Croutons
wrote on August 04 2008 @ 04:35 pm:

OK - be honest: are “Dan” and “Ellie” really “Tom” and “Roseann”???

lilo
wrote on August 04 2008 @ 05:40 pm:

Okay, I feel so non-evolved. I cannot imagine curbing the green-eyed monster enough to let my man hold hands with anyone else at the same time.

Elle
wrote on August 04 2008 @ 11:02 pm:

I agree with Lilo.  It takes a certain personality to be able to handle that type of relationship and if you can do it then more power to you.  I’m more than happy to read about the kinky escapades that unfold. 

Sarah
wrote on August 05 2008 @ 10:11 am:

This is great! I’m in a poly relationship too and I love hearing about other people’s experiences. And yes, communication is KEY.

Radagast
wrote on August 05 2008 @ 12:54 pm:

You’re story was at once, uplifting, romantic, and sad.

It was sad because it brought back memories of the triad I was in. While I realize I have been poly all my life, I hadn’t known it had a name until my bf used the term. My bf and gf and I were together for some time, but it finally ended. In some ways I wish I could say it was due to society, but this was due to the more dangerous problem of lack of communication. He, she and I didn’t talk much about the serious issues, even though I often begged to sit down and discuss them.

I still love them both to this very day.

I’m now in a Vee with two wonderful women. I wish it were a triad, but my wife isn’t bisexual. Nothing in life is perfect.

All the best.

PLURall
wrote on August 05 2008 @ 04:26 pm:

Great little article!  I especially like what you had to say about change being the only constant.  This holds true in every one of life’s situations, but especially in terms of any kind of relationship, it really helps to keep this in mind so that you don’t take each other for granted.

Lara
wrote on August 05 2008 @ 06:35 pm:

Okay, but every two-way relationship I’ve ever been in was unequal in love.  Somebody always loves more than the other.  If all three of you are loving each other unequally, I can’t imagine that there is no jealousy.  Doesn’t that multiply your problems?

atlgirl
wrote on August 05 2008 @ 06:54 pm:

I want to know what happens if you want “alone night” with one of the partners. Is that an option? And how does the other person feel? And here’s one, what if you don’t really feel like having sex, but the other partners do, would you feel like you better do it to “stay in the mix”? Or is it just nice to know it’s taken care of. What about safe sex? Diff precautions? So many questions…

radagast
wrote on August 05 2008 @ 06:55 pm:

Lara,
While all relationships may be unequal, more people tends to average out those feelings. More people who love you. That doesn’t mean if the binary relationship is on shaky ground you add more - never a good idea.

As for jealousy, I don’t say there is none. Same as there isn’t jealousy in many dyads (binary relationships). That said, I’m judging that based on reading. I’ve never felt jealousy. Envy big time, but not jealousy.

For some people jealousy is a fact of life, like fear, anger, and love. For people who have anger, they learn to deal with it. For people that experience jealousy, they need to learn to deal with that too.

Jealousy is an emotion arising from fear of loss. Often that fear is unfounded, making jealousy easier to get rid of.

Radagast
wrote on August 05 2008 @ 06:58 pm:

Atlgirl,
Usually that’s the case, but that depends on the relationship. Different people have different relationships - they usually set up the rules early on. Most all the triads, vees, and quads I know of have regular alone time between members of the groups.

karuna
wrote on August 06 2008 @ 03:14 pm:

Great article! The insight provided to those of us who are contented dyad-ers is immense, especially for those like myself who have chosen thier way of life out of a sense of personal agency rather than giving in to social controls, and who are genuinely interested in understanding the lifestyles of those who have chosen differntly for the same reasons. Thanks!

John Stark
wrote on August 06 2008 @ 08:21 pm:

This is a great piece of your life to share.  I particularly love knowing that there are moms out there looking for examples to show their children of how people find love and happiness in many different way.  I don’t think this experience is all that much different than the kinds of relationships many people construct (though without taking the step of putting a name to it).  I’m in an open marriage, both of us dating other people, and have written a book about the first two years of figuring out all the rules and everything that makes it sane and healthy for us.  I’d love to know what kind of negotiations happened along the way.

