First Time For Everything: Swiping The V-Card
Posted by: Lauren Kaczka
Filed in:
sex
2:30PM, Saturday December 13th 2008
I consider myself one of those lucky girls who lost their virginity before college. I had a typical high school experience; I wasn’t a “queen bee” but I wasn’t at the bottom of the food chain either. My high school boyfriend and I mutually “swiped” each other’s v-cards at sixteen. He was my first love and blah, blah, blah. We decided to stay together even though we were going to separate colleges. It worked out great for the first semester and the mind-blowing, “can’t wait till you take your clothes off” sex every time we saw each other definitely helped the situation.
I felt a little sorry for him and the next girl he would sleep with. He just did not come to college with the experience that most guys did. Our paths did not cross until four years later when we met again at the local college bar. He wished to rekindle what we had so long ago, however I was more interested in his best friend. I guess I will always hold a special place in his pants.
However, things turned sour when I was invited to my first fraternity formal by one of my boyfriend’s friends. I made the most of that night, dancing, drinking, mostly drinking and mingling with as many people as possible. There was one boy that I was giving a little extra attention, flirting never hurt anyone. He was different than any boy I ever thought was cute in high school. He had this curly, messy hair and gorgeous brown eyes. The party started to dwindle, people started to make their way back to fraternity rooms, and I was left with John. We went back to his room to talk and I knew I was in trouble.
My conscious clicked in and I made him walk me home. I couldn’t sleep that night because I was tingling with excitement. The next time I saw him, all bets were off. After a night of beer pong in his fraternity basement, we made our way back to his room. We started to make out, which was more like pecking than making out. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want my tonsils cleaned, but some tongue action would be nice. Our clothes came off in a drunken stupor and then I heard five words I soon learned I would never want to hear again, “I’ve never done this before”.
“Excuse me?” I quickly replied sitting up on the futon.
“I’m a virgin,” he shot back.
I wasn’t in the right state of mind to process this information, but I was not about to inform him that I had only slept with one other person. “It’s okay,” I said. He then proceeded to reach his skinny naked body over me to get the condom that has been waiting on his windowsill all semester. The sex lasted approximately five minutes, which did not allow for any changes in position. I got a “thank you” afterward. I’m glad it was good for him, because I did not feel much of anything, let alone anything good. Unfortunately, we continued to see each other and the awkwardly short, non-adventurous sex also continued.
We broke it off after a semester; I guess he felt like he was ready to experience new things (i.e. new vaginas). I felt a little sorry for him and the next girl he would sleep with. He just did not come to college with the experience that most guys did. Our paths did not cross until four years later when we met again at the local college bar. He wished to rekindle what we had so long ago, however I was more interested in his best friend. I guess I will always hold a special place in his pants.
I had the unfortunate experience of hearing those words—“I’ve never done this before”—again. However, this time they were post sex. There was this cute, shy, nerdy boy in my organic chemistry class. Because of my intense flirting and text messaging, we became “study partners”. Our social circles never ran together – I was in the Greek system and he was not; so we only hung out in class. If we ever saw each other outside of class it would be one on one either in my sorority house or in his dorm room. One night he thought it would be romantic to come up to the house with a couple bottles of Smirnoff Ice (high school called, they want their drink back) and his guitar. The bottles remained unopened, but our pants were another story. We ended up in bed together for about 3 minutes. I wish I were exaggerating. I blinked my eyes and the sex was over.
While he is still on top and inside of me he said, “I’m sorry, but I have never done that before.”
I just wanted to push him off me and punch him in the face. You have got to be kidding me, I thought to myself. Of course, in hindsight, it was obvious this kid was a virgin or had very little sexual experience. “It’s ok,” I said, trying to sound comforting.
“Thank you,” he replied.
Thank you?? Ugh. We saw each other a few more times. He started to exhibit stalker-like behavior – asking my friends where I was, calling ten times in a row, and showing up at parties where he heard my sorority would be. The final straw was when I got home from class and he was waiting for me in my room, completely uninvited – major creeper.
