The Top 5 Most Annoying Facebook Couples
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
9:00AM, Wednesday November 18th 2009
For anyone who is remotely active on Facebook, you no doubt have been faced at some point with inane updates on one of your friend’s kid’s colds or how wedding-planning was coming along for one of your engaged friends. That’s why, when parenting website Babble published their list of “Facebook’s Five Most Annoying Parents,” I immediately thought, “But what about all the annoying couples?” So, without further ado, I present Facebook’s Five Most Annoying Couples, after the jump.
1. The Too-Much-In-Love Couple
Between the constant “I love my honey sooooo much!!” and “I have the most amazing husband in the whole world!!!” updates, these couples do proclaim too much. Their updates are filled with flowery adjectives and almost always include the words “amazing,” “luckiest,” and “best! ever!” Sometimes the updates are even addressed to each other, like, “Kelly, it was exactly two months ago today I met you and became the luckiest man in the universe!” or “Mark, I loved every amazing second of our beautiful weekend together!!” Don’t these people have personal email addresses? Can’t they actually speak to one another in person and leave the rest of us out of it? But, of course, all these proclamations aren’t for their benefit, they’re for ours. We’re supposed to feel jealous of their burning love for one another and their incredible luck to have found each other. Unfriend!
2. The Pathetic Couple
Outside of their relationship, this couple is miserable and empty. If either of them so much as works outside the home and they’re forced to spend eight hours apart, their updates are peppered with hourly countdowns until their end-of-the-day reunion. If one gets invited to a function without the other, they use their Facebook update to announce how unfair the world is and how nothing else in life is as important as the time they spend with each other. “I have to go to my BFF’s bachelorette party tonight, which means a whole evening without Nick! No fair!!!” How these couples ever managed to survive in the world without each other is one of the great mysteries of life.
3. The Boring Couple
It’s clear that the Boring Couple, who does nothing but constantly hang out at home, has forgotten that other people actually have fun for fun. They update with: “Excited to stay in for ‘movie and pizza night’ with the hubby!” or “Gonna cook a big dinner for wifey tonight!!” Well, hey, guess what, the rest of us are going to eat dinner at some point, too, and unless it’s enjoyed with a mentor we’ve just been granted a meal with from the Make-A-Wish foundation, it probably doesn’t warrant two exclamation points…or, you know, a status update on Facebook. These people would be more sad than annoying if they weren’t so smug about their domestic bliss.
4. The Passive-Aggressive Couple
Perhaps the biggest offender of them all, this couple hashes out their issues with one another in passive-aggressive, embarrassing, and often melodramatic updates, like “Would have gotten a lot more sleep if somebody didn’t keep me up all night with his constant farting!” or “There’s nothing I hate more than a man who can’t make up his mind which he woman he wants!” Every other day your feed is cluttered with messages that they’ve broken up or gotten back together. At least you can take comfort in knowing that they totally deserve each other.
5. The TMI Couple
A few weeks back there was a post on the website STFU, Marrieds that highlighted a Facebook update from a newly married woman who wrote: “Spent last night attempting to ward off the dreaded curse of the honeymoon stage — with gallons of water and a bazillion cranberry pills.” She may as well have written: “Hey guys, I’m having tons and tons of sex! So much sex that I think I’m getting a bladder infection. And in case I wasn’t clear, we’re doing it A LOT — probably even more times than you blinked your eyes all weekend!!!!” The TMI couple clearly has something to prove and that something is the amount of sex they’re having versus the amount you’re not having, you poor soul. Let’s just hope they’re practicing great birth control, otherwise we’ll soon see them on Facebook’s Most Annoying Parents list. Unfriend.
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spatula
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 09:06 am: [report]
ew. And now I spend the rest of the mornig reading STFUMarrieds! Thanks Wendy
SpinDoctor5
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 09:18 am: [report]
Let’s also not forget the “on again/off again” couple. We all know relationships are complicated, but to know all the ins and outs of a person’s relationship when you haven’t seen them in over 7 years is waaaaay too much. I hate posters who go from “single” to “in a relationship” to “its complicated” back to “in a relationship” back to “single” and so on all over a 30 day period. Enough already!