Lilly
wrote on August 07 2008 @ 03:31 pm:

Well… I never thought the whole polygamy thing was very fair- unless it went both ways.  In my case, I have a husband and a long-term boyfriend.  I live by myself (my choice), still married but only have sex with the boyfriend.  My hubby likes my BF and my children do too.  We get together for dinners and functions and all get along well. Hubby and BF also read the same books and care for the kids (older teens) in loving ways.  I need hubby for medical benefits and to be honest, I like him very much, we have shared 28 years together and produced 3 children- he just no longer appeals to me in any sexual way.  He and I are ‘project’ people.. and BF wants nothing to do with home maintenance or responsibility.. but I enjoy him sexually and his sense of adventure.  I don’t know how long this train will run, but I enjoy it while I can.  I hope both the guys are getting something out of it too.  Glad they have not asked me to make a choice.

mle jay
wrote on August 08 2008 @ 12:25 pm:

i’m just really don’t know what to think about this poly realationships. i am very opened minded and would never look down or even think twice about people who are equally open to love as i am. but the old time puritan american in me dies a little when i hear this. i love love. who doesn’t? i have just as much love to give as the next person, including poly people. but i would never allow such an act within my realationship. maybe i love myself so much that i could never give that up to allow another one to take (even if its just sex) anything from the one i love. it also seems to easy, like a get-out-of-jail-card from your emtions or self-fulfilment. I love more then just my man, i have my dog, my best friend, my family, my job, my garden and 100 more things i love. i just don’t see anything sustainable in a situation like this. but all in all its just not for me, i’m a get married be together to the end hopeless romantic. and is still glad that i live in a world now that everyone can be accepted for who they are...poly or not.

blackbear
wrote on August 09 2008 @ 03:31 am:

Anya, Great article I am in a poly relationship as well. We have never really discussed the geometry of it but guess you would have to say is a double V. It does not deminish love it enhances it. Some talk about jealousy yes it can be there but as you said communication is the key. Trust and honesty go hand in hand with it. I wish you and yours well.

Theodore
wrote on August 09 2008 @ 03:41 am:

Wonderful article love the way its informative and narrative, where’s the book? Been poly all my life , its the way to be for love to flow. Present society is based on power, limitations and control, it works but is prone to displays of force or actual force on all levels. When the foundation of society is shared love in harmony we will have a much more peaceful (liveable/sustainable) world. Please don’t think I don’t understand that wonderful magic between two and the nuclear family closeness, it is just that there are other, also completely fantastic magical relationships and many household living arrangements, from poly families with children committed to staying together in raising them or singles with lovers networks, or two bi couples forming all together with love bonds, and others.

Harmony
wrote on August 09 2008 @ 03:42 am:

That was a sweet story.  I would like to try something like that- only I would rather have a triad of 2 guys and myself, myself being a woman

Patroc Donzenba
wrote on August 09 2008 @ 02:47 pm:

Lilly:
Stop thinking polygamy and polyamory are the same thing.
And you husband is prob burning with anger inside with how you are
taking advantage of him.

Varuka Salt
wrote on August 11 2008 @ 12:22 am:

In response to the commenting regarding never feeling that all parties are on equal footing.

I was thinking about it and in many cases that is true, however I think the reason is more about time.  For example I’m married and no matter how much I like a new person, I have 10 years of history with my husband… that is going to make for a different dynamic… not sure I’d call it better, but me and him have the history of working out a bunch of shit.  The same is true for friends, except we don’t care as much… say you go to a new school and becomes friends with someone who has a really close friend - even if we all become friends - it’s not going to seem equal.