After those two mortifying experiences, I am happy to report I did not experience any more virgins in my undergraduate sexual career. Unfortunately, my medical school virgin-swiping career was just beginning.
On the rare occasion that medical students go out, I met a good-looking second year. After a night of drowning in alcohol, my friends and I offered to “give him a ride home.” Clearly he ended up coming back to my apartment. Clothes were flung everywhere and we hopped into my bed. I reached over to my top dresser drawer to pull out a condom and he grabs my arm and says those words that I really thought I would never hear again, “I’ve never done this before”. Being sex deprived, I wasn’t going to say no. The sex was lackluster and over quickly. We stayed up to “watch” Superbad, when he suddenly grabbed my hand and put it in his pants.
“Excuse me, are you serious?” I exclaimed, as I quickly pulled my hand away. “Don’t you think that’s, I don’t know, rude?”
“I was joking,” he stuttered. “I guess you just don’t get my sense of humor.”
That was it. He has his clothes on and he was out the door in less than thirty seconds. I could care less how he got home. He was the third and he was the last v-card I swiped.
And for the record, I would just like to say a big NO thank you to any more virgins.
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UPPERDECK
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 10:40 am: [report]
Never understood why young women needed alcohol to get in touch with/justify their sexuality.I take that back.I understand it…I just never liked that part of the “ritual.”
Leigh Raines
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 10:58 am: [report]
hahahaha loves it…welcome to the site lady, great piece
J
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 01:12 pm: [report]
Part of you seems to look for the opportunity to “swipe the v-card.” That or it’s just desperation and alcohol. Sooner or later you have to realize that all virgins are clumsy fools, and only become mind-blowing through mutual exploration (and communication) with their partner.
em
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 01:27 pm: [report]
fab! i love it.
mikey
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 09:44 pm: [report]
I have a question for Lauren: why not take advantage of the guy’s inexperience and take matters into your own hands? You’d get your needs taken care of and your partner would learn some of what it takes to please a woman. That may not be all that great an idea after the experience with Med Student
Lauren Kaczka
wrote on September 2 2008 @ 12:42 pm: [report]
I have to admit I have a certain attraction to the boys with an inner dork, but I don’t go seeking guys with “v cards”. To be honest mikey - in college, I wasn’t looking to be anyone’s teacher, I was looking to get laid. Now (being a slightly more grown up), if I found a inexperienced guy that I would consider having a relationship with - I could see your point.
mikey
wrote on September 2 2008 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
Thx for the reply, Lauren, I understand your point of view, teaching s.o. sth can be a lot of work. If it’s sprung on you when you’re not in the mood or the best frame of mind, it would be hard to start teaching s.o. the basics of lovemaking.
Em
wrote on September 4 2008 @ 10:09 am: [report]
I can not stand it when I find out that a man is a virgin. It probably would not be so bad except that for reasons I still am trying to figure out, they seem to think the best time to mention this is not during the intial making out or fun touch time but right as the actual deed is supposed to take place. I can’t help but think that maybe mentioning that before I’m all hot and bothered would give me more patience with them. I don’t really like having to teach so maybe not.
mikey
wrote on September 4 2008 @ 10:24 am: [report]
I’ve had a couple of women I’ve slept w/ tell me that they were virgins too, after the fact though. I would have preferred they tell me beforehand. I would have taken more time to talk about things, get reactions, etc. That may not have changed much, who knows.
stephanie
wrote on September 4 2008 @ 11:06 pm: [report]
Ok- so you would think that out of 3 virgins, maybe 1 would at least have the decency to handle things better.
These are just total nightmares!!
Its fine if they are virgins, but do your homework boys!
Thank you for sharing I enjoyed this piece, and you are a trooper girlfriend!