Wendy Atterberry
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]
@SpinDoctor5 See “The Passive Aggressive Couple.”
majicksand
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 10:06 am: [report]
This is why I don’t have a facebook page. I have a myspace, so I can spy on my teenagers and their friends. They’re not nearly as discreet or sneaky as they think they are! I know who’s sexually active and with whom, who’s hungover, and who’s doing drugs. What they don’t realize is that I not only have access to the ones on my friend list but all of the ones on their friend lists as well.
Parenting is a full time job. I’ll take whatever help I can get.
SpinDoctor5
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 10:19 am: [report]
@ Wendy, I’m mostly talking about the couples who are passive aggressive ONLY through relationship status updates. One “friend” comes to mind, who never commented on her relationship, but changed her status again and again and again. Perhaps this is an offshoot of the passive aggressive category, but it is annoying nonetheless. Great post!
evelwood
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 10:30 am: [report]
wow, majicksand…thats sad you feel like you have to spy on your own kids. It should be a lesson to people about who they “friend” online, though.
twinkles
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]
Uhh I can’t stand the “passive aggrssive” constantly on and off couples. There’s way too many of those. And all the comments “You’re way too good for him!!” blah blah…. SHUT UP!!!
littlemissemperor
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 11:41 am: [report]
I have a married-couple-friend that is both very into Jesus AND her husband, which prompts some of the most saccharine and annoying statues i’ve ever seen.
stilllovernr
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]
Um, we are one of those “boring couples,” but we’re not sad, we truly enjoy hanging out with each other, and the economy sucks, so who wants to spend money going out all of the time?
That said, I should also note that we don’t update our facebook statuses with our every move.
spatula
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]
@littlemissemperor: I believe I have the same friend, and can I just say, UGH.
NaomiK
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 12:19 pm: [report]
I never facebook my husband! I live with him and have his cellphone, why would I need to update him via facebook? I have a #4 couple and #1 couple on my friend roster but to be fair, the husband in the #1 couple is in the middle east right now with the army. There should be something on this list about awkward picture posting too. I have a friend whose profile picture is her posing with her shirtless bf (who is ripped). Awkward.
Queen Frostine
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]
I know this newly wed couple who is “playing house” for the first time. For the past few years all their posts are about reglazing bathroom tile all weekend, buying window panes, landscaping their yard on a Friday night and going to bed early. I keep them in my friend list so as to motivate myself to have a more interesting life.
powplz
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 12:37 pm: [report]
@QF - lol! As much as I am happy to see people from my past (those couples on my friends list are all from back home) are happy, it pains me to hear about every effing detail. It also makes me think twice about what I update.
soulja brookestuh
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 12:48 pm: [report]
The best part about facebook is the option to hide people you want to remain friends with. I hide all of my engaged friends until they’ve been married for awhile. I cannot stand the constant wedding updates. The “woe is me, planning a wedding is SO HARD” wedding updates!
majicksand
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 12:48 pm: [report]
@evelwood: Truthfully, it isn’t so much my son as it is his friends. My son pretty much tells me everything about his life. Also, he’s wise to my methods. His mood update hasn’t changed in a month. His friends are another story. My son won’t necessarily tell me “their” business, but as a mom, there are things I need to know. One of the most polite kids in his circle is a raging alcoholic, so no, my son cannot spend the night there. I may not be able to choose my son’s friends or prevent him from picking up bad habits, but I can make it harder to get away with teen temptations.
SarahSilence
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 02:18 pm: [report]
Wow, this list just smacks of bitterness. You sure it’s the couples that annoy you, or the fact that you aren’t in one that is affectionate and find joy in even such mundane and “boring” things like eating a meal at home together?
I think I’d rather see a dozen FB posts from couples like these than even 1 post from a bitter single lady who bitches about how her friends are all in relationships. Plus, like Brooke said, you can always just eliminate their updates if they make you so crazy…
evelwood
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 02:49 pm: [report]
@majicksand- maybe because facebook/myspace wasn’t around when I was in high school (and the goings on of teenagers havent really changed), I am suspicious of the idea that parents “need” to know what their childs friends are posting. It’s a small matter of trust and letting kids grow up and make their own decisions- like they will soon do in college anyway. And at what point does it end? 18? 21? However, it seems that your son doesnt mind being your friend. And yeah, his friends need to learn a lesson on what to post on the internet.