I think it’s hard for people who come into an existing relationship to not compare.  My only advice would be (that I used for myself when I dated married folk) - was to only be concerned with my needs in the sense that I asked myself these questions: “am I feeling satisfied” “do I think we are were we should be giving the amount of time we’ve been dating and sharing” “am I missing something I want” ect etc… then work those out with the person I’m seeing.  If you aren’t getting those needs met it doesn’t matter how cool you are with another person in the relationship.  If you are getting what you want, then you kinda have to remind yourself that time isn’t the end all and that each relationship is going to be very different.

Of course - all of that is ONLY if you want to be with a couple or with someone in a relationship.  It’s a lot of extra work for not much extra payoff and I completely understand not doing it. Personally, I don’t think I’d let that stop me.  I like to experience the beginning of relationships and let them take the time to develop.

Loved
wrote on August 11 2008 @ 12:57 pm:

I tried the poly thing but what occurred to me was that what I had done was made a line between friendship and a relationship.  My best friend and I share an emotional connection and experiences because she and I are women and mothers.  My husband and I share different but equally powerful connections.  My sister and I, my neighbors and I....

I would say that Lilly’s marriage is an extended friendship.  And she’s not even living with hubby or bf. 

I think that instead of making relationships black and white, we need to appreciate the different levels of intimacy that they can have.  (And stop forcing intimacy to only be justified when it’s between partners.) Why does a significant relationship have to fit into a romantic definition?  I love my best friend but not in a candlelit dinner kinda way.

Coco
wrote on August 11 2008 @ 01:53 pm:

For all of those out there who simply cannot understand the concept of loving more than one person ask yourself this, do you love your father or mother more? how about your brothers and sisters?  Do you love one friend more than another? or do you love old friends less because you find new ones?  This Article is great for showing one of the Numberless ways that Polyamory exists, and does a very good job revieling the truth that a good portion of the woes associted with the Poly lifestyle are brought about by society’s inability to let others live the way they choose without trying to force everyone to conform to one right way.  There is no ONE right way!  I too am in a loving Poly relationship. I am a Bi female who currently has 2 men in my life… no I havent had a threesome with both of them at the same time, and that will most likely never happen.  All relationships are dificult, you have to work at any relationship to make it worthwhile.  But you reap the rewards

Slippery Girl
wrote on August 11 2008 @ 02:50 pm:

Hi Anya James,

Wonderful article and thank you for opening your own realtionship up to the public.
I myself blog for fun as an amateur writer. I love to read, write and talk about Erotica for pleasure. Just recently i have started to post stories on my myspace page.. I do enjoy other peoples works as well and have lots of books on the subject of polyamory. I have been a practicing and open Poly gal for over 15yrs now and my new hubby is very open to all possible relationships so this works for me..the Key is learning that the green eyed monster is really an illusion and a negative emotions that is programed into your personality. Your Essence is all love, peace, Joy and Equanimity sexual relationships is just one form of expression. Thank again for your article..You now have one more fan!!!!

Love and Peace,
Slipperygirl

Temptress
wrote on August 11 2008 @ 02:59 pm:

What a wonderful article. It shows how superb the poly life can be. Losing Dan in your triad was difficult, but you and Ellie still have each other.
Being a part of a quad has been very enriching for my life.
While Poly is not for everyone.... it is amazing for those it does work for.

zuDARru
wrote on August 11 2008 @ 05:14 pm:

This is of course an option for anyone wh can handle it. You would be supprised how quiclky jelousy can be controled or expressed more rationaly than expected. We are , as adults expected to control our anger , fear, lust , why not jelousy?? I am in a quad that might be on it’s way tobecomeing a hexigon ( or possibly need to go into 3D ) and other than schedualing , it’s really really nice.

Sipperygirl
wrote on August 15 2008 @ 03:37 pm:

Lilly,

I think your 3 way relationship with Hubby and BF is beautiful.It works for the family in a positve and loving way; so why not!!!.Thank you for telling us about it your love life..Have you read the book Spiritual Polyamory by Mystic Life? Its a great book and will open you up to an even deeper understanding on Polyamory..Its not about Sex if it were we would be calling ourselves Swingers!!!Its about a spiritual connectedness to yourself and others you are in life with. Again sexuality is one way to express Love.

