Girl Talk: Go Ahead, Go For Your Crush

Posted by: Jocelyn Nubel Filed in: relationships
11:30AM, Tuesday January 13th 2009

Comments (16)

Okay, real talk. This isn’t exactly the happy-ending story I’d like it to be, but I’ve got to share with you the details of my recent fantasy crush cum real mini-relationship, if only to encourage everyone to buck up and make some moves in the new year.

Have you ever seen a guy working in a store you frequent, and developed a massive crush on him? Er…I have! For the past eight months, I’ve been completely smitten with a guy who works at my local bookstore. I’ll admit the crush had become a bit extreme; I’d spent over a hundred bucks on books and befriended the entire security staff in an effort to work up the nerve to talk to this dude. Why? Because he was, hands-down, the hottest guy I’d ever seen. Also, anytime we’d spoken, (i.e. “Did you find everything, okay?”) I thought it was obvious that we’d have a real connection. Clearly, things were getting serious. I’d even started setting aside Chris Brown during my sexytime fantasies, and thinking of bookstore boy. So, eight months after the inception of the mega-crush, I introduced myself.

And almost at once, like a goddamn storybook romance, we became inseparable. He had me – someone who is normally incredibly guarded with guys—so gushy that I found myself even utilizing emoticons in texts to him; abusing punctuation, embarrassing poor semi colons and colons to help me express how I couldn’t wait to see or kiss him next, WINKY FACE. Speaking of kissing him, whoa. It was knee-weakening, and incessant, and often in public. (Sorry about that, PDA haters.)

He was incredibly sweet and at times over-the-top emotive, sending text messages like, “That was the happiest night of my life!” or “You’re so beautiful, I want to kiss you forever!” Normally, I’d see this effusiveness as a sign of weakness and then I’d self-sabotage and get the hell out of there, but not with this guy. I welcomed and encouraged his sweetness. I adored him—all aspects of him. My friends really dug him too.

The bedtime stuff was even better than I’d imagined, which is unreal considering I’d had eight months to play with the notion of seeing him naked. I won’t mince words. In bed, this kid just totally wins. He’s the big winner.

I know, it sounds perfect. It wasn’t, exactly, but it was pretty damn good. I’d been feeling uneasy about him being three years younger than me, and he and I were so different I wasn’t sure things could really work if our relationship was to get more serious. But for the time being, things were going great. We had essentially ventured on a month-long date, seeing each other almost every single day since we’d met, with no end in sight.

Until it did end, of course. On the afternoon of New Year’s Eve, he came over and calmly explained that something had happened in his personal life that would make it impossible to continue seeing me—I’ll keep the details private, but trust that I understood. He’d “really miss me,” though. We hugged at my door, and then he left – both my apartment and my life.

It would turn out that I’d really miss him too. In fact, I’d miss him so much that I’d not know what to do with all the miss-i-ness and I’d call him a week later, forcing him to answer some very uncomfortable questions from a very emotional me. Then I’d massively regret making that call.

But you know what I wouldn’t regret? Introducing myself. And I really mean that. It didn’t last very long, but a month of having my bookstore crush in the flesh was oh-so-much better than having him solely in my daydream fantasies.

So in the end it didn’t pan out exactly like I’d hoped, but you know what? There are a whole lot of bookstores out there, and millions of books on the shelves, just looking to get picked up. I’ve got a lot of browsing to do. And hey, if I can do it (eight months later), you can do it too. Make an effort to turn your far-fetched crushes into reality romances this year. If he turns out to be anything like bookstore guy, you’ll be glad you did, no matter the ending.

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Tags: girl talk, crushes, new years resolutions

Comments (16)

comments

theothergyllenhaal
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]

One day I hope my girlfriend makes me a t-shirt that says, “I’m the big winner.”

Dmun
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]

...was he gay?

Humble Bee
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 01:46 pm: [report]

I agree!
I used to be those girls who just looked from afar. I would think, “nah, I don’t Think I’m his type, what if he laughs at me…” and just all these negative thoughts. I never knew how beautiful confidence really is. NOW, I see any cutie that I like, I go up to him. People are mostly afraid of rejection, but in reality it’s not THAT scary. It’s those things that you just brush off, so far no one has ever bluntly said NO. Guys aren’t as confident as we think, they too need that little push sometimes a big sign such as coming up to them. I have developed so many friendships and free lunch dates because of my courage. Guys that work at places even give me discounts, free things and upgrades just because I went up and said, HEY, I think your cute. (It actually works, as lame as it sounds) Flattery wins hands down. It even works on women.
So to the people with no courage: GROW SOME!!! It has it’s advantages.

Jocelyn Nubel
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 01:50 pm: [report]

@Dmun, noo. He’s not gay. There was just something up in his life that rendered him unable to focus on a relationship. That’s all!

