Funny Business: Embarrassing Moments At The Gynecologist

writergirl
wrote on February 27 2009 @ 03:30 pm: [report]

Not embarassing…but funny.  I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids.  So of course, in the middle of my engagement I wind up pregant.

Except I don’t KNOW I am pregnant and go in for a routine exam with my reproductive endocrinoligist who finds the fetus during a routine internal ultrasound.  When he explained what “it” was I sat straight up—wand still where he had it positioned, if you know what I mean—and yelled, really loudly, “HOW did that happen?”  The doctor looked at me meaninfully and I said, “Well, I *know* how that happened, but *how* did that happen since you told me THAT was never going to happen!”

Yeah.  There’s one for the baby book….

titsmagee
wrote on February 27 2009 @ 03:36 pm: [report]

The first time I ever had a pap smear done, I was by myself (my mom lived far away at the time) and the nurse was brand new and instead of giving me instructions she talked about how cute my hair was and how she has the darnest time curling her hair etc. Since I had NO idea what was going to happen during the procedure, I just stripped to my panties (read: thong). When she put my feet in the stirrups and saw them she was like, “Kristen! What are you DOING?” and then she asked me to take them off and stood behind the curtain. I tried to laugh it off and she just looked super awkward. I wasn’t sure what to do, you know? I just figured I’d err on the side of EXTRA clothing.

gillybeans
wrote on February 27 2009 @ 04:48 pm: [report]

I went in to the gyno when I was 18 because I felt this crazy lump in my vagina and was sure I had a gigantic cancerous tumor down there. (Bit of a hypochondriac) So there I am, lying there and the doc (did I mention he was really hot?) was feeling around and kept saying “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t feel anything!” So I had to put my finger in there and show him where it was. Which was embarrassing. But worse was when he laughed and said, “Honey, that’s your cervix.”

Felt like a big tumor to me!

shufflegirl
wrote on February 27 2009 @ 07:35 pm: [report]

One time the nurse asked if I would mind having a medical student in the room I said “yes, I would mind”.  She waited until I was in the stirrups an then lets in a 20 something guy looking ever so eager. 

Another time the nurse walked out of the room while the doctor was in the middle of it and didn’t shut the door all the way, which of course slowly opened. He had to call her name many times loudly to get her to come back and shut the door and yes, there were other people just outside of the room.

shelleatualive
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 12:44 am: [report]

The first time I ever went to a Man-gyno he got down there and said “Have you ever noticed you have a mole down here?” and I was like “yes, is something wrong?” He said “no, it looks fine, I just wondered if you had ever noticed it.”

Im clean shaven.. of course Ive looked at my own vagina…idk if he was making small talk or what, but it was weird to me

HitOrMissJudy
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 09:26 am: [report]

The best story I ever heard happened to a friend of mine who had a gyno appointment after she’d eaten a big plate of questionable Indian food for lunch. The gurgling noises and cramps didn’t dissuade my friend from her appointment, which had taken over a month to line up. So when her gyno slipped a finger up her butt (something mine never does), there were, er, consequences.

The doctor was so angry that she stood up, glared at my friend, snapped off her rubber gloves and stomped out of the office.

Amelia
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 09:34 am: [report]

@HitOrMissJudy OH MY GOD. Oh GOD. Dude, my doc does the butt check everytime and I would DIE if that happened. But that doc sounds like a judgey bitch. I thought gynos were supposed to have seen everything and thus totally chill?

powplz
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 10:32 am: [report]

Your gynos do a ‘butt check’???  I’ve never had a gyno do that, and I would probably kick one in the face if they tried.  Is there a legitamite purpose - wouldn’t it be standard if there were??

Anyways, not totally off the wall or anything, but I had a super obvious hickey on my chest for my first gyno appt and I didn’t think about it until I was putting the gown on.  Thankfully she was cool and didn’t say anything.

betterthancosmo
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 10:38 am: [report]

The butt check usually starts at age 30 but it varies from gyno to gyno…its to check for cancer.  I’m not there yet, and i hope i stay 21 for the rest of my life so i never get it done. 