Love and Peace,
Slipperygirl

Lilly
wrote on August 15 2008 @ 11:06 pm:

Dear Patroc,

I don’t think my hubby is ‘burning inside’ and certainly isn’t a fool.  I have been honest with both of them.  I cannot make a choice between the two since I love them both in very different ways.  Either would be a tragic loss.  Please understand that I did not go looking to enter into any kind of relationship with another man.. it just happened after so many years of deadness inside.  I completely forgot what it was to be wanted or to feel passion.  I think after you have children and time goes by, both parties drift..  I just happen to do it first.  To be honest with you, I think my hubby is somewhat relieved.  For the first time in his life, he can enjoy living the way he wants.. not how his mother or his wife defined him.  And I am free to do the same.  I love him for the wonderful dad he is, the caring individual he is.. I just don’t love him in a sexual way.  If you see this as ‘taking advantage’ of him. I must respectfully disagree.

Patroc Donzenba
wrote on August 15 2008 @ 11:57 pm:

Lilly, Oh, Lilly:

Of course that would be your opinion.
I could compare that attitude with the Oven workers in Nazi germany -
but I wont.

But anyway - I can see why you don’t want to end your relationship with your ex - you want to drain money and life from him. I’ve seen it before.

And I’ve been with very evolved poly-folk, so I have a little inside knowledge
about this. We talk in men’s group and some guys put up the front
because they don’t want to be seen as party poopers.

Men in general and specific don’t think like you and don’t think like you want them to. If they had a good sexual relationship with a person in the past,
is is very hurtful when they get rejected. And every time a guy sees that ex-lover the rejection comes up. Over and over again. You are just in denial over it.
Of course, if you’ve gotten uglier and uglier over the years due to meat eating
and stinking thinking… Then maybe he is just being nice to you for the kid’s sake.

And are you projecting that he is “somewhat relieved”?
Or are you just relieved that he has not killed you

Ha! Ha! What ever - It’s your guy’s life, and as long as you aint hurtin’ nobody
else, it’s within Universal Principles.

Radagast97
wrote on August 16 2008 @ 12:25 am:

Patroc,
Discuss ideas - personal attacks are a violation of TheFrisky’s Terms of Service agreement. I am poly and I personally know the author and at over half the people who have posted here. Funny how none of them expressed that Lilly was taking advantage of her husband. You know virtually nothing of their relationship, nor do I. Anything either of us say is much more a projection of our own experiences, than the reality of their relationship.

I may be poly and I’ve been in an open relationship with my wife for over 31 years. It’s my personal opinion that when I hear anyone using the phrase “very evolved poly-folk” I hear ego talking. Poly is different from mono, not better; not more evolved; and not superior.

Before you reply, keep in mind that moderators will be reviewing what we both have written. Violations of the terms of service agreement is a valid reason for theFrisky to block further ability to post comments for the offending person.

Glenn

Patroc Donzenba
wrote on August 16 2008 @ 12:38 am:

I don’t claim to be a “very evolved poly folk” I just know a hand full of them.
I wish I was.

Well, maybe I am projecting Ha! Ha!  <-- esoteric reference

Anyway, what people say to the people who are involved is usually
editted to the feelie good feelings.

I am poly and am not very good at it. I want everyone to be free and get along.
And then the baggage shows up. Luckily I have not made any babies
to make hopeless entanglements get desperate.

So many of the problems in fiction can be resolved by clarity and openness,
which includes polyamory.

I have a friend who is wannabe polygamous who gets the woman pregnant
right away - and then they are stuck with him. He burns them out
and they take off with the child. He has 6 or 7 at the moment. And he actually
kept the twins from a few times ago. He tells them what’s up from the beginning, and I do too… but they always think “he’ll change for me” and
he doesn’t and then they usually attempt to kill him.
What’s my point? I donno.