majicksand
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 03:57 pm: [report]
@evelwood: Actually some of my son’s friends send me friend requests. They come to me for advice, tell me when they make the honor roll, ask my opinion on potential new hairstyles, all kinds of things. It isn’t all bad stuff. I just like to know who the “bad apples” are. You can’t always tell when they are in your face playing the “Eddie Haskel” role. I know better than to forbid my son contact with any of them, but I can guide him into seeing who they really are.
jambadreamer07
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 04:00 pm: [report]
I always find that the break up posts with the not-so-subtle song lyrics are the most annoying. That and farmville updates.
powplz
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 04:30 pm: [report]
@SarahSilence - There’s a big difference between enjoying the small/mundane things in life and broadcasting every detail of it live in schmoopified dialect that may or may not be airing your dirty laundry.
This excerpt sums it up pretty well “the comment section, brought up the very apt analogy of couples who make out in public places such as restaurants. When you see couples like that, do you think, “wow, what a great relationship they have - I wish I were them” (which, I suspect, is what they want you to think)? Or do you instead shudder at how they are embarrassing themselves, and start taking bets on when the relationship will dissolve? My own guess is that couples who really are secure in their relationship do not feel the need to act out their affection in public. And I do mean “act.” “(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200910/who-s-the-smuggest-them-all)
mywittyscreenname
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 05:47 pm: [report]
@SarahSilence - I’m pretty sure it’s that the couples are annoying. I *am* currently one of those annoyingly in love, planning a wedding people, but I don’t flatter myself to think that anyone in their right mind gives a crap about how much I’m just bubbling over with love at any given moment.
I do sometimes post random youtube videos on my fiance’s wall, or send him a someecards, but, then again, he’s living in another state and I’m easily entertained. I’d sooner stab myself in the eye than talk about my wedding and/or relationship on my freaking facebook wall.
cooldad
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 05:53 pm: [report]
I agree with majiksand that it’s a good idea to be your kids’ ‘friend’ on facebook. I too have been friended by the friends & it’s useful to know who gives a shout out for Happy 4/20. Also, when they’re younger to teach internet etiquette (if you wouldn’t say it to their face, then don’t type it). And as they get older to advise on sexting (son - do not share the pics; daughter - if you do it, he will share the pics)
On the other hand, I would never post on their or my wife’s wall. She has her friends & I have mine - just like real life
freepeople1986
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 07:38 pm: [report]
What about on Twitter? That’s even worse.
So sly
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 09:38 pm: [report]
You forgot the joined-at-the-hip couple. You know the John-Mary Smith is eating chocolate chip cookies with the kids couple. That’s pretty annoying. Everyone knows it’s the wife who’s on Facebook all day, because she’s at home raising the kids and playing Farmville. So why does she have to put her husband’s first name and make it hyphenated and all weird? I think this is more common in the Midwest/Bible Belt, where the couple are super-religious and the wife is always a stay-at home mom.
casablancas
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 10:32 pm: [report]
Ummm I like being a boring couple. I’m a homebody. Doesn’t mean I can’t have a blast or enjoy a night out.
@majicksand I’m sure your MySpace spying is out of concern and care for your children, but be careful how you judge their friends. I’ve been on the other side of this and it’s not fun when your parent misinterprets a teenager who’s trying to look impressive to other teenagers.. part of growing up is going through that and finding out who the people you can trust and be around are. I’m not saying you’re wrong for your interest, but it’s easy to jump to conclusions that could potentially hurt your relationship with your son.
Damn social networking.
evelwood
wrote on November 19 2009 @ 08:55 am: [report]
@majicksand- I dont have kids and I never had to deal with my parents “guiding” me via social networking, so maybe I’m not fully appreciating this “help” that youre offering. If the kids are asking to friend you, then more power to you I suppose. However, I agree with casablancas that its very easy to misinterpret someone online. I do not friend my friends parents for this exact reason.
Yodar Critch
wrote on November 19 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]
This is one of the many problems I have with these social networks—the technology surpasses the need.
Just because people CAN update their SN site constantly, does not mean they SHOULD.
But for many people, if you give them a capability, by god they will use it.
To the original poster, every facebook participant will write something that is annoying to someone else. Either too much information, to little information, too much honesty, too much deception.
I wonder what people think about the OP’s facebook postings?