Once when i went to the gyno…this bitchy little 96lb nurse took my weight..and said “hmm three pounds more than last year”  I felt like doing a round house kick to her face.  I wasn’t embarrassed..just LIVID

Chelle
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 12:00 pm: [report]

I thought the finger in the butt was just for the guys. I’ve had 3 different gynos and NONE of them did that. If they did they’d have to clean up my puke or arrest me for assault. @Gabby1-You should have reported that guy. That is very unethical and uneccessary. I’ve gone to a county clinic and they did nothing like that. That creep probably has a shrine filled with those pictures or something.

Sonic
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 04:25 pm: [report]

Yeah the “finger in the butt” is another way to feel for your uterus and see if there could be a worrying mass there.  Pretty standard.

Splog
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 07:07 pm: [report]

I have TWO embarrassing stories from the gynecologist’s office.  Needless to say, it’s not my favorite place to be…

1) I am squeamish about all things medical.  It’s totally mind over matter but I frequently manage to stress/freak myself out whenever I have to do a blood test or get my yearly pap smear.  When I was 19, I went to my male gyno.  I was very nervous, per usual, and asked that the nurse talk to me throughout my exam.  She held my hand and I just blabbered at her about random stuff until it was over.  Afterwards, I sat up triumphantly, relieved that I’d made it through without incident, and thanked the doctor and nurse for their patience.  As I was sitting on the exam table after they’d left the room, I started to feel a little queasy and suddenly saw “the gray” creep in from both sides of my peripheral vision.  The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the doctor’s arms with the nurse kneeling over me, staring worriedly.  Apparently, I had keeled over in a dead faint, and had FALLEN OFF THE TABLE ONTO THE FLOOR.  The doctor had heard a crash in my room and found me sprawled on the floor, still naked in my dressing gown.  God knows what position they found me in!!! 
Oh, and one more thing…I relieved myself on the carpet while in my unconscious state.  Most. Embarrassing. Moment.  Ever.

2) The first time I went to the gyno, it was just an intro visit, as I needed to warm up and feel comfortable before doing my first exam…though, per my previous story, fainting was inevitable.  But I digress.  This time, it was the summer before college and I was really hungover from a highschool party the night before.  The doctor took me into her beautifully decorated office and started discussing womanly things.  I was fairly nonresponsive because I was so tired from the night before, so she decided to ratchet things up a notch.  She whipped out some STD pamphlets and started showing me graphic images of crabs, herpes, and the like.  I took one look at genital warts (resembles cauliflower!) and ran to the bathroom where I promptly projectile vomited all over the toilet, potpourri basket…and wall.  I was so mortified, I had to switch gynecologists before I’d even had my first appt!

It’s a wonder that I manage to get my yearly pap smears with this kind of track record!!!

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 07:53 pm: [report]

@Splog Best stories ever.

resullins
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]

The finger in the butt is to check for blood in your stool… a sign of gastro-intestinal problems. Usually it’s only done by gynos that trained in another speciality. I.e. my gyno was actually an Internist…

And Splog… thanks for sharing, I SERIOUSLY needed a laugh today!

CuteCora
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 01:25 pm: [report]

FUNNY Ladies…. FUNNY~

CuteCora
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 01:27 pm: [report]

PS.@ Gillybeans..you sound kinda like me… & haha on the Cervix..Cant get much better than that~

IrishErin
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 01:39 pm: [report]

Last year’s exam was with a new doc. She was brash and rushed and despite my constant pleading to take it easy, decided to wreak a swath of painful destruction through my vagina (when I commented that it hurt more than normal, she had the brass balls to blame it on my being “a bit chubby dear”). Then she threatened the finger in the butt. Said she didn’t have time to “walk me through it” that day, so it would have to wait for next year’s appointment. Guess what has two thumbs and is switching gynos? This girl.