But anyway.

miss dee
wrote on August 17 2008 @ 08:46 pm:

Padroc,

The world has evolved in funny ways - for instance, men very often have their own feelings and opinions, and actually express them!

Come on, Padroc. If Lilly’s husband was really unhappy in his marital situation with her, don’t you think he’d do something about it? Don’t you think he’d tell her he’s uncomfortable with her boyfriend, or ask for a divorce, or something?

If I was in his situation, I’d probably be a bit relieved! Not because of any distaste towards Lilly herself, I’m sure she’s rad. But it would take some pressure off, don’t you think? Not having to be solely responsible for someone’s happiness would be quite liberating, I imagine.

You aren’t her husband - you can’t possibly know how he feels about the whole situation. Maybe he’s OK with it! Maybe he’s seeing other people on the side, too!

And really, bringing Lilly’s attractiveness into this is just a horrifying, unnecessary personal attack. A woman’s worth is not defined by her beauty. Lilly is a beautiful person who deserves to be happy! And her husband, boyfriend, and children deserve to be happy, too. And they probably are - you can’t define what fulfills other people. As long as there’s ample, honest communication, what is wrong with an alternative lifestyle? I have to wonder about the open-mindedness that you claim.

Opinionated
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 05:05 am:

I’m usualy pretty open to others living their lives as they please, but that doesn’t mean that I can not have an opinion on it and my opinion is that none of this poly, tri or vee (whatever that means) is in any way, shape or form normal…

Next people are going to start commending each other for their “beautiful” intimate relationships with farm animals.

I’m sorry, but just because there is 0.0001% of the population that has a mental glitch that makes them incapable of finding fulfillment in a regular relationship, doesn’t make it something that should be promoted in the least.

Get a hobby, learn something new, become productive members of society and stop trying to bring us down to your level with all you perversion…

blackbear
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 12:59 pm:

Opinionated, Yes you have a right to your opinion but when you attack others that is not an opinion. Most polys that I know are multi-degreed, very creative and artistic, and would have to say are probably some of the most productive members of society. Just because you do not understand something please do not jump to the conclusion that polys or any other group that differs from you are lazy uneducated bums. This is simply not true. Please thing in the future if it is an opinion or if it is meant to denigrate.

Dan
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 06:10 pm:

My wife and I have been in a poly relationship for the last twelve years. We met this gentleman and I must admit that jealousy and other issues were grinding away at first.  I have learned that he is just as respectful as I am and cares for my wife as much as I do.  We have done activities together as home maintainance and travel and we three have become close.  Most of the time my wife spends an overnight with him and occasionally we, three, spend sexual time together. If there are no agendas except mutual happiness and love, polyamorous relationships can be a “Heaven” among the cheating, lying, divorce, anger and loathing of half of the marriages today.

ShyNsweetN
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 09:03 pm:

WOW!! What an exsperience, thank you for sharing and taking the time to go into detail.

ShyNsweetN
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 09:21 pm:

WHO?

Who wrote the tune the songbird sings?
Who made the diamonds we wear on rings?

Who caused the snow and rain to fall?
Who made spring, winter, summer and fall?

Who gave man a woman to love?
Who made the clouds and sky above?

Who lights the stars and moon in the night?
Who makes heaven and beyond so bright?

Who gives us babies we follow till death?
Who made us able to speak with our breath?

Who gives us heroes willing to die?
Who made the tears we shed as we cry.

Who shows us hope and guides our way?
The same one who loves us night and day.

Who gives us our will to choose love?
Weather we love one or two, or none.

Who has the right to judge our lives?
The one who created Heaven and Hell.

Author
Unknown

Opinionated
wrote on September 01 2008 @ 03:51 am:

Blackbear: I did re-read my entry and will concede that I may have worded things a little shaper than needed.

