First Time For Everything: Sex On The Beach And Other Unlikely Places
Posted by: Erin Flaherty | Filed in: Sex
2:30PM, Sunday August 31st 2008
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Everybody’s talking about British psychoanalyst Brett Kahr’s meaty new tome, Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head?, based on the largest study of sexual fantasies ever undertaken. Not surprisingly, sex in public ranks high up there. This very important research prompted me to take an oh-so-romantic walk down memory lane to reflect on what were the worst, and best outside of the bedroom sex experiences my slutty self (and “friends”) have indulged in. Some were hot, and a few may illustrate why the best sex is sometimes confined to the sack.
The beach—Making out against a spectacular sunset backdrop, while the tide sexily ebbs and flows, may very well may be one of the most overrated do it settings, and should probably be confined to the corny Hollywood drivel this scenario shows up in again and again. Trust me, this kind of sex will not only mess up a cute bikini, but… Well, let me put it like this. Two words: Sand crotch. However, I bring it up because doing it in the water is terribly underrated. I think people balk because they think the salt water is going to sting their nether regions or something, but the time I went for it, nothing of the sort happened. Instead, the rhythm of the waves provided the perfect gravity-defying platform for face-to-face sex, plus it was thrilling to know that amidst all the people on the beach, we were being terribly naughty, fully getting off, and they had no idea.
The bar bathroom—Every lush in the world has faced the possibility of this occurring, and if you’re a real certified drunk like me, well, let’s just say it can be fun. The key to um, “fulfilling” bathroom sex is total inebriation (although, that scene in Unfaithful when Diane Lane’s character screws her hot young boy toy in the coffee shop is ridiculously hot, no?). The reason booze helps seal this deal is that a) the bathroom is likely disgusting and you have to be shot enough to overlook all the urine on the floor, and b) if you are in a crowded bar, people will be trying to knock the door down while you’re getting drilled up against the wall, and you and yours have to be wasted enough to not give a crap and use those drunken blinders to concentrate on the task at hand. Bonus if your guy is a premature ejaculator, because really, you don’t have much time. Generally when people in bars have to go, they have to go, and if you’re in there too long, a bouncer will show up, kick the door in, and kick your deviant ass out to the curb. It’s so embarrassing.
In a skirt at a party/restaurant/sporting event—Ah, practically the pinnacle of public sex, the old sit on a guy’s lap while he stuffs you beneath your skirt. Word to the wise: This really only works if you are wearing a long, flowing, preferably black skirt or dress, and once again, it’s best if it’s late-ish and you can count on the fact that others in your midst are semi-sauced enough to not notice you riding and/or bouncing on someone’s crotch. I’m gonna give this one a thrill factor of eight out of 10 though, because trying to look and act like you’re not having an orgasm results in a real winner on the Richter, especially if you’re surrounded by a roaring crowd. I’m getting’ flashbacks just thinking about it.
In a tent while camping with others—I’ve had plenty of sex in tents, both of the camping variety and the kind you make out of sheets and chairs in your living room when you’re bored. But I can’t say I was altogether prepared on my last camping trip when the tent next to me, home to a late 50-something couple, started rockin, (the last thing I wanted to do was go knockin). I’m not sure what moves they were practicing in there, but the whole tent was shaking, they were moaning, and my friend and I couldn’t help but crack up. After the immature laughter subsided, we became awestruck. I was like, “Good for them,” and developed a whole new respect for them when they cheerily served up breakfast the next morning. Addendum: Sex in the great outdoors can be good times. A photographer ex and I experienced a fabulous romp during a nude photo shoot starring moi, where he attacked me over a pile of pinecones. Sure, maybe it sounds painful, but believe you me, the call of the wild outweighs the discomfort.
The basement—While researching this article, I propositioned my domestic partner: “What’s the one room in this house where we haven’t done it?” I asked him. Without hesitation, he replied, “The basement.” I cocked an eyebrow, sexily, I hoped. “Well, what are we waiting for?” “Hold up,” he said, “Is this article about sex outside of the bedroom, or really, really uncomfortable sex?” ‘Nuff said. I sighed, then ravished him atop our good old-fashioned bed.
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theothergyllenhaal
[report]wrote on May 12 2008 @ 12:31 pm:
Will you marry me?
Amelia
[report]wrote on May 12 2008 @ 12:38 pm:
@theothergyllenhaal What happened to your extremely attractive avatar?
theothergyllenhaal
[report]wrote on May 12 2008 @ 12:46 pm:
It broke.
LovesIt
[report]wrote on May 13 2008 @ 08:53 am:
just don’t get arrested… it’s a really embarrassing ticket
Go-To Girl
[report]wrote on May 13 2008 @ 01:06 pm:
Two words: boarding school.
-On top of (or under) pianos
-On tennis courts
-In locker rooms
-Under the stage in the theater
-In the pottery studio (no, it was nothing like “Ghost")
-In the amphitheater
-In my algebra classroom
-In my history classroom (repeatedly)
When “public sex” is your only option, it gets sooooo dull. I’m not sure I’ve had sex outside a bed since then, and I just had my 10th reunion.