Kiki T
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 02:22 pm: [report]

my first gyno visit was with my mom’s and when i went to see him, and he was down there, he was reminded to tell me, “oh yeah, I saw your mom last week.” that was awkward. I guess I look like my mom more than I thought.

resullins
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]

I got a worse one than that… my first gyno was one of my mom’s best friends… and worked with my aunt at the hospital. We had a pot-luck every Monday at our house, and my gyno was ALWAYS there…

For some reason, I always felt really odd eating and chatting with the woman that felt me up all the time!

kimkayt
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 04:52 pm: [report]

Thanks ladies—I truly needed a laugh, I have to have surgery on a boob next week, so I’ve seen my share of docs in the last few weeks… so these stories are great ...

sunrise
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 10:35 pm: [report]

My first gyno was also my high school principal’s wife… that was awkward, especially since I’m from a small town.

retro chic
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 02:27 am: [report]

First gyno appt and new too-young doc was filling in for old reg doc. It was mortifying and a turn on. I asked my mom, was that normal?

gcwlax7
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 09:44 am: [report]

so i have a tattoo of lacrosse sticks on my right hip and at my last gyno appointment, my regular doctor wasnt in the country so i had to have an old man. as he is doing his job he sees my tattoo and goes “ohh a tattoo. you are a dirty girl!” i didn’t really know how to respond to that so i just laughed and was like “ha i just really love lacrosse i guess…”

cattgirl813
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 01:52 pm: [report]

Embarassing funny: When I was in college, my GYN was at a local Planned Parenthood.  It was filled with a bunch of donated, used, and (shall we say) vintage equipment.  I was in the stirrups once for my exam when the nurse came in to begin.  She sat down on the stool, put in the speculum, turned on the big gooseneck lamp, pulled it toward her and all of a sudden I heard a weird creaking sound and a loud pop.  The lamp snapped in half at the neck and was dangling by a wire.  Aimed right at me about a foot away.  I screamed because I thought it was going to hit me.  The nurse began laughing.  “Are you okay?”  I was fine, so she told me she’d be back because “I guess I’m going to need another light.”  She left the room (still laughing) with me in the stirrups, speculum still in place, broken lamp dangling by a wire about a foot away.  Do you know how warm exam room lamps are?  I do.  It only took her a minute or two to get a new lamp, but the minutes flew by like hours.  After that, I decided it was time to maybe find a doctor and bid farewell to Planned Parenthood.

Embarassing awkward: A few years later I went to a GYN who, during the course of my exam, told me I “could stand to lose a few pounds.”  Fair enough, but did he have to take his free hand and jiggle my stomach the way you’d give a puppy a tummy rub as he said it?  I don’t think so.

Not so embarassing, but still funny: My current GYN (who is absolutely great) looks just like Rabbi Shmuley Boteach - the “Shalom in the Home” guy.

Perceptible
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 03:23 pm: [report]

I wasn’t going to share but everyone else’s stories encouraged me. After my divorce (married for 10 years) I was celibate for a number of years. (Took me a while and meeting an awesome guy to get over my man-hating. Anyway…) At around the 3-year mark I was in for a routine exam and my gyno told me she’d have to use the junior speculum (smaller for teenagers). I was 36. My friends called me the born again virgin. I guess that story is not as embarrassing as it is sad. LOL.

tootlesjane
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 06:07 pm: [report]

a few years ago i went in for my year exam. the nurse got all my new info then this girl a few years older than me comes in and says shes doin a rotation an would i mind if i she could sit in on the exam. im currently a bio major with hopes of goin into the medical field so i understand where she was coming from because ppl very rarely let students sit in on paps. so i said sure. my dr an the girl come in and im fine then the girl sits down on the stool. i was like ok. guess shes just gonna get a look. but no, she was doin the exam. which i didnt have a prob with cause she was good. after the ‘feeling around’ deal my dr looks at me and says: “bet you didnt know you were gonna get it double today did ya?” and she proceeded to do the ‘feeling around’ too to make sure the girl didnt miss anything. i didnt know what to think after she said that. ive know her for a while an it seemed like something sooo outta character.