After reading the more recent entries, I guess it does make some sense (in a different than normal way) that getting your current spouse/partner to agree to letting you take on a 2nd partner (otherwise called a mistress/lover) is possibly an easier route to go through (instead of a divorce) if all parties are of the same mindset.

And while I get the “judge not lest ye be judged” poem posted by ShyNsweetN, there is still something off from my sensibilities about this whole type of situation. It seems born out of an laziness and an inability to work and focus to get satisfaction from your one relationship.

Temptress
wrote on September 01 2008 @ 08:51 am:

Opinionated.. in reading your latest post I felt compelled to comment. You wrote....
“ It seems born out of an laziness and an inability to work and focus to get satisfaction from your one relationship. “

I have to disagree. My husband and I have been married 18 years and we have 5 wonderful children.
My once best friend and her husband have been married 19 years and also have 5 amazing kids.
Both marriages were strong and committed. There was NO laziness in the least on anyones part.
I won’t go into all of the boring details, but 3 years ago the four of us joined our families and marriages. We have lived together in one home as blended family. I have 2 husbands, one viewed legally by the state, the other of my heart. And I have been truly blessed to know that my best friend is now my wife.
I can understand that grasping this concept can be difficult to most. But I can tell you that making the leap from a long term committed , monogomous marriage to a long term committed poyamorous blending is really just a small step.
No one person can be everything, or meet all of the emotional needs of another. And just as you can have child after child and still love each one in their own special and unique way without taking anything from the child before, so can you love more than one spouse in same romantic and loving manner wihtout detracting from the love you have for any others.
My one statment that I will stand on firmly is that one should not just jump into polyamory. Do one long term committed relationship right, be firm in who you are and what you need and THEN when you are both ready open yourselves and others will find you.

Temptress

Radagast97
wrote on September 01 2008 @ 09:24 am:

Opinionated:  While I can understand when something is new or unusual it takes time to wrap ones ming around a concept, but you are far off base.

You somehow seem to see binary relationships qualitatively different from those with more people. They aren’t. People used to make bogus arguments about gay/lesbians: that they were being weak, we’re unnatural, etc., all because people didn’t understand that they were simply different.

I’m quite satisfied with my work, hobbies, and definitely of my relationship with my wife, which I’ve had for the past 31+ years and going strong.

The one thing you mentioned earlier about not being normal. Multiple relationships are not normal. Cheating and serial monogamy are normal. With 67% of all binary relationships seeing cheating and others dumping an existing relationship when a new person comes into their lives (serial monogamy), I see polyamory as an attempt to take a natural situation (falling in love with more than one person) and not either causing the ghastly damage of cheating or of dumping an existing partner just so you can be with the new person.

Some people are naturally monogamous, and I see this as perfectly ok, but some people are not natually monogamous. Just look at how polygamy has been extremely common throughout history. Polyamory isn’t patriarchical and nor inherent unfair to women, like traditional polygamy has been, but addresses the the reasons for it in a egalitarian way.

I know Temptress personally. The last thing I see in her relationship with her spouse is laziness or dissatisfaction. The idea that you would judge her and the rest of us without knowing the slightest about us says much more about you than it does about us. Perhaps you should consider that there are others who feel completely differently. That’s not a bad thing, just different.

Temptress: Hey Lady! We missed seeing you, Goddess, and Mr Fix yesterday. We got to visit with Mr Big a bit. Hope you guys are doing well.

Glenn

Shirlee53
wrote on September 01 2008 @ 10:01 am:

My husband is poly and I’m not. He was open and honest about being poly when we first started dating, but for 25 years he tried to be monogamous for me. Being monogamous didn’t work for him.

While it hasn’t been easy, we’ve worked hard keeping lines of communication open and ensuring we express our feelings and desires. It works for us and is much better than if he were cheating.

AguywithAinhisnAme(a.k.a.A)
wrote on September 03 2008 @ 09:26 pm:

Hi guys,

I stumbled across this site about 45 mins ago and have been pretty transfixed reading this thread.

