Frisky Rant: I’m Fat, So?!
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
sex
5:00PM, Wednesday January 7th 2009
I’m fat. I have gigantic ta-ta’s and a fat ass(et). While I didn’t always see it as such (high school was rough), as an adult, having all those extra mouthfuls has certainly come in handy—just ask my boyfriends. But okay, I’ll admit it; being a large lady, I’ve worried about the possibility of suffocating a man to death while sitting on his face. Gasp! Can you imagine me on the local news trying to explain that crime against nature?! But do you know what is a worse fate? Being inhibited in the sack just because you’re a big, beautiful woman. That would be the real shame. With that in mind, I am all for some female empowerment for my fellow fat chicks! However, I should qualify that statement by saying it sucks twice as hard when “sexperts” pretend to be supportive and then dish out condescending advice. A perfect example of this mean girl tactic is The Sun‘s “Big Girl’s Guide To Sex.” It sounded promising, but in reality, the article features bedroom tips on how to make yourself look thinner, as if that really means sexier. Well I call bull tit! More, after the jump…
The article is filled with gems like, “Standing tall will actually lengthen your body and make you look slimmer than sitting on top,” and “Belly dancing really zaps the calories, so you’ll look and feel better too!” Um, just ask any man who likes a handful like me; I don’t lack places for him to hold on to during the ride! A lot of dudes beg for the feast that is a full-figured woman, so why should I starve them and me because a magazine tells me so?! The truth is, when you attack one type of body, you belittle every shape and size because you’re singling one out as being the ideal, the most perfect. Why should women feel like we have to alter the way we have sex just to fit some ridiculous standard that most ladies will never be able to…how would they say it? “Achieve?”
It’s unfair to men and their tastes too. What about “to each, their own?” Some people prefer redheads, some people prefer blue eyes, some people prefer sexy librarian types, and some people, well, they like girls like me. And I’m not about to make commendations for my frame when I’m trying to feel sexy just because the media thinks I should! So seriously, it’s bad enough that I don’t see myself represented in high fashion ads, but still, it’s worse when there actually is an article that makes it seem like it’s a real downer to want to do a girlishly figured woman like me. You got it all wrong, you self-hating bitch from The Sun—with me, there’s more to love! So please, take the less than out of your “lessons.” [The Sun U.K.]
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Diana Vilibert
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 06:10 pm: [report]
Agreed! There is no faster way to kill the mood for the BOTH of you than to let your weight (or any body insecurities, really) dictate how you have sex. Unless the size difference between two people makes it hard/impossible to get into certain positions, the only sex tip for fat women should be “do what feels good.” I’d rather go with that than to limit myself to having sex standing up while squeezed into a corset.
The most laughable of their tips: “Stand with the light behind you when giving him a show of your naked bod. It will instantly shave off a couple of inches from your body.” Are we talking about sex here, or is he painting a still-life?
hawaiianpeach
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 08:01 pm: [report]
A guy friend once advised that by the point men get you nekkid (as we southerners are known to say) they don’t give a #&@$% about dimples, wrinkles, or pimples. Honestly honey clothing may cover up your skin but a guy has a decent view of what your birthday suit looks like. Clothes just accentuate what is there.
ShortyDooWop
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 12:14 am: [report]
YAY for women that are proud, accepting and offer no apologies for their wonderful, beautiful bodies!!!
DancerNinja
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 12:18 am: [report]
I was scary skinny once (and on my frame, scary skinny is 136 lb) and the male teammates on my judo team were making fun of me because of the way my hip bones were sticking out. (I would wear elastic waist athletic pants, and stretched across hip bones, they didn’t touch my stomach.) Guys WANT an ass on a girl. They WANT curves, hips, and thighs. I have far more guys hitting on me at 160# than at 140#!
stelladelvinile
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 01:19 am: [report]
Wow, thanks Sun, for making me feel like #&@$%. The bit about the pencil or chocolate paint to circle his favorite parts reminds me of movies where they show sorority girls circling each other’s fat. (I’ve not been in a sorority, so I have no idea if that really happens in real life - I’ve only seen it on film)
What about men? I wouldn’t think of asking a heavy boyfriend to cover anything up or make himself look thinner. And I’d positively die laughing if he belly-danced for me!
