First Time For Everything: Dating A Younger Man
Posted by: Natalie Krinsky
Filed in:
relationships
10:30AM, Monday December 15th 2008
I have forever dated older men. Some by a year. Others by four years. Another by ten years. My theory came to be that ten years might be the ideal age difference. I felt five years older than my age, and men were usually about five maturity years younger than their actual age, so if I was 25, my ideal mate would be 35. We would meet at the figurative age of 30. It all made perfect mathematical sense.
Several months ago, I found myself at a party. From across the room, I made eye contact with a man. He wore a permanently bemused expression, had a mop of curly hair, and a bit of mischief in his blue eyes. I leaned into my friend Sara and asked her of his origins. “That,” she told me raising a brow, “is Freddy. You will like him.”
Whenever someone says something like that, it inevitably puts ideas in your head. The idea that my industrious brain, working in conjunction with my sex-starved libido, had was that I was going to go home with Freddy. And when I get an idea in my head, well ...
I went home with Freddy.
And let me tell you, Freddy kissed good. The sexual chemistry was very much there. You know when all you want is for a man to take charge? To throw you up against a wall and show you “Who’s the Boss?” a la Tony Danza? Well, Freddy totally Tony Danza’d me. And call me Alyssa Milano, but I liked it. I liked it a lot.
Pillow talk, as it usually does, ensued. I was pleasantly surprised that unlike most of the other men in Los Angeles, Freddy actually read books. Just like me. And he was funny. He told me the real problem with LA was that nobody acts their age. I laughed. And agreed. Indeed, it is disconcerting to look around a nightclub and find that most of your male counterparts are baby boomers.
“How old are you?” I asked Freddy, my head resting comfortably on his broad shoulder.
And that’s when things took a bit of turn. Because Freddy informed me that he was 22.
When I first found out that the Younger Guy was, well, younger, I was apopleptic. “Twenty-two?” I kept repeating. You’re “Twenty-two?” “Yup!” he replied eagerly. I felt as if I was in bed with Dennis the Menace. Weren’t there laws about this? Freddy did not seem at all bothered by the idea that I could be his older sister. He asked me what the big deal was. What had I really learned between the ages of 22 and 26? Had I become exponentially wiser? What was all that different about he and I?
I snorted internally. Only about 1460 days, I thought to myself. 1460 long, long days.
Instead, I answered that at 22 I was wide-eyed and bushy tailed. I had great hopes for my life. Now I understood that this was it. I had turned into a bitter old cynic.
What was wrong with all the girls his age anyway? Freddy replied that he liked me. I was smart and witty and pretty. Let me tell you, all it takes to get me in the sack is for someone to tell me that I’m pretty and I’m funny. (I never claimed to be hard to get). And Freddy did both of those things. Maybe he was wise beyond his years.
So, despite my world weary attitude, I though that I should give it a shot. I threw caution to Demi and thought—why not? Why not try the younger guy?
Freddy treated me as if I’d hung the moon myself. He made me feel confident. Unlike other men, he didn’t seem to shirk from my self-proclaimed status as a funny girl. He admired that I was a writer, pursuing a less traditional career path. He looked at me with these big worshippy blue eyes and I loved it. I loved every second of it.
He was energetic, eager to learn things, and very excitable—in at least two ways.
It was fun to be able to dole out advice to someone who sort of looked up to me. Show him the ropes, so to speak. But sometimes showing him the ropes wasn’t all that fun. And there was no one to talk about my ropes with. Advice, shall we say, was not his strong suit.
There was also the question of his younger friends. I enjoy long, boozy dinners at new restaurants. They enjoy long boozy nights watching “Fletch” and drinking forties. We did not exactly have common interests.
But there was still that whole Tony Danza in the bedroom thing, which I just couldn’t shake. Where did he learn all these things at the ripe young age of 22? It was impressive.
But Freddy wasn’t one for making plans. At first, his text messages were cute. Then the 11 p.m. booty call on a Monday night lost its cachet. I wanted someone who was my equal, who wanted to do the same things I did. For some reason, Freddy never needed to get up in the morning. I, on the other hand, had things to do.
I bid farewell to Freddy—amicably, of course. Sometimes I still swing by to sip a forty with him. But what I learned from Freddy was that everyone should try the younger guy—at least once.
Maybe twice.