TangledUp
[report]wrote on May 31 2008 @ 09:32 am:
I am a public sex junkie… last year however was a wild summer, and one blissful summer day gave me a sweet opportunity and a few other bold couples out in one of the great lakes having the best sex around...my lover and I we out there for some time longer than anyone else which earned us some applause
upon returning to land...I learned if you let the waves do most of the work and truly “Let GO and let GOD” oops I meant let your partner have control, you will not be sorry.
RevengeIsSweet
[report]wrote on June 03 2008 @ 10:04 pm:
Two words: Band Camp.
Marching band is one co-ed activity in all of high school. Sure, it has a dorky stigma, but, it was fun.
1. Tour bus
2. Hot tub
3. Sneaking on hotel balcony pretending to watch sunset (lawn chair + blanket)
I think band kids have the most sex out of anyone in school. And further more, since they’re “dorky” they’re way more into responsibilty and loads of protection were used.
Mama wears Combat Boots
[report]wrote on June 17 2008 @ 08:33 pm:
Fabulous article…
Two words:
Desert Gulch.
The weirdest (and best) place I’ve ever done it.
Must agree on the sex on the beach thing, though...definitely never trying that one again… :(
ZZZ
[report]wrote on June 20 2008 @ 07:13 am:
Either you are gone to the world or something else is missing…
Haunted Historic Hotel Midnight Howlin’ Escapades!
Alli
[report]wrote on July 01 2008 @ 01:13 pm:
TWO WORDS: wOMens College
1) On a Hay stack
2) college elevator
3) pool table
4) 18th hole on the golf course
5) balcony
6) on friends trans am in the street
7) on a jet ski in the lake
8) in a govt hum-v
9) on a friends motorcycle outside a party
10) in the weight room on exercise equipment
Um...yeah, what can i say...SEX-a-holic & surprisingly found a boy that did all that with me while i was at an all womens college. Was definitely into public sex, and we had a list of where we had done it. It was exciting and thrilling when there was nothing better to do in a small town. some addictions are just more exciting out in the open…
Jay
[report]wrote on August 31 2008 @ 10:19 pm:
You sound like a complete prostitute. Do you ever write any articles about you contracted herpes from sleeping with hundreds of random people and then spread it everywhere? Do you have any shame at all? Nothing wrong with outdoor sex, but why not just have it with the same person all the time, rather than the whole town? What do your children think about your behavior? Or do you not have children because you are sterile due to all the STDs?
Opinionated
[report]wrote on September 01 2008 @ 01:11 am:
LovesIt: Actually the ticket can be a little more than embarassing, sometimes it can be life-altering.
In some counties/districts you could be charged with a “sex crime” and actually have to register on a sex offenders list.
Try getting a job that has anything to do with children, politics (your opponents would most likely bring this up), etc. after that.
I understand that there is probably a rush of adrenaline when having sex in public due to the whole taboo/getting caught aspect, but honestly I personally don’t think that is worth the risk.
UPPER DECK
[report]wrote on September 01 2008 @ 05:30 am:
@ JAY & OPINIONATED: Stay your lame asses home.
You have’nt lived until you’ve banged in the dressing room of a hi-end boutique.Most elevators have keys & security cams these days...but older apartment buildings have in-car shut-offs that don’t sound alarms.The opaque glass restrooms @ TAO Las Vegas are rather interesting.You can see out...but they can’t see in the stall.Slip the attendant a twenty and she’ll look the other way when you take a chick in one.
Graveyards during a full moon are cool.Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.
TimedRelease
[report]wrote on September 02 2008 @ 05:08 pm:
Three truly memorable times are
1) (Freakiest) At a friend’s house, she went down on me while her blind grandmother was in the room.
2) (Most embarrassing) At the top of a closed public section of a hotel in New Orleans, bent over the handrail overlooking the city. Little did we know there were security cameras and a security guard showed up just a little too soon.
3) (Best ever) On a catamaran on South River Maryland, we both totally stripped naked in the noon time sun and completely ignored the other boaters.
AsianPersuasion
[report]wrote on September 20 2008 @ 07:19 pm:
2 words: school house!
oh yeah. and i think football players have the most sex in highschool. they are like the most popular and like the hoes of the school. their mess isnt just out there. sex at school is scary and fun at the same time.
i did it once in the auditorium in the audience and my classmates walked in on us. and we had to duck and dodge. it was crazy.
-auditorium in dressing room
-bleachers
-lockerroom
-pool
-weight room on the benches and floor
-outside at the park
-on the hood of your car outside your house gettin bit my mosquitoes
-on the trampoline
-on the side of your house
just crazy.sex is overrated to me tho. i guess i just need someone to blow me away.
Ultramegaman12342thecoolestguyever420
[report]wrote on October 08 2008 @ 05:42 pm:
TEH BEST PLACE TO SECKS IS VIA THE INTANETS
rachdach
[report]wrote on November 28 2008 @ 08:54 pm:
i’ll have to disagree with the sex on the beach opinions in this article. i’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years, and we were best friends for a year before that. we lost our virginity to each other on a warm summer night, after a long day of work. we decided to pack up a sleeping bag and head to the beach to sleep under the stars, no sex planned.
maybe naked sex on the sand is a bad idea, i won’t dissuade you from that, but losing my virginity on a secluded beach when we’re both young and beautiful, to my best friend in the world, will always be one of my most treasured memories of all time.
i still remember the way the moon looked when we looked up afterwards.