Brenda
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 03:08 pm: [report]

that’s a lovely, lovely story! thank you for sharing it with us. now all i need is a crush. so, the bookstores have these? i’m going to have to check mine out.

Nice Eyes
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 03:20 pm: [report]

I once too stepped up to a crush. He was always nice to me and I was always in his section in the restaurant by coincidence. After paying one time I left my number on the check. Never heard from him and shrugged it off. After a few months I did it again but this time on my business card and my friend wrote “the asian one”. He found me on myspace and told me he has a girlfriend but is flattered and hope we can be friends. I moved and didn’t think twice about ever seeing him again. He kept my number and when he came to visit Vegas (where I now live) this past summer we hung out and I definitely had the best weekend ever with him! Making out included!

**He was single…I asked beforehand**

aha moment
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 06:58 pm: [report]

Right now I’m getting the guts to say more than “Hi” to the guy I have eyes for in the gym. In theory it seems easy, but when you get right down to it… I’m chicken. I’d rather try to make googly eyes and have him just know that I’m interested, and then he make the first move. Being chased is what makes everything so exciting - I don’t want to be the chaser! Should I just let him remain eye candy at the gym and hope that he eventually makes a move?

Jocelyn Nubel
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 07:44 pm: [report]

@aha moment: but what if you’re spending all this time making sex eyes at the guy, and he thinks you’re staring because he looks like a fool on the treadmill? You should try saying something innocuous, like asking him how to use one of the machines. See if this causes him to take the conversation further. If it doesn’t, then just take control and ask him out! The guy will either be flattered or freaked. If it’s the latter, no big deal. At least then you’ll know to stop wasting time thinking of the guy, right?

Chelle
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 07:58 pm: [report]

@aha moment-Go get him before somebody else does! I don’t typically like being the chaser either but (when I was single) if I saw something I liked and he didn’t move, I would. Sometimes you gotta seize the moment.

Blondie8306
wrote on January 14 2009 @ 03:13 pm: [report]

I’ve got a crush on a guy I see on Karaoke nights at a local bar! I was close to giving him my number last time I saw him but chickened out. This weekend…I’m going for it! Wish me luck!

Jocelyn Nubel
wrote on January 14 2009 @ 03:19 pm: [report]

@blondie8306, YAY! I think you should invite him to join you in a rockin’ rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart!” Awhile ago, a cute stranger at a karaoke bar asked me to perform this song with him. We killed it, and then totally made out afterwards, because really - how can you NOT fall in love/lust with your karaoke soul mate!?

hawaiianpeach
wrote on January 14 2009 @ 09:44 pm: [report]

Get get get it Jocelyn! Kudos for being so balls to the wall. It’s admirable and despite the outcome…you can walk away from this with the justification of being so bold and take-charge. You will not have to look back in wonder…

midwestmeetseastcoast
wrote on January 22 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]

Hey Joc-
A friend that we share and hold dear once told me “a movie that ends with a happy ending just didn’t go on long enough.” Yeah, its pretty thick with cynicism, but ultimately true. Sometimes its best to have a flash-in-the-pan, fly-by-night, over-before-its-started romance, and you avoid the ending that everyone dreads and no one expects. You now have something untainted, true, and beautiful in your memory bank, and nothing can take that away. People should be so lucky to have a portion of their lives chalked up as a “fairy tale.” Lucky girl…

cshuten
wrote on February 8 2009 @ 11:14 pm: [report]

OMG, its so funny to be reading this now, because tonight i actually faced my fears and gave a guy my email address. It was so funny how it happened.
Well first, i first saw him at the Rite-Aid down the street from my house and we were laughing and talking about all kinds of funny stuff. and then i just went in there again tonight and was with my step mother and it was the same thing again, laughing and talking, anyway. we flirted a little and that’s as far as i have ever taken it with a stranger. We got to the car and she told me that i should write my email down and give it to him and run out. lol. so i did. the plan was to just go in give it to him and leave. that’s not what happened tho, i went in all red in the face. he said “what back so soon?” and i handed him the paper and started walking away. he then continued to speak with “Whats this?” i then said stupidly “i don’t know.” and ran out. i was mortified but he emailed me.

HelloLove
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]

I totally agree! Last time I did this, I did not regret it. It was a Verizon manager at the store.. So beautiful! And while he did seem flattered and took my number, he said he had a girlfriend. But ya know what, I would have left dying to know what woulda/coulda/shoulda happened had I not tried. So I say go for it!

However, lately I’ve lost my confidence. I live in NY and I always see interesting, gorgeous men on the subway. I just always hope, until the last minute, that they will ask me for mine. But, I guess union square arrives too soon, for they never notice my fluttering lashes…