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EastCoastMale
wrote on December 15 2008 @ 10:49 am: [report]
Hmm I wont go too into detail with this one but Im sure a lot of people, both male and female, have ventured to both ends of the age spectrum with mixed results. I say if you are both consenting adults and there is something there then have at it but it would be my own thought that tells me dont go younger or older just ebcause of that sole fact. If you happen to feel a connection and it turns out their either then so be it. There is this sneaking feeling however than many of both sexes will disagree with me. =)
Lucky Red
wrote on December 15 2008 @ 12:38 pm: [report]
I am 26 and dating a 22 year old. He (I must unfortunately admit) is at times far more mature than me. And is definitely the most compatable partner I’ve ever had. Not too mention he is the one who keeps wanting to escalate the relationship to the next level, so maybe I just hit the jackpot!!
suzybabies
wrote on December 15 2008 @ 01:21 pm: [report]
ive had sex with a younger man and it was very good for my sense of sexual prowess. I also ran into the problem of maturity, and mental connection. it wasnt that i found this person unintelligent but rather out of my social situation and goal oriented mind set. For purely sexual reasons though it was great.
check out the top ten worst condom ideas for a good laugh
studyandscore.blogspot.com
juliePS
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 08:39 am: [report]
I flip back and forth between younger and older men. The cynical version is: younger men tend to be idealistic and clueless, whereas older men tend to think they know it all, have seen it all, and how much does a young punk like me have to offer them anyway? hehe.
dirtyboots
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 08:54 am: [report]
I’m 25 and dating a 22 year old, and while it’s only been 2 or 3 months, and he is the first younger man I’ve dated, it seems to be going pretty well. He seems more mature than a lot of the older men that I have dated, and at the same time is more spontaneous and fun that some of those older men as well. So far, I’d have to say that while it weirded me out at first, I’m pretty into it at this point.
lisamclisa
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 08:55 am: [report]
I began dating a younger man when I was 38 and divorced. I married him 3 years later, been married for over 4 years. He’s 8 years younger than me and we have had no significant problems with this situation. Either he’s mature for his age or I’m immature for mine, the latter is probably more the case
Either way, this is the best relationship I’ve ever been in and we couldn’t be happier!
oonday
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 09:21 am: [report]
i gotta say - this is 1 area i haven’t ventured into… idk - i’ve just never been with a guy that much younger than myself… it’d be like dating my son’s friends - ewww!
just4me2
wrote on March 13 2009 @ 09:18 pm: [report]
I am now in a much younger relationship he is 29 and i am
49 getting ready too be 50 WOW!! I think the younger men and older women are a sexy part of todays happening group. If a woman keeps herself hot and sexy then its a good thing
she can just rule. I love my relationship and feel good about myself for me first then everything just falls into place after that. All I can say is you girly girls just keep looking sexy and confident.
jenjenjen
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 09:28 pm: [report]
Ok - have to chime in..
I am a 34 yr old woman and have been dating a 20 year old guy(started when he was 19) for almost a year. Yeah he practically lives here, he is… the bomb. Really he is one of these gorgeous lively athletic guys that girls his age adore and drool all over, and he’s just so very adoring, I can’t shake him. I also can’t believe my luck. He was my manny-nanny ...I had never thought of him as potential boy-toy, and once we started flirting shamelessly, I swore I wouldn’t do THAT! But we became really close friends, he is amazing with my young boys… he has an old soul. Not to mention the energy, and the equipment. Moreover, he has TIME, something I have none of. I am his first true love, it’s a bit unbelievable, but i’m just past all the insecurity, etc. that I had in my twenties. That’s such a turn-on to a guy his age who has a gift with women, when they’re falling all over him, or alternatively trying to play hard to get. Did I mention he loves women? He does. I love men that love women. And I’ve already been married and have kids, so, there’s no pressure (or illusion) there. Yeah Mary Louise Parker (is that her name? from weeds) has given us older women all a new role-model (enjoy yourself while you have the time, and if she can look like that at 42…). I feel liberated, and soooo sexy. Finally, there’s no better incentive to get me to the gym. I am not always so assured, and I initially thought it would be a little short fling, but, at this point - we’re closer than a most married couples. I do (probably?) have to set him free sometime, but I’m not sure he won’t be back. I’ll probably move on to, but I’d drop everything for this guy if he returned a little older (and I maintained a gorgeous young-ish image, not that I have one at the moment, but it’s on the list). I was not ever this intimate with my ex-h; it’s really the clash of the personalities and chemistries that make a romance hot. And it’s not that unusual for single moms to get hooked up with these guys, I’m not the only one I know. They learn, we teach.