I’m a 28 year old british guy, possibly (absolutely no offence intended here) older than a majority of the people chatting here, and have to say a BIG thankyou to all for showing me a really honest, genuine and damn realistic perspective on this stuff. I mean, before now I’ve never really questioned the spoon-fed binary relationship template. British culture and sex and relationships has a pretty bad opression thing going on. Lots of denial and front, and not enough realism and openness. That’s what I grew up with!

I do think, looking at the numbers, and the geographic spread of 2-person relationships, that it is what most people are into ‘naturally’ - whatever that means. (Well, I guess ‘natural’ is another name for that big chunk of people in the middle that form the majority, like sun readers). But hearing the way you guys chat about how you’re living makes me value any alternative to this model to be as completely valid, real and worthwhile - I mean that’s where I’ve really woken up. It’s mad how you take for granted as being the absolute truth, so many of the things your educated with growing up.

I have to say Mr.O, I think that’s what’s anchoring your immovable sensibilities so steadfast. I get where you’re coming from but you’ve obviously got the fact (mostly) that the people chatting here aren’t weird freaks that need to “become productive members of society” trying to “bring us down to your level with all you perversion…” (and shagging animals too?!?!) man, I really have to admit that was an offensive and epically ignorant sounding thing to say, but I mean I could have said it if I was talking on auto-pilot, to mates, at the pub, working from a script that I ‘knew’ was right, and of course what I knew everyone else around me would agree with. Kudos on respnders for handling so well by the way. I guess that comes from experience! By not calling him a wanker, you actually got through to him. Something else I’ll take away from tonight:)

Anyway, I’ll keep checking this site to learn more. Big love.

A

aguywithAinhisnAme(a.k.a.A)
wrote on September 03 2008 @ 09:59 pm:

older = younger, in above (obviously). soz.

miss dee
wrote on September 03 2008 @ 10:01 pm:

I’m a little in love with A now?

Dan
wrote on September 12 2008 @ 01:42 pm:

There doesn’t have to be anything close to laziness to have a poly relationship. We continue to make it better.  My lover (wife) and I put three children through the University and they all have very good employment. I have been in the medical field and my wife is also a provider in medicine and I assure you there was never any laziness to continue.  It would have been laziness to STOP. My wife loves the man and I love him for what he does for my wife as heterosexual man to man. Just like any relationship “What you put into it is what you get out of it”.

Slipperygirl
wrote on September 19 2008 @ 07:51 pm:

Hi Everyone,

I have been engaged in thsi thread and its amazing to have such positive communication between everyone..Thank you for this..I just finished the Most amazing book called Pagan Polyamory i highly recommend it for all newbies, intermediate and advanced Polyamory people..Beautifully written and offeres pleanty of reference to Poly families that have been around and are still functining and around after 20+ years..Lots of the kinks(problems) have been worked out and its a great book that provides even more information on the Polyamory lifestyle and how to be posivily engaged with many partners.There are so many levels to being poly...In my opinion the easy part is having sex, the hard part is creating a happy life and making that work..When trouble happens in poly families there are more people involved and more assistance to help the relationships correct themselves to continue on to be Loving with each other deeply..Its ok if this lifestyle does not work for you; Poly works for me, my life is healthier and I am happier too..I have been openly Bi-poly for over 15yrs now and have been Bi-Poly since my early twenties; I am now 43 and no longer feel the need to be a cheater or miserably unhappy..thank you for allowing me to be engaged in this thread with everyone..
Love and Peace Slipperygirl

Wendilynn
wrote on October 01 2008 @ 11:33 am:

There is actually a book titled “The Ethical Slut” that is about polyamory. Its about the pros and cons of these types of relationships.  My exhusband and his other polyamory friends live by it.

Personally, this type of thing isn’t for me. Its very ironic being called selfish by the soon to be ex’s girlfreinds for not agreeing to an open marriage.

