constitute a beautiful vulva have been heavily influenced by censorship regimes that insist that vulvas that are opulent in their conformation to be either concealed or digitally mutilated. In a perverse twist, the censor’s morals become our aesthetics.
Andrew
[report]wrote on November 03 2008 @ 04:47 pm:
I recognize that your decision was based on more than cosmetics- you said your lips were actually causing you phsyical discomfort. But how much of that was caused by a hyper-awareness of your plus sized labia?
I personally find the smooth tucked in slit of what you might call a “normal” vagina pretty boring. My most memorable vagina moments have all been with long labias, fat lips, or both. I like something I can play with, jerk off, tug on, suck into my mouth, something I can have a good time with!
My point is less this particular fetish of mine, and more that no matter what your body looks like, you can always find someone who thinks you look beautiful and who celebrates the little details that make your body exciting- and different than every other body out there.
Do you feel better about yourself now? Only you can answer that question. But I think if you had found a mate (or mates) that complimented your luscious lips and were patient and understanding enough to know that it took extra lube, extra time, or extra effort to make you comfortable during sex, you might have accepted yourself more for who you were, and not for who you wanted to be in the mirror.
And take it from me, youre far in the minority. Thankfully (in my eyes) many others aren’t ashamed to have vaginas that are big and beautiful
Renata
[report]wrote on November 04 2008 @ 08:07 pm:
I just had labiaplasty performed yesterday and feel great. Absolutely no pain or bleeding. My throat and neck hurt worse, I guess from the tube. But overall I feel wonderful. Haven’t really taken a good look yet so hopefully it looks as good as it feels. No more tucking in that ghastly uneven skin that I hated and interfered with everything. We’ll wait and see in the coming weeks what transpires. Hopefully it will all be good especially after spending 4 grand on a new hoohaa.
Laura
[report]wrote on November 05 2008 @ 03:30 am:
YAY thank you, i am always so embaressed because i have one huge labia that sticks out and one tiny one that u cant see! It looks horrifying!!! Thankyou for letting me know its worth it!
Elisha
[report]wrote on November 06 2008 @ 11:13 pm:
Oh man! The last thing I want is something else to be concerned about in terms of appearance. Are mine normal?
Katia
[report]wrote on November 07 2008 @ 12:32 am:
I believe is was Somerset Maugham who wrote that a woman’s labia looked like a “rotting orchid”. I remember after I read that, I looked at myself with a mirror for the first time and thought “Oh my god! He’s right!” Yet I still felt it was a horrible comment to make about women’s genitalia. I always knew my labia were a little big but I thought I was still “normal” until I saw my first porn and realized how different I looked from all the porn actresses. I remember feeling a dull shock, then being suffused with a sense of ugliness and embarrassment. It really bothers me that something that is natural and unique to every woman is now judged on appearance and many women feel the need to mutilate themselves in pursuit of an aesthetic ideal. Granted, yes, in your case there was physical discomfort, which I can completely identify with. I do not judge you for your decision. We each walk our own path and I’ll be honest, there is a small part of me that envies you for achieving comfort, not to mention the ideal labia. I think what impresses me the most is the comments made by men regarding this issue. It’s nice to know that there are still guys out there who see the appreciate women of all shapes and sizes.
Darren
[report]wrote on November 09 2008 @ 05:54 pm:
Ladies, don’t run off and have this surgery for purely cosmetic reasons! The author had discomfort, so apparently this was a good decision for her.
But let me tell you, if your vagina is not the hidden, neatly-tucked “prototype”, then you should be proud of the fact that it has some character. If I see pictures of nude women (not that that happens frequently! *wink*), my eyes will immediately gravitate to the woman who has some “plumage” every time.
It’s just very attractive and overtly feminine. And as a previous poster mentioned, it is MUCH more pleasurable to perform oral sex on a woman who has larger labia.
No matter what you look like down there, most men enjoy your “uniqueness”.
So cross this off of your list of physical attributes to worry about....
BevMac
[report]wrote on November 09 2008 @ 07:02 pm:
Or you could hang up a gallery of Georgia O’Keeffe. Her floral creations are infamous.
Joni
[report]wrote on November 10 2008 @ 01:31 am:
You wouldn’t believe how one persons story gets around. i clicked the link to this from a moms group. I remember seeing my cousin give birth when I was 17. I thought OMGosh those things are huge. I was scared that after I had a baby I too would have a HUGE labia. Yea they did get bigger, and sometimes I have to use some lube, but over all I am not scared off by mine. In fact reading this article made my “junk” hurt. I think tonight jsut for giggles I am going to tell my husband I want to get a labiaplasty and see what he says. He might push me off the bed. I am one of those women with breasts that are so big my back hurts, and that’s what I am putting my money towards. I want smaller breasts not a smaller labia. However I give props to you for having the courage to do something that was no easy choice to make. It was clear this wasn’t a vain choice. I am glad your feeling better.