Amelia
wrote on March 5 2009 @ 03:30 pm: [report]

FYI just went to a new gyno and he tots did the finger up the bum too. I wanted to be like, “I’m not quite 30!”

lilo
wrote on March 5 2009 @ 05:02 pm: [report]

I had to go see my mom’s old man gyno for my first couple of visits. He literally said, “it’s cherry red down here!” i was mortified. i stick with a lady gyno now. I’ve also been mistakenly told i was pregnant when they got the urine samples mixed up

Mackenzie
wrote on March 10 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]

Oh my goodness, these are hilarious. I have a semi-awkward one—I went to my gyno during the end of my senior year of high school and got all on the table and in the stirrups and whatnot and the nurse suddenly says “Oh, I see you go to West. What year are you?” and I said “Senior.” and she said “Oh, so is my son! He’s in the Air Force. His name is *****” and I realized (and stated) that I was friends with him. And that was when a woman with her hand in my vagina invited me to her son’s graduation party. It was weird to me, b/c I had this thought of her going home like “Hey son, I met one of your friends at work today…”

danijerzygirl
wrote on April 18 2009 @ 05:01 am: [report]

It was not my first time to see the gyno, but first visit since I lost my virginity and I wanted birth control.  The nurse had me strip down and put on a gown.  She giggled a bit and said remember to take off the pretty little panties to. I didn’t think anything of it and placed them on top of my other clothes then got up on the table as the nurse helped me in to the stirrups.  She was asking me questions about my period and other health questions, then she looked at my exposed and spread crotch and asked how long I had been sexually active?  I was 17 at the time and I was so embarrassed.  I could only stammer out How did you know.  She smiled back and said sexy panties from VS, your pubic hair is neatly trimmed and you appear to be a bit stretched out.  She said its nothing to be embarrassed about, its very natural for a young girl to be sexually active with one or more partners as long as you use protection.  I was so flush and so embarrassed, then the doctor walked in.  He read over the notes and made small talk while he positioned himself in front me.  The nurse asked if he needed the speculum and shook his head no as I felt him insert his fingers in me and feel around.  He asked if I was sexually active and I blushed and said yes.  He then asked if I have been experimenting outside of intercourse.  I wanted to die, but said no.  He nodded and looked at the nurse and she mumbled to him her boyfriend may be too large for her.  The doctor asked me if it hurts to have sex, I blushed again and said not anymore only when he gets crazy.  The doctor looked up at me and suggested that I do not try anal sex with a man that large.  I could not believe my ears, but the nurse said its ok if you work up to it.  The whole time this is going on the doctor has his fingers going up in me and it was so humiliating as it felt like he had he had his whole hand in me.  When he was done, he talked to me about birth control and risk factors of too much sex with a well endowed young partner, they get very excited and tend to go to hard.  I tried to not think about it, but I said he is gentle with me, he’s very experienced and in his mid 20’s.  I could not believe I admitted to having sex with a much older guy, then for some reason I blurted out he is so much nicer than the white guys I used to date.  The doctor said ok, please be careful.  When he left, the nurse got wierd with me and said that explains alot.  No wonder why it didn’t hurt to have that internal and you produced enough lubrication on my own.  After I got off the exam table, she handed me some tissues.  You may want to freshen up before you get dressed.  I felt so over-judged, it was so uncomfortable I knew she thought I was a total slut.  She handed me a huge pad and said I may need this so I don’t ruin my underwear.  So while in only my bra and my panties at my knees putting the pad in place she opens the door exposing me to the entire back office and another patient paying.  I quickly yanked up my panties to cover up, but it was the final embarrassment.  I got a new gyno the following year when I went to college.