ValkyrieWolf
wrote on November 30 2008 @ 05:02 pm:

You’re amazing, and I see I am not the first person to think so. I was in a poly relationship for a year-ish with an engaged couple and a friend they hooked up with. Then the couple (and the man’s other girl) all moved out to Colorado. The remaining man and I ended up remaining friends, but lives drew us different ways. Any now I’m with my fiance (who’s open and understands my bisexuality) and aside from being over 100 miles apart right now we’re fantastic.

My ex girlfriend and I still talk on occasion, and we miss each other greatly (I *think* I’m still considered a tertiary girl for her, since the reason we ‘broke up’ was because I could not make the move with them.)

A poly relationship, when it works, is amazing and an amplified version of a ‘regular’ monogamous relationship. I love what I have with my fiance, he is my everything--but its not the same as being with a girl and sometimes I *miss* that so much… a fact which my fiance knows. He jokes about bringing me home a ‘friend’ for my birthday.

And I agree that threeway sex is AMAZING (though not the reason I started reading. I perked at the word poly )

Again, you’re amazing and thanks so much for sharing this with us. Cheers.

DoctorODoctor
wrote on December 05 2008 @ 09:21 pm:

Folding twice as many gym socks, cooking twice as much for dinner, and cleaning up after TWO men who can’t manage to make it into the toliet in exchange for two sets of hands grabbing my PMS-swollen boobies?  Gee, thanks, but I’ll take boring ol’ monogamy.

Jenn
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 02:24 am:

I am fairly new to the whole poly thing and like the author of this story poly just seemed to happen to me. I am bi and have always been open to alternative relationships however like many of the people who posted above I did not think a polyamourous relationship would work for me. I was afraid that jealousy and sharing would be more than a relationship could handle. I now know that seeing someone you love happy and in love with someone you care about can actually have the opposite effect of jealousy. Thank you for sharing this story. It is nice to know that there are others out there.

Papas-littleone
wrote on January 01 2009 @ 04:27 pm:

Like many others, I too am new to the world of polyamory. My situation is a little more complicated than others [the relationshiip and the additional fact that we live a Dominant/submissive lifestyle] but I always hope for the best. The jealousy is not on my part but is scathingly directed at me by the wife of my boyfriend [once both refered to as my Husband and Wife].
The situation is that they were together, engaged, then she left Him because she wanted to marry another man that she had been talking to in secret. While they were seperated, He and I got together. About a month into our relationship she wanted back in. They were already previously polyamorous and it was a new concept for me, but I was willing to give it a try. As soon as I was talked into it, she told Him to marry her just like they had once planned and within two weeks they were married on Halloween. No one else was able to witness for them to be married, so I had the honors.
Six days after they got married, her personality changed, her motives changed and her behaviour towards me and Him changed. Her jealousy of me overwhelmed anything else, and she has told multiple people that she married him for medical/monetary benefits. Our triad is now a binary relationship between He and I, and He pretty much just happens to have a wife. He and I live together and she has been living with her mother for the past year [they’ve only been married for two months] and elected it to stay that way, despite the marriage, because her mother has cancer.

Unfortunately, he has been researching on the ability to annul a marriage.

I doubt this is the common circumstance and has soured me just a little on poly, but I know He is still poly and it is something I do know I have alot of potential for. I’m so happy I came across this post and it’s positive comments. [Almost] All of you give me hope for the future and the courage to try again once this is settled.

--littleone

gimmelove
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 03:06 am:

Wonderful comments and opinions here
I am bi and my husband loves women too. We had a few short term sexual relationships over the 15 years we have been together but lately met a younger woman who seems to want to be a part of our family.  At first I loved watching them fall in love and remembered why I had fallen in love with him too.  Later I became jealous and have now broken it off with them both.  They both are trying to bring me back into the fold but I am not sure how to handle this situation. Does anyone know of any recommended reading or therapists who specialize in this sort of big love ?