Due to the nature of SN sites, everyone has the right to post what they feel like (within constraints). This results in several responsibilities
1. Posters have to accept the consequences of their postings
2. Readers have to accept the poster’s right to post
If you don’t like what someone is posting you have two choices
1. Ignore it
2. Defriend them
Posting judgemental lists on the internet is not one of the options.
To each his own, live and let live.
goofyjj
wrote on November 19 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]
no i don’t think it’s being bitter. one of my friends has fun fb post “going to the hockey game let’s go hawks” and does have the couple stuff too “my bf is amazing we went to ________ and had a blast”
it’s those women that have lost their sense of self and EVERYTHING is “my bf this” “my husband that”. never anything like “i just read the most amazing book let me share it with you”. they become a “we” and it is annoying. i’ve put quite a few friends on “hide” because of this.
and it doesn’t stop with statuses. “how are you” “well me and ______ are great”. it is annoying
majicksand
wrote on November 20 2009 @ 08:49 am: [report]
@evelwood: I’m guessing you’re young as well as child-free. I remember those idealistic days fondly. There is no way for me to adequately explain the perils of raising teenagers. It’s just one of those things that doesn’t make sense until you’re there. I can tell you that my perspective as a teenager and my perspective as a parent are completely different. All those annoying phrases like “you’ll understand when you’re older” and “because I said so” make sense now.
I know this sounds condescending, and I’m sorry. I don’t mean it to. Unfortunately, it really just is one of those things you’ll understand when you’re older should you choose to become a parent.
evelwood
wrote on November 20 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]
@majicksand- Maybe one day, if I have teenagers of my own, I will suddenly understand the wisdom in stalking their friends online and telling them who they are to associate with based on questionable social networking information. Perhaps because my line of work allows me to come in contact with high schoolers and their parents daily, I have become weary of over protective “helicopter parents” and am being too harsh/ judgmental here. You cannot honestly believe that spying on your teenagers and their friends is just “one of those things” you come to understand as a parent. But, yeah, maybe when I’m older
majicksand
wrote on November 20 2009 @ 04:57 pm: [report]
@evelwood: My son has quite a bit of freedom, but as his mom, part of my job is to teach him how to navigate the world. These are not people I only know about online either. My son is only 16. These kids live in my neighborhood; they go to his school; they come to my house. Myspace is certainly not the only way I gauge who they are, but many people just don’t stop to think about what they put on the internet.
Just remember, whenever a teen “goes bad”, everyone always asks, “where were the parents?”
SCRMOM
wrote on November 20 2009 @ 05:27 pm: [report]
@evelwood:
Talk to teachers who have taught kids both before and after they themselves became parents. Regardless of how good of a teacher they are, there is a universal sentiment that they didn’t quite “get it” until they became parents.
cadyms
wrote on November 22 2009 @ 06:20 am: [report]
@evelwood and majicksand - I’m 31, pretty liberal, and through a long story happened into being a foster parent for a year to a teenage boy. I now look with awe and reverence at parents of teenagers, and believe firmly in the saying “it is so much easier to parent other peoples’ kids.”
I gave my foster son a good bit of freedom, more than the social workers liked at times, because I believe he needs to experience the world in order to be able to care for himself as an adult. But he would hide things from me when he could and so supervision was also a key word - his teachers sent me daily status reports because he wouldn’t tell me what work he had to do, I checked his internet history due to him looking at inappropriate stuff, even his cell phone camera yielded some shocking stuff on more than one occasion.
I didn’t get it until I parented him, and I know that one year doesn’t qualify me to fully count as a parent (although I’d say foster parenting should be worth double time, so maybe I can count two years??). But please, please - don’t judge until you’ve been there. It is the hardest thing I ever did in my life and I barely put in any of the time a typical parent does!!
And it’s worth saying again, whether it’s the screaming kid in the supermarket or a parent quietly monitoring their kid’s social networking - it’s always easier parenting someone else’s kids. I don’t know their issues, history, or particular challenges, so it’s easy for me to assume I know how the parents should be parenting in any given situation.
powplz
wrote on November 22 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]
yeah, I’m 24, don’t have kids, don’t plan to ... and monitoring a teenagers fb & myspace pages (especially if their friends are friending you) doesn’t seem like full-on deceitful spying or helicopter parenting to me. If anything, it’s probably a good lesson on how public the internet is and that you shouldn’t put things online about yourself that you aren’t comfortable with other people seeing.