Lauren Kaczka
wrote on September 8 2008 @ 07:53 pm: [report]
Steph - Thanks for the comment! Love that you enjoyed the piece!
mikey
wrote on September 13 2008 @ 04:20 am: [report]
Please correct me if I’m wrong here but I’m kinda getting the impression that both Lauren and Stephanie are expecting the guys to be leading the dance here. As virgins, they probably haven’t got a clue as to what to do, obviously, even if they’ve “done their homework”. This is one area where reading and imagining can only go so far. Real “hands on” experience is what it takes to get up to speed, so to speak, esp. as men and women are so wildly different sexually.
I’ve been confronted with a partner who was a virgin, it didn’t bother me at all, well maybe the fact that they told me after the fact. Still I don’t think all that many guys would get upset about the situation. Is that because they’re normally expected to take the lead?
This comes back, in part, to what I asked Lauren earlier. It’s true that teaching s.o. the intricacies of making love probably is out of the question in a situation where you just want to ‘get laid’ but it seems the perfect time to take charge, climb on your “steed” and have your way with him…
My remarks are in no intended as criticism, just questions…
row
wrote on September 18 2008 @ 06:49 am: [report]
@Lauren,
I don’t usually respond to these online posts, but in this case, I felt an exception was necessary.
If I might be frank: Lauren, you are a huge, raging b!534. You are getting angry at these boys because they are not huge sluts like you? Wow…
I realize that in the hook-up culture of college, one might expect every guy to sleep with any piece of @55 that comes along.
I realize further that these boys might not have handled this in the best manner; not notifying you ahead of time was not brilliant. Becoming stalkers or forcing themselves upon you is uncalled for.
However, for you to feel superior to them is just obscene. For you to write online about how terrible it is to sleep with these guys is just horrible.
For you to say, “I blinked my eyes and the sex was over” is almost a joke. According to recent studies, the average duration for sex is between THREE and SEVEN minutes. For a virgin to last five minutes is about average. You should have said congratulations and offered him gentle advice.
Ugh.
mikey
wrote on September 18 2008 @ 09:21 am: [report]
Wow! That was a blast. I’ve read the article a couple of times and barely got the imrpession that Lauren was acting superior to the boys she’s writing about. A difference in appreciation, I guess.
As for the average duration of sex, I agree that 3-7 mins. is correct, although my understanding was that those numbers relate to the actual act of penetration. With appropriate foreplay, the average lovemaking session can last much longer. An inexperienced lover is probably not aware of those subtleties. Learning about women’s sexuality is, imho, a daunting taks at first. I’m not surprised at all that she may have felt a bit cheated. At least that’s how I see it and that’s how I interpreted Lauren’s allusion to the length of her all too short romps.
EastCoastMale
wrote on December 14 2008 @ 12:37 am: [report]
I would have to say after reading th article, I definitely dont totally agree with it but I think the whole flying off the handle name calling by Row was a little much. I do have to say I get the fact that its frustrating if its mentioned by a guy with horrible timing but reverse the situation and if you head that guy say he wanted to punch her in the face as stated in the article, wouldnt you think that a bit much.
DrDoctor
wrote on December 14 2008 @ 03:17 am: [report]
I think they don’t tell you until right before because they either are afraid that they’ll be rejected or just don’t know when to say it since, let’s face it, they probably weren’t really expecting to actually get that far.
I definitely empathize with the frustration, though.
EastCoastMale
wrote on December 14 2008 @ 07:28 pm: [report]
I agreeDrDoctor and newsflash, everyone was a virgin at some time and Im sure their partner wasnt exactly thrilled. Be they man or woman, even IF they more experienced of the two was a guy and women think all guys like taking virginity. Not so. =) So show some understanding to all the virgins out there….
Mr.Masterson
wrote on May 17 2009 @ 02:45 pm: [report]
um, either i am completely abnormal, or ur guys’s statistics on vaginal penetration of the virgin is way off. I just lost my verginity on thursday and i lasted about 45 minutes of thrusting and 20 min. of blowjobs, and of course the wonderful forplay from the begining.
now i did however let the girl know i was a virgin before hand. and i apparently got an 8 out of 10, without getting to finish(yes thats right, i never came)so, maybe u just got really bad virgins, i don’t know.