Chelle
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]
@DancerNinja-I noticed the same thing! When I was skinny (120 at 5’6 3/4) I got a lot of dirty looks and my now ex complained about seeing my ribcage (how ironic, he gave me my lack of appetite). I’m now 155 and not only do guys I know find me more attractive, people are usally nicer to me too. Also, now I have boobs and a butt-yay! @Simcha-I think that article was a well meant (yet ignorent) attempt to help larger women with low self-esteem in the bedroom. Of course we all know the truth-no man wants to bruise his pelvis on a bag of bones
joyy
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 10:08 am: [report]
great article. However, I think the *tone* being slammed against being skinny/skinny girls in a few comments is starting to veer into an unnecessary zone. I hate the media push to be thin as much as the next gal, and I agreed that the things mentioned in the article are demeaning ... but my mind is going to one of my best friends, who by genetics is, as some of you are putting it, a “bag of bones.”
Some of you are noting that when you went from being very thin to filling out your figures more that it had positive effects man-lovin wise, and great for that. But what happened to loving someone (yourself included) for who they are, be they big and curvy OR stick thin?
Chelle
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 10:31 am: [report]
@Joyy-Sorry, didn’t mean any offense by that. That’s actually something my boyfriend complained about his ex. He got a huge, nasty bruise from her. A woman can be slender without being bony. It is true that self-confidence is important. It’s also important to be healthy (either way).
joyy
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 10:42 am: [report]
@Chelle - don’t be sorry, I just felt that since most of us probably aren’t genetically ‘bags of bones’ it is pretty easy to bash on them forgetting that they struggle with the weight/body image issues too, albeit differently, so I just thought I might nip it in the bud. My super skinny bf described sleeping with a tall, thin woman (before we started dating) as something he thought would be super hot ... but was actually like “riding a surf board” lol. To each their own indeed
Kiki T
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 11:37 am: [report]
LOVE THAT PIC!!!
Katia
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 04:47 pm: [report]
Great article. My weight has been up and down for most of my adult life (I think I have a hormone problem) and I’ve gone the emotional gambit of highs and lows along with my weight. I can’t say my life was any better or I felt sexier when I was on the thinner side. Sadly, I do feel more unnattractive and vulnerable to judgment when I am heavier. It’s so important for men and women to feel good about themselves irregardless of how they look. My pendulum has currently swung to the heavier side again and yet I can honestly say that I’ve never felt better about myself than I do right now. But maybe that strong sense of self is something I’ve developed with age.
Arty
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 04:50 pm: [report]
Men can’t be too skinny, either. Then they are just too pointy around the edges!
Chelle
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]
@missinformation-Yeah, I was afraid I was gonna crush this one guy. That was when I was smaller!
joyy
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]
@missinformation - indeed! My bf is 6’2” and ~150-155 lbs. My ex was even skinnier though, so this one is definitely an improvement, lol. Hip bones HURT sometimes, but I’ve figured out pretty easy ways to readjust, so it’s not a big deal. I like to reconcile the fact that he has no ass by pointing out that I’ve got enough for the both of us
Thankfully, he’s got a pretty broad frame so he doesn’t seem teeny overall, despite that pesky bmi of his.
Dmun
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 01:42 pm: [report]
I’ve always felt guys who want girls with no curves (all skin and bones) are closet pedophiles—if you want a woman, you want a woman. If you want a woman that looks like an awkward 12 year old girls, well.. that says something now, doesn’t it?
Jocelyn Nubel
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 04:36 pm: [report]
Um, I f’ing LOVE Simcha. Just sayin’.
Oxanna
wrote on January 10 2009 @ 07:37 am: [report]
But where do you find such suitors that appreciate the voluptuous feminine form in a city, such as New York, where the waifish, boyish string bean is so very in vogue?
ExGirlfriend
wrote on January 10 2009 @ 08:15 pm: [report]
I’m still trying to be comfortable with having sex at my weight. In the last 8 years or so I’ve gained a bit due to laziness and stress eating. My, for lack of a better term, boyfriend doesn’t find me nearly as attractive as he used to, but that’s his problem, not mine. There are plenty of guys out there who think I’m very desirable (not that I would ever let 97% of them near my knockers), so on one hand, I feel good, the other, I don’t. But whatever. I’ll learn to love mah sexy bod.
