First Time For Everything: Swinging
Posted by: Diana Vilibert
Filed in:
sex
11:00AM, Thursday September 3rd 2009
When I first set out to write about swinging for an article about the lifestyle, the last thing I expected was to find myself nodding when a slim, curly-haired brunette asks if she may take off my panties. It’s a windy Friday night and I’m in a cozy, apartment-style swing club in Midtown Manhattan, my short, cherry-red dress folded down to my waist—all in the name of research, of course. The bartender, a curvy blonde, leans over to kiss me.
My favorite black bra is on the floor. Still, I’m out-clothed only by the three men seated in chairs lined up against the walls of the tiny room, barely large enough to fit us all. Just an hour earlier, it was the smoking room, outfitted with an ashtray collecting cigarette butts next to a small television playing an ABC “20/20” special on sexual offenders. The men, all uniformly dressed in slacks and button-downs, are quiet and make no attempts to join the three of us. It’s only when we’re interrupted by the swing club owner—“five minutes to closing,” he warns—that I notice a fourth man in the room, optimistically wearing only a condom on his penis, now half-heartedly erect.
Anywhere from 30 to 250 people, both singles and couples, can be found at swing clubs on any given night. I’m here on “Women Who Love C**k Night,” the one night a week that the club allows single, uncoupled men to attend.
One must be either penis-friendly or very assertive on such nights. Prior to finding myself entangled with these two women in front of a group of onlookers, I had spent most of my swinging evening as a broken record, repeating “thank you, no,” and “I’m just watching tonight” on a loop.
“Let me go down on you,” a tall, dark-haired single man in his 40s had pressed. “You won’t regret it.” I politely declined his advances, and his persistence annoyed me. I felt like a juicy rotisserie chicken in stilettos, spinning in a butcher-shop window: If I leaned too far into the playroom (a cozy bedroom equipped with two beds and a small cushioned viewing bench), strange male hands attached themselves to my body. Squeezed between two men in the foyer, just outside the small room where a couple sensually undressed each other, I felt a large hand on the small of my back. A different hand, belonging to the generous cunnilingus benefactor, rubbed my shoulders. I began to understand why most clubs only have one night a week, if any at all, that permit single men.
I started excusing myself to refill my drink, ducking through the crowd of men in various states of undress, to chat up the bartender. Our conversation got more flirtatious each time I returned. I wasn’t even aware I knew how to flirt with women—I’ve never had so much as a drunken girl-on-girl make-out session for the viewing pleasure of beer-guzzling frat guys. When I made my final journey to the bar, she was gone, and I followed the slack-jawed stares of the men in the room like breadcrumbs along the underground sex railroad. They lead me to the smoking room, where my new friend had made a new, now naked, friend of her own. When they spied me peeking from the doorway, they motioned me over to join them, waving me into the room like they were inviting me for tea. And just like that, I went from zero to threesome.
Forty minutes later, after gathering my undergarments and dictating my phone number to the brunette—she stores it under “NYC Swingers” in her contacts list—I make my way home.
I have yet to swing again, but if I do, I can probably get a group discount. Most of my friends have requested that I take them on a field trip to a swing club ... just to watch, of course. Though, I’ll probably have to find a new partner once I’m there—I’m still waiting for the brunette to call.
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Arsenic
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 11:49 am: [report]
Oh my! Never EVER go to any club that lets unscreened single men in. It’s always super skeevy and can be dangerous. The classy clubs are the ones that screen their members.
bogart4017
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 12:40 pm: [report]
Just the offer to swing can end a beautiful friendship. Actually it was an offer to swap wives. I was shocked to be offered and after i turned them down we didnt see them quite so much. I think they were embarrassed.
majicksand
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 05:23 pm: [report]
Very dangerous for friendships. If you turn it down, it’s awkward and embarassing for everyone. If you go through with it, how do you react next time you socialize? Is there an expectation it will happen again? Do you regret it because you thought you were ok with it only to realize afterward that you really weren’t and now your relationship is strained? What if the other party is willing do do stuff you aren’t? What if it’s bad?
Yup, swinging with friends—very dangerous business.
Juicy Two Shoes
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 07:00 pm: [report]
Indeed. All of my experiences have been delightful, but I was the single person joining friends that were a couple. I think my single status probably helped difuse any uncomfortable-ness along with my sparkling, no-BS, no-drama attitude. When you get into couples swinging with couples, THAT’s where it gets tricky…
blakeinlasvegas
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]
there must be total disclosure BEFORE swinging..
i have done threesomes and more with several friends and there has never been an issue if everyone is honest…
several men have asked me to pleasure, or help pleasure, their wives and girlfriends and it has always be enjoyable
Dr Caligari
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 01:46 pm: [report]
Mmmm…that is a delicious tale of swinging. I could picture the scene like a blue movie playing in my head. Hard to find any good swingers videos though, but I do have some favorite websites..
classysassy
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 04:49 pm: [report]
so, how does one go about finding a reputable swingers club?
MLR8
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 02:30 pm: [report]
how were the people - agewise, attractiveness? i went to a swingers club once and, not to sound like an #&@$%, but the people were all overweight and unattractive…older too, but i don’t mind that so much.
MediaExecutive
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 12:20 am: [report]
I went to a swinger party. All the women were incredibly overweight and unattractive. At the end the 400lbs+ hostess pretty much begged either me or my friend to ‘help’ her which we declined.
99girl
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 11:14 am: [report]
I’m not sure I could get over the insecurity. Like “Did my husband enjoy this other woman more than me?” that kind of thing. I’d like to think I could handle it, because I think it would be incredibly sexy, but I think the emotional aftermath would be a nightmare for me.
effing hickster
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 07:51 am: [report]
Did the MMF threesome thing one time, and only because the woman asked nicely. If a man asked “for his wife”, I’d automatically assume he was lying. Everything worked out okay, and there was no real contact between me and the other guy. I’m simply surprised I had the “balls” to go through with it.
I’m pretty sure that a date of mine was once trying to finagle me into a FFM with her and her friend, but the way they went about it was completely awkward and unannounced. I wound up thinking that her friend was trying to seduce me behind her back, and since I’m not the cheating kind, their plan fell apart. Come on, all you have to do is ask.
I wouldn’t pass up the FFM opportunity again if I was asked in the future, but I’m really very concerned with making sure that it’s okay with all parties involved. You really have to be secure in yourself to go through with it if they’re not strangers to you.
Iammina
wrote on October 22 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]
My husband and I are too obsessed and jealous to do anything like that. However, it has always been a fanatsy of mine to do it with two guys. My husband says his fanatsy is watching another guy make love to me but neither of us would actually consider making it a reality.