Why Facebook Has No Heart
Posted by: DivineCaroline.com
Filed in:
news
1:30PM, Thursday January 8th 2009
Six months after putting up a Facebook profile, I’m utterly bored. I’ve said it. I’m sure I’ll be assaulted by the Facebook cultists, but it’s true.
I had failed to check my account until recently when it appeared that several friends had sent me quizzes. I love these friends (and if you’re reading, please don’t take offense), but I don’t have time for quizzes. I’d rather you quiz me in person so we can have a good laugh together. I’d rather we go see a movie. I’d rather we enjoy each other’s company. Lately, I’d just rather connect (eh-gad!) in person.
I admit, I use Facebook to plug articles, videos, and other things that I hope my “community” of friends and colleagues will enjoy and pass on to others. In this way it serves a practical purpose. But it says little about me or what I’m truly about, except for where I live, my interests, perhaps what organizations I give to, or my political or religious affiliation (which I don’t even state). I can network, though LinkedIn is more appropriate for work connections. It’s mostly about surface things.
You can’t communicate much on Facebook. True, you can share quizzes and jokes, and poke people, or send funny icons. And you can see what that old friend in high school now looks like (admit it, you’ve checked), but you can’t contribute much of your personality or truly understand another human being. You can post a link to a story; but it fades into the background. We all use it because we think that’s all there is. Like all trends, someday something else will come along and rapidly replace it.
A friend tried looking for me on Facebook, but found there were a sea of others with my same name out there. (Most of them college students I imagine.) He requested that we be “friends” and I agreed. When we did finally link to each other, I discovered that he already had close to 150 other “friends” on Facebook. Somehow the sweetness of his wanting my “friendship” dissipated. Was I really the 151st person he’d asked to be his “friend”? If you have 150 other friends, what’s one more? Maybe I should have ignored it and spent those ten minutes doing something more fun: like eating, sleeping, or reading.
Facebook is starting to feel like a watered-down version of a yearbook. But unlike a real yearbook, we can’t look back at it with nostalgia. We’re always supposed to be looking forward. What do I write on someone’s “wall” anyway? And does it matter? Letter writing is a lost art, and I must admit, I am not one to write long letters to loved ones or friends as much as I used to in my college years. But I’d like to hope when I do make the effort, that a letter will mean more to them than a one-liner on their Facebook “wall.”
All I see are people spending their free time creating free content for a Web site with millions of users. As the owners of Facebook get richer, I don’t make any money by posting my connections on their site. I’m essentially doing the work for the mighty Facebook—and losing precious personal time—all in the name of a cool trend. I see people losing sight of real connection for the sake of an easy posting. I may sound like a curmudgeon, but I’d rather connect in person. Facebook is just plain boring.
Facebook may be a quick and easy way to say “hello,” but it’s starting to feel like a watered-down version of real human connection. Having a laugh with a friend, chatting at a dinner party, taking a hike, sending an email, or picking up the phone and asking “how are you?” are all much more satisfying for my soul.
In the 1990s, Seinfeld used to joke about the cell phone call on his television show. (It means much less than the call from a landline and never do it if you’re calling to give condolences, as Elaine did!) It was a funny episode then, but with evolving ways of communicating (not everyone even has a landline anymore), the joke is starting to feel quaint.
I love new technology and I’m always willing to embrace it—if it truly benefits me. But I’m not sure sites like Facebook do. Perhaps I’ll someday look back at this article and laugh at my aversion to Facebook. Then again, maybe I won’t. As far as I can tell, Facebook has no heart; and that’s not funny.
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jessyd_2002
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 02:39 pm: [report]
I totally agree.
A little over two years ago, I met a guy who was huge on the facebook thing. He convinced me jump on board, so I did. I didnt get it…facebook?? what?? Come a few weeks ago, I get a reactivation email from facebook, so I thought I’d give it another try. I have one friend. Yep, the guy that convinced me to get the account to begin with. I still dont get it, but now I think its just plain boring.
I thought it was just me.
kara
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 02:55 pm: [report]
I agree as well! I have a Facebook page because I own a business and apparently using all these social networking sites is the thing to do. Really, though, it doesn’t do me that much good. I’m not thrilled with the idea of combining my clients, my vendors, my friends, and my family into one big happy. It’s hard enough to keep your work separate from your home when you’re a business owner. Why on earth pile it all together online?
I think in theory it is a decent idea, but at this point it’s nothing more than a popularity contest - a game of who-can-get-the-most-friends.
I’ll keep my Facebook page because of my business, but I don’t see myself relying on it to keep in touch with my nearest and dearest.
TampaGuitarGuy73
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 03:35 pm: [report]
I think the same of MySpace..Great when it started but spammers, pervs, and total wack-jobs killed it. Why can’t anything stay cool?
Erin G
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 03:43 pm: [report]
I disagree. I have a great time using Facebook. I have friends spread out everywhere, so its nice to be able to keep in touch without really having to do much (don’t take that the wrong way, I’m not lazy or rude, I’m just busy!). Status updates are fun and amusing, and FB is a great way to tell friends about events and whatnot.