LaGiulia
wrote on January 11 2009 @ 11:52 am: [report]
As a slim-to-average woman, I can’t help but applaud frantically. I’m tall, have small boobs, love myself to bits. Everyone should (love themselves, not me, of course).
ghotisgirl
wrote on January 14 2009 @ 07:37 am: [report]
I have always considered myself to be “built for comfort,not for speed"haha.My boyfriend is much thinner than I am,he is 5’11” and weighs 130,whereas I could kill him with just my boobs alone.He doesn’t complain,he said he would rather die motorboatin’ anyway.His previous girlfriend was very thin and no curves,so I was surprised he knew what to do with all my extras!In a way I think he enjoys my curves and squishiness.Plus,I keep him really warm on those cold evenings!!
fallenangel915
wrote on January 17 2009 @ 05:36 am: [report]
Simcha, you are fantabulous!
I’ve never been slim, but I’ve lost tone in certain areas over the past year or so due to laziness and eating too much. I’ve never been one to let anything get in the way of my sex life, so when I found myself feeling a little down in the dumps about the extra weight and not wanting to have sexy time (thank Michael K. from D-Listed for that one), I threw on some cheap ass sleazy plus-sized lingerie I found at Wal-Mart one day and a pair of 5” black stilettos and strutted my stuff for my man (who is 5’11”, 170 lbs) when he came home from work, and the look on his face that night carries me even now, when I’m not feeling so sexy in my day to day life. Getting older and dropping my hang ups has helped overall; I think if I’d have picked up the weight six or seven years ago I wouldn’t have such a great attitude about it. Thanks again!
fallenangel915
wrote on January 17 2009 @ 05:40 am: [report]
Oh, and by the way, the woman in the title pic is HOT.
Note: Hotness is not about your dress size, ladies.
raymond
wrote on January 24 2009 @ 06:03 am: [report]
BEING FAT IS NOT ALL THAT BAD I’M FAT AND SEX WITH FAT WOMAN IS GREAT…DON’T LET IT IN THE WAY OF A HAPPY SEX Life…........
jesscdoo
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 12:50 am: [report]
Thank you for writing this article. I’m so sick and tired of all the haters out there—people are MEAN about fat people! It’s like it’s the last acceptable prejudice—well, besides smoking and being a Republican (gasp!). I know I need to lose weight but that’s for my health, not for other people’s eyes! I have noticed, too, that the people who love me have a hard time just saying that I am fat, as if it’s some epithet or something. Get over it, people. I’m fat; it’s not a secret and I am aware. If you really don’t want us to feel ashamed of how we look then quit acting as if we have something to be ashamed of! To quote Mr. Merrick, “I am not an animal; I’m a human being!”
Oxanna
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 07:55 pm: [report]
jesscdoo,
You’re kinda lucky your fam doesn’t say anything to you about your weight. To my parents I am some kind of embarassment and they don’t hold back from ragging on diet and other #&@$%. Needless to say this makes me want to emotionally eat to no end! thanks for sharing
jesscdoo
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]
Oxanna, I am so sorry for that. They say things to me that are cutting but no, not about my weight. I just want to let you know, you’re not powerless. Have you tried talking to them about how their words are hurtful? Or maybe you could just tell them to knock it off; it depends on what you think they’d actually respond to. If you don’t believe communicating with them would work, then I HIGHLY recommend you get your cute self out of a negative environment. Put some distance between you and them, if need be. They may be your family but you have to take care of yourself, especially if you’re being attacked. Family dynamics are interesting; everyone has a role and sometimes, families decide someone needs to be the scapegoat, so to speak. Ask yourself some hard questions about what it means when someone says they love you and how that should translate into actions which reflect that…And ask yourself, how does their love make me feel? If it doesn’t make you feel warm, secure, and treasured, then there’s a problem and it’s not you…I know it can be difficult to do and if you do stand up to people they often get angry and reject the person, trying to put them back in their place. If that happens, don’t fall for it.
silvergurl
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 11:30 am: [report]
gooooooooooooooo, simcha! you are amazingly confident and have fantastic style! xoxo!