Katia
[report]wrote on November 10 2008 @ 02:53 am:
Joni-Good luck with the breast reduction. I had that procedure three years ago. BEST THING I EVER DID! I can live with my labia, but large boobs, now THAT was uncomfortable.
Lisa
[report]wrote on November 10 2008 @ 10:16 am:
JONI-I also had breast reduction three years ago. My only regret is that I didn’t do it years ago! Sleeping without a bra, and sipping my coffee in the am without one on: these are a couple of the great joys of my life now. Before my surgery I had to slap a bra on those rebels the minute I was upright . When I was preggers my boobs were so big you could see them from SPACE. And when I was done nursing three kids, well, forget it. While my sweet husband always told me I was beautiful, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. So I did it, and hallelujah, my girls are back! Still me, just a younger perkier me. One caution though: I got a very painful infection and subsequently some scarring, from the internal stitches they used (which were supposed to dissolve, but didn’t). My doc told me some people are allergic and I was one of them. Lucky me. There are options out there. Do your self a favor and check them out. Good luck to you. And if you’re going to do it, don’t put it off! Life is short, go bra-less!
Fabulosity
[report]wrote on November 19 2008 @ 05:30 am:
Help!
I am a 20 yr old college student, and i have had yeast infections and utis at least 4x a yr since i started being sexually active at 16. yes, i get tested on a regular basis for std and hiv. so anyway, i started the new birth control Yaz 3 mths ago, and i find that the last 2 days of my cycle, the inner labia (minoria maybe?) gets extremely swollen and painful. it is so irritated and red, ive tried vagisil cream to lubricate it and help reduce friction from pads and pantiliners, ive tried just using tampons, i think ive tried everything… i dont know what to do! what could be the problem?
Katia
[report]wrote on November 19 2008 @ 02:55 pm:
Fabulosity~ You should get yourself checked out by a doctor. Perhaps they can help and give you peace of mind. It’s terrible when you’ve got problems down there and don’t know what to do to alleviate them.
B Khuu
[report]wrote on December 18 2008 @ 04:27 pm:
Wow, thanks for being so honest and open! I don’t have the exact same problem but don’t most women wonder at one time or another if they’re pretty down there?
Pugs
[report]wrote on December 18 2008 @ 05:36 pm:
Definitely interesting. But if a guy told me my puss lips looked like roast beef, he’d be missing a wiener when he left my bed.
Don’t send flowers! Send your girl a sexy gift basket instead!
[url=http://www.ComeTogetherGiftBaskets.com]http://www.ComeTogetherGiftBaskets.com[/url]
BrunetteBeauty
[report]wrote on December 20 2008 @ 01:02 pm:
You said it Pugs. Seriously roast beef? What an ####. And besides, I don’t want my vajayjay looking like a carbon copy of anyone else’s anyway.
DidSheReallyGoThere
[report]wrote on December 20 2008 @ 02:46 pm:
My puberty process was interesting: A full flock of underarm and pubic hair in SECOND GRADE, yet no boobs bra-worthy or my first menstrual cycle until seventh grade! I remember seeing my enlarging labia (at the clueless age of 7) and sobbingly gasping to my mom, “You’d better make me a doctor’s appointment! I have cancer!” She laughed and assured me it was normal. After having read a comment by Andrew, I now feel even MORE Sexy Leo Lovin’ than I already did! I guess my ‘exotic flora’ would explain why my sex partner[s] are so turned out! I’m talkin cunninglingus til I’m all but BEGGING them to proceed to penetration! I’m talkin’ demands from THEM to allow them to manipulate the G-Spot until IIiiii ejaculate (sorry for you gals that can’t!)!!! I’m talkin’ adoring praise and compliments about Va-jae’s wetness, looks, taste, and functions! I would NEVER risk the sensitive nerves which create so much intensity for the sake of looking like “Be-Be the Porno Bunny”. That’s right on the list of breast implants to ‘make the man happier’. One of my friends’ step-mother is from a country when female circumcision is the norm. She only slept with [her husband] twice: for the honeymoon, and to bear him their daughter. Sex for her is so agonizing that she sleeps in a separate bedroom with the door locked! Not saying a labiaplasty does all that, but I can’t risk any side effects with the most sensitive member of my unique and BLAZIN anatomy! More power to those that wanna, though!