Sure, its not match for going out with friends, but as busy people, its either get a briefing on what’s the latest, or go 6 months without ever hearing from a friend who may live a city or two away.
Pamela
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 03:47 pm: [report]
You aren’t the only one who has gotten bored. But the sole reason I haven’t deleted is because I met with severeal friends around the globe in a summer trip, and sadly, facebook is the only way (apart from skype) to stay connected to them. Most of them (from europe and south africa) use a more popular version of hotmail, and I won’t be creating several accounts for the same reason (my memory sucks) also, the time differences are at the most of 8 hours, so when i’m free, they are sleeping and viceversa. I think facebook is great in that way, far away connections are made easier; but it also has an evil side =P stalking, you really never know who is watching you lol
but yeah, returning to the subject, i think most people haven’t deleted facebook for my reason or Kara’s reason.
Alison Wonderland
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 03:50 pm: [report]
College degree powers activate!
Facebook, nor any other social networking site, or computer-mediated means of communication should serve as a substitute for face-to-face contact, but all are very useful supplements to it.
That being said, when Facebook started you needed a legit college affiliated email to join. It was nice to ‘befriend’ your actual friends who were away at different schools. It’s a simple way to keep track of the many people you meet over the course of your life, and may at some time want to contact.
Before all the annoying tabs, the old Facebook was a one page at a time, easy to use site. You could find screennames, telephone numbers, emails (assuming your friends had entered them.) It also had a profile option where you could enter your courses and by clicking on them could link to other people who had listed that course number. That was a helpful. I’ve bought and sold text books and apartment furniture using the Marketplace feature too.
If you’re having an intimate gathering by all means please call your guests personally to invite them. But for 21st birthdays, charity programs, sporting events, and other events where the guest list isn’t exclusive Facebook is a good way to invite and diseminate info to multiple people at one time.
The tens of thousands of applications and the invites that come along with them are totally obnoxious, to that I will agree. But you can block them. But posting a funny video to a friends wall is a quick way to let them know you were thinking of them, but that video of a cat riding a roomba vaccuum doesn’t necessarily need to be accompanied by a phone call. FB is what you make of it, just like anything else.
I guess because I come from the early days of FB, before it was open to everyone and when it’s more basic capabilities were of legitimate use to a college student I retain an affinity for it…
joyy
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]
I hate all the applications too. The only one I really bother with anymore is what is now Lexulous, because I’ve always liked scrabble.
But I’m with Erin G - it’s a great way to just keep in touch. Plus, cell phones are easy to lose and if you had college emails for those friends and those expire, well, it’s like you can’t lose facebook!
Of course it isn’t supposed to replace actual human interaction, but it’s an easy way to keep in touch and share pictures without having to bookmark flickr pages and then never check them, etc.
It’s just about staying connected, and for a lot of us, this is a really great way to do that. A lot of my friends (and the family I still talk to) are scattered across the country and the globe, for that matter. It’s nice to be able to drop a quick line to someone just to say hi.
Plus, I like looking through my hs graduating class to see what people are up to. Mostly, people seem to be doing well and that makes me happy to be able to see that. To me, hs sucked so I’d rather see everyone happy and doing their own thing than everyone still caught up in the cattyness and frustration of hs the way looking through a yearbook would.
Katia
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 04:17 pm: [report]
I was asked to join by a friend and quite honestly, I’ve never understood the fuss. Personally, I found it pointless and utterly boring. I know people who are so involved with their Facebook accounts that they have their pages up all day long, checking it every few minutes. One friend even shut his down for a few weeks because he realized he was so emersed in it that it was controlling his life. How is that possible? Granted, he has almost 200 “friends” so what do I know. I was keeping mine up because it was the only way I could maintain contact with a few people, but eventually I gave up and shut it down. I decided to let the friendship chips fall where they may and informed all of them to contact me via phone or e-mail if they wanted to get a hold of me. So far, only one has kept up the friendship. I think this says a lot about people. If you can’t be bothered to call or e-mail, is it really even a friendship anymore?
Lynn
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 09:48 pm: [report]
I have 231 friends, but I am by no means a facebook fanatic or a friend-collector. I spend probably 20 minutes a week, total, on it. I like it for all the reasons everyone already mentioned, but I just wanted to say that just because someone has 150 friends doesn’t mean his invite to you is pointless. Most of my “friends” are people I met in classes, people from high school who I don’t really remember who asked to be my friend, and my (enormous) family. It still “means” a lot if I ask someone to be my friend, because I so rarely actually do that. But the number of my “friends” isn’t meant as an insult to anyone I ask!
joyy
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 09:23 am: [report]
just wanted to add, since I didn’t capture it quite right in my previous comment - but Facebook functions wonderfully as an extended, self-updating personal rolodex.
par3
wrote on January 14 2009 @ 07:47 am: [report]
i was a member on facebook 2004-2006 and that’s it. as soon as high-schoolers